I kept a tight hold of Rigel's leash as the car pulled up to Pier 54, my heart beating happily in my chest. I was glad to leave New York, to final be going to see Will, and I fear I would have blinded everyone with my smile if not for the veil that had been pulled down over my face. I had managed to beg one nice dress and hat out of Peggy, although they were some of the Paris pieces from last year so I was a bit out of date.
But I hardly cared, I was going to see Will and everything was wonderful. Even Rigel seemed happy as we entered the Cunard offices, climbing up to poshly appointed waiting area that they had set aside for their first class passengers. I snorted as I corrected myself, saloon class passengers.
Quite a few other notables were already gathered around; I recognized Frohman from the theaters, the Champagne King of New York, and even a few faces that I hadn't seen in years. And of course, there were reporters. They circulated slowly among the passengers, and I drew my veil a bit tighter. The last thing I wanted to do was speak to them. They would bring up Titanic, I had no doubt about that and I did not want to discuss that.
So when one passed by me, I turned away slightly and gazed off towards the ship that would shortly be ferrying me to my husband. Lusitania really was a lovely ship, even I did wrinkle my nose at the abundance of funnels on her. Those distracted from her beautiful lines, although part of me shivered when I looked the bridge, remembering the story the Olympic officers had told of the wave that ruined that same bridge a few years ago.
I doubted anyone else standing here knew that, and part of me was glad to have a little bit of gossip to share during dinner.
I was still caught up in gazing at the ship when a hand reached out and gently tugged at my veil, threatening to upset my hat. I whirled to face the person, only to find Alfred smirking at me. "I thought that might be you, Anastasia."
I was doubly glad for the veil so he couldn't me blush, "Alfred, keep quiet. I don't want reporters bothering me. How did you know it was me anyway?"
He rolled his eyes. "Who else in New York goes everywhere with a giant black dog?" He looked down to Rigel who panted happily. "Besides, Oscar told me I was to guard you with my life or he would never forgive me."
"Oscar worries too much." I shrugged, seeing the flutter of activity as passengers were being directed to board. "It's going to be fine. Honestly, you'd think we were going out in a fishing boat and shooting at any periscope we see with how what he's acting like."
"Yes, we're only going to be on one of the most well known British ships, a symbol of the Empire, headed into a warzone." Alfred snorted, "You should at least have some concern for your own welfare."
"I do." I shot back, headed for the gangway. "And I have complete faith that we will arrive in Liverpool unmolested."
"Well, perhaps I should go speak to Captain Turner and assure myself of that, again." Alfred chuckled as he followed. A flock of stewards were ready to assist the oncoming guests, and one swiftly detached himself to tend to me.
He extended a hand, "Welcome aboard, ma'am, shall I take him to the kennels?"
"No," I kept my hand around Rigel's leash. "He'll be staying with me for the trip."
"That's highly unusual." The steward pursed his lips. "Surely it would make your travels easier if he was in the care of our staff for the crossing. I can assure you, they're well trained and will provide the utmost care."
I glanced down to Rigel, who peered back up at me with his tongue lolling out. "He may take his meals in the kennels, but he will spend the rest of the time with me." I gestured toward the purser, currently directing stewards on where to take passengers. "Perhaps you could ask the purser for the directions to my cabin. Anastasia Murdoch, I have the ticket if you require it."
The ticket was handed over, and the steward duly led me to my cabin. I was quite glad with it, even if cabin A10 was a bit smaller than what I was used to. It did have a small sofa though, which would serve as a bed for Rigel since my own bed was not large enough for the both of us.
I would leave the steward a large tip, because that sofa would be covered in hair by the end of the crossing.
Unlike most of the other passengers, I only had a few trunks with me. Out of season gowns for dinner, plain shirtwaists and skirts, functional shoes and not a speck of jewels to be seen. I was lucky that I even had a hat to wear. Shortly I would become the laughingstock of the ship for my repeated outfits, but I hardly cared. Will wouldn't care a whit what I wore, in fact, he'd probably have me out of my clothes most of the time.
I did a quick look through of my trunks just to make sure that everything was where it should be, fully expecting to hear the bellow of the ship's whistle announcing our departure. But it never came, and I found myself growing impatient. After checking my trunks twice, I grabbed Rigel's leash and stepped outside. It was only a quick turn until I was out on the promenade, circling around to the starboard side.
I plucked at the sleeve of a passing steward, "Excuse me, shouldn't we have shoved off?"
"Sorry, ma'am." He ducked his head, "We're having to bring over some passengers from the Cameronia, we'll be leaving shortly."
"Why?"
He looked bewildered for a moment, "Oh, well, she's been requisitioned by the Admiralty. I don't know why, but we're taking on her passengers and some of her crew." He glanced quickly over his shoulder, "I really must be off, ma'am."
