I called in sick yesterday so I don't have to go to work for some unknown reasons. Jenna greeted me and finally my Nescafe Dolce gusto is now working and I can now finally have my usual latte. I don't have to drink her dreadful mixture of unknown in my cup. She followed me in the office and politely smiled at me and this is what I like about her, she remains smiling genuinely even if I'm such a biatch.
"Atty. Park, your coffee maker is now fixed and the guy from the other day came back here. I said you were sick and he's actually asking for your home address but I didn't give him, I swear." She raises her hands and crossed on her heart. Her childish innocence is one of the things I miss about myself.
"Of course you won't or you'll be fired. Again, if he comes back, tell him I'm still sick, okay? His girlfriend is Jessica Miller and I rejected their case so expect him to be a little persuasive about this. I no longer want to be involved in this 'Mean girls' kind of drama. I'm really done." I told her and I removed my coat and hanged it. I noticed that my gel-polished nails in black. Seriously? I just noticed how pale my hands look like with this color. I am officially now your wicked witch-bitch. It really suits me.
"Jessica Miller, the beautiful ballet dancer? Wow. I loved her toothpaste commercial and the Prada bag she was holding last week in the Oscar Dela Renta show, just pure perfection." She said and it somehow irritated me. Jessica Miller's fashion sense is a die-hard imitation of Audrey Hepburn and she thinks she looks good in those 1950's dresses she loves to wear and those hand bags in pastel color are seriously blinding.
Her signature cutie patootie cat eye along with her pale pink lips are seriously irritating the hell out of me and I don't think I'll be a fan. No thanks girl, no thanks. Atty. Sylvia Smith even told me that Jessica Miller's make up suit me even more since my eyes are like 'cute almonds'. That's how she described my eyes and I'm not doing that. I love my Naked palette and Sephora eyeliner, thanks. I'm not going to be a K-pop star just because I'm half-Korean. I'm not 'Aegyo' and 'Kawaii' and I know that's Japanese.
The thing about me being half Asian is that i look younger than my age no matter what i do. For Pete's sake, I'm already 30 years old but I am always mistaken to be around 22 or something. Asian genes really have magic.
I pointed at my grey Prada saffiano bag so she could see that I can afford Prada as well and I'm not a frigging ballet dancer. I bought the bag through hard-earned labor. I studied more than 10 years just to get here and that Prada bag isn't even enough to compensate.
"See, that's Prada as well, so Prada isn't really a rare thing. If you work hard, you can get the same bag, Jenna. Believe me, so do well here and you can be promoted. I'll even vouch for you." She looked very delighted and I don't know where those positive word even came from like they were from an old chest of myself. It feels light to be this good sometimes, it's just that I think people will abuse you.
"Thank you, Atty. Park. I'll work hard. Have a good day!" She smiled and went out of my office. I don't think she can sense the bitchiness that's flowing all over my body right now. I just wish her all the best to never become me.
I hate being me. I hate the fact that my blood runs colder than a lizard. I hate the fact that I am ruthless. I hate the fact that I resent myself. Fck life.
Emails again.
Fr: ETHAN L. JENNINGS
To: Atty. Aria Addison Fairchild Park
We want to schedule a meeting with you at the Miller's mansion next week Friday. The Sunset Air CEO Mr. George Miller wants to talk to you about her daughter's case. It is in our best interest to fully support Jessica and your cooperation will be deeply appreciated.
Best Regards,
Ethan L. Jennings
VICE PRESIDENT for Internal affairs, Woodland and Greyson Real estates
Email: ethan.jennings@wlgreyson.com
I deleted the email because I don't care. I don't have the slightest intention of crossing paths again with Ethan because i know that he will be the death of me. One glance and I know it's enough to send me to my deathbed. I know how lethal Ethan can be and I just can't take the risk. There are things he can't know and should never know because I kept them hidden somewhere very dark and deep.
I walked barefooted around my office like I used to and lit my favorite menthol cigarette. I love the feeling of the navy blue velvet carpet on my feet, it's as if it has some kind of hypnotherapy to stop me from thinking about Ethan. From the very beginning, we can't be together.
Summer of 2010
"Why are you staring at me? God you're embarrassing me. We're in the library, Mr. Jennings." I secretly smiled and kicked his feet under the table. He loves distracting me especially with his green jokes. Ethan was born quirky and carefree that I think he doesn't have any problem at all. His father is a successful real estate broker and currently a shareholder at Woodland and Greyson real estates. In time, he'll be handing over the shares to Ethan.
