~~
Oh goodness,
my throat is hurting, my head is spinning circles, my eyes are just that small as the inkt of my pen and my stomach is getting on my nerves.
I don't even know how to write this down. This morning feels like a maze in my head and just the thought of his face makes me wanna put myself in a closet without the key.
What happend? While I was having such a great morning and my grandma semt to be worried, and ofcource I can blame Leon for it. I know I've been upset about last night, and now I thought he would be open towards me again. He might have take it a bit too seriously.
What happend? I was just standing, well actually helping leon with getting dressed to get just that far as possible from my room. "take the window" I told him twice, but he didn't wanted to, even thought he has done it like a billion times. No that nasty peace of human pulls off my nightdress without even asking. Yes i know, I stood half naked with my hands wrapped around my chest in the front of him. And all he could say after that he took a good look at me.
"Just as you told your grandmum".
I felt so disgusting by his jokes and especially right on that moment my granmother opened the door. Yes, and now I thought she faced leon he crawled exactly on the right moment underneath my bed. All I can see is my grandmothers face as she saw me. Or even worser Leons smirk as my grandmother left my room. That bastard could leave the house before I could even turn mad. I know he's having such a great day at work right now. Well even better, I hope so for him.
~~
As I look at the clock on my wall I know he's almost done with his job so I just hurried myself in my shoes and walked down the stairs.
"Grandpa, I'm going outside okay?" I spoke as I saw him staring at me.
"You're not going to that boyfriend of yours again?" he asked.
"His name is Leon, C'mon you know him since he was seven"
"I know, but the guy he is right now? don't trust him Vilu"
···
As I walked to the road, waiting for a velvet red car I already was creating some phrases to tell him. Actually it's even a bit cold, how long am I waiting for him? Five minutes? I get snapped out of my thoughts as I hear a horn in the distance. Stunned I look up and see a car riding towards me, his car.
As the car stopped in the front of me, he opened the door and looked suprised at me.
"Your waiting for me?" he asked as he let his hands go of the handlebar."Come in" he spoke as he made a sine with his hand to enter his car.
"And you can proof to me your not drunk?"
"Violetta" He sighed in his chuckle. "If I would be I wouldn't be here without even a cratch. Now are you coming inside?"
"Okay" I mumbled as I took my seat beside him and closed the door.
"Okay, I'm ready for your complain moment"
"My what?" I stammed amazed.
"Come on Vilu, I know you're upset because I put you in a embarassing situation"
"Then why are you making fun of it?" I asked him as I felt my anger underneath my nails.
"Making fun of it? I only said you could tell me all your problems"
"That's not what you said Leon"
"Yes it is" He sighed.
"No it's not, don't be such a fool"
"Violetta" He spoke my name as he stopped the car. "I'm not here to argue with you"
"Oh really? Then why would you say something like that?"
...
I looked at him, and all I could feel is hate. Irritated I opened the door of the car, and slammed it right behind my back before I could hear another word coming out of his mouth.
"Violetta" I hear him shouting at me as his feetsteps come towards me. "Violetta wait" he said as he grabbed my arm and made me twist around and look in his eyes. "Don't look like that at me. I love you, don't take my words to seriously"
"Then tell me, What can I take seriously about you in anyway?"
"Vilu" He chuckled as he shook his head. "Okay you're really angry on me"
"Ofcource I am" I blurted. "Have you even seen yourself Leon? I really thought it would be diffent. I thought us to be different Leon"
"Haven't we talked about this last night?" He sighed annoyed.
"Yes, that's what I question myself right now as well. Because it looks like you even didn't listen at all Leon"
"What?" He asked as he even holded me closer against his body. "lets go back to the car s-"
"So you can drive me where? Home? Sorry but we already passed my house Leon"
"Vilu" He sighed ashis lips kiss me in my neck. "Talking is such a waste of time" he said as I felt his hands sliding down my dress.
"Stop it leon" I tried to push him off me, but he bumped me with my back against his car in a soothing sigh before I felt his lips against mine and his hands going everywhere I could smell the alcohol near his mouth. "Leon get off me " I shouted as I pushed him away from me with all the power I still had.
"What?" he asked not understanding, but looking into his eyes made me heartbroken. He lied to me, again.
..
"My grandfather warned me, they all've warned me. And I? I was so blind for not facing the truth leon" I sniffed as I felt my eyes become wet and my knees shaking. " You wanna know why?" I whined. "Because I didn't want to face to truth. I didn't wanted to believe that you were gone. "
"Vi-"
"No shut up" I shouted out loud. "Literally stop talking to me. Stop looking at me, even better stop with putting your mistakes on my shoulders. I used to feel so good with you, you know I loved you so much leon. But how can I love someone who only hurts me? Look at yourself Leon. You're lying, drinking and acting like everything is just fine. Well I can tell you your not. And seriously stop using me as a whore. Because I'm not, All you can do and think about is one thing when you look at me. And I know you do."
"Well" he stuttered. "This is the way as I am now, so if you can't admi-"
"No, I can't admit it no. The mistake you made is to admit yourself this way. "
"Vilu, we have so m-"
"We had so much leon. But now? I can't stand even looking at you" I whispered
"So what are you going to do? Leaving me for someone else?"
"I" I shallowed as I felt my tears rolling down my cheecks.
"No" he shook his head. "You can't break up with me, you love me" he spoke as he tried to hold my hand, but I moved away from him.
"I loved you leon, and yes. I can break up with you. "
"So..we're over now?" he asked, not even one emotion in his voice.
"We're over"