Even if it wasn't much, spending time with Haru was exactly what I needed. Although, there were so many things I wanted to say...I felt like it would've just ruined the moment.
"Jun..."
?
"Yes Haru?" I asked.
"I know you're going through a lot right now but just know...Sosuke was just trying to look out for you." He said.
Sosuke...
I let out a sigh. "Haru, I didn't want him to know...You have no idea how hard it was just to even talk to him, let alone look at him."
"And when your son or daughter ask for their dad...what will you say" he asked.
"That he didn't-"
"But you don't know that 100%" he looked at me. "Did he say it to you?"
"No..." I said softly.
"Then why are you being this way? It isn't just you now." He looked at me.
"You're going to side with Rin?" I asked.
"No. I just...I want you to do what's right for the baby too. Hear him out" he said.
Guess I was in the right to not say what I was really feeling at the moment.
"...."
He sighed and we kept walking.
It was quiet for a bit.
I was still contemplating on the fact that these feelings I was having, were very much present...
He suddenly held my hand again.
!
"Jun...You don't have to worry about anything. I know it seems like I'm taking sides but you need answers, no matter what happens...I'll be here for you" he said.
He looked at me.
Those sapphire eyes looking at me.
"You mean a lot to me and I just don't want you to suffer..."
My eyes widened.
"Don't think that I don't think about what could've been...There isn't a day that passes in which I don't wonder what would've been if I hadn't pushed you away" he continued. "Being with you today brought up a lot of good memories and some mixed feelings"
"Haru..."
"Just promise me that you'll try..." He said.
"But what he doesn't want too..." I said.
"You won't be alone...I promise."
He smiled at me.
That sincere smile...
I smiled back.
He didn't let go of my hand and once again it felt like I was being brought back to life.
It isn't just me...
He thinks about it too...
But...
I wouldn't feel right about being with him, after all, he'd be taking responsibility for my child. I don't know if I could live with that...
His phone suddenly began to ring.
?
He answered it.
I wonder who it is...
"I'm about to take her to a café... Yeah...the one that's close to the pier...Yeah...umm" Haru looked at me. "I don't know..."
I looked back at him, he slightly smiled.
"I have to go... Sure...Bye" He hung up.
I wanted to ask who it was but it's none of my business.
He put his phone away and held my hand.
"I hope you're hungry" he said.
"Sort of" I said.
"You'll build up an appetite soon enough" he said.
"Heh. Okay"
×××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××
We arrived at the café and I sat down.
Man...you're getting heavy kid.
"Are you okay?" Haru asked.
I nodded. "Yeah, my back
hurts a little but I'm fine"
He looked around.
"Are you looking for someone?" I asked.
"Kind of...."
?
"Haru, if you want I can go. I don't want to ruin anything if you-"
"No. It's not that at all. I just...umm..."
"Oi"
!
I looked at Haru. "What's the meaning of this?"
"Jun, you said you'd try. This is your chance...please" he said.
Rin approached us and I felt uncomfortable.
"I'll wait outside." Haru said.
"That won't be necessary, I'll walk her home" Rin said.
"Tch. Right cuz I'm going to allow that but Haru you don't have to wait. I'm more than sure this conversation will lead to nowhere quickly. Regardless, I could always just call Barclay. So don't worry about it"
Haru sighed. "Jun...I care about you and the baby. I'm trying to help you"
"I didn't ask for this...I already feel frustrated enough. I know you care...and I know you're trying to help but a surprise visit like this..." I sighed and shook my head.
Rin sat across from me. "Haru can stay if you want. I don't mind having this conversation in front of him."
?
I shrugged. "Just say what you need to and go. I'm sure your girlfriend will be worried about you"
Rin looked at Haru.
"I'll leave you to alone. I don't mind. I hope you two are able to work something out... I'll call you later Jun"
"Bye Haru...Be careful on your way home"
He nodded and gave me a slight smile.
He took his leave and we were alone.
I honestly wanted this to be over with, I can't stand the sight of him. It only makes my heart ache...
"Jun...I came here so that we could work something out" Rin began. "You see, before seeing you again...I thought I had everything planned out. I thought I had forgotten about you and gotten you out of my system. But the truth is...I haven't."
