"I've booked a flight for you to come to New York and see a doctor ok?"
"No James don't be silly, it's just easier for me to.."
"No I've already told Andre and he's set up the appointment and he's booking a taxi to come get you at 6pm tonight."
I bit my lip and looked towards my white ankle socks as my mind began to race.
"Cecily! Answer me! Pack your things and tell me you'll be ready."
"Ok ok calm down James. See you later. I love.."
The phone went dead. Fuck he doesn't want me to be pregnant... I mean I don't want to be.. Well do I? I mean I am 28 and well I love James and.. The phone began to ring.
"Hello?"
"Hi Cecilly this is Andre, James's PA."
"Oh right hi."
"Just calling to say the flight is at 4:46pm so the taxi will be with you in just under 45 minutes. James is under a lot of pressure today so he unfortunately will not make it to the airport to see you but we have booked you a room in a nearby hotel in New York where I'm sure you'll be comfortable."
"Ok well won't James be staying with me."
"Erm I will have to check that for you. Taxi will be there shortly, goodbye."
Once again the phone cut. I grabbed a bag and stuffed a pair of black jeans and a white blouse in, a couple pairs of underwear and socks. I packed up my wash bag and chargers and trudged towards my couch. For what felt like an eternity I stared at my stomach thinking about the prospects of a child. James clearly isn't happy or he is and he just has a funny way o showing it. I couldn't understand how he could flick from the most loving, caring boyfriend at the lake to some uninterested guy who plays the situation of like its nothing. The bell rang. I clasped my hands around the handle of my suitcase and breathed in, I felt my breathe catch in my throat but I cleared it before heading to the door.
"Cecilly?"
"Yep thats me."
"Let me take that for you. LAX right?"
"Yes, your name is."
"Toby ma'am."
I peered out the airplanes window as we soared through the air. The clouds were still and slashed with beautiful reds and pinks. I pushed my head back into my headrest.
"Excuse me."
I opened my eye and looked to the aisle and a young girl was standing there with her mom clinging to her waist, hiding yet smiling towards me.
"Ms Miller would it be alright for my daughter to get a picture with you."
I smiled towards the beautiful girl. Her hair was dark and straight with crystal blue eyes. She was wearing a green sun dress with white plimsols.
"Of course."
I summoned the girl over to me and draped an arm over her.
"What's your name sweetie?"
"Mary- Anne."
"What a beautiful name. Lets smile for your mommy."
After the photo was taken she dashed back to her mom and I felt her warm body leave me feeling empty.
"What do you say Mary?"
"Thank you."
"You're most welcome sweetie. Enjoy the rest of your flight."
They strolled back to there seat and I pulled my phone from my handbag and noticed 3 missed calls from James and 7 texts. I felt a sick feeling grow in my stomach as I unlocked my screen.
"Are you in the airport yet?"
"??"
"Cecily??!!"
"I am assuming you're on the dam flight and thats why you're ignoring me!"
"Cecily this is ridiculous where are you!?"
"Text me as soon as you land. You've really distracted me from work today I hope you know that."
"I'm sorry that was unfair. Please just call me when you land. I'm worried about you. x"
I clicked of his messages and the familiar sick feeling changed swiftly to the familiar angry feeling I've often felt with him. I slid to my camera and began to take pictures of the clouds. The pilot came onto the speaker
'Hello everyone, we will be landing in approximately 30 minutes, toilets will be disabled in around 15 minutes..'
It all faded out as I stared at a picture of James and I. He was dipping me down and we were both laughing. He looked so happy, we looked so happy. I snapped out of my daze to find an air hostess hovering above me.
"Cecily, sorry this is terribly unprofessional of me but could I get a selfie?"
"Oh yeh sure."
"I mean if you don't want to its fine."
"No no don't be silly, sorry I was just.. on another planet I guess."
I stood up and she pouted as I put my tongue out. She giggled and put her phone away before giving me a big hug.
"What was that for."
I said through a face full of hair but decided to return the embrace.
"I don't know, you just look upset and you shouldn't be alone when you feel upset so I thought I'd hug you as a small gesture to know people, even if you don't know them do care about you. I'd do the same even if you weren't famous. Now seatbelt sign is on so please fasten your belt Cecily."
