Warning: SPG
Epilogue
"Love, I've come to understand, is more than three words mumbled before bedtime."
― Nicholas Sparks
***
I tried not to look at the church's door, all the things that are running in my mind was too damn scary. Nararamdaman ko ang panginginig ng mga kamay ko.
"Is she still coming, kuya?" Myreisl teasingly whispered. Inirapan ko lamang siya at nagpatuloy sa pagdadasal. "Baka may narealize siya along the way, you know," sinundan niya pa iyon ng tawa na lalong nagpakaba sa akin. She's just teasing me, I kept on whispering.
"Shut up, ate. Parang matatae na si kuya sa kaba oh." Nikolai retorded. Sabay ko silang inirapan na dalawa. Mas lalo akong kinabahan ng lumapit na ang best man kong si Kaizer. I made him my best man because Nikolai was too young for this.
"Nandyan na ang sasakyan niya, bro," saad niya. Agad na pinagpag ni Myreisl ang suot kong tuxedo.
"Good luck, kuya. Don't forget your vow, dimwit." Tumawa lamang siya saka naglakad papunta sa pintuan ng simbahan kasama ni Nikolai. Kaizer tapped my shoulder as we hurriedly walk to the door para maghanda na sa march namin. I tried to peek at the church's parking lot to see the bridal car but mom kept on budging me not to do so.
Today I will face the altar, together with the woman that I truly love. The only woman I have ever loved after my mother. The only woman who is loved by every part of me. The only woman who can break me in a million pieces but can still stick the pieces together. Damn, how I love this woman.
As I reached the altar and Kaizer was already beside me, I wanted to drag the time. But a sudden rush of memories came to my mind. Kung paano ko siya nagawang saktan noon dahil sa isang bagay na hindi ko naman alam kung totoo ba o hindi. It was someone's fault - someone who just wanted to break us. She wouldn't have succeeded if not because of me.
"Britt?" napalingon ako ng tinawag ni Earl ang kaibigan ni Raine. Why is she here? Nandito rin ba ang mahal ko?
"Hey, guys."
"Where's Raine?" tanong ko. Her forehead creased as she tried to look away from my gaze. "Hindi mo ba siya kasama?"
"Uhm, I-I'm sorry, Keaton." Hindi ko siya binabaan ng tingin. "W-Wala ako sa lugar para sabihin ito pero k-kasi ... I saw Gremaica with Clark a while ago. She went inside his car. Paalis na sila ng district."
"Kung pakulo ito ni Raine, oh please, tell her it's so effective. Galit na ako."
"T-This is not ... a joke, Keaton. I-I ..." nagpatuloy sa panginginig ang boses niya. "I have proofs." Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay at nagmadali akong lumabas ng bar. I crossed the road and reached the bar where Raine and her friends are. I saw Arriane on the bar counter.
"Arriane, nasan si Raine?"
"Oh, Keaton? Raine? Hmm, she went to the CR a while ago." Nagmadali akong naglakad papunta sa CR. Hinalughog ko kahit ang pangbabaeng CR pero wala akong Raine na nakita. Bumalik ako kung nasaan si Arriane.
"Arriane, wala si Raine sa CR."
"W-What? Nawawala sya? Wait, I'll call V-Vander hmm ..." agad na lumapit si Vander sa pwesto naming dalawa ni Arriane. He fiercely looked at me.
"Bakit? Anong problema?"
"Wala daw si Gremaica. Diba pumunta syang CR kanina?" tanong ni Arriane na kinatango ni Vander.
"Yeah, hinatid pa nga sya ni Clark sa CR." That was it, I ran to the parking lot only to find Brittany standing next to my car.
"See, Keaton? Wala sya sa loob kasi nasa loob na sya ng sasakyan ni Clark at this moment," aniya at may inabot sa'king envelope. Siya mismo ang nagbukas nun at nilabas ang kung ano ang nasa loob. "Here oh." Inside were a lot of pictures. Raine from the CR door and then next to Clark's arms, her clinging on to his neck, pati pictures na pumasok siya sa kotse ni Clark at pictures kung saan si Clark pa mismo ang naglagay sa seatbelt. I was on the verge of not believing it if only I did not see her face clearly. I tried hard to keep my composure.
I tried to keep my calm in a nearby bar. Makikita ko si Raine mamayang umaga. Sigurado, nasa bahay na nila iyon, tulog dahil sa lasing. I fueled my mind with positive thoughts. But Brittany found me and kept on bugging me 'til I got home, nang pumasok ako sa loob ng condo ko ay pumasok rin siya.