"Hmm. Is this the part where you say 'I love you' and I'm supposed to be like 'oh Rin. I love you too' then make up and go on like nothing happened?" I asked.
"Well...no. I know it isn't that easy, I fucked up and I know that you pretty much hate that I exist. The very sight of me repulses you but just listen to what I have to say" he looked at me.
I sighed. "Fine..."
"First, I want to apologize to you. I'm not apologizing because you're pregnant but because I know I hurt you and you're still hurting over my stupid selfish words. I can't change the past, I can't take what I said back...but if I could I would. I'm really sorry Jun, I didn't mean the things I said to you. Considering the fact that I was your first...it was something really special and I guess after graduating high school I thought things would change and that you'd probably dump me. It sounds really stupid...I know. But I really am sorry and I mean it from the bottom of my heart"
I felt a knot forming in my throat.
"Heart? You have one? How odd. But is that all you have to say?" I asked.
"No...it's not." He said. "Jun...you're bitter because of me. You're angry because of me...I did something so horrible that I doubt that you smile often. I feel responsible for so much and I want you to know that I really am sorry. That I've missed-"
"Don't you dare say that to me...." I felt the tears coming. "Don't you dare say that you missed me because you never did. You moved on like nothing! Yet I was here, crying my eyes out and trying to figure out what to do. Trying to forget you but no...I couldn't. Secretly I hoped it was the same for you but guess not. So no. You didn't miss me...don't say shit you don't mean..."
His eyes widened.
Looked down as I felt the tears stream my face.
He reached out and wiped my tears away, I smacked his hand away.
"I can't do this...Rin, I can't forgive you. I can't just pretend like I'm okay with your pathetic apology. I'm not okay. I truly hate you...nothing you can say to me is going to change it"
"Jun...I'm not asking for your forgiveness right away. I'm asking you to give it time and to let me be there for you...for our baby"
"Our baby?Our? No no. You may have had 'helped' out but this baby is mine. There is no our or us. Just me and the baby" I said.
"Jun, let me be there for it."
"I don't know..."
"Please...Jun....Just give it time." He pleaded.
"How can I trust you? How, when you left once already?"
"Because I came back...for you. I came back with hopes that I'd run into you, just to truly see if I had forgotten about you and to gloat. But that's not the case at all and what I thought I wanted...I don't want." He said.
"Is that supposed to make me feel sympathy or something? Because I'm not buying it..."
He sighed. "Jun...I don't know what else to say to you. Sosuke tried helping me out and now Haru is too but I just don't know what to say to you...I really am sorry. Right now it's true I have a girlfriend but the truth is I don't want to be with her knowing that you're having my baby"
"Baby? What?"
!
We both looked up.
"Rin what the hell is the meaning of this?!"
"Yuriko...I didn't want you to fi-"
"Rin how could you do this to me?! She's not even pretty! She looks like a skank!"
"Clearly someone doesn't own a mirror and honey newsflash, I was here before you so the whole 'how could you do this to me' is not even a statement to be used by you" I said.
"Yuriko, listen. Jun's been pregnant this entire time and-"
"How do you know that it's even yours? She could've slept with anyone!"
I took a deep breath.
"I'll just go. Rin, I appreciate you trying to sweet talk me but it seems like it's a burden. You're going to give up everything just cuz I'm like this and it isn't fair. If you have doubts then by all means have them, if you want to stay with this slut then by all means stay with her. I have enough on my plate and I can't do this. Figure out what you want and think it over carefully..."
I walked out of the café.
I tried to speed walk but it only made me tired.
He didn't come after me so I suppose his choice is clear.
Ugh. I don't know why I had this slight hope in me...it's pathetic.
I just want to go home and lay in bed, my feet are getting swollen and they kind of hurt now.
"Jun!"
?
I stopped and turned around.
Rin...
He's running towards me.
What the...
He ran faster then stopped in front of me trying to catch his breath.
"Uhhh...Rin? What do you want? What're you doing?"
He caught his breath and looked at me.
"Jun, take me back" he said.
!
