30
She was looking at the big picture frame when someone hold her waist. Sa gulat niya ay napa sandal siya sa lamesa di kalayuan sa kanyang kinatatayuan. She tried to step back pero mabilis siya nitong hinawakan papalapit.
I closed my eyes as I let him capture my lips. In that moment I know, I want him. I let out a gasp and didn't stop him to drag me upstairs.
I fall back in the bed as he make his way above me.
Walang ilaw sa taas ng puting bahay na iyon dahil mas gusto niyang tignan ang mga bituin doon. they were beautiful when it's dark.
Hindi man niya makita ang mga mata nito, ramdam naman niya na sakanya lamang iyon naka tingin.
I kissed him this time. hinubad niya ang kanyang damit hanggang sa wala na siyang natitirang saplot. She placed herself above him as she make love to him. The moon light against our skin fits perfectly fine.. and in that moment I wished.. that we didn't stop. That for the first time in my life, I felt alive.
Napa liyad siya habang nilagay ang kanyang kamay sa leeg nito. I close my eyes as he placed a warm kiss in my collar bones. .down through my breast. We let out a moan when he change our position making him deeper inside me.
Telling me how much he wanted me scares me sometimes.
Just like now.
He enjoys torturing me like this. slow pace, in and out feeling me.
We were both panting as he rest his head in mine. Tila napaka ganda ng mga nito sa ilalim ng buwan.
Muli siya nitong hinalikan bago siya nito binitawan at humiga sa kanyang tabi.
...
Nagising siya kinabukasan. Kita niyang naka tingin ito sa kanya.
"Don't bother to hide anything from me,"
Tinignan niya lamang ito ng masama bago tumayo at sikmuraan ito sa tiyan. Malakas itong napamura sa kanyang ginawa. Tinanggal niya ang suot nitong damit bago iyon isinuot sa kanyang sarili.
His smell is so comforting in any way. para iyong naka yakap sa kanyang katawan.
Iniwan niya itong nag rereklamo sa sakit na kanyang ginawa bago dumeretcho sa banyo di kalayuan sa kwartong iyon. Pag labas niya ay naka sandal ito sa may ding-ding at masamang naka tingin sa kanya.
He shake his head and touch my hand. Mahigpit siya nitong niyakap. rinig niya ang pakawala nitong malalim na buntong hininga.
"You shouldn't be here Chris." sabi niya rito habang naka akap parin ito ng mahigpit sa kanya.
"I was here because of you." she stand still when he let go of me. "I was worried, again.. umalis ka matapos mo akong ihatid sa subdivision. The security saw you left."
"Then stop tracking me."
Bumuntong hininga itong muli bago sumagot. "You recless woman. stop making people worry for you. Kung ayaw mong i-tract kita stop doing this."
"Doing what?! Wala naman akong sinabing sundan mo ako rito! Kaya ako pumunta rito para mapag-isa okay? this place is my safe house. the only place I know.. that no one will ever come after me,"
"Stop this Kz.. stop running away.. from me."
"At sinong may sabing-"
"Kung gusto mong tumakbo palayo isama moko. take me, run away with me. Just don't left like that. Run as fast as you can but not from me, baby."
Tila parang nawalan siya nang sasabihin tungkol duon. sinandal na lamang niya ang kanyang ulo sa mga balikat nito. muling nitong binalik ang mahigpit na yakap sa kanya.
"Because no matter how hard you try to escape I'll find you, search for you. Hindi ka talaga nag-iisip minsan no? you knew you can hide from everyone else, except from me."
"How- how did you find me?" I close my eyes and let him wipe my tears.
I was over whelmed by what he just told me. bakit ba lagi nalang siya ganito? sa lahat ng bagay pinaparamdam niya sakin kung anong nararamdaman niya. It makes it harder to hide if he keeps on pulling me up. Gusto kong lumayo pero hindi ko magawa dahil siya mismo ang lumalapit saakin.
"We all have connections.." he proudly told me. "Where exactly are we?"
"In a sacred place called cemetery."
...
It's been a big roller coaster ride this morning to end up sitting with him eating mcdonals.
In front of my mom to be exact.
"..You look like him."
Hindi siya nag salita sa sinabi nito batay sa isang malaking picture sa kanilang harapan. A big picture frame of me and my family.
"And she's beautiful just like you."
"Stop talking and finish eating your burger."
Hindi na niya kailangang maalala ang nag tatakang itchura ng delivery boy na nag hatid sa kanila ng kanilang order.
Isa iyong private cemetery sa baguio kung saan niya pinatayo ang museyong iyon para sa kanyang pumanaw na ina. it was build like a house to feel homely. Gusto kasi niyang isipin na kasama parin niya ang ina kahit na matagal na itong pumanaw.
What she liked the most in that place is that.. it was beautifully silent and plain cold. Pupwede siyang pumunta roon anytime niyang gustuhin. She treat that as her own safe house, A safe place to stay whether she likes to hide from everyone. Wala kasing nakakaalam ng lugar na iyon bukod sa kanya.
I guess hindi nalang siya ngayon.
"Pano ka nga paka nakapasok? Sa higpit nila dito I dout you can enter easily."
"Kailangan kopa bang ulitin sayo? I told you.. I have connections."
