A huge thanks to Kayleigh_rose99 for that amazing comment on the last chapter <3 It feels incredible to get such positive feedback. It makes me much more comfortable in my own writing knowing that what I write has an emotional impact! (also I'm sorry for ruining your makeup, I'm sure it was amazing XD)
So thank you so much Kayleigh *virtual hugs*
For obvs reasons, this chapter is dedicated to Kayleigh_rose99 <3 May your eyebrows be forever on fleek XD
~•~
All I want is nothing more
To hear you knocking at my door
'Cause if I could see your face once more
I could die a happy man I'm sure
"I'm s-sorry."
Carl felt her twisting and turning, shaking and sweating beside him as he woke. The darkness encased them like a cloak of black and Carl searched for the lampshade beside his side of the bed, seeing as Lauren had broken one of them. She thrashed, her legs kicking as her body was curled into a foetal position.
"Lauren," Carl shook her, placing a palm on her arm. He retracted it in sudden shock at the clammy feeling of her skin. She jerked upward, panting as she cracked her head around, visibly relaxing at the sight of Carl.
"I'm sorry I woke you," Her eyes fell to her lap, she was ashamed, guilty for the thoughts that tormented her unconscious mind. She was still shaking when Carl wrapped his arms around her.
"You don't have to apologise," He said softly, pulling her tight to his body so her head was pressed against his chest, "Do you want to talk about it?"
"It's the same dream I had the night I thought I lost you," Lauren sighed, enveloping herself in the comforting warmth, "I'm in a forest, running, and I see Chelsie, she disappears, then Bennett and Ethan. They all look the same as they did when they died, the same wounds that killed them. I run away, only to bump into Ayana, then Chelsie again, and as of last night, Diggy too. They are all chanting the same thing. 'You killed us."
Lauren paused, taking in a shaky breath as she hid from her own thoughts.
"Then I see you," She stopped, feeling as if the words got stuck in her throat. Her eyes brimming with tormented tears, "You're just standing there, so I run to you. Then I stop, my feet won't move, like I've been cemented to the ground, and you look at me. You look at me with such anger, such hatred, and you say.. 'You killed me' and then you disappear. I fall to the ground and they keep screaming at me, it's not long before I wake up but it feels like an eternity. I need to get out of here, Carl."
Carl held her close as she pulled herself together. She had finally let her guilt catch up with her and it was destroying her from the inside out. He needed to make her see the reason behind her actions, but not now, she needed to sleep. He couldn't help feeling bad for what she was experiencing, if he only fought harder he could have never been seperated from her, she would have never felt the pain of loosing him.
"I could never hate you," He whispered, "None of their deaths is your fault. You have to believe me."
"I just need to get out of here for awhile," Lauren sighed again, her tears staining into his t-shirt, "I think if I leave, it'll get better. All I see here is bad memories."
"I'll take you from here," Carl promised, "It'll go away soon."
"Thank you," Lauren smiled, kissing Carl softly on his lips. He could taste the salty tears on her warm lips and he knew he needed to make sure she was alright. He would spend every waking minute making her smile until the demons beneath her skin retreated to the furthest reach of her mind.
"I love you," She whispered as she felt the grips of fatigue take hold on her.
"I love you more."
~•~
Carl had packed their needed belongings into the seperate backpacks they owned. Lauren still had her trusted denim backpack, it lacked the vibrancy of a new bag, but the sentimental value proved to be worth much more.
"Lauren," He called, stepping into their bedroom. She stood, motionless, staring at that one spot on the floor that held a faded brownish stain. Most of it had been scrubbed out but the outline still lingered. His eyes softened and he wrapped his arms around her, placing a gentle kiss on the base of her neck.
"Are you ready to go on an adventure?" Carl asked and Lauren smiled, turning around. She placed a gentle kiss on his lips and let her arms snake around his neck.
"You have no idea."
They heard a strangled cough and they spun around to see Sam standing in the doorway.
"I've sent people to go and find your friends Valorie and Declan like you wanted, Carl," Sam said and Carl nodded towards her in gratitude, "And this place will be waiting for you when you get back. I'll hold down the fort while you're gone. I brought you a little something for your travels."
Sam dramatically pulled a sleek black bow, equipped with a piece of metal, brandished with a glowing green dot for a sight and a quiver filled with deadly arrows. She handed the bow to Lauren who took it with both hands, running her fingers along the smooth dark wood. Her hand fit perfectly and comfortably, almost like it was built for her.
"It has never failed me when I needed it most. I don't use it much and it would only be gathering dust so I want you to have it. Besides, I have my trusty old bat here."
She gestured to the nailed baseball bat that she carried with her everywhere.
"Thank you," Lauren smiled genuinely, she moved forward and embraced her friend, "For everything."