"I don't want to pursue my dream if you aren't by my side. So what if you're pregnant? It isn't the end of the world or the end if life, it'll be the beginning. The start of something new and I want to be part of it. I want to be there for you and the baby, I want to be able to take you to the appointments and be able to see you...be with you. I was wrong and stupid to think that I didn't need anyone and even if I had a girlfriend...Don't you think that we're meant to be? What're the odds of you getting pregnant when we were careful? Jun, you're the only girl I want. It may sound fake or pathetic to you but I'm willing to start over as friends and work my way up. Please...."
"Okay...first I need to sit. My feet are killing me..." I said.
"That's all you have to say?" He asked.
I took a deep breath. "Let's just talk somewhere we can sit okay? Being pregnant isn't exactly easy you know..."
There was a restaurant nearby and we went in there.
×××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××
-Rin-
She sat down and let out a sigh of relief.
"Finally..." She sighed.
She placed her hand on her tummy.
"Everyone thinks I'm like 7 or 8 months since it's pretty big but ugh. I can only imagine how bad its gonna be when I'm about to have it." She said.
She smiled to herself as she looked at her tummy.
How could I be so stupid and blind?
Jun never deserved getting dumped like that...what was I thinking anyway?
She looked at me.
"It's moving...wanna feel?" She asked.
!
"F-Feel?"
She nodded. "Just put your hand here"
I gulped.
She took my hand and placed it on the area where the baby was moving.
!!!!
I feel it!
"It's kicking" she said.
I smiled. "Yeah...it is. Its moving around like crazy"
"Ow."
!
"Wh-What's wrong?" I asked.
"It's kicking a lot harder than usual. I think it's excited because you're here" she said.
My smile widened.
"Talk to it" she suggested.
"I...I-I...what do I say?" I asked.
She shrugged.
"For starters why don't you apologize then tell it that you'll be around more"
?
I looked at her. "Really?"
"Just because I don't like you as a human being doesn't mean I'm gonna keep you away from our baby. After all...It deserves to have some sort of relationship with you"
"But...what about us?" I asked.
She shrugged. "Only time will tell."
"I'm not going to give up trying to get you back"
"We'll see"
I looked at her tummy.
"Is...Is it still moving?" I asked.
"Just talk. It should be right here" she pointed.
I pressed my ear against her tummy.
"Sounds kind of like a shark tank"
"Don't you mean fish bowl?" She asked.
I shook my head. "Shark tank"
She slightly smiled.
?!
I felt like I was blushing.
Jun's really cute...
"Rin..."
?
"Y-Yeah?"
"Listen...I'll let you be around me while I'm pregnant and when the baby is born I'll let you be there too. I won't keep you away but please don't try anything like for us to get back together because I just don't see it happening."
I felt my heart sink.
"Do you hate me that much?" I asked.
"I wouldn't say I hate you...I was just really mad at you. But I don't think I could handle something like that again, though it's true that I could never move on the way you did. I still have very strong feelings of love for you...but I don't want to get involved with you like that anymore."
"It doesn't mean I won't wait until you're ready again. I know if I prove myself and prove to you that I've changed. You'll change your mind" I said.
"I don't know...I've kind of been thinking and I'm going to be honest with you. Before we happened... I always liked Haru and...he was the first guy I ever fell for. He was my first kiss too"
"Haru..."
"The only reason nothing happened was because we didn't want to ruin our friendship but that was in highschool so..."
"Jun, are you even listening to yourself?!"
Her eyes widened.
I sighed heavily. "You can't do that."
"Why? Because I'm having your baby? Rin I'm being serious when I say I want nothing romantic with you. I've always liked Haru but somehow I ended up with you..."
"You say it like it's a bad thing." I scowled.
"I mean...it ended pretty bad."
"But I'm here now aren't I?" I looked at her.
"Is that supposed to make me feel better? You wouldn't even be here if I wasn't pregnant. Admit it, you would've stayed with that other girl" she said.
"You don't know that! Jun..." I sighed.
"See? You don't love me. But it's okay...It's not like I expect you to. What we had was some stupid highschool fling...."
Her tone sounded down and sad.
She cleared her throat. "Anyway, I'd better go. Don't come over my house, if Hikaru sees you it won't be pretty. If you thought I hated you well...Hikaru is on a totally different level."