"I know I shouldn't do this but I feel like I should. Hindi ko hahayaang maloko ka lang ng babaeng hindi ka naman talaga mahal, Keaton. All this years, you were wasting your time loving the wrong person," with that, nagbukas sya ng envelope at nilabas lahat ng laman nito, she settled everything in the coffee table at hindi nakaligtas sa paningin ko kung ano ang nasa larawan.
Always wondering how it felt to be cheated? Well, hurts like hell, hindi lang ang puso mo ang masakit, pati ego mo bilang lalaki. Women were not known to be cheaters, men are. But I'm not one of those men. Nagmahal ako ng tunay pero bakit ganito? Am I not enough? Saan ako banda nagkulang? Sa pag-aalaga? Sa pagmamahal? Sa pag-roromansa? Para akong mababaliw sa kakaisip.
Days passed, or weeks ... I don't even know, I locked in my condo. Kung hindi lang dumating galing New York ang mga pinsan ko ay hindi ako lalabas sa condo ko. My cousin Kirslie, insisted me to be her girlfriend kaya napilitan kong mag-shave at mag-scrub. She can't understand how I was grieving for a lost love.
"Desperate times calls for desperate measures. In NY, I even fooled a varsity guy na I'm a lesbian. I kept on laughing when his face contorted when I told him, I have a girlfriend, too." Panay ang kwento ni Kirslie sa akin habang palabas kami ng building niya. Nagpa-enroll siya sa university under Business program when all she wanted was to be a fashion designer. I really don't understand her.
Bago pa kami makapasok sa building ay natanaw ko si Raine sa di kalayuan, how I missed that face. Pero kailangan kong tiisin, hindi ko masikmura ang lahat. Na sa tuwing hahalikan ko siya ay may maaalala akong ibang bagay. I was the first, so I should be the only one, what now?
I smirked and held Kirslie's envelope, kinuha ko ito at ako ang nagbitbit. "You should have told the varsity guy, you already fvcked a girl."
"Baliw ka, kuya!" sinapak niya ako sa dibdib. Pinagbuksan ko siya ng pinto ng aking kotse. "Wait, we're going to see kuya Zeus?" Tumango lamang ako at tinulak na siya papasok ng kotse. I settled the envelope on the dashboard and closed the front seat door. Sa aking peripheral view ay nakita kong hindi ako nilubayan ng tingin ni Raine.
That's it, Raine. Masaktan ka. Feel the pain, love. Feel what I'm feeling.
I go with my cousins to bars and clubs. Drink a lot, make out a lot and then fu cking go. That's what I did all the time to ease the pain but what the fu ck, I need a fu cking beating. I always stop by across their gate just to observe her bedroom window.
"Please, Keaton. I want us back. I want you back. I need you back. Please. I love you so much," iyon ang sabi nya sa akin nang naabutan nya akong nakamasid sa harap ng bahay nila.
"You want me back?"
"Yes."
"You need me back?"
"Yes, Keaton."
I flashed a wicked grin. I have something in mind. "Then, you have me back. But this time, it will be a lot different, Grem. You're under my spell."
I spent most of the days training under Dad's commands. In years, I'll be taking over the company. I am the eldest child, I think it is expected for me to be the heir. Beside, Myreisl seems like not to have interest in business, she loves painting and art. Nikolai is so into music, no future in business. It all boils down to me.
"Ughhh!" I groaned as I pushed myself inside of her from below. Her breasts bouncing from moving up and down of me. I looked at her firmly, thinking how I loved this woman before. Then, what am I feeling now? Anger? Sorrow? Regret? Love? I can't name it at the moment, I just want to fu cking come. Kinulong nya sa kanyang palad ang aking mukha at mas mabilis na gumalaw sa aking ibabaw.
"God, I damn love you, Keaton!" she shouted.
"Ugghh, Raine, faster!" I hissed as I buried my hot seed in her core, c'mon, fu cking shoot that egg cell.
I was trying to figure out everything on my own. Nais kong malaman kung ano ang nararamdaman ko para kay Raine sa mga sandaling ito. Kung mas mananaig pa rin ba ang pagmamahal ko sa kanya sa kabila ng abot-abot na sa langit ang galit ko? Kung mas mananaig pa rin ba ang pagmamahal ko sa kanya kahit na may mga larawan pa ring dumadating sa kamay ko na sya ang laman kasama ang ibang lalaki? Kung mas mananaig pa rin ba ang pagmamahal ko sa kanya kontra sa lahat?
But I guess, I ran out of time trying to figure my own feelings out. Dahil habang inaalam ko kung ano ba talaga ang nararamdaman ko ay sumusuko na pala si Raine sa akin. I lost it. I lost the fu cking chance to prove her that after everything that has happened, it's still her that I loved and wanted. Damn all the pictures, I'll burn them! Damn Clark and Brittany, I'll kill them when I see them! But all of it will be useless if I don't have her in my arms.