Inirapan nalang niya ito dahil duon na ikina ngiti nito.
"I wish you weren't this rich to find me here,"
"Well sorry to say but I was born with it. my both parents owned a business. blame them instead."
Wala siyang nagawa kundi bumuntong hininga nalang.
"I kind of like this place.. kahit na nasa simenteryo tayo.. it doesn't feel like it and I love that."
"Iyon nga ang purpose nito Chris. This is why I'm here, I feel safe here."
"So you mean.. you don't feel safe around me?"
"Hindi iyon ang ibig kong sabihin.. ugh goddamnit." He lay down beside me.
Nasa ibaba na sila ng bahay na iyon, nag latag lamang sila ng comforter para may maupuan sila sa lapag.
The white marble floors, walls and ciellings calm her. Isa iyon sa mga dahilan bakit gusto niya ang lugar na iyon. everything about that place is peaceful.
peaceful yet dead.
"You just cursed in front of her."
"I don't care. she's used to it."
"..and we just make love.. here,"
"I broke the rules sometimes. don't ever remind that again."
Bakit ba hindi ka nag iisip minsan KZ?
"I just wanted you to know.. that I haven't done this to anyone, I'd never make love to anyone. except you."
"Hindi ko yan kailangan malaman."
Nilingon siya nito para tignan ang kanyang mga mata. Nanatili siyang naka tingin sa itaas at hindi ito tinignan.
"Stop being a cold hearted sweetness. we both know that you melt everytime I touch you."
And I close my eyes just laying there with him. his words repeats in my head.
Do I really melt everytime he touched me?
Yes. yes you do.
My mind asnwer it for me. Siguro kailangan konang tanggapin. Na minsan kaya kong mag tago at walang makahanap pa sakin, pero minsan kahit na anong gawin ko may mga bagay na hindi ko kayang taguan tulad nito.. nitong nararamdaman ko.
...
Nakasandal ang aming likod sa malamig na ding-ding habang naka-upo sa comforter. Watching my mom smilling from me, in the picture. Naka lagay doon ang abo ng kanyang ina na nasa puting marmol na lalagyan.
"I crimate her body so I can still be with her."
"You can still be with her in either way sweetness,"
"I know. Ito yung gusto niya, sinunod ko lang."
Tinignan lamang niya ito nang pinuwesto siya sa gitna nito at niyakap ng mahigpit. "What?"
inosente nitong sabi sakanya.
"She must be happy now."
"She should be, matagal na niyang pinag dadasal na mag ka boyfriend ako,"
"Boy- what?"
"What?" lingon niyang sabi rito.
"Sinabi mong.."
"Hindi yon yung ibig kong sabihin!" mabilis niyang sabi.
"I heard it all right. sabi mo boyfriend!" naka ngisi ito sa kanya.
"I didn't."
He cuped my face to kiss me tenderly. I can feel him smilling in between our kiss. "there's no turning back now baby."
I just rest my back against him. I didn't knew such thing will felt amazing. This simple hugging me from behind, The shower together lately. those making love. Am I slowly telling him everything? Do I let my heart open for this man behind me? I guess I am.
"It's really good to be in this place with you alone. really."
We did shower together here. Walang nangyari. it was a plain shower. Wala itong ibang ginawa kundi titigan siya hanggang sa ito mismo ang nag paligo sakanya. She's never been that brave. standing next to the person who she wanted to escape with. And I have to agree. after all the the events that happens.. it is really good to be in this peaceful place with him and my mom.
"Do I really look like him?"
"So much." pag aamin nito sa kanya. Kahit man siya ay hindi tanggap dahil galit siya sa kanyang ama.
"I hate it. ayokong maging kamukha siya.. everytime I see him I see my self, everytime I see my self I can see him,"
"You don't like him,"
"Only because he left."
Tinignan niya ang mga mata nito na nag hahanap pa ng sagot sa kanyang sinabi. "mahabang kwento..."
He left me and my mom. not exactly left but for another woman.
She became missirable since then, nag bago siya at ako. Nawalan ako ng respeto sakanya simula noon. I watch my mom smile in front of me when I knew she's been hurting.
"I was never "daddy's little girl" or "daddy's little princes" kaya pag may lalaki noon na nag tatangkang pormahan ako o ligawan ako, hindi ko alam yung gagawin ko. I end up pushing it away. Siguro isa narin sa dahilan yung pagiging sub-sob ko sa pag-aaral kaya wala akong panahon makipag relasyon." she paused thinking back at the old days. "I was never be one hundred percent certain in a relationship because the man that was never supposed to hurt me, did."
Tinignan lamang siya nito tungkol duon. "..and that's why I end up with a girl instead of boys."
He should feel special, hindi ko ugaling mag sabi ng mga ganitong bagay.
"I must be special then,"
Hindi niya ito pinansin at mas itinuon nalamang ang atensyon sa lugar na iyon. They are spending the night there again. napapalibutan sila ng kandila na nag silbi nilang ilaw sa tahimik na gabing iyon.
"So tell me.. how on the fucking earth you're with Sean?" sabi nito na nag pabukas sa kanyang mata. hindi niya mapigilang paikutin iyon. thanks for ruinning the already perfect mood. Chris.