Alexis's POV
Am I in love?
W-What?
This can't be. Since when? No, no, no and no! I can't believe this. I can't. That is freaking impossible. What am i thinking? I'm not in love with him! I just cared for him. Nothing more, nothing less. Ofcourse he saved my life. I'm just thankful. That's right. That's the truth.
But why are you seeking for his touch? Why do you touch him so intimately? Is that the way you show your care for him?
This.. this can't be. Shut up brain! Just shut up. Alexis get your thoughts straight. You. are. not. in. love. to. the. devil. That's impossible. You can't. Understand me? You can't and you don't.
Why?
Because.. because i just can't. I palmed my face in frustration. I can't be in love to a guy who messed with my life! You know what? Let's just forget it. It's a ridiculous thought. Ugh. You are not in love. Alexis you're insane. I unwrapped my burger and bite it. I'll just eat this thought away.
"As much as I remember, i only told you to eat, but I didn't tell you to eat the whole canteen, Baby Al. That's your fourth burger for today! Goodness."
My hand stop midway. I'm.. I'm not aware of that.
"You're making weird faces since morning. What the heck is happening to you? Last time, it looks like you're ready for a suicide. But look at you now. It's not like I'm complaining, but are you a bipolar or something? I'm very confused."
Cai grabbed my burger away from me as he glared at my way.
"I need an explanation right now. You're worrying the shit out of me."
I sighed in frustration as i eyed my burger from his hand. I.. I can't tell him anything. I think I have nothing to tell. What should I say? That I'm having a serious battle with my mind? He will just think that I'm crazy. Do i have any problems? I bite my lower lip. Yeah. I'm losing my mind. Literally.
"You made up, aren't you?"
W-What? My eyes went to his. What does he mean by that? His lips lifted into a smirk. Don't tell me... My eyes widened. Oh no. No no no.
"I knew it. Got ya, Baby Al."
Don't tell me he thinks that.. that.. oh goodness. I gulped. This is not good. Not that again.
"W-What do you mean by that? I.. I.. It's not what you think."
I don't know what to say. He suddenly burst into a laughing mess. I covered my face with my hands. Oh my goodness. This cannot be.
"Don't worry Baby Al. If you're not ready to say it, I'm capable of keeping it as a secret. So you and your boyfriend----"
"I-I don't have a boyfriend!"
I blurted out but he surprised me by laughing out more. I don't know if i will feel offended or not. All i know is he's enjoying this. I don't know what to say right now. I massaged my temple. I think I'm having a headache.
"I'm sorry, Baby Al. It's just that your reaction is so funny." He said that between his laughter. I gave him a short glare but didn't say anything.
"Okay okay. I'll stop. I won't tease you anymore."
I sighed in relief. Thank goodness.
"But Baby Al, you don't need to deny anything. Your secret is safe with me."
He gave me a reassuring smile and started to eat my burger. Oh hombre. He still thinks that I.. that I have a boyfriend? Oh my goodness.
"C-Cai, I really don't have a boyfriend. I..."
His eyebrows furrowed.
"Really? But it seems like you're in love."
W-What? What did he just said? I.. I think I just lost all the oxygen inside my lungs. I can't breathe. My hands feel cold.
"Shit. Breathe, Al. Breathe."
He leaned towards the table and handed me a bottled water. My hands are shaking as i took it from him and took some gulps. Goodness. I'm having a panic attack.
"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to shock you. I'm sorry. Are you okay? Oh gosh.."
He's starting to panic. He looks really worried and guilty as he kept on apologizing. I reached for his hand and squeezed it. I took deep breaths as i try to calm myself. Inhale.. exhale.
Do.. do i really look like that? Am.. am i really in love? No way.
"I'm so sorry Al. I won't mention it again. I'm sorry."
I closed my eyes. Is he right? Am i just denying it? I'm not.. I'm not ready for that thing. I can't acknowledge it. It's too early for that. I.. I can't. It can't be. H-He's..
"Don't think too much Al. I won't say anything about that ever again. I promise."
He's the first person who came into my mind. Of all the people.. why him? Why?
"I'm so sorry Al. Please say something. I'm sorry for not believing you. If you say so then I---"
"No."