Tinulungan ako ni Daddy sa paghahanap. Napag-alaman naming lumipad patungong Germany si Raine. I followed. Pero bugbog lang ang nadadatnan ko hindi pa nga ako lumiliko papunta sa kanto kung nasaan ang mansion ng kuya nya.
"You hurt my sister, I'll kill you. Natatandaan mo ba ang sinabi ko nun ng sinagot ka ni Gremaica ha, Salvador?" Gavin shouted at my face. "Kung hindi lang ako puyat ngayon sa dami ng problema sa negosyo ko, I should have killed you right here, right now, with my own bare hands. Dudungisan ko ang mga kamay na'to para sa kapatid ko, Keaton. But I don't have the energy to spare dahil hindi ka naman na importante sa buhay nya. Makakalimutan ka rin nya, like how you forgot about her love. Like how you make her feel unwanted."
"P-Pl-Please ..." ani ko at dumura ng dugo sa gitna ng daan. Nakaluhod ako sa harapan nya, desperado akong humawak sa kanyang pantalon. "L-Let me ta-talk to her. P-Ple-Please!"
"Get lost, Salvador. Get fu cking lost!"
I will not lose, Gavin. I'm winning right now.
Ngumisi ako nang nakitang tumatakbo ang kambal sa aisle. Agad silang yumakap sa binti ko. Bitbit ni Gray ang wedding rings namin at si Gale naman ay may basket na puno ng petals pero natapon na ang ilan.
"Kulit niyo!" bulong ko at pasimple silang kiniliti.
"Daddy! Daddy! Mommy is coming to us!" bulong din ni Gale sa akin.
"Ganun ba? Sige, behave na tayo, okay? Kasi baka magalit si mommy kapag magulo tayo."
"Yes, yes, daddy!" sagot ni Gale at sabay-sabay kaming tumingin sa pintuan ng simbahan nang bumukas ito.
Mas lumaki ang ngiti ko ng papalapit na siya sa akin. Sa dami ng taong nakapaligid, my eyes are locked on her. Kahit gaano pa kaganda ang suot ng iba, mas maganda pa rin ang puting bestida nyang parang pang-reyna sa sobrang ganda at suot pa ng pinakamagandang babae nakilala ko. This woman is going to be mine, this is the end of the line.
You look so wonderful in your dress
I love your hair like that
The way it falls on the side of your neck
Down your shoulders and back
We are surrounded by all of these lies
And people who talk too much
You got the kind of look in your eyes
As if no one knows anything but us
Yumakap ang kanyang ina sa kanya habang umiiyak ito ang ama niya naman ay hinalikan siya sa tuktok ng kanyang ulo. We were looking at each other's eyes kahit pa may binubulong si Kaizer sa akin at kahit panay ang paghila ni Gray sa pantalon ko.
Kinagat ko ang labi ko nang nakalapit na siya sa akin. Nilahad nya ang kanyang kamay sa akin. I accepted it and kissed her knuckles. "God, you're so beautiful." Kinindatan ko sya na kinapula ng kanyang pisngi.
Should this be the last thing I see
I want you to know it's enough for me
'Cause all that you are is all that I'll ever need
I'm so in love, so in love
So in love, so in love
Huminga ako ng malalim nang tumungtong na kami sa altar.
"This is it, love," bulong ko.
"I love you but yes, I will hurt you, may intentional or not. I won't promise you that I won't make you because I know at times, I will. There will be a lot of moment where in you may want to give up. Arguments in which I will keep my pride and will not let you win me over. There will be times you will ask why you fall in love with a man like me and tell me you're tired.
But know that I will always love you. And our love is not like others, not full of romance and giggles. Our love is not perfect. We will get hurt, you can hurt me, I can hurt you, too. But know, that I will find infinite ways just to make us work. And this is one of those. To capture you and cage you in my heart. To mark your name with mine. Gremaica Lorraine Lazaro Salvador, I love you so much!"
Umiiyak na siya habang tinatapos ko ang vow ko. "God, Keaton. I love you, too, so much!"
Should this be the last thing I see
I want you to know it's enough for me
'Cause all that you are is all that I'll ever need
I'm so in love, so in love
So in love, love, love, love,
So in love
***
Song used: Tenerife Sea by Ed Sheeran
Note: I'm not sure with special chapters. But thank you for everything, guys! Thank you for the massive support until this moment! Until the next story! I love you!
Thank you also to my friends for the idea about the vow of Keaton. Hihih! Love you guys! Hirap maging writer 'no? Hahah!
- teensupreme x January 27, 2016