"How am I supposed to see you then?" I asked.
"I'll notify Kou and she can tell you" she said.
"I'll give you my number and-"
"No. I'd rather not..."
I can't believe this is happening... She wants nothing but a simple relationship for the baby. She says she still loves me but doesn't want to be with me...
She'd rather be with Haru...
The very thought of it made me pissed beyond belief.
Then again...she said that before me it was him...
"Fine...Do as you please" I said to her.
"Thank you. I guess I'll see you later..."
I helped her up and she thanked me.
"Can I... Never mind..."
"Barclay should be outside, I texted him earlier" she said.
"Oh..."
"Thanks anyway...Um, bye Rin." She said.
I kissed her cheek.
"Mm! What the hell was that for?!" She exclaimed.
"Just a token of my gratitude" I smiled.
"Next time I'll slap you..." She scowled and walked away.
I watched her as she left.
I sighed and decided to give Sosuke and Haru a call to meet me here.
I need to know what Haru's feelings are...
She seemed serious about it when she told me.
I called the waiter over and asked for a beer.
Hopefully this all works out...
∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆
-Jun-
"I'm home" I said.
Kou: Jun-chan~
Sakura: Welcome home!
"Thanks..." I said and sat on the couch.
My feet are killing me...
"Oh my god, your feet are really swollen! I'll prepared a nice hot foot soak for you okay?" Sakura smiled.
"Thank you..."
Sakura smiled and walked away.
Kou looked at me.
"Hmm?" I looked at her.
"You look sad Jun...is everything okay?" She asked.
"I talked to Rin..."
Her eyes lit up. "You did?! Really?!"
I nodded.
"So what happened?! Tell me everything ~"
She's so excited.
"Kou...Can I ask you something?"
"Of course~" she said happily.
"Did Rin really love that other girl?" I asked.
"Well...I mean..." She began.
That was my answer...
"I see...." I said.
"Jun...Don't be sad" she said.
I felt my eyes beginning to water.
"I ruined everything...this is why I didn't want him to know. He doesn't love me Kou, he loves that other girl. He doesn't want to be with me because he wants to be. He wants to be with me because it's the right thing to do..." I wiped my eyes.
"No. Jun, it isn't like that. You're nothing like that other girl...if anything I'm glad he's going to dump her. She was manipulative and I saw her with some other guy...I didn't want to tell Rin because he wouldn't believe me. I didn't like what that girl was doing to my brother." She said.
"Kou, it wouldn't had mattered if I wasn't pregnant. He still wouldn't had bothered with me. I hate that I love him...I could've been happy with someone else who really would've..." I sighed.
"Someone like Haruka-Kun?"
"......"
"Jun, I love my brother and I love you too. The fact that you're having his baby makes me super excited but you deserve to be happy too" she said.
"I don't know what to think anymore...if Rin does decide to stay then the right thing to do is to be together. But then again we wouldn't be happy... Even if that girl is cheating on him. It seemed really serious..."
"Jun..."
"If Sosuke wouldn't had told him anything...." I felt the anger being built up. "I wouldn't be going through this! I'm so pissed of that this happened!"
"Jun, please calm down. It isn't good for the baby"
I took a deep breath. "Kou, you know more than anyone how much I've suffered emotionally because of Rin..."
"Yeah...I know. But I know he'll make this right Jun. You'll see" she smiled.
"I told him he could see me again...but that I'd tell you so you could tell him."
She nodded. "You have him on discipline! Good!"
I chuckled.
"You know this makes me happy, that you two have made some sort of peace. It makes me hopeful" she said.
Sakura: Just make sure Hikaru doesn't find out...
!!!!
"W-When did you get here?!"
She giggled. "I heard everything"
She set the tub of water down and put my feet in.
"Ah...that feels really good. Thanks Sakura" I smiled.
She smiled back and sat down.
"By the way, you have to forgive Sosuke. He cares about you Jun and he did the right thing. I know it's been hard to take in all of this stuff but in the end I know you'll be grateful for it all. So stop ignoring him. He came by earlier and Hikaru was really rude to him..."