He was clearly taken aback. Pain is reflected to his face. He let go of my hand slowly as he slumped on his chair. His eyes were downcast. You need to do this Al. He's your friend. He will understand you whatever it takes.
"T-There was this guy.."
I started as i fidget with the hem of my shirt. My heart is beating so fast right now. It seems like there's a big lump in my throat, but i need to continue. I need to get this off of my chest.
"I-I swear this is not what you think! I swear. I-It's just.. H-He's... he's.."
Goodness this is so hard. Why do i sound so defensive? Goodness Al just say it! I took a big sigh.
"H-He's messing with my mind for weeks now.."
Silence..
I said it. Finally. He looked up. I can see the surprise look on his face. I can't blame him. He's trying to sink in the words that i just said. I can't believe that i really did it. Goodness.
"So.. there's really a guy?"
I nodded hesitantly as i bite my lower lip nervously. He open his mouth to say something again but he just closed it afterwards. He straightened up his back. I think he understood it now.
"Is he your boyfriend?"
W-What did he just asked? This is insane. I think i just lost my voice to speak. I shook my head rapidly. I can feel tomato starts to appear. Not now. Go away. I don't need you right now. This is embarrassing.
"I see. So.. you like this guy?"
Oh no. Oh hombre. W-What? Ofcourse not! What's with that question? I.. I don't like him. I really don't. T-That's impossible. I..
"I-I don't know.."
Oh hombre. I covered my face with my hands. What did i just answered? You're so done Alexis Rodrigues. You're so stupid. You're insane. Totally insane.
"Even if i want to ask more, i won't. Base on the face you're making, i know you're getting uncomfortable. Thank you for trusting me Al. It means a lot to me. Don't worry, if you're not ready to tell it to anyone, i will keep it as a secret. I promise."
He gave me a sincere smile. I think i just released some weight on my chest even though not all. I can't tell him everything about him. But still I'm thankful. Cai is really a true friend of mine even if we just met.
"Last question if you don't mind. Be honest."
He looks so serious. Does he know something? That's impossible right? Goodness I'm starting to get nervous again.
"W-What is it?"
He leaned on the table and folded his hand. I swallowed the lump from my throat as i wait for his question. Oh hombre.
"Is he hot?"
W-What?
Cai started to laugh again. Oh goodness. I'm so speechless. I open my mouth to speak but I can't find any words to say. Wait. D-Did he just ask that? Oh hombre. What am i going to do with this guy? Several images came through my mind. Oh my. No no no. Stop it Al. Bad bad bad. Goodness. You're insane.
"Oh gosh Baby Al. If you could just see your face. You look like a tomato right now!"
I didn't answer and just simply shook my head. He's really a bully. I thought i'm gonna die with nervousness a while ago then he dropped that question. I-I won't answer that. I chose to keep silent while he laugh his heart out.
"Okay okay I'll stop now. Peace~ it's just that you're so cute when you blush like that Baby Al. Don't worry. That's normal. That guy must be really interesting cause he got your attention. He has an effect on you as what I've seen from the past days." He said while giving me a teasing look. Ugh I'm so done with this.
"Hmm speaking of interesting. I think I'm starting to get the attention that i need."
Cai flashed a mischievous smirk while he twirl some strands of his hair. Wait what does he mean by that? I gave him a scrutinizing stare but he just winked at me. Wait.
"Oh gosh. W-Wait.. you.. you.."
Oh goodness. Don't tell me it's about.. Cai and Boss.. B-Boss and Cai.. they.. they..
"Oh well. I never thought that he's way hotter when mad."
What did he do? Oh hombre.
"Don't worry Baby Al. It's nothing bad and serious. Well maybe a little bit bad. I don't mind being called a bad ginger." He giggled.
I just let him take my place for a day, then i feel like something crazy happened. Goodness this guy. Speaking of taking my place.. I.. I.. can't still go back to work. I need to be by his side when he wakes up. I promised him. That stubborn billionaire messed me up big time. Is it okay if i ask Cai to take my place once again? I hope he won't ask why. I just had this urge to stay at home. I.. I think he needs me. Alexis why are you so worried? Ugh. Wait I'm not worried!
