I Won't Let You Go by James Morrison
Leave by Stray Kids
Waking up to an intense pain in my side, I know I'm in trouble. Barely able to move, I try to grab my phone, but it falls. I know there is no way I'm going to be able to bend over to get it. All I can think is that I have to get to one of the kids. The pain suddenly becomes so severe, it takes my breath away. One foot in front of the other, I get to the end of my bed and collapse. My last thoughts are of my children and my lovers floating through my head. The darkness takesme under.
Hearing something crash as I was getting ready for work, I look out of my room. Going over to Don's, I look in to see him look up.
"Did you drop or knock something over bro?"
"Dude, I was coming in here to ask you that."
Looking at each other, we both say mama at the same time. Running out, we throw open her door and see her collapsed on the floor. A table close by, knocked over. I realize that is what we heard.
"MAMA!!!???"
"Mama, what's wrong? Mama, wake up! Shit, go grab the guys and call the emergency number! Don, GO!!!!"
I hear him yelling down the hallway that Lynn has collapsed as I sit down and roll my mother over. All I can do is hold my mama's hand in my lap. She's not responding to me. Her breathing is shallow and she is so pale. But at least her heart is beating and she is breathing.
"Mama, hold on. Please hold on. You have so much left to do. You're getting married again soon. You have to be around for Don and I. Mama, can you hear me? Please wake up!"
I look up as Changbin comes running in. One look at Lynn on the floor and he collapses next to her. I can hear the rest of the guys running this way, but I can't take my eyes off the absolute terror in Changbin's face. I watch as he shakily takes her other hand in his. His fear is palpable, equal to my own.
"Lynn, my love. Honey, you have-have to wake up for me. Don, Tony, me and the guys, we need you love. Please wake up. Lynn? Can you hear me? Wake up baby, wake up."
There is desperation in my voice. I can't lose her. I can't. Why isn't she responding? I glance around at the guys, their own fear echoing back at me. Hyunjin collapses on the floor next to me, wrapping his hand around mine and Lynn's. Tears are pouring down all our faces.
"Chris, why isn't she waking up? Why? What's wrong? Where the fuck is the ambulance?"
"I-I don't know Bin, but the ambulance is nearly here. Security is waiting to bring them up. Ok?"
Just then, we hear the elevators open. Felix reaches down and pulls Hyunjin out of the way as Chris helps Changbin. Jeongin helps me as Seungmin is wrapping his arms around Don. They get mama on the gurney and tells us what hospital they are going to. Tony and Don going with her, while the rest of us will meet them there.
Calling PD-nim, I let him know what is going on. We were supposed to have an interview that morning. He tells us to not worry, that he will meet us at the hospital. Gathering into the van, we take off, thankful that one of our security team is driving. There is no way any of us could have. At least not safely.
Security screams at us to wait as we all jump out of the van, but fuck that. Running in, we demand to know where Lynn has been taken. Just then, Don and Tony step out of a private waiting room, motioning for us.
PD-nim shows up an hour later with coffees and donuts for everyone. "Boys, I know you may not be hungry, but eat something. She is going to need you strong for when she gets out. Don, Tony, what can I do for you two?"
"Sir, right now, pray. That's all that can be done. We haven't heard anything and I...I'm scared." There I said it. I reach over and take Tony's hands in mine. Seungmin and Jeongin sit on either side of us, holding us. I look over at Changbin, his own fear mirroring mine. Looking around, I see all their faces. This can't be the end. It can't be.
Hours have gone by. Still, no doctors have come out. All we've been told is she had to go in for an emergency surgery, that's it. We don't know why, which makes it even worse for all of us. Finally, the door opens and in steps a doctor.
"Ho-how is our mom?"
"I need to speak to the family privately."
"No. Anything you have to say you will say in front of all of us. We are all family, in one way or another. No one is leaving this room. Understood?"
I've never seen Don look so fucking pissed. The doctor's gaze finally looks around at who is actually in the room with a shock.
