I woke up to the smell of fresh coffee and hearing Alice's collar hitting her water bowl.
"Yum pour me some please."
I turned on the radio and 'Hold Up' by Beyonce was playing. I began to sway around the kitchen wondering where everyone was. Alice ran to my feet and I picked her up and began to swing her around. I felt marginally better and like myself again. I saw a note on the counter top from Amelia saying they'd gone out to see Jake's sister. I turned the radio up before dramatically singing the chorus. Alice squealed to be let down and ran towards my bag. I followed her and grabbed my phone. There he was again. James. Another couple missed calls and messages.
'Cecily please. I love you so much. Please please just talk to me.'
'It's been weeks I need to hear your voice for a minute please just give me a chance.'
I didn't open them, I immediately deleted them and put my phone down. I went into Amelias wardrobe and grabbed a white swing dress and put it over me. I chucked my dirty paint smocks in Amelias linen basket and began to brush my slightly curled blonde hair. I dashed it up into a loose pony tail and brushed some mascara onto my eyelashes. I put my green flash trainers back on and grabbed my handbag.
"Just you and I today Alice."
She yapped before dashing towards the door. I attached the lead to her and began to exit the house. As I opened the door I bumped into a man. A tall, dark haired man. My heart stopped beating as I thought it was James. I nearly couldnt breathe until he turned around and in a cheeky british accent spoke to me.
"Oh god, I'm sorry I didnt see you there, are you Amelia? I just moved in next door the landlord said you were my next-door neighbour."
I was stunned by his beauty and could barely get a word out. I saw his eyebrow begin to raise and I quickly shook my head a let out a small laugh.
"Oh no.. I'm uh Cecily, Amelias friend, well best friend but.."
I was blushing and couldn't keep my eyes of his.
"Well Cecily, it's lovely to meet you. I'm Josh."
"Josh. Nice to meet you. Well I better be off, have to go shopping."
"You do? Well I was just about to go out to buy some groceries so maybe we could walk together for a bit?"
I smiled and then looked at Alice. She had her head tilted as if mesmerised by Josh as well. He began to tilt his head to me and I finally gave in and smiled and nodded for him to join me.
We chatted for 45 minutes as we caught the bus into Blewburry street. He told me why he was in USA and how he got to be in this area. He'd got a job with Oliver Spence clothing line in the UK and was regionally manager to bring it to LA. As I got to the Chanel shop I paused.
"Josh you're a really sweet guy."
"Sweet enough for me to ask for your number?"
His cheeky smile graced his face. I began to feel a familiar feeling in my stomach. I was nervous but excited.
"Yeh why not."
We both giggled as I read my number to him. From the corner of my eye I noticed a man with a camera begin to snap shots of us together.
"Why are they doing that?"
"Josh, just follow me in here please. I'll explain."
We entered Chanel and the cool AC blew on us. I darted towards a corner with some chairs and sat him down.
"Well, I have recently just broken up with umm.. James Franco and well.."
"Wait what?"
"Yeh I know it's a lot but they'll leave me alone soon, I'm really a nobody so they'll get bored soon."
"How could they get bored with you Cecily.. You're beautiful. Can I ask why you guys ended?"
"Well he, he cheated on me. I haven't spoken or seen him him since I kicked him out of our apartment about 2 weeks ago."
"That's really rough. I'm sorry about that."
He stroked my forearm and it sent chills up my spine.
"Well I better leave you to finish you're shopping. I'll text you Cec."
He lent in and kissed my cheek. His lips were soft and he smelt heavenly. The smell lingered in the shop for a couple of seconds as I watched him exit the shop.
"Excuse me miss? Do you want any help?"
A beautiful, red headed woman approached me with a dimpled smile beaming from ear to ear. I picked out a long silver satin dress that had a low hanging bag and small spaghetti straps.
"Excuse me for asking but you're Cecily Miller right?"
"Yes I am. Why?"
"Oh no reason, I just saw you online the other day. You're dating James Franco aren't you."
She paused with a bright smile on her face before I could tell her we weren't together anymore. She apologised and began re-straighting the dress.
"You look, beautiful."
"Thanks. I'll take it."
I got home and began to get ready. I grabbed my phone and checked TMZ to see if I was there.
'Cecily Miller Spotted With New Beau?'