"Care to tell what you're thinking Baby Al?"
Is it okay to Boss? I don't know what happened between them but i hope Cai will behave. I know something happened. I can feel it. But i won't ask him. I'll just leave the both of them alone. I guess it won't be that bad.
"Uhmm Cai. I-I know I've been bothering you so much now. But can i ask a favor?" I said reluctantly but kinda hopeful.
"You will never be a bother to me Baby Al. You can ask me anything. Except for my body alright? It's already reserve for someone."
Oh goodness. This guy will kill me. I cleared my throat.
"W-Well can you take my place at work again? I can't make it today. I have an important errand to take care of. C-Can you cover me up? Boss need some people tonight."
He clasped his hands and gave me a toothy smile. I can see his eyes glimmer upon hearing the word Boss. Gosh my friend is swept. I guess it's not a problem.
"I would love to. That would be a great opportunity. I'd be glad to help. Thank you."
I muttered my gratitude and gave him a sincere smile. I'm glad he didn't ask any further. He looks like he won the lottery. That would be a chance for him to be closer to the man of his dreams. I'll just let them be.
After all my classes, i received a message from Cristiano. He's asking me to go home asap. He's the one who's watching Lucas today. I wonder why he's urging me to get home fast. Is Lucas awake already? Is he okay? Oh Lord. I hope he is. Honestly, i didn't plan to go to school today but Cristiano told me so. I couldn't even concentrate in my classes. I should probably head home right now.
I was heaving when I reached my place finally after ten years. I tripped many times because of urgency. Thanks to my wrong timing clumsiness. I'm trying to be sarcastic here. I pushed the door open and close it after i came in.
"Cristiano?"
I called for him. No answer. Why is it so quiet? I'm starting to get nervous.
"You're just in time."
The familiar voice said. Cristiano came out from my room. I sighed in relief. I thought there's no one here already. It's seems like he's ready to go. He's fumbling with his tie. He looks so formal as always.
"I-Is he awake already?"
"No. He's still unconscious."
I dropped my bag on the sofa and sat. I got tired of running just to get here after all. I thought he's awake. I can feel the sadness enveloped me once again because of that. I guess it's my turn to watch him.
"O-Okay."
He took his suitcase and his coat. He glanced at me.
"Lock the door when i get out. I need to take care of some things."
He said seriously. What's with the poker face? He and Lucas are the masters of poker face. It's insane. I think I don't need to ask about those things. I doubt that he'll tell me. I just gave him a small smile.
"Take care." I said.
He stared at me for a moment then he walks toward the door, ready to leave. He was about to get out, but he stopped.
"Stop worrying. He'll wake up anytime." He said and finally went out and closed the door.
Silence..
Am i really that worried? Goodness Al. Why do you keep on asking that to yourself when it's really obvious? I face palmed. I need a breather. This is making me insane.
I went to the kitchen and drunk some water. Should i see him? There's nothing wrong with that. I put the glass on the sink and walk towards my room. Why am i getting nervous? My hands are shaking. After minutes of standing here in front of the door, i finally had the courage to turn the doorknob and get in.
The sight of the unconscious man welcomes me. He's not pale anymore unlike last night. He looks like he's just sleeping. I reluctantly walk towards him and sat beside him. I.. I just stared at him.
Goodness he's breathtaking.
W-What the heck are you thinking Al? Oh hombre. You're crazy. Tomato go away!
I was snapped from my thoughts when I heard a grunt. His jaw is tense and his eyebrows are furrowed even though his eyes are still closed tightly. He looks like he's in pain. My hand acted on its own and went to his face. The contact made me intake my breath. My heart is beating erratically as my thumb swipe on his cheek slowly.
Goodness what am i doing? But i.. I can't stop. I just can't. The muscles on his face started to relax. Maybe i should prepare a dinner now. I retracted my hand from his face and stood up. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes tightly. I need to get out of here. I really need to.
But my body did otherwise. I leaned towards him and planted a kiss on his forehead. I ran my fingers on his hair.
"Please wake up soon." I whispered.
I jump out of my bed and ran to the bathroom.
