"Love, is a cheap word, anyone can say, but few truly knows what it means."
Shawn was one of the few to know that it meant. His heart would not just flutter, but fly away to heaven whenever he thought of the person. His stomach will not just go into little knots that can be easily untied but would turn inside out and tie into huge knots that cannot be untied whenever he sees the person. His tongue would not stumble over some words, he would mess up all of sentences whenever he talks to the person. He would not feel a little spark or just fireworks whenever they kissed, no, Shawn would feel God and the Angels smiling down at him as a rainbow is in the back ground, the world stops and looks to see there is in fact still beauty in this world.
On Sunday, Shawn would be singing at church and his love would always sit in the front row as Shawn would have a huge grin on his face. Since his love knew that Shawn was singing for them. On Monday, Shawn would bring chocolate in because his love would be groaning and complaining on how Monday's suck. On Tuesday, Shawn would come over after his soccer practice just to spend time with his love and draw pictures. On Wednesday, Shawn would escape his history class just so he would meet his love out in the courtyard with his guitar to sing them a song he has been working on and have a picnic. On Thursday, Shawn would cook for his love, anything they want. On every Friday, they would cuddle as they would watch his love's favorite show as they laugh at the cheesy jokes they tell. On every Saturday, Shawn would still go to the flower store and give his love a single red rose. It's petal like the finest velvet and would smell like perfume. He made sure that ever all the thorn was cut off so his love would not be hurt.
Shawn would do anything for him. This is not a typo or a incorrect pronoun. His love was a he, Taylor Michael Caniff. Love did win the two over. Shawn tried his best to please his love in anyway he could. He try to make time in his busy life. He would try to balance everything out and he hopes that it is working. As tension sometime would built inside of him, that would try his best not to lash out on his love, since Taylor is like glass, so fragile. Shawn loves the way that his love looks at him, the sparkle in Taylor's eyes whenever he looked at Shawn. His laugh is like a song that sounds so simple, but it dances in Shawn's head. His hair, soft as silk, always smelt like honey, Shawn always loved to run his fingers through. His touch is like a drug, addicted to it, loving the affects it has on his body. He craves it, he loves when Taylor touches his inner thighs, making him whine begging for more.
They would always feed off each other's love, feeling the connection grow stronger between them. Feeling the electricity build when they look into each other's eyes. Loving when they make each other smile. Just seeing it makes them more happy. One Saturday, Shawn brought Taylor the red rose he always have to his love.
"Hey Taylor, I have a new nickname for you," Shawn said with a grin.
"What might that be?" Taylor asked twirling the flower in his hands.
"My flower," Shawn said kissing Taylor's cheek making each other blush.
Everything was perfect. The sun was always shining, the sky was always a bright blue, the grass was always green, and the flowers never welt. Everything was perfect; smiles, rainbow, hearts in their eyes every time they see each other. Smelling the flowers every time they felt each other. Hearing the beautiful music, whenever they hear each other's voices. All was right, the seas under the relationship were calm.
Well. At least for awhile.
As they spiral deeper and deeper, the path of love became darker and darker. The sun hid behind thick clouds, the sky became gray, the grass turn a yellowish brown color like the bruises that was painted on his love's skin. The beautiful music stopped and silence was ringing in his love's ears. The seas start to penetrate the relationship leaving holes that cannot be fixed so easily. Deep secrets that hidden in the waters.
It was Friday and Shawn came over Taylor's house to watch his favorite show like usual. Only when Shawn was inside, Taylor was not on the couch, or in his room, or any of his normal place. Shawn began to panic, he looked in the kitchen, his parents' room, all the bathrooms, the basement, almost everywhere, almost. He did not check his love's closet, Shawn opened the door and saw Taylor, knees in his chest, his tears streaming down his face, and he was shaking there was an earthquake. Shawn was shocked when he saw his love like this. Taylor is always happy, and he says he is fine. Shawn did not understand what was wrong.
"S-Shawn, I-I'm s-s-" Taylor began to say before Shawn stopped him.
"Shh, it's okay, I got you," Shawn says as he cradles Taylor in his arms.
Taylor hides his head as he grips onto Shawn's shirt like he was falling off a cliff and Shawn's shirt was a branch to hold onto. He was so frightened that he was going to fall. He was so afraid that he let Shawn down. Only he soon calm when Shawn sang into his ear, kissing softly on Taylor's neck. He loosen his grip on Shawn's shirt, and Taylor did fall, he fell asleep. Shawn picked him up, bridal style, and brought him to his bed. He pulled the covers out, set Taylor down, pulled them back over him and set his toy lion Lenny in his hands. Shawn knew that Taylor sleeps better with Lenny. Shawn kissed the top of his forehead and sat in the chair next to Taylor's bed. Taylor's eyes fluttered open and looked at Shawn.
"Shawn, you can go h-home," Taylor said wiping his tears away.
"But I want to stay with you," Shawn said holding Taylor's hand.
"S-Shawn, you need to go h-home," Taylor said breathless.
"Why, my flower?" Shawn asked confused.
"I need time," Taylor said looking serious.
"O-Okay, goodnight I love you," Shawn said standing up and kissing Taylor's head.
Only he did not say I love you back. Taylor always says I love you back even when he is tired. Shawn was panicking when he walked out Taylor's door. He did not know what Taylor meant by he need time. Time for what? Shawn was worried he never seen Taylor like this. What was he doing wrong? Was it his fault? Is there a reason that Taylor is acting like this. Maybe the secrets will be known tomorrow.
