I woke up the next day after I found out. I held the sheets closed to me taking deep breaths. I hadn't eaten since early in the morning yesterday. I was hungry and tired, but the only thing I felt was the pain. The pain I could never have a baby shower. The pain that I would have any thing that came with a child.
"Iris," he said. I felt the bed move and him sit up.
"What am I going to do," I cried.
He turned me around, "adopt, theirs plenty of amazing kid out their. Waiting for an amazing mother like you."
I smiled, suddenly I felt a shock. My heart lurched, their was a pain in my jaw, my next, even the tips of my fingures.
"Alec, my pace maker. I having a heart attack," I screamed.
He grabbed his phone off the bed and dialed 911.
"My wife I having a heart attack," he yelled.
I felt the room spin and turn dark.
"Don't leave me," he screamed.
It was over, the lights were out.
"She's waking up," I heard a nurse yell.
I say a bright white light and nurses rushing around me. Poking me with needle and all sorts of things.
"Alec," I wispered. In the rush of things. I still couldn't see anything only a. white haze and figures was all I saw.
I saw a glimpse of Alec, they were rushing me somewhere. I saw the number of rooms passing and then doors open.
"Get her on the opporation table," one yelled.
They lifted me onto a cold table, I saw a mask go over me.
"Just breath normally it would all be over when you wake up. Think of something beautiful...," his voice faded along with all the comotion.
I was calm for some reason. I saw the lake, the one in fairmont, it's green water waving. The ducks ruffling their feathers in the water.
I saw the image fade and I woke up alone in a room, Alec was holding my hand. I felt a numb felling over where my heart would be.
"What happend," I asked.
"The pace maker malfunctioned, shocked all the wrong places. They recalled them,alot of people getting replacements. Your incident saved alot of lives. You have to stop doing this to me."
I reached for my face and knew exactly what was down my noes.
"Why do I have a feeding tube?"
"Someone hasn't been eating, you've been out for almost a week they had no choice."
"I think it's happening already," I said. "The Anorexia, I know it's coming back."
"We'll have to fight it. Harder than ever," he said pushing my hair out of my face.
"I don't know if I'll be able to fight it this time, after it all."
"You'll make it. I know who I married, she never gives up."
Lila.
"Oh my God, Oh my god," I said looking down at the positive pregnancy test.
I rubbed my face, I picked up my phone and called him.
Voice mail, " James, please call me when you get this, it's an emergency."
I paced back and forth slapping the pregnancy test on my hand.
My door bell rang, 'James', I thought immediately.
I left the test on the counter and rushed to open the door.
"Alec,where's Iris has something thing happened."
"She's at the hospital, she needs you."
A wave of panic rushed over me, "is she ok?"
"She's stable and awake, she just wanted me to get you in person."
I grabbed my phone and keys,"Let's go," I said taking my bag.
Iris
Lila came rushing in, she looked like hell. Not her normal self.
"Iris," she said coming by my bed. "You need to stop doing this to us. What is its the third time-"
"This time i'm not coming out for a while," I said interrupting her. "Lila are you pregnant," I asked.
She looked stucken, "how did you-"
"I saw it, when they put me under," I looked to Alec, he took my hand. "What ever happens I need you to keep going. Go to work tomorrow, take over my channel-"
"Your not leaving me Iris-"
"I'm Givin it all," I said gripping his hand firmly. "I'm not going any where."
"All of you go home, go on with your lives. I'll be hear fighting."
"It's not getting me this time."
Alec kissed me and got up to leave,"I'm coming back tomorrow," he yelled.
"I know you are," I looked to Lila. "Are you keeping it?"
"No, I can't every one knows. I'll fuck it up so fast, you want it," she asked bitting her nails.
"No, it'll help you. Make you grow up, snap you out of the sex addiction you have. Make you stop sleeping with just anyone."
"I'm sorry Iris, I really am, please forgive me," she pleaded.
"It's not my forgiveness you need. You will raise this baby to be every good thing your not. Strong, independent, and that will be your forgiveness. You'll be not only the women but the mother I know you could be. Now leave, don't come back till you've made your decision. Grow up or die trying."
She got up and left.
Dish after dish I tried. My body screamed no but my soul screamed yes. I was able to take a few bits of one dish then forcefully through it up.
"It's progres," the nurse said cleaning me up.
"Why do they tube me so fast? It hasn't even been a week."
"Because we know how you are. Your here for a reason a heart or a statve."