Why is it that I always end up feeling guilty?
"Fine..."
∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆
-Rin-
"So what did you want to talk about Rin?" Sosuke asked.
Haru looked at me.
"The two of you have tried helping me out with Jun and I really appreciate it. But after talking to Jun...she said some things that got me thinking. So before I ask Haru, I'm going to ask you Sosuke"
He looked a bit confused.
"What are your feelings towards Jun?"
His eyes widened. "What?"
"You see, when I really think about it when we saw each other again. The way you talked to her made me suspect you had some sort of feelings for her"
-Flashback-
"Hello...Oh hey babe" he answered.
Babe?!
"No, afterwards I was planning to pick you up so we could go eat. I know how much you've been craving some stuff... Yeah... When is it? I'll go with you... No I wouldn't miss it for the world. I'll see you later, I love you too" he hung up and looked at me. "Sorry about that"
I felt pissed.
"You're with...Jun?"
"Yeah, I'm going to be a dad" he said.
My eyes widened. "Dad?!"
"Yup, can't wait. I mean at first I was like wow, me...a daddy. Pretty crazy right?"
-End Of Flashback-
"Did you or do you like Jun?" I questioned.
"Yeah. I did. There were various occasions that we hung out when I wanted to ask her out. I almost kissed her once but I didn't because I respect Jun and knowing she was going to have your baby, even though I didn't mind that part at all, made me think that maybe you'd come back so you could step up."
"What?! What if I never did?!" I exclaimed.
How can he talk so calmly about this?!
"I was gonna give it up until after the baby was born." He said. "But now thanks to you, she doesn't even want to talk to me"
"Thanks...to me?! You're the one who told me what was happening, I didn't ask." I said.
"Then what was the point of you talking to her?" Haru said.
"Yeah. If you would've told me you didn't want to go to the dinner with her then I could've gone instead" Sosuke said.
"And I could have spent the rest of the night with her. I had other things planned too" Haru said.
!!!
"Huh?! What kind of things?!"
"Well, I gave her a choice. I've been in love with Jun since highschool even before she met you but I was too afraid to ever make her my girlfriend then. Now things are different" Haru said.
"Ugh..." I scowled.
"So here we are 3 guys, the baby daddy, the old love and the best friend who's secretly in love with the girl." Sosuke said.
"Tch..."
"So what are you going to do?" Haru asked.
"Are you gonna step up to the plate?" Sosuke looked at me.
I sighed. "I haven't even broken up with Yuriko yet..."
"Rin, this isn't a game. You're not in highschool anymore...either you want to be with Jun or you don't" Haru said.
A cellphone began to ring.
?
Sosuke took his phone out.
"It's Jun" he said with a grin.
?!!
"Hello?" He answered. "Hey Jun...Listen I've been...Yeah...I know...You know that I only did it because I care about you..."
I scowled.
I wanted to snatch his phone away from him and talk to her myself.
Haru just sat there calm.
Who acts like that?!
He claims to like her yet he's so calm about her talking to Sosuke.
"I'll be over in a few...Okay...I'll see you then" Sosuke said with a smile.
He hung up.
"Well, I gotta go. Jun wants to see me" he said. "Haru, I'm more than sure she'll call you afterwards. Later Rin. Good talk"
!!!
"Huh?!!! Where do you think you're going?! You can't see Jun!"
"Yeah I can. It's not like she's your girlfriend or wife. Who knows by the end of the night she could be with me or Haru. She has pretty great options besides you still have a girlfriend"
I could sense the mocking in his tone.
"Later Haru"
"Bye Sosuke." He said.
Sosuke walked out.
I looked at Haru. "How can you be so calm?!"
"Hmm? About what?"
"Sosuke and Jun! Doesn't it worry you?"
"Not really...Jun has a right to be happy. Whether it's with me, you or Sosuke apparently. I know how she feels about me but she chose you. Even so I never stopped feeling this way about her. Sosuke has been there for her the most so I wouldn't be surprised if she picked him" he said.
"No offense but I'm not going to let that happen...I'm going to break up with Yuriko and be there for Jun. I'll make her see that I'm serious about this" I said.
