How to take revenge on an Asshole (Especially if you have his room, full of his things, to yourself for the whole night):
1. Fill the bathtub with water, ice-cold if possible.
2. Take all his boxer briefs, pants, shorts, slacks and every other thing that he could possibly wear below waist and put them in the bathtub.
3. Add his shaving cream, hair gel, and even the freakishly and suspiciously found moisturizer that was hidden in his drawer, onto the floating clothes.
4. Let them chill all together for the night.
And for spicing things up a notch:
5. Look for every porn movie or magazine he keeps and destroy them.
6. Rip open every single condom he has in the room and throw them on the floor next to the torn-out magazine papers and broken CDs. Who the fuck uses CDs anymore anyway?
And that's how it's done.
"Alright, Nana. You got it. Yes, he's still sleeping. It's fine, I'll call Dana and sort it out with her. Alright, I'll see you then. Love you!" Yawning, I touch the screen, ending the call, then throw myself back on the big fat bed that belongs Danny Donovan. I seriously need a second to appreciate this bed because last time I spent the night here I was too nervous. It smells like him and I feel like gluing myself to it permanently.
Speak of the Devil and he shall appear, though.
"Hannah? Kitten, are you up yet?" A quiet knock on the door makes me smile. No, sir, I'm not. Now go back to my room and take your shower there. Come on now.
And then I hear his footsteps walking away. Thank you very much.
I sit up straight and take a look at the messed up room proudly. Torn models everywhere, condoms lying sadly next to them, me smiling. Now all I need is to go back to sleep until he decides to wake me up after his shower.
Yawning once more, I lie down on the amazing bed of his and stir, ignoring that his shirt slids up to my stomach, leaving my panties on show. Good thing I locked the door.
"Hannah? Hannah, come on, wake up, it's almost evening!" Danny knocks loudly on the door, pulling me away from the only time that I I don't have to see his face. Looking at the clock on the wall, I find the time to be not even twelve in the afternoon yet. What can I say? Asshole.
"Fine, I'm up!" I fake a pissed growl yet jump out of bed. Who are we kidding? I can't wait to see his reaction when he sees the room. Better yet his bathroom.
"Come on, open up. I need my room." He nags some more as I reach the door.
"Yeah? Well, no one told you to take mine." I grumble, pulling the door open and seeing one handsomely wet and wrapped in a towel Daniel. The towel is hanging dangerously low and I'm ashamed to say that I want to lick the water drops off his abs. One by one.
Bad Hannah needs to freshen up the downtown. Or poke her eyes out.
I'm too busy checking his glory out to not notice him doing the same. I'd say me in nothing but his shirts is a fine sight for him. I can proudly say that he's enjoying the show as much as I'menjoying mine, because I swear he licks his lips and swallows the water in his mouth as his eyes move up and down my figure more times than I keep count of.
Breaking the moment, I step aside to let him have the room all to himself and smirk when his eyes land inside.
"Just remember it's payback." I turn towards my room, hearing what sounds like a whimper out of him a second after.
"Not my condoms!" He whines and I scoff. It's not like he'd be using them any time soon! Hello, Fiancé here!
I slam the door shut after me and hurry to my bathroom where he took his shower. Cunching my nose, I slowly pick his boxers and pants with my fingertips and throw them in the sink then open the tab. There. All set.
I run to my bed and lie down with my hands under my head and an ankle above the other. He'll snap soon, just give him a minute. Now he must be weeping over his stack of porn. Now he should be opening his closet.
"Hannah, where are my fucking clothes? Did you jerk off to my boxers as well?" His smug stupid voice makes me ball my fists. He's not getting to me. He's not getting to me.
Now he's probably looking over the bedroom thinking, "Where would she hide my clothes?" Now he must be looking under the bed, I know how his stupid brain works. Now the bathroom.
One. Two, wait for it. Three.
"Hannah! Holy fuck! Shit, What the fuck?! No! Motherfuc--" and my door slams open. I smile.
"Wh.. F.. Ha.. Seriously?! Fucking seriously, Hannah?!" He wails his arms around like a mad woman.
"I can see you're angry." I smirk sweetly.
"Are you fucking insane?!" His voice is loud and I love it. I can't help but laugh at how red his face is. I need a picture of this.