JYP steps forward. "The woman is family. Period. We will not be leaving. And if anyone leaks the fact we are here, I will own this hospital. Now speak."
"Oh. Um, yes sir Mr. Park. I understand." Taking a deep breath, he turns to Don and Tony.
"You mom had an infection in one of her incisions. Has she been more tired, not eating as much, things like that?"
"Yeah, for like the past week, maybe longer. A few times it looked like she had a pain, but she wouldn't tell us anything. Her nurse has been out the past week due to a family emergency. She was due to go see her doctor tomorrow."
"I'm not going to beat around the bush. She's in critcial condition right now. We had to open her up to get all the infection out. Did she recently fall? There was a bruise on the side of the infection. We think that is what made it burst inward."
"S-she tripped last night and hit her side hard on the counter. Doc, is she going to be ok?" Changbin is barely breathing.
"Truthfully, I'm surprised she made it here alive. Right now, I'm not sure. The infection hit hard and fast and has infected her blood as well. If I were you, I'd start praying and pleading. The next 24 hours, well, we'll see. We've done everything we can. Now, she has to be the one to fight."
At that, Changbin collapses on the ground, along with Don and Tony. The three are inconsolable in their grief and fear.
"Doc, can we go see her? We ne-need to s-see her. Please." Chris collapses next to Changbin on the floor, as each of the others also slide onto the floor and start holding each other. The fear is radiating off each of them as their tears course down their faces.
"I don't think.."
"Doctor, may I speak to you, in private?" JYP stands up, guiding the doctor through the doors.
A few minutes later the door opens, with the doctor looking absolutely flabbergasted. Stepping in, he takes a moment to look at the them. Truly seeing them in a new light. He'd never heard of such a thing, though he fully believed in soulmates. He could feel and see the fear they held. These men, and her kids, are terrified to lose her. Now, now he understands it. Right then and there he decides to break some rules.
"Two at a time may come back. I will allow her kids and fiancé to stay with her tonight. Normally, this would not happen. But under the circumstances, I'll allow it. She has been moved in to a larger room and has her own nursing staff. You can thank Mr. Park for that. He wanted me to tell you he will be right back. Tony, Don, come with me."
Standing up, the guys sit back in the chairs, holding each other. Hyunjin grabs Changbin, sitting on the sofa that is in the room.
"Jin, I c-can't l-l-lose her. We can't lose her. Sh-she has to b-be ok. Right? She's go-going to be ok, right?"
Suddenly it's like a dam broke and the tears pour down his face as he sobs into Hyunjin's shoulder. Hyunjin looks over to Chris and Felix, his heart breaking in two. They can't lose her. She has to fight this. She has to!
Over the next few hours, they each take turns, two at a time. Finally, it is Changbin and Hyunjin's turn. Walking down the hall, the hold each other. They've seen the others faces. Each has come back white as a sheet, shaking. Stopping at the door, they face each other and hug, knowing what they are going to see is going to shake them to their very cores.
Opening the door, Changbin nearly collapses. Laying before them, Lynn is lying in the hospital bed, tubes everywhere. The doctor had explained she was currently in a medically induced coma, to hopefully help with healing. The only sound is the sound of the machine breathing for her and the beeps of the other machines. She is so pale and laying so still.
They walk hand in hand to her bedside, where two chairs are pulled up already. Taking turns bending down and hissing her forehead, they sit. The doctor had told them to talk to her. They believe she can hear them subconsciously.
"Oh Lynn, my love. Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell your kids? Baby, we can't do this life without you. You have to fight. You have to!" Laying his head next to her arm, Changbin softly weeps.
"Lynn, honey, I'm so sorry. I-I...did I do this love? Did us making love so much make it worse? I'm so sorry baby! Please, please come back to us. I'll let you kick my ass when you wake up. But you have to wake up, now. You have to fight!"