"You'd better be. Otherwise, I won't hold back either" he looked at me with a serious expression.
"Huh?"
"If you remain the same then I won't hold back anymore. I don't know what type of talk you both had but I know that my feelings for her are true. I won't let you hurt Jun again, if you don't she won't be looking back. I promise"
"Is that a threat?" I glared at him.
"It is."
×××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××
-Jun-
I waited for Sosuke in the living room.
Hikaru was staying over at Kisumi's place for the night and Sakura is dying Kou's hair even redder. Not sure why but I guess she was staying the night. Sakura will also be dying her hair apparently.
I took a deep breath.
"I'm coming in" I heard Sosuke say.
"I'm in the living room" I said.
I heard the door open then close.
Before I knew it Sosuke was sitting next to me.
I looked at him.
"Hey" he smiled.
"Hey..." I said with a slight smile.
"So...what did you want to say to me?" He asked.
I took a deep breath.
"That I'm sorry..."
"Sorry? For what?" He asked.
"For getting mad at you Sosuke...I know you were just looking out for us." I said.
"Jun, I could've probably said it differently. I shouldn't had done the whole dinner date thing...something could've happened to you. You weren't expecting it and it was wrong of me to just push things like that." He said. "So I'm sorry too"
"Sosuke..."
He looked at me. "I just want you to be happy and for the baby to have a good life"
I placed my hand on top of his.
"Thank you Sosuke. It means a lot to me but I mean I was happy knowing I had everyone to help me out. With or without Rin I'm sure I would've been fine. I mean, you've already done so much for me. Satisfying my cravings and always making sure I'm okay and that my baby is healthy and growing strong. I can't repay you for all your kindness"
He began to blush.
?
I giggled.
"What's this? Sosuke being shy and bashful? What?" I teased.
"You're welcome...but Jun...I need to ask you something..."
"Sure. What's up?" I asked.
"If Rin wouldn't had come back and found out...ahem. What I mean is the entire time like the...the process of your pregnancy and us spending so much time together... It made me..." He sighed. "Jun, I like you. I've liked you since probably around your second month of being pregnant. I know if sounds weird but I didn't want to tell you since you were going through a lot and I didn't want to burden you more"
!!
My heart began to race.
-Flashback-
"Heh. Thanks for tonight Sosuke. I had a really great time" I smiled.
He smiled back. "I did too Jun. Let's do it again soon"
"Sure thing. Give me a call whenever you're free"
"Okay...Ahem. So...uhhh, good night." He said and hugged me.
!
I hugged him back. "Good night Sosuke"
We pulled away and he lifted my chin up.
My eyes widened.
"Uhh, you have something here..." He wiped my cheek.
"Oh...heh. Thanks"
-End Of Flashback-
"It makes sense now. Your little attempts to kiss me and excuses to hug me and hold my hand..."
"I never got a response back." He said.
"That's because I didn't think you liked me like that. Usually a guy would just go for it but you never really did, to be honest up until now I've never really thought much about it." I looked at him.
"Well...then what do you think about this?"
He kissed me.
!
He planted a couple kisses then moved away.
I couldn't comprehend what had just happened.
He kissed me...
More than once...
"Uhhmm...Sosuke?"
"I'm not sorry but that felt kind of weird." He said. "I guess it wasn't as great as I thought it was like in my head"
That's a relief.
"Heh. Yeah, it was kind of...yeah..." I said nervously.
"But, for what it's worth I'm glad I did it. Just know that I'm here for you Jun no matter what you decide. I hope it doesn't change anything...between us"
"No. It doesn't, at least you got it out of your system I guess. But Sosuke, I really am sorry for ignoring you like that. I wasn't really thinking about what could benefit from it and even if I don't want to be with Rin...You and also Haru have given me the courage to face this. So I know I'm not alone"
"You've never been alone Jun." He hugged me.
I hugged him back. "Thank you Sosuke..."
I smiled.
I really am lucky to have someone like Sosuke around. I honestly don't know what I'd do without him, I'm relieved that he didn't feel anything after kissing me. To be honest, it had me worried...I can't lose anyone. Not over something like this...
The real question is...
What's going to happen now that Rin will be around more?