"Yeah, you think this is funny? Wait, and we'll see who's gonna be laughing at the end! I'll show you!" He sure as hell sounds angrier when he heads to my bathroom and sees the sink, based on that insanely scary wolfish growl the erupts through the room. Damn, that was hotter than I expected.
"You're fucking kidding me. What the fuck am I supposed to wear now?!" He stands at the foot of my bed and glares.
"Uhm. Let's see. I don't care." I blink teasingly.
"Well, I sure hope you don't care about me walking around naked either. Because I'm gonna." It's his turn to smirk.
Did he really think that would work? Actually it would have if I didn't have a back up plan.
"Honey, walk naked all you want. Though, I'd highly appreciate it if you do the explaining to Nana, your mother, Dana and pretty much everyone else who stops and stares." I stand up and walk over to him. He frowns.
"Oh, did I forget to mention that Nana called? She said the engagement party is happening tonight. Apparently she had already informed my parents, indirectly thank god, and the closest of her closest friends. She says some event planners and people like that are coming around four to prepare everything, so this room needs to be empty and clean and my shit needs to be next to your shit by then. Oh, and Dana is taking me shopping for a dress at one. Want me to get a specific color?" I bat my eyelashes.
Clenching his fists tight enough for his knuckles to turn white, Danny grunts in annoyance.
"Aw don't pout, Danny! You can come along and pick my dress yourself." I blow him a kiss.
"You're buying me a fucking suit for this! And boxers." He bits out, turning around to leave.
"Uh, not in that tone, I'm not."
"Hannah." He stops to warn.
"Danny. You need to be nicer to me. I'm your future wife, sweetheart. And tonight you need to treat me like a princess, especially in front of my paren-- Shit." My eyes widen so much at the realization, I think they fall out of their sockets.
"Shit what? What is it?" He frowns as I quickly jump off the bed.
"My parents are meeting your family tonight." I walk over to the middle of the room where he is standing. How haven't I thought of this earlier?! Not again.
"So? That should be a good thing." He shrugs.
"So? Don't you remember that what we told my family was different than what we told yours? We told my parents that I was going to stay in a motel but you didn't want me to so you brought me here." I panic.
"But we told mine that you followed me here because you had no where to go and I let you stay. That's the twist we talked about. Shit." He finishes, running a hand through his damp hair.
"What are we gonna do? We can't prevent them from talking to each other." I sit at the foot of the bed to think more clearly as he starts pacing. What a mess my life has become. God, I hate this.
"Okay, look, we can tell your parent that we lied to mine and told them the pther version of the story because..." He trails off.
"Why would we tell your family that instead of you being a gentleman to me, I was a freak? It doesn't make any sense for us to deliberately make me look like a creep in front of them." I shake my head with a groan.
"Then we'll tell my family that we lied to yours in order to make them love me. We'll tell them we didn't want to let them know that you followed a stranger to his house, so we told them that I couldn't let their daughter walk away un-sheltered and I invited you over. That way your father would like me more and it'd be easier to convince him to let me marry you. That makes sense. Right?" He stops in front of me so I stand up.
"Well, you're right, but.." I fiddle with my fingers uncertainly.
"But what?" He slightly frowns, leaning down a little to have a clearer view of my face since he's a giant.
"Your mother." I try to approach the subject as carefully as possible since I have no idea how he'll react. "Are you sure she'll keep that secret? I'm not implying that she's a snitch, I swear. It's just that, she doesn't like me very much. She doesn't want us to get married."
Danny's eyes darken and he clenches his jaw. "What did she say to you the other night, Hannah? In the restaurant."
I debate whether to lie. I decide to go with the truth because none of it is my fault. "Well, she practically called me a lying gold-digger who wants nothing but to slip you of your money. She said she's not going to let that happen and that I might have fooled you and everyone else but not her. She said she's onto me and she is going to make sure my plan fails."
He stares at me quietly and for some reason I can't bring my eyes up to meet his, because what a part of him actually believes that? What if he too now thinks I might have somehow planned this all along?
My voice is quiet and laced with worry as I go on. "If we tell her that we lied to my parents, I honestly think the first thing she'll do is tell them the truth. She'd do anything to stop this marriage from happening. And even if we don't tell her she still might make a comment or two to my parents about their freak of a daughter. I believe she'll do pretty much anything to protect you and the rest of her family."
After a couple of seconds, Danny shakes his head with a quiet curse. "You're scared. Come here." He pulls me in his arms and I rest my head on his bare shoulder and sigh.