"Jin, it wasn't you. She's stubborn. I think this infection has been going on longer than we realize. I keep thinking of the times I saw her wince, suck in a breath, et cetra. We have to stay positive, for her."
"Lynn, sweetie, you have to come back to Hyunjin and I. You and I are getting married. You and Jin finally are getting much needed time alone. You-you can't stay away from us. Your kids, the rest of the guys, we need you baby girl. You have to fight. We are going to fight too. We'll be right here, ok? Please, honey, wake up for us, please." Tears pour down his and Hyunjin's faces as the sit holding her hand together.
All too soon, the nurses tell Hyunjin it is time for him to leave. As he stands, Changbin jumps up, grabbing him for a hug.
"I love you Jinnie. Thank you for being here with me. I'm scared Jin, so scared. But I have to fight. We have to fight, for her. I'll call you if there is any change. I promise. Please, tell the guys to get some sleep. We've got to be strong, not only for Lynn, but for Don, Tony and each other. Ok?"
"I'm scared too Bin. Really fucking scared. We-we can't lose her. No, we aren't going to lose her. You heard PD-nim. He's got the best doctors already on her case. I'll be back in the morning. I'll send Tony and Don in. I love you Jagiya." Kissing Changbin, I lean over and kiss Lynn once more before I walk out. I can't hold the tears back as I walk to the waiting room.
All the guys are still there, waiting for me. As soon as they see me, I'm surrounded. Tony and Don hug me to them, tightly.
"Jin, brother, it's ok. All of you listen to us. Our mom is a fighter. We have to be strong and fight too. We're praying. Right now, it's all we can do. Go home. Get as much sleep as you can. We will be your support and you will be ours. We have to believe she will be ok. We love you each so very much."
"I second everything Don said. Our mom is strong. She is so damn strong. She can and will make it. We just have to be there with her along the way. I'm not saying this is going to be easy. Neither of us are. But we sure as hell don't give up. Got it?"
Hyunjin and Jeongin grab the two of them, pulling them in tightly for a massive hug. Surrounded by their new brothers, they feel the strength, love and support. It is exactly what they needed. Saying good night, they watch the guys walk out, holding on to one another.
Turning around, they slowly walk toward Lynn's room. They know this is going to be one of the toughest nights of their lives. They aren't alone though. Changbin is there, right there with them.
Changbin looks up as Don and Tony walk in. He looks at them, unable to move from where he is sitting. Mentally, physically, emotionally, he is exhausted. They stop next to him, squatting down to hug him.
"We're here Binnie. We fight together for her. Ok? We aren't going anywhere."
We all somehow find sleep that night, with the sounds of the machines in the background. It wasn't so bad.
Until it was.
The blaring of the alarms woke us up. Changbin jumps up as doctors and nurses come running into the room.
"What's happening? What's going on?" One of the nurses turns around, looking at us with sad eyes.
"She's crashing. Her heart has stopped." My heart plummets. I look at Don and Tony. I don't know what to do!
The doctor starts yelling out instructions. It's chaos and absolutely terrifying.
"Get those compressions going! Nurse, get the crash cart ready!"
"You need to move! It's be best if you leave the room."
"We aren't going anywhere!" Don glares at the doctor. He and Tony are not leaving their mom. Not now.
"Suit yourself."
Changbin moves back, till he is flanked by Don and Tony. They stand in terror, watching a nurse compress Lynn's chest. Another nurse rolls in with a cart. Don knows exactly what is going to happen.
"Binnie, brother, you may not want to see this."
"I have to Don. They're going to shock her, aren't they?" All I can do is nod yes.
We watch as they shock her.
It doesn't work.
Again, they shock her heart. We wait.
A third time, we watch Lynn's body lift off the table. For a moment, it looked like her whole body was levitating till it slammed down.
We stand there, waiting, watching the machine. Hoping and praying we will hear the beep. It feels like hours, though it's not even close to that. Time seems to stand still as the doctor slowly turns toward us, his face full of sorrow.
"NO! NOOOOOO!"