Shit shit shit!
I open the faucet and splashed some water to my face. I tried to get a hold of myself as i held on each other side of the sink. My knees are shaking. I look up to the mirror and saw the red tint on both sides of my face. My heart is beating like crazy. Goodness. What the hell are you thinking Al? Gosh. What are you doing? Why did you kissed him? You took advantage of a sleeping person! This is not you.
You're in a real mess Alexis. You're in a real mess.
After I don't know how long, i managed to calm myself down. I took a deep breath. That would be the last time you're gonna do that kind of thing Alexis. You won't ever do that again. Ever again. Dinner. I should probably start preparing dinner.
After changing into a more comfortable clothes, I proceeded to the kitchen. I didn't even spare a look at him. I.. I can't. After what I've done... Forget about it Alexis. He wouldn't know what you've done anyway. He might kill you if he does. Nothing happened. That's right. Nothing.
Goodness Al, forget it. You should start thinking what you're going to cook. I opened my fridge. Maybe fried chicken and corn egg soup will do for tonight. I took the ingredients that i need. It's just me after all.
I wore my apron and my eyes caught the sight of the radio. Maybe a little music won't be bad. I really need to clear my mind right now. I clicked the radio. Roses by Chainsmokers is playing. Okay let's start.
Cooking really helps me a lot. It makes me happy and relax.
"Say you'll never let me go.."
I sang as the song ends. That was a good one. It's a good song after all. I took some herbs i needed and a knife. A little experiment won't hurt me. My hand stopped when i heard a familiar melody.
"He is a hustler, he's no good at all.. he is a loser, he's a bum, bum, bum, bum."
I went back to my business as i listen to the song.
"He lies, he bluffs he's unreliable. He is a sucker with a gun, gun, gun, gun."
I took the bowl where the chicken is and put the herbs and other ingredients.
"I know you told me i should stay. I know you said he's just a dog astray."
I massaged the chicken as i try to concentrate. The song is distracting me for no reasons.
"He is a bad boy with a tainted heart and even i know this ain't smart.."
I almost jump on my feet when i heard the door banged. W-What is that? I washed my hands and turned my back and gasped as the sharp silver like eyes captured mine.
"But mama I'm in love with a criminal.. and this type of love isn't rational it's physical."
Lucas..
"Mama please don't cry i will be alright.. all reasons inside i just can't deny love the guy.."
My breath was taken away when he advanced towards me. I tried to step backward but his body already crashed into mine. I felt his arm snaked its way around my waist and i felt his nose brushed in the crook of my neck. I shivered in the contact. My heart is pounding. My hands find their way to his chest to create some distance, but he won't budge.
"L-Lucas.. w-wait.."
W-What is happening? What is he doing? Oh goodness. He groaned and the weight of his body fell into mine making me stumble towards the counter. The heat coming from him is affecting me. This is too much. I bite my lower lip as i try to calm my breathing. I can feel his warm breath on my skin. Oh hombre.
"L-Let go Lucas.. you.. you don't know what.. you're doing.." I managed to say. I feel so weak.. My knees are wobbling. Goodness.. Lucas.. i was trapped in his body.. the hardness and strength of his muscles are making it impossible for me to escape from him. He tightened his hold into me.
A whimper escaped from me when his lips accidentally brushed into my skin. L-Lucas.. I heard him hissed and he pulled me impossibly closer into him until there's no distance between us. Then i realized.. I'm not doing an effort to push him away. Oh god.. what are you doing to me Lucas..
I tilted my neck and closed my eyes tightly when he pressed his lips into my neck. S-Shit.. my hand made its way to his hair and gripped it tightly. I felt his hands went down to grab my hips. I know it will leave a bruise but my mind is foggy right now. I can't think straight..
His right hand went inside my shirt and caressed my skin hungrily while he leave kisses after kisses on my skin. My body is reacting to him. I can feel the warm feeling in my lower region. Every touch.. every kiss.. they're all making me squirm..
Then i felt his hand went inside my pants. O-Oh gosh..
"N-No..." I whimpered. He growled and grope my ass. Then i felt a piercing pain in my neck.
"L-Lucas!"