He's here. He doesn't believe her. It'll be fine.
"She's not gonna touch one hair of your head, do you hear me? I won't let her hurt you, Hannah. And nothing she'll do or say will make us call this marriage off. Don't worry, okay?" He kisses my hair gently before pulling back and looking in my eyes with his grey mesmerizing ones.
"Okay?" He asks again, hands on my shoulders to make sure I don't look away.
"Okay." I smile at him softly. It's funny how we can go from being at each other's throats, to hugging and calming one another in a second.
"But still, what are we gonna do?" I need to know we have a plan.
"We can tell Nana and Dana that we lied to your parents like I told you, and tell them that we won't tell mother because she might spill it all to your folks. They're not blind, they can see she doesn't really think of you as a daughter in law. We'll tell them to make sure she stays away from your parents, or at least not say anything about that night. And I'll tell them to make sure she stays away from you too, for that matter. I don't want her to get to you." He caresses my cheek with his thumb and the gesture alone makes me want to shout out I DO right now instead of wait till the wedding.
"I won't let her get to me." I assure him softly with a smile that he reciprocates.
"Good girl." He praises and I die and go to heaven.
Bad Hannah needs to use the bathroom again.
"Let's move your things to my room before you get ready to go to the mall with my sister." He steps back and heads to the closet as I head to grab the empty suitcases. I drop them on the bed and zip them open.
"About the dress," Danny mumbles quietly as he discards a pile of clothes into the suitcase. "Red was quite breathtaking on you."
"Do you want me to get a red dress for tonight?" I can't hide the hint of excitement in my tone. I'm glad he can't hear my heart jumping in my chest.
"Yes." He says and his eyes twinkle with excitement to match mine. "I want you to wear red tonight."
"Alright." Why is it suddenly so hot in here? "I'll see what I can do."
Cringing again at my lack of flirtation skills, I decide to fix that. "Oh, and about your suit. I'll get it either really dark blue or dark grey. They'll both be drooling worthy on you, and I'm not even kidding."
"Glad you think so." His grin alone is worth fucking drooling for. I mirror his grin then we go back to work.
**********
"So he actually told you to get a red dress because you took his breath away last time?" Dana's grin is as wide as mine.
"Not in those exact words, but yeah, sort of." I nod, looking over the hundred red dresses in front of me.
"See? I told you so! God, I'm amazing!" She flaunts and I just giggle at her.
"That you are."
"That I am indeed. Now a new dres-" Her cellphone interrupts. She looks at the screen before grinning and accepting the call. "Hello, Bestie! You have no idea how much I miss you. I need you to wear an amazing dress and put that weird finacé of yours in a suit and come to my brother's place around 7. I'll send you the address. I know it's on such short notice but it's my brother's engagement party! Can you believe that? Yes, Dan is getting engaged. You need to be there with your man, Nana's orders! Besides, I need you to meet my soon-to-be-sister-in-law. She's amazing, you'll love her! I have to go now, but if you're not there at 7 I'll tell Nana. Love you!"
"Now, about your dress." She turns to me and I chuckle.
"How about this one? I think it looks elegant enough." I pull one out.
"Oh, my god! That's totally it! Dressing room, come on." She pushes me ahead.
Danny's POV..
"I still can't believe she actually did that." Nana gets into another fit of laughter. Can't blame her, neither do I. Hannah's insane.
"Enough, Nana. It's not even funny." I cross my arms.
"Oh, it so is. God, I love that girl. She knows how to keep you on your toes. Where was she all those years?" She smiles longingly.
"It doesn't matter. She's here now." For six months. For at least six months...
"But, everything? I mean, she didn't leave even a pair of jeans somewhere?" She laughes once more.
"Oh, come on." I groan.
"Look, they're here." She points at the door and I turn.
Why does Hannah look even more beautiful every time I see her? It's fucking magic. She's put me under a spell, dammit.
"Finally!" I stand up in my towel and walk over to them.
"Hey, babe." She stands on her tiptoes and pulls me down to give me a kiss on the cheek. I frown.
Are we gonna kiss on the cheeks forever when all I wanna do is grab her and maul the fuck out of her? I know this engagement is fake but Hannah's mine. I want her to be.
"Honey?" Her sweet voice grabs my attention.