She got up and smoothed out her uniform. "Any thing else I could get you."
"A one way ticket out of here," I said my voice dripping with sarcasm.
"Nice, I'll check on you in a while."
"Bye Linda," I said leaning back in my bed.
I was tired, I closed my eyes. I dreamt of what my life would be like. A child in my arms, their first laugh, first steeps, first fall. Summer days spent splashing in the water.
I woke up with Linda beside me.
"Bad dreams," she said whipping my tears away.
"No, a dream I wish was a reality."
She smiled, "so don't get mad but Alec had us run some test on your uterus. It wasn't the Anorexia, you were born like that. Your reproductive system didn't fully develope, along with your heart. Iris none of this i"ims your fault."
I felt the hot tears run down my face.
"Every thing that could possibly happen to me. That happend to me was all by chance."
"I'm so sorry, you were the last person to ever deserve this."
I let go and pushed my hair out of my face. "For every good thing, their is a bad in return."
I fell asleep, being able to eat an entire sandwich I felt acomplished. I woke up with Alec right next to me his hair was all messed up and he hadn't shaved. His eyes were red with serious bags under them.
"Hey," I said.
He looked up and rushed to kiss me.
"They said if you keep it up like you did yesterday you'll be out in a matter of week."
"I know, I'm not worried about me. You look like you went through hell."
"I sure dam feel like it," he went to his knees and held my hand. "Iris, I don't know what to do," he cried. "I don't ant to lose you"
"Hey, hey," I said lifting his chin. I searched his eyes. "This may be one of the worst but I've been in darker places. I'm still here right."
He put his hands to my face and cried. "I don't know why I'm even crying. Your the one in here and I haven't seen you shead a tear."
"Because there's no time for self loathing. My priority right now is getting better."
"It's your bithday Iris," he paused."Don't you remember."
"It's is," I asked. I reached for my phone that was resting on the bed table. I clicked it awake and looked. It was my bithday, May the third.
"It's just a date Alec, I'll have plenty more through out my life, I promise you that. By your bithday I'll promise to be their one hundred and twenty pounds."
"Iris your barley ninety. How are you going to gain thirty pounds in a month."
"I'll figure it out," I said.
"I'll eat pig lard every day if that's what it takes."
I felt his laugh.
"I love you so much."
I put my hands though his hair and kissed him. We were both breathing quietly, our for heads pressed aginst each others. My eyes were closed and his hands crept up my back lifting the hospital gown. I started unbuttoning his shirt.His hands touching each bone in my spin, I felt him take a breath befor he kissed me. I pressed into him, his chest between my thighs.
I heard the door click and I pulled away giving him a little shove. He looked up and I flicked my eyes to the curtin behind me.
"Iris," Frank said. "Nice to see you awake. For once."
His eyes flicked to Alec, who's hair was more messed up. As well as his shirt unbuttoned a few time.
He smiled and waved at Frank befor regretting it and looking down.
"Did I interupt someting?"
Alec was about to say no when I opened my mouth.
"We were about to have sex Frank. I've been alone in this hospital for a pretty long time. And no longer being a virgin, I build this crave for a bit of physical activity."
They were both looking at me shocked. "I'll go then," Frank said leaving the room and locking the door.
"That was unessesary," Alec saic.
"Oh, shut up," I said and pulled him close to me. He took of his Jacket and starting pulling the strings from my gown. It feel and now I was only in my bra and under wear. He kissed me and breathed into me. I practical tore his shirt off leaving him in jeans. I fisted his hair and let my hair lose. He came on top of me and I started pulling of his pants. He then did it for him self and was now wearing nothing. His hand then slowly crept up, feeling every shape and curve of my body.
I closed my eyes...
Being only ninety pounds, life it one big nap. I woke up next to Alec he of which was now fully dressed. I was again in my night gown. I was freezing in it.
"Hey," I said,he looked up from his phone.
"Go home and bring me all of my winter clothes."
"All, of the," he said in shock.
"Yes, I'm freezing. I never felt this cold."
"Okay," he got up and kissed my for head. I heard the door click behind me.
Around a half an hour after he left, Linda came in with a tray of food.
"I have some soup. It had like massed veggies so I was thinking we could like stay away from foods that involve chewing. So their this good for us. We could do jello, and a fat filled pudding. We could also do juice oh that's a good idea-"
"I can't eat right now."
"Why, honey. What's wrong."