She gave me a wink and continued her way through the cabin. I began to think of what she said. Was I upset? I didn't realise I was showing I was upset. As I wondered through arrivals the familiar flash and shouts began to appear.
"You're visiting James, how dedicated."
"How was the flight? Did you miss James"
This time I ignored them and called Andre.
"Where's the taxi. Paparazzi are out in full force and I need to get out of here."
"He should be wearing a light grey jacket and holding a sign with your name on it."
A thin, tall good looking man began waving at me ad summoned me towards him. He snatched the case from me and placed his hand lightly on the lower of my back.
"Miss Miller, I'm Sam please hurry this way."
"Oh thanks"
He held the door open for me and I dived in. As soon as the door closed it was quiet and I could hear the faint mumbles but nothing more. The ignition started and we began to make our way to the exit.
"James wanted me to tell you, you should text him when you're in the car."
"Alright."
I began to get annoyed, this man isn't my child minor and I don't need to inform James of my every move."
"I've landed."
An almost immediate response came back.
"Thank god, are you with Sam? Where are you going?"
"Er Sam where are we going.."
"Excuse me Miss Miller, I have a call coming through."
I pursed my lips together and moved backwards in my seat and began to stare out the window.
"Ok, we will be there in 20 minutes."
I began to rest my eyes and drift of to sleep. A soft hand began to move hair away from my face. As I awoke I smelt James's cologne and left forward. I didn't open my eyes I just buried my head into his chest while limply wrapping my arms around him.
"Sam please drive us to the doctors."
His arms lifter me up straight before re wrapping himself around me. He began to kiss my hair and cheeks and eventually lifted my face to him. I had let a few small tears fall but he wiped them away before kissing me hard.
"I'm sorry I've been such a blunt jerk today, I just."
"Dont. Its not want I need to hear right now. I don't really even know why I'm here or you accusing me of ruining your day."
The texts came flooding back to my memory and I let go of him. He was reluctant but then did, he reached for my hand which he tightly held and I was un responsive.
"Cecily, you need to understand. I have this new project and then hearing that and the prospect of a baby is.. well frankly it terrifies me and I wanted you to be with me and be safe with me not alone in LA wondering what to do."
"I have family there James. I know no one here and what do you want me to do, get the scan then just leave?"
"Of course not, unless you want that?"
I looked at him, shocked, I began to shake my head.
"Why am I here."
I bit my cheek and began to look outside.
"You're here because I need to be with you. This could change our lives and us forever. You realise that. I just don't think you're old enough to understand the implications this will have."
"Are you high or something James? Can you hear what utter shit is coming out of your mouth!"
I was angry and I could feel my blood boiling.
"What?"
"What the hell do you mean I'm not old enough to understand the fucking implications. Its a fucking baby James I know what they are. Its in me not you! Why are you acting like I'm just some girl you've knocked up and you're trying to brush under the carpet."
"Thats not it at all.."
"Then what is it?"
"Let me finish!"
"Fine go ahead. Speak your bullshit piece. We'll go to the doctor find out whether I'm pregnant if I am you'll freak and run away and if I'm not I'll go home and act like nothing has happened. I really thought you would be slightly happy about this. I thought you loved me."
"Cecily stop just listen. I would be over the moon if you were pregnant. I mean our future plans would be rushed and we'd have a real commitment but its not to say I don't want it. I am nervous I don't know how to feel. I just think its so.."
"Sudden?"
"Yeh sudden."
"Well sorry about that but maybe we shouldn't have fucked when you were drunk obviously. Mistakes tend to be made when you're drunk."
"Thats not fair."
"It isn't? Then why am I here? You should have come back to me, you should have said I love you and comforted me not just hang up on me and force me out here."
"IS that what you honestly..."
"Sorry, Mr Franco we are here."
"Fine. Wait here Sam."
He reached for my hand but I pulled free.
"STOP."
I looked at him startled.
"Cecily I love you and whatever happens I will support you and I'm sorry I really haven't handled this week and thats my fault. I'm sorry. I love you so much."
"It's ok. I just want you to realise this is hard for me as well. Whatever happens we will figure something out."
"You're right. I love you."
He reached for my hand and I returned it.