"Please tell me you got the suit." I raise my eyebrows.
"What suit?" She frowns, resting the shopping bags on the floor.
"Hannah." I warn.
"Oh, my god! Shit! Oh, god, I totally forgot. Damn it!" She covers her face with both hands.
"You've gotta be kidding me! Seriously, Hannah?!" I groan loudly just before she starts laughing.
"Got you, sucker." She giggles.
"Really?" I glare at her cute grinning face. If she wasn't so fucking cute right now I would've given her a peice of my mind. She's driving me insane with those big blue eyes and full pouty lips. Don't even get me started on her fucking body because I'm in nothing but a goddamn towel right now.
"I'm sorry, you're just so cute when you're angry. I was having my fun. I got you dark grey, don't worry. You'll look dashing." She smiles and leans up to kiss me again.
I don't know how, and I don't know why, but I just find myself leaning in and tilting my head enough for her lips to meet with mine. Ever since that kiss at her parents' house, I've been dying to taste her lips again. And I don't fucking do well with control when it comes to a certain blonde goddess.
It takes her a fraction of a second to realize what I did and much to my surprise she doesn't pull back. She doesn't do anything at all actually. It's only a peck but it is unrushed and soft and damn worth it.
We pull back and just stare at each other's eyes without a word. Why do I feel like I'm losing my fucking head in this game? Dammit, I want her. And not just for my dick. I want her.
"Alright, alright. Come on, Han, we need to get you ready." My sister takes a hold of Hannah's arm and pulls her away from me. Hannah gives me a shy smile with that fucking delicious blush covering her cheeks and I have to remind myself to remain calm. "He looks like he's ready to pounce on you."
"Dana!" Hannah hisses, slapping my sister's arm as they walk up the stairs.
With a shake of my head and a smile on my face I turn to see my grandmother grinning like a creep. I roll my eyes. "Don't start, Nana."
"But I've never seen you like this before! You guy are so..."
Here we go again.
Hanna's POV..
Okay, fine, I'll push my pride aside and admit it! I love kissing Danny Donovan.
A little more than I should. I know the engagement is fake and all but can't I just pretend that I'm his? And by pretend I mean become? Pwease?
"Are you done? Do you need any help?" Dana's question makes me cringe at my thoughts. Bad Hannah. Bad Danny too, honestly.
"Yeah, I'm done. I just need you to zip me up." I get out of the bathroom and walk towards Dana who is already looking beautiful in her baby blue dress.
"Wow. You look amazing!" She gets behind me to pull the zipper. "And I love this color on you."
"I know, right? It's darker than the other one." I grin. "And you look absolutely gorgeous, Dana."
"Thank you." She smiles.
The dress I'm wearing is as red as Danny requested, but a dark shade. Like red wine. It fits like second skin, sticks to every curve on my body, down to my knees. Below that it gracefully flows to the floor with a short tail behind me. It's strapless with a sweetheart neckline the exact amount of cleavage I need to tease Danny all night. Bad Hannah needs an award. Not to mention, the make up I have on makes me forget why I hated applying it in the first place.
Simply I look like a lady that Danny would be proud to call his Fiancé. And that just puts a huge shit eating grin on my face. What is he doing to me? Would the L word sound so soon?
Don't answer that.
"Thank you, Dana. For everything." I give her a side hug.
"Oh, don't be silly. We're gonna be sisters soon." She squeaks and I take a deep breath as I check my appearance again in the mirror.
I think I'm shaking a little bit. I'm nervous as fuck. Where's Danny? What if he runs away? What if he doesn't run now and does at the wedding instead? He'd never leave me at the ulter, would he? Would I? No.
Fake or not, I'm doing this, even if I'm doing it for all the wrong reasons. I'm not gonna let his mother or anyone else scare me off. If he doesn't push me away himself, then we're stuck together. For six months. For Jack.
Hold up.
"Now, I need to text my best friend and see if she's here yet." Dana picks up her phone, unaware of my frozen state.
"Oh, my god!" I scream.
I forgot to call Jack! I can't believe this. I forgot to invite him! And Sarah too! Oh, my god, how did I forget that? What kind of a best friend am I? He's my cupid!
"What? 'Oh, my god' what?" Dana frowns, looking over me frantically, trying to spot the problem.