I ran to the bathroom, pushed my toungh down and thew up. She chased after me pulled my hand away from my face. I clawed at her as she pinned me down. A team of other nurses came and and pinned me down I tried to struggle free when I felt somthing sharp go into my thigh.
I felt a wave rush over me as I feel asleep.
Lila
"Turn green, it's been like an hour," I complained.
I was on my way to help Alec put and entire two seasons of clothes into a car. And after seeing Iris closet for my self, I knew the challenge.
"Fuck it," I said and speed across the red light.
I didn't even see it. The car hit me, I felt my body go limp. The screaming pain in my lower back.
The car flipped over glass shattered into my face. It happend so fast that
I felt the world go dark.
Suddenly their was a sudden flash of light. I head a rush of voices.
"SHE'S STILL ALIVE," someone yelled.
I felt arms slip around me.
Never have I ever noticed how beautiful a fire could be.
My arms were dangling as I was put on a stretcher and into the ambulance.
"Your gonna a be okay," he said looking down on me.
The sirens blared. I was stuck with needles and had an oxygen mask placed over my head.
It was quite...
Iris...
The light flashed in my eyes as I woke from being put under. I tried to sit up but I immediately regretted it as I fell back, dizzly.
I felt for the nurse call button next to me and hit the button.
My head was pounding, there was a tingle all over my body. I could hardly feel my toes. I felt somthing on my face and felt the feeding tube. I had just gotten rid of it and here it is agian, uncomfortably stuck down my noes.
The door clicked, Linda came in, cup in hand.
"Here," she said handing me the blue cup.
"I'm not leaving till you finish. From now on, I will not leave till you finish your food. During the time no connection to the outside world what so ever that means. No phone, labtop, camera, and even visitors."
"Linda, you can't-," I began but she cut me off.
"Watch me," she said sturnly pushing the cup to my lips.
"I have to take the tube out first."
"I got it," she said reaching for it.
I closed my eyes and held my breath as she took the tube painfully for my body. Technically I could still have it it but it bugged me so much I preferred not to. I remember when I requested it this way from the beginning I was looked at crazily. Since then I bared the pain each time. I felt it was worth it.
The tube was out now, I took a few breaths befor taking a huge gulp of the smoothie. I struggled at first to keep it down but I was able to somehow withstand it.
"Could I have a straw, please?"
She gave me a look, "I would but that requires me leaving so no, you can't."
I took a few more breaths and felt the thick liquid go down my throat. I closed my eyes and endured the feeling. I felt discusting, every part of me was screaming, no.
I finnally no longer felt the cold liquid on my lips, forcing it's way in. I pulled the cup away and looked, I could see through it.
"I did it," I wispered.
I stood up on my bed and looked down on her.
"I DID IT," I yelled. Jumping up and down on the bed.
She looked at the cup and then me and smiled.
"Get off the bed," she yelled.
I jumped befor landing in my butt. I looked to her and she took my hands.
"I think we just had a break through. Keep this up and you'll be out in a month," she looked to the secound try on the bed side table. "I'll talk to Frank about keeping that tube out."
"Are you serious? Oh my Good that would be amazing," I exclaimed.
"Well it's not a guarantee. Preform what you did the other hour and it's back to where you started."
"Yeah," I said looking down. "I got it."
She left the room and I was so happy I banged on the bed and ruffled up the sheets.
Lila
I felt the ambulance rush and the sirens blare. Their were so many voices it was hard to belive their was only three people. The tubes and so many other things were running though me.
"She's loosing blood," a women yelled.
I fought to stay awake, I felt lost, my head swirled.
The ambulance suddenly stopped, the doors few open. They shoved the strecher out and I flew through another pair of doors.
"Get her to an operating table!"
More doors, my clothes were cut off as I was place on the operating table.
Every one was rushing.
A mask went over me, I saw a face of a man. A beautiful man befor I fell asleep.
Alec
"What's taking her so long," I said to myself shoving more clothes I to a bag.
My phone rang, I instantly thought of Iris. I jumped over the bags and fumbled to answer my phone.
"Hello?"
"Alec, they said I could come home in a month," she said.
"Really, that's great. I know Mike and Ike miss you."
"I miss them too. I was able to get my feeding tube out. I did something I regret and it's making none of this guaranteed."
"What happend," I asked going back to stuffing my bag,
"I threw up."
"Well it wasn't your fault...was it?"
The call went silent and I felt a rush of disapointment go over me.
"Iris, how could you?"
"I don't know what came over me."