And indeed they were..
Early Saturday morning, Shawn picked up a single red rose for Taylor. He exited the store and he went to his car, driving to Taylor's house. Once he arrived, there were an ambulance and two police cars in Taylor's driveway. Everything went into slow motion. Silence was all he could hear. The sirens and commotion was mute, he could not feel the soft petals anymore, but a heavy weight on his heart like an anchor.
"Oh no," Shawn mumbled.
He saw Taylor's parents crying their eyes out shaking at the sight of Taylor being pulled away on a gurney. He looked in horror, dropping the rose on the pavement running to Taylor's side. Only the officials pushed him off as he screamed in agony as Shawn watch his love being pulled away. As soon as they left, he collapsed on his knees. The anchor was slowly crushing, breaking his heart to pieces. He felt a hand on his shoulder, Shawn looked up and saw Taylor's mother. She helped him up and hugged him. Both of them cried as they grip each other tightly. Weak in the knees they both felt, but managed to stand as they let go.
"W-What, W-Why?" Shawn asked but could not say a full sentence.
"Shawn," Taylor's mother said in a shaky tone,"Taylor tried to... kill himself."
Silence, but all natural disasters were going on in Shawn's body. His heart broke under the anchor. A tsunami of tears were flooding from his face, his body shook like an earthquake, thunder crashing, lighting slashing through the dark grey clouds, and tornados destroying his brain. A dessert began to form in his mouth since he could not speak. All he felt was pain and agony, he can picture Taylor. Why did Shawn leave him? That is all he thought.
"H-How?" He managed to asked.
"He took one of his father's guns, left a note, when we came home we heard a gun shot and ran upstairs, we saw h-him on the floor," she said starting to cry at the end.
He felt the bullet piercing through his heart, he can hear the horrific noise. He can almost see the blood dripping out of his wound. That is what he needed time for, to work up the courage to end it all. Shawn felt like it was the end of the world, his world. His baby, his love, his flower. He walked back to his car to drive to the hospital, he picked up the flower and it was already starting to welt. He stared at the petals that are starting to wither away at the ends. He stared at it for a while until he heard a knock on his passenger window. He looked up and saw Taylor's father. Shawn rolled down the window and the father leaned over.
"You know Shawn, I think I should tell you something about your flower," he said pointing at the rose.
"But what is a flower have to do with T-Taylor?" Shawn asked confused.
"Well if you love a flower, don't pick it up. Because if you pick it up it dies and it ceases to be what you love. So if you love a flower, let it be.Love is not about possession. Love is about appreciation," he said taking the rose from Shawn.
Shawn looked forward and gripped the stirring wheel tightly. Taylor was my flower and Shawn pick him. Taylor is dying slowly since his roots have been cut. Shawn knew deep down that I had to let him go. Only Shawn was too afraid to admit it. Shawn knew deep down at the bottom of the sea that Taylor was suffering and needed to be let go. Only Shawn felt that he was not strong enough to do it. Nevertheless, he needed to be strong for his love's sake. He looked down at his lap as tears cascaded down his cheeks, took a deep breath and looked back at Taylor's father.
"Shawn, I know it hurts, but you need to, for his sake," the father said.
Shawn sniffles." I know, I need to be strong, to put him first," Shawn said nodding.
He started the car and drove away. He first stopped at the flower shop and picked up a potted plant of red roses. He put it in the passenger seat and grabbed a piece of paper, starting to write. He then texted Taylor's father to see which hospital Taylor was in. When he obtain the information, he drove there. Shawn arrived at the hospital, he waited until Taylor's name was called. He was allowed to see him. Shawn was heartbroken when he saw Taylor, broken, tired, and suffering beyond belief. He put the plant and the note down next to the bed. Shawn was about to leave when he heard his name being called. He turned around and saw that Taylor was awake.
"I-I'm sorry," Taylor said starting to sob.
Shawn walked over there and hugged him gently.
"Shh, it's okay," he said lip quivering,"Taylor."
"Yeah," Taylor said looking up at me.
"I need to give you time, time to heal," Shawn started,"We need t-to.... break up."
Silence. Taylor nodded his head and smiled faintly up at Shawn. Shawn stood up and gave Taylor the note kissed his cheek for the last time and left forever. Taylor looked at the folded piece of paper that said his name with a flower next to it. Taylor smiled down and opened the letter.
Dearest Taylor,
I am crazy about you, you are my world. I would do anything for you, even if it hurts me and you. I'm sorry, but you need to take this on your own. Only you don't need me, you are strong enough to do it. You are my knight in shining armor, I know that you are capable of doing this. We have to face our demons on our own. A wise man once said:
If you love a flower, don't pick it up. Because if you pick it up it dies and it ceases to be what you love. So if you love a flower, let it be. Love is not about possession. Love is about appreciation.
I'm not here to own you. I appreciate being with you, but I know your health is far more important. I love you enough to leave you be, my flower. My gorgeous red rose. Thanks for the memories, thanks for everything.
I love you Taylor.
Love,
Shawn
Taylor wipes the tears away. He looks up at the potted red roses. He vowed that day that he would be the gorgeous red rose for Shawn and for him. Maybe their paths will crossed again, someday. Taylor will be the strong flower. Shawn's strong flower.