He pouted at me and took out his PSP. He loves playing PSP especially Tekken. I don't know how it keeps him happy, but it does somehow.
"Let's just stay at your bed and make love all day. You can marry me, you know. I'll be very much happy to make you omelet every morning and make your tea black and weak " He pouted and I pinched his cheek.
"We will after these, okay? I'm in my fourth year in law and I can't just ditch some important notes. I promise we'll stop by at Clarkson's (The famous chicken diner) and... you'll have me as dessert afterwards. Okay? Just one more hour, baby." He smiled and I smiled back. His smile is just lethal and whenever he wears white shirts I just somehow lose my mind and forget that this guy who's far handsome than James Dean is my boyfriend.
"Okay. I want you with cherry on top." He smiled and I discreetly kissed the tip of his nose.
"God, you're killing me already. I want to spank you for being bad to daddy." He said while trying to stop himself from laughing.
"Spank me, daddy." I whispered.
"You bet, I will."
After the we ate at Clarkson's we skipped to the thing we wanted since this morning... sex. It was your typical sex to release the tension and stress and of course to make all the love in the world.
"God Aria, I love the vanilla shampoo on your hair." He sniffed again. He's always saying this to me whenever he's got the opportunity.
"Then use my shampoo." I jokingly said and he pulled me closer to him, feeling more of his nakedness on my naked self.
"No, I want the smell if it comes from you. I can't imagine anyone lying beside you, kissing you, making love to you and loving you. I just don't see myself that way without you. It will kill me. I just can't imagine someone seeing how beautiful you really are when naked. I can't." Then I turned around and faced him.
"Do you want me to leave? If not then put chains around me because I will never let you go. I can't imagine someone touching this unshaven face of yours. It will kill me if someone will be lying beside you." I said while tracing the bridge of his nose with my fingers.
"I would never let you go. I told you many times to marry me but you can't. You want to keep your last name when you pass the bar exams so okay we will postpone the wedding, no worries." He said and his understanding nature makes me smile.
"I'm lucky you love me." I said with happiness in my voice. I felt his leg brush against mine and the smell of that usual menthol cigarette he smokes every night is also driving me me insane. Everything about him is what makes me happy to see him. Everything about him is what makes me happy to wake up everyday because I know I'm looking forward to meet him.
"I love your bangs and this is mine as well, aside from your round cheeks. Keep it this way, my Asian doll. I love it when your hair stays this shiny and raven black. I don't know but I just love it this way." Then I giggled and he just snorted.
"I love you but please, stop using thus bed sheets with 'Pucca funny love'. I feel extremely ashamed if people see me sleeping here in your bed. These hearts and-" Then I kissed him.
I kissed him like it's my last.
-=-=-=-=-=
Dreams. I hate them too.
I seem to hate anything that moves and even the ones I can't touch. Maybe I'm being lunatic because Atty. Stevens made me take Jessica Miller's case last week since our firm was officially made as the legal counsel of Sunset Air and that's why I got no choice but to face them.
I wore my Alexander Wang body con dress, Christian Louboutin black pumps and my Burberry coat. As I look in the mirror, I saw how I look really stressed out. My circles are showing and i got incredibly thin since I saw Ethan more than a month ago. He's opening the chest i kept hidden and every night, the memories of him won't stop haunting me.
I can't stop loving him it's as if it's the only hold I have to keep on living.
I covered my eye bags with green concealer and BB cream. I added a little glitter on my eyes and some mascara. I don't really use eye liner because my eyes are not that small and the monolid type just like a typical Korean. I applied my newly bought Louboutin matte lipstick in red and I'm ready to fight this war.
Okay, so it's snowing and I have no choice but to take a scarf and wear my leather gloves for me to drive without my fingers freezing from winter. My ring and watch both feel cold and they are against my skin. I feel freezing all over.
I drank a glass of ice cold water to keep me awake because I can't take stress tablets at this point. Michael forbade me from taking them. He told me that in time, it will be the death of me. I said why not? Then he got scared and that face remained in my head enough to stop me from taking the tabs. I saw how the color on his face vanished and i swore to myself to never ever make him feel that way.
Yes, I'm ready.