"Okay, I have five bags packed I'll get the rest tomorrow. For now I'm coming to visit you."
I hung up and threw the bags over my shoulders. Befor I left I texted Lila to come to the hospital and help."
Iris
This was the climax of it all. If my life was a story this would be it. I'm in my worst, I'm not getting out of my hell for a while. I'm dieng, my best friend is dieing. My husband is going to be alone, he's probably wondering the same thing. What he would do after my death. It would pretty much be my suicide, I would go to sleep and never wake up. I could see it now Alec by my bed side, holding my hand while crying.
Did he see this coming? What he was getting into; marring a dieing person. I guess it's like Tessa and Jem, from "The Infural Devices."
Tessa still loved and wanted to marry Jem every though he was dieing. Except Alec is a man and I hope he isn't in love with someone else under a false curse.
The door clicked open I turned expecting Alec but it was Linda.
"The surgery was successful. She's stable but still not awake," she said sitting in my bed pushing my hair behind my ears.
"And the baby," I asked .
"It was a good thing you knew. The surgeon was able to save it. They're both okay."
I took a breath, the door clicked and Alec came in. Linda turned to see him befor leaving.
He sat down in the chair in frount of me. He put his hand on my lap and looked up at my face. My head was hanging down;he looked up trying to catch my eyes.
"I love you, and you'll get through this."
"I'm dieing-"
"No you're not. You are strong and you are alive. Do you feel my hands in yours, the air fill you lungs, hear the sound of my voice. You are alive, and you will stay alive. I'm gonna get you out of here, this place is killing you more than helping. We're gonna go downtown to that farmer market you love. The art museum,watch a movie, feed ducks, get some cupcakes and pizza. How the hell are you supposed to recover in hell?"
"Frank would never let me-"
"Fuck Frank. He doesn't know shit, you can't keep a depressed patient in a depressed environment. Where the hell is that bastard?"
He stormed out into the hall. I tried to catch up but I was too weak, I fell and a pain flew up my arm. I heard Alec yell.
"Where the hell is Frank!"
I crawled to the door and pushed it open enough to see what was happening.
"I'm over here," I saw Frank come out of a patient's room and adress Alec.
Alec grabbed him by his coat. "You can not keep my wife here and drug her like and animal. I see the shit you give her, you tried removing it befor I came but the shit didn't last long."
"That bitch deserves to die," Frank said holding Alec's shirt. "She treated me like shit from day one. EVERY ONE DID. I'm gonna kill every patient. EVERYONE THAT SAID I COULDN'T DO IT. Haven't you've seen what i've been giving her. I'm the reason she's like this."
He pulled a scaple from his coat and slashed Alec cheek.
Alec pulled away, I saw nurse scream as Frank drove the blade into a nurses throat.
Three guys tackled Frank pinning him down. Linda ran into a room and came rushing out with a needle and a bottle. Her hands were shaking as she tried to shove the needle into the bottle. Alec tore them from her hands and did it himself. He ran across the hall and shoved the needle into Frank's arm. It worked in secound his arm slowing down and his eyes closing into a deep sleep. A few doctors rushed down from the hall. They lifted him onto a bed and had his arms pinned down with soft cuffs. The police came in right after trying to talk to anyone that saw. Linda rushed to talk to them keeping them out of my room so I can calm down . I was still in the floor not feeling anything until I did. The pain shot up my arms and it felt as if i had a sword stuck in my arm, as it moved slowly separating my bones and flesh.
"Help," I yelled. The pain was excruciating, I couldn't get up.
Linda and Alec rushed to help me up. Alec picked my up and lifted me off my arm. I screamed as he put me onto the bed, Linda took my arm and pushed the bones a lined. I screamed in pain as Alec pinned me down.
"Alec go into med supply and get me some pain killer in drip. You know the one."
Alec nodded and reached across the bed to take Linda's badge.
"74982," she yelled as Alec jogged out the room.
"It's okay hun every thing is going to be okay."
I never took a real good look at Linda. She dyed her hair a darker red, her face was round and her eyes were like brown sugar. Expect full of worry and loss.
I felt like I couldn't breath it hurt so bad. Alec hooked the bag onto the hook and pushed the needle into my vain. My arm fell numb and I wanted to go to sleep.
Linda adjusted my bed to where I sat up I couldn't fight it. I felt so drowsy I fell asleep as Alec pushed my hair out of my face and whispered.
"It's all gonna be okay, your going home."