"Kitten? Are you ready yet? Everyone is here." Danny opens the door and freezes. His eyes move up and down my figure so painfully slowly that I wonder how inappropriate it would be to jump on him in front of his sister. "Damn."
"I need to find my cellphone. Right now." I say.
"Why? What's wrong?" Danny makes his way over to me and I want to swoon at how deliciously handsome he looks but I don't have the time.
"I didn't invite Jack. I can't believe I forgot." I put a hand on my forehead and squeeze my eyes shut.
"Wait, Jack? He's your best friend, right? The one who took you to the night club then helped you follow Dan here?" Dana blinks before nodding her head. "Which is a story that did not happen and to be not mentioned in front of your parents. Right."
"Speaking of your parents, they're downstairs. We need to go now." Danny is right, we were already late, but this is Jack we're talking about here.
"I need to call him. I can't do this without him." I shake my head, my voice smaller than I prefer it.
Danny clenches his jaw, his eyes instantly hard before he takes a deep breath.
"I think I've seen your cell on the kitchen counter. Let's go now and I promise we'll look for it." Danny says.
"Oh, look, my best friend is here! Why don't I go downstairs to greet her and get you your phone while I'm at it?" Dana puts her cellphone on the nearest table as she suggests.
"No, we're late. We'll come with you." Danny takes my hand in his before turning back to Dana. "Wait, what best friend?"
"My best friend Sarah. Don't you remember her?"
"Ooh, Sarah. How can I forget that one?" He smirks.
"Excuse me?" I pull my hand from his and cross my arms as I feel my heart clench. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"
"She's here with her fiancé, and so are you. God, what an ass. I'll give you guys a minute." Dana gives him a look of disgust and disapproval before exiting the room and shutting the door behind her.
"Did you fuck that one too?" I glare my hardest as he sighs and turns to face me.
"No, that's not what I meant. I'm sorry, okay? I shouldn't have said that." He cringes.
"Why do you always do that?" I shake my head at him. A part of me wants to shut up and keep pretending like I can't care less. But I can't do that even if I want to. "Why do you always find a way to make me feel like shit?"
He frowns at me as if he has no idea what I'm talking about. "I didn't fuck her, if that's what you're mad about, Hannah."
"I'm mad because I'm right here, standing right by your side, and you still can't stop lusting over women. At least have the decency to do it behind my back." I hate that I sound jealous. I hate that I am jealous. I hate that he has the power to make feel like I'm not good enough in a matter of seconds. And I hate that I gave him that power.
His eyes soften as they scan over my face before he shakes his head and takes a step closer to me. "I'm sorry. It was a stupid comment to make, and it doesn't mean shit."
He moves a hand to my chin and tilts my head up to look at him. His eyes seem to be screaming at me with a language I don't yet understand and I frown when he opens his mouth to say something but decides against it.
"I need to call Jack." I step out of his hold and run a hand through my hair carefully. His expression sharpens again before he takes a deel breath and nods.
"Okay, Hannah. Let's go find your cellphone and call Jack." He spits his name out like it's poisonous and I almost scowl at him, but I don't.
I reluctantly take his arm and we silently head downstairs. I need to find my parents. I need to see that best friend of Dana's and watxh how Danny reacts around her. I need to call Jack and make him come one way or another. I need to stay away from Kira. And of course I need to be a great hostess and meet and greet everyone because that's what the Donovans deserve even if their son is a dick most of the time.
"Dan, Hannah. Come here." Dana waves us over once we reach the bottom of the stairs.
"Where's everybody?" I ask, looking around the empty house.
"Back yard." Danny simply replies as we walk over to Dana and the two people standing in front.
"Sarah, you remember my brother, Daniel. This is, Hannah, his amazing fiancé." Dana grins at me and I smile back as the couple turn to face us.
Holy shit.
"Jack? Sarah?!" I gasp.
"Hannah?" Jack takes a step back as if he can't believe I'm actually here. I know the feeling.
"Hannah? How are you... That's Danny?!" Sarah points at Daniel with wide eyes.
"Hold up." Danny frowns for a second before he remembers the night he saw Jack at the club and silently raise his brows.
"You guys know each other? Wait! That's your best friend, Jack?!" Dana asks, confused yet somewhat excited.
"Everybody just hold on! Jack, do you mean to tell me that Danny is your fiancé's best friend's brother?!" I clench my teeth and glare daggers at him.
"I'll be damned." He pales.
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