H-He's sucking my neck. Oh hombre. I pushed him making his lips leave my neck. Then his sharp eyes met mine.. I gasped as i stare at his eyes..
Lust, hunger, need, desire, possession..
I feel so naked in his eyes.. I wasn't able to comprehend what happened next when he grab my legs and wrapped them around his waist while he pressed me on the counter.. and crushed his lips into mine. I melted..
I grabbed his hair and pressed my body into his as he take my breath away. I can feel his hard manhood pressing into mine. I moaned. He licked my lower lip, demanding for an entrance which i gladly gave him. I followed and answered his kisses with the same amount of desire and vigor. But still, i let him lead. I pushed him a little to breathe.
"You're mine."
He said in a hoarse voice as he rested his forehead into mine. His possessiveness made my heart swell.. i pressed my lips into his..
"I'm yours. Only yours.." I whispered..
He growled and crashed his lips into mine once again..
"Mama please don't cry i will be alright.. all reasons inside i just can't deny love the guy.."
Lucas...
"Ouch!"
I looked down at my hand. It's bleeding. Oh my goodness. I open the faucet.
Shit shit shit!
W-What am i doing? W-What the hell am i thinking? Oh god. I fell on my knees as my tears started to pour down. Then i realize..
This is not normal anymore.. his effect on me isn't normal.. why do i feel this way? Why do i need to get this far? Why am i experiencing this? I'm so disgusting.. the warm feeling below proved that so..
In the end, i lost my appetite to eat. I didn't continue what I'm doing. I put a bandaid on my hand and sat on the sofa. I hugged my knees and burried my face there. My tears are threatening to fall once again. I don't want to see him. I have no guts to show my face to him anymore.
"Fuck."
Who's that? I raise my head up and saw Lucas breathing hard on the floor. He looks like he's in so much pain. Is this already real? His sharp eyes glared into mine. I gasped. It is!
"L-Lucas!"
I stood up and ran towards him.
"S-Shit. Are you alright? You shouldn't have stood up. You're still weak!"
I grabbed his arm to help him stand up. I ignored the tingling sensation i felt. This is not the right time Alexis. There will never be a right time for that. I already decided. I will forget and ignore this feeling. This needs to stop. I supported him towards the room. My desire to be in his arms is trying to go out. Shit. Ignore it, ignore it, ignore it. I help him sit and immediately step back. I don't want any skin contact right now.
"Just lay in there. I'll just bring you some water." I muttered without giving him an eye contact. I can't. I.. I just can't. I turn my back on him to get some water when he suddenly grabbed my arm. I gasped in surprise from the sudden contact. My eyes went to his cold ones.
"You lied." He hissed.
W-What? I lied? From what.. The look he's giving me right now is piercing my heart. Ignore it Al. I swallowed the lump from my throat and avoided his eyes.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
I snatched my arm away and was about to go when he grabbed my wrist.
"What happened."
He's pertaining to my cut. I bite my lower lip. Why is he like this? He's making this hard for me.
"Cooking. Let go Santoro. I'll just get you some water." I said monotonously.
I pry his hand on my wrist. I was about to get away when he suddenly pulled my hand quite harshly. I squealed because of the sudden action. I punched his chess quite hard. Why is this guy so persistent?
"W-What the heck is wrong with you, Santoro! Can't you see i'm----"
"You cried."
I stopped. We just stared at each other for I don't know how long. I gasped when i noticed our position. I gulped. I-I'm... i'm straddling him.. shit! I can feel my face starts to burn from embarrassment.
"I-It's none of your business!"
I quickly stood up and run out of my room. Oh hombre.
Shit shit shit!
I grabbed the pitcher and drank the water from it as i fan myself with my hand. Calm down Al. Calm down. After a few minutes, i finally did. Hooh. This is not easy. Not at all.
Specially when you're ready to jump his bones and offer yourself anytime.
Ugh bad bad bad Al! Don't think like that. My innocence is being tainted and i hate it. I grabbed a glass and filled it with water. Take deep breaths Alexis. Act normally and calmly. Don't blush or stutter like a teenager seeing his ultimate crush. You can do this.