As soon as I read the heading James began to ring. I quickly exited it and a message swiftly follows.
"What the fuck are you doing Cecily? Already moved on and you won't even give me the time of day. You're even worse then I am."
My heart froze for a second. I began to think more about it and I realised that I wasn't worse then him, I haven't done anything wrong. This is my life. I'm single. Fuck him.
I arrived to the party and there were a couple people outside smoking cigarettes to which Jake joined them.
"See you inside girls."
I linked arms with Amelia as we entered the room. The music was so loud and the lights were flashing. We headed to the bar and suddenly I felt a huge weight wrap around me. I spun round quickly and saw it was Seth. He smiled sympathetically at me and wrapped me in his arms. I felt a couple of tears escape before squeezing him harder. He whispered in my ear. 'I'm sorry Cec you didnt deserve this.'
I smiled and pulled away, I began to drink my cocktail and look around the room. I saw Dave chatting to someone with dark hair in a navy suit but I couldn't see his face. I smiled and waved at Dave which he returned and almost as if in slow mo, the man turned around and it was James. He shut his mouth and began to push through the crowd violently towards me. I hit Amelia and she saw him, she stood to stop him while I dashed towards an exit. There were suddenly so many people and I could hear him shouting my name. I found the door and the brisk chill ran over my body quickly. I was cornered in an alley way and there was no way to escape. I began to start wailing and screaming for someone, anyone to come out and help me but the door opened slowly revealing James standing there biting his bottom lip viscously while slicking back his hair and breathing heavily.
"Cecily.."
"NO."
He stopped.
"No ok! Don't you get it James. You've broken my fucking heart, my whole world is crumbling around me because of you and I fucking hate you for it. Just leave me the fuck alone."
He immediately dropped to his knees and started weeping. I wanted to go and hold him so bad and wrap him in my arms but I couldn't, something kept me grounded to the floor and wouldn't let me console the love of my life.
"I'm so sorry Cecily. I can't even function without you. I can't go a day without drinking myself into oblivion to try and forget the happiness you bring me. I'm so fucking tired of everything and everyone and even though you hate me seeing your face makes me love you even more and I want to.."
"I don't love you anymore."
We both stood frozen. His sorrowful face began to lift and our eyes met. His eyes were just black circles that looked straight into my soul.
"You don't mean that."
He staggered to his feet and rubbed his eyes with his fingertips and raised is voice.
"YOU DONT MEAN THAT."
He pointed his finger towards me and then lowered it. I saw him trying to fight back the tears. I felt so sorry for him and I was still so in love with him but I just couldn't move or breathe.
"I hope he makes you happy."
"What?"
"I hope this new man in your life truly makes you happy, I hope he looks at you the same way I do, I hope it treats you better then I ever could but most of all, I hope he loves you the same way I do with his whole entire existence, and that, you're his whole entire universe, nothing matters unless you are there, you are there to love and cherish and hold. Because Cecily that is what you are to me. My whole heart belongs to you. There is nothing left for me anymore without you in it. I honestly hope he brings you happiness like I never could."
I began to walk towards him and all I wanted to do was be consumed by his love but I could barely even look at him without seeing her face and the pain immediately came rushing back that I smacked his face so hard. And fell to the floor in tears. He stood above me for a couple of seconds before sitting next to me and wrapping me up in his embrace. He kept uttering apologies under his breath while rocking me slowly. My heart hurt so much and I had no idea what to do anymore. I pulled away from his grip and stared at him.
"I love you James but I can't be with you. You caused me so much pain that I could barely sleep at night or move during the day because all I felt was betrayal and emptiness. Until I stop feeling like that, I am sorry but.."
"Please don't say it. Please."
His face was so pained that it hurt me even more.
"We can't go any further."
"But Cecily please."
"I'm sorry but James, you don't get a free pass. You don't get to waltz into my life and turn it upside down and think all is forgiven. You ruined everything we had and for that I honestly resent you. I can't ever forgive you and I can never truly love you again."
I stood to my feet and breathed in deeply before wiping my tears away.
"I'm going to go away for a while. And the man you were talking about, Josh, he's just a friend because unlike you James I think about the consequences of my actions, and although I hate you with every muscle in my body I don't want you to have to feel this pain you caused me. Its unbearable. Goodbye J."