Sam knew that she meant much more than just the bow.
"Just make sure you come back to us. You too, Carl. I'd miss you guys."
Carl nodded, mouthing a thank you to Sam who nodded with a smile and left the couple to their own devices.
"Let's go," Carl said, pressing a chaste kiss to Lauren's cheek.
They just hoped that their journey wouldn't be riddled with death.
~•~
When you said your last goodbye
I died a little bit inside
I lay in tears in bed all night
Alone without you by my side
The road was welcoming to Lauren. She was so used to being constantly on the move that she missed the comfort of never being trapped in one place. She knew that her road ahead would be long, but she needed to get out, and she would welcome the tired legs and sore muscles with open arms.
She thought about the start, how she likely travelled these very roads alone. She thought back on herself, how different she was. Her younger self held more compassion and humanity, but she was slow to trust.
Killing had become easier as the months passed.
She remembered the first day, bizarrely finding Judith in a cupboard. Her life would have been completely different if she decided that two cans of beans would last her a day more. But stepping into that gas station was a turn of fate, a destiny she was bound to follow. She met Carl and she found happiness, but it had come at a price to her soul.
She remembered Carl, how he blankly stared at her like she was just another impending disappointment. He had been through so much, but he really just needed a friend. They both did.
She couldn't imagine herself if Carl wasn't a part of her life from the beginning, she doubted she would even be alive. No matter how hard of heart she was, the lonliness was hard to cope with.
She doubted she would be the same person if she had never met Carl.
Reminicing, they followed the farmiliarity of the dusty, desolate roads until the sun began to dip into the horizon.
~•~
But if you loved me
Why'd you leave me?
Take my body
Take my body
All I want is,
And all I need is
To find somebody
I'll find somebody like you
Strangely, they found that an old furnaiture store would make a suitible place to spend the night.
Country Furnaiture hung above the dust covered windows and door of a large brick red building. Lauren pushed open the door and beat her machete against the wall, satisfied when no undead immediatly caught her attention.
"Maybe there will be a really comfy bed in here," Lauren laughed, she lived for the small things in life, "Maybe a memory foam mattress or something."
"That would be great," Carl nodded with a short laugh.
Lauren beamed a smile back at him and stepped into the large open area that was the Country Furnaiture store. She let her hand run along the smooth wood of a dresser as she walked, the price $250 stuck to the drawer.
"It's funny how the world revolved around money before," She mumbelled thoughtfully, "Now it's so different. There isn't a freedom like this."
"But it came at a price," Carl added, loving how contented she was with her existence, "I wouldn't change anything though, because I met you."
"You flirt," Lauren laughed but her cheeks still stained a subtle crimson.
She dumped her bag beside the large section made up of beds and mattresses and scoured the store for any Walkers that would jeopardise there safety. She returned, blood slick along the blade of her machete.
"Just one in the office," She said, jumping on one of the large king size beds with a sigh of relief. She let her body spread out, her hair fanning behind her, "I could get used to this."
"Not without me," Carl laughed, jumping onto the bed. He grabbed Lauren by the waist and squeezed her tight as she laughed. He placed a chaste kiss on her neck as she pushed him away, twisting as she tackled him, pinning his arms above his head.
"I win," She exclaimed breathlessly, smiling down at Carl who rolled his eyes.
"Do you want a trophy?" He said sarcastically and Lauren laughed, dipping her head down so their lips were just an inch apart.
"I wouldn't be sarky with me, Grimes," Lauren said slowly, "I can be real mean if I have to."
"Okay," Carl laughed, "Sorry!"
Teasingly, Lauren brushed her lips off his, just before pulling back. Carl rolled his eyes and spun them around so he was pinning her back.
"Don't tease me."
He dipped down and captured her mouth, kissing her deeply. His hands moved from her wrists down to her hips and she slowly changed positions with him, straddeling his lap, their lips never leaving eachother. She leaned over him, her hands running along the skin beneath his t-shirt.
Carl surprised her by lifting her fully onto his lap, his back pressed against the headboard. Her arms wrapped around him, one on his bicep and the other around his neck. Lauren giggled against his mouth, feeling a strange euphoric elation from his touch.
"I really fucking love you."
"I really fucking love you more."
So you brought out the best of me,
A part of me I've never seen.
You took my soul and wiped it clean.
Our love was made for movie screens.
But if you loved me
Why'd you leave me?
Take my body,
Take my body.
All I want is,
And all I need is
To find somebody
I'll find somebody
~•~
Larl just got heated and I need a tall glass of holy water. I'd feel weird af writing smut so I'll leave that up to you guys XD
But the Larl moments were real af
VOTE AND COMMENT PLEASE!
The song lyrics in this chap are All I Want - Kodaline which is such a Larl song <3