I walk towards my room and open the door slowly. I can hear Lucas talking. He's talking with someone on the phone.
"Kill them. Don't spare anyone. Contact me after six hours." He said coldly. Then he hang up. He glanced at my direction. His cold stare didn't alter. His muscles are tense and he looks like he's ready to kill someone. I ignored it and walk towards him.
"Here's your water."
He just look at it.
"Leave."
He commanded. I flinched. I didn't expect that. I just sighed and sat beside him.
"C'mon you need some liquid to your body."
I thrust the glass towards him. He pry my hand.
"Don't be stubborn. Just drink---"
He took it and threw it on the other side of the room.
"I said LEAVE."
Silence..
I closed my eyes and raked my hair with my fingers. My hands are shaking. Don't cry Al, don't cry. He's mad.. I open my eyes and glared at him.
"You could have just drink the water before you throw the glass, asshole. I'll get you another one."
I was about to go out when he grabbed my arm painfully and threw me on the bed. He pinned my hands above my head.
"Let go, asshole!" I shouted at him. He tightened his grip on my wrists and glared at me. I winced.
"Why don't you just fucking listen to me?" He growled.
I glared at him as i try to get out of his hold but i guess it's useless.
"I will do what i want, asshole. If you just stop acting like a pompous bitch and act like a real man maybe I'll listen to you." I said angrily.
Silence..
He closed his eyes tightly and let go of my wrists. I think he's trying to calm himself down. He's clenching his jaw. His fists are on either side of my head. I bite my lower lip to stop my tears from forming. I can't cry right now. Not now. Not in front of him.
He open his eyes and they met mine. But i avoided it quickly. I know if i stare at him any longer, my heart will give up and i'll break down.
I gasped when he tilted my chin. I swallowed the lump from my throat and slapped his hand away.
"Don't touch me." I said coldly. I can feel his burning stares on me. It's really hard for me to avoid his eyes.
"Look at me."
I shook my head and tried to push him. Goodness don't speak like that. Don't.
"Alexis."
My heart constricted. That's the first time he said my name. Goodness, tears please don't fall. Please don't.
"Go away." Why do i sound like I'm whimpering? Goodness. Santoro what have you done to me? I felt his hand tilted my chin up once again. I think I'm having a heart attack.
"Alexis.."
My eyes finally met his silver ones. Oh gosh no. Don't look at me like that. That's it. I covered my eyes with my palms as my tears started to fall.
"G-Go away." I whispered. You're so weak Alexis. So weak. You're letting him see how much he affects you. I can hear his breathing above me, but he's not saying anything. I gasped when he pulled me up. What is he doing? I can't deal with him right now. I want to be alone.
"L-Let go.." I tried to pry his hands around my waist, but he's strong. He pulled me closer to him making me straddle his lap. I intake a sharp breath. I tried to push his shoulder but he won't budge.
"L-Let me go, you asshole.. let me go.."
I punched his chest pathetically as i cry my heart out. I keep on telling him that he's an asshole. He's so bad. I-I hate him. I hate him so much. In the end, i stopped. I can't do anything about it anymore. My body slump into his as i cry. I buried my face in the crook of his neck as i cling to him. Gosh. He tightened his arms around me. This warm.. this comfort.. i long for this..
Even just for a moment.. even just for a while..
I closed my eyes.. I'm so tired. Before i fell into a deep slumber.. i think i heard something.. or maybe it's just my imagination..
Nothing else matters anyway.. I felt safe.. No one is going to hurt me.. I feel like there's no need to worry on anything.. everything.. I never thought falling asleep is this good.. I thought sleep will never get this better..
Until i slept in the arms of the man that i love..
"I'm sorry."
*******
Note:
Whoa whoa whoa. Hi guys. Thank you for the long wait. I'm celebrating right now. Thank you for the 10k reads and the 100 followers. You're the best guys. I know i haven't got the time to update. I'm sorry I'm just busy. I'll make it up to you. I promise.
Thank you to my readers, followers, voters and commentors. I really appreciate all of that. I read all of that. Til next time my babies. Love you. You're the best guys.
Next update will be lighter hahaha muah. Lucas is an asshole. Tss. Haha.