I let go of his sleeve, tugging Rigel closer to me as we walked along the promenade. I suppose the delay wasn't really that much of an issue, but I wanted to be gone. I wanted to be on my way to Will, but no matter how much I paced the railing, I could not speed the departure of the ship up. Finally though, I saw the gangplanks shoved back, and ropes tossed off. I almost shouted with joy when the whistle sounded, the Lusitania slowly being sent on her way by the tugs that drew up the slack in their lines and set to pulling the liner to a place in the bay where she could begin her run.
The weather as we moved out from the harbor was gloomy, dark skies, chill winds and icy spray as the engines kicked in. Most of the other passengers quickly abandoned the deck, leaving me on my own. I didn't mind much, the warm coat over my dress dealing with the worst of it. Rigel, his thick coat covering the lower part of my legs where he leaned against me, warming the rest of me.
I was content though, watching the city fade behind us as we sliced through the sea. I was finally moving, and even the cutting chill of the day couldn't stop that. Although after some time, I noticed us begin to slow slightly until finally we came to a stop. I pursed my lips as I walked to the front of the promenade deck, underneath the bridge. From the bow area I could see two ships, cruisers, also stopped.
I didn't worry though, for I could see the White Ensign flapping from their masts.
They were British ships, here to keep the German liners bottled up so that they couldn't contribute to the war effort. I had no doubt that if they somehow made it past these ships, who were currently sending boats of their own to us, the blockade would keep them from being used. I watched with some interest as the boats were pulled up alongside, sacks of mail from the sailors tossed aboard before the boats returned.
And then we were off again, the bow sending up a spray of water that almost soaked my veil.
I headed back inside after that, glad for the warmth. I was looking forward to a few hours in my cabin before dinner, although I almost gaped as I saw a steward staggering through my open door with a massive armful of white camellias. I caught the door for him, earning a grateful nod. "Thank you, ma'am. This is the last one."
"Last one?" I peered inside, seeing that practically every surface has at least one small vase of flowers on it. "Oh my."
"Orders were to bring them up after departure." The steward settled the large vase on the table, setting a card in front of it. "From your husband?"
"Not quite," I nodded my thanks as he stepped past me. "But from a dear friend."
I didn't need to look in the card to know who had sent it, but I still opened it.
Anastasia,
Be safe.
Oscar
I wore the finest dress that had been packed for me to dinner, a confection of blush chiffon and ivory lace that was five years out of fashion. I could already hear a few whispers among some of the other ladies, and could see their eyes flashing over. Let them gossip, I had plenty of fine clothes at home to wear after this.
One who wasn't gossiping though was Alfred, who came over and kissed me on the cheek. "Anastasia, causing a stir as usual."
"And here I thought that was your specialty." I muttered, watching as the whispers intensified. "Now, could you kindly not do that again? Otherwise everyone is going to start whispering that I'm your latest affair."
He drew back, his brow furrowed. "Anastasia, I admit I made mistakes before, but I'll have you know I haven't stepped out since I've met Peg."
"We should all bow down to your restraint." I teased, glad to be settling back into the rhythm of society. "Now, I am starving. Have we got a table yet?"
"Oh yes, I managed to ensure we only have to deal with two other couples tonight." Alfred said, leading me over to a table with six chairs clustered around it. "Should be interesting, one of them is heading over to try and interview the Kaiser and the one of the others is an architect."
"If you draw him into a conversation about columns, I'm going to fall asleep in my soup."
"Her, actually, she's rather well known in some circles." Alfred shrugged, "Not that I've heard of her."
I was about to make a comment about how Alfred moved in circles that so rarely discussed architecture, mostly by teasing him that he'd only listen to one if they included a reference to fox hunting every five minutes, but the other guests arrived.
Elbert Hubbard and his wife Alice seemed perfectly find, although I could feel Elbert watching me as we sat down. It was the other pair, Miss Theodate Pope and her companion Edwin Friend, that made me a bit on edge. All of them were older than me, but when Theodate spoke it felt like she was looking down on me from the heights of her age. "Mrs. Murdoch, I believe I remembering reading something in the papers about your wedding a few years ago."
I shrugged, "Perhaps, it was quite the event."
"I remember I disliked the design of your dress." She sniffed, "It lacked originality. You should have sent to Mr. Hubbard's collective for something of true artistry."
I pursed my lips. "Well, you weren't the one wearing it. My husband seemed to enjoy it, as did I, and I believe that is all that matters."
Edwin glanced to Alfred, "And where is your husband?"
"Mr. Murdoch is in the Royal Navy," Alfred inserted himself. "Anastasia here is headed over to see him."
"Anastasia Murdoch?" Elbert spoke up, "Your husband wouldn't be William Murdoch, would he?"
"He would." I reached for my wine, "Have you two met?"
He shook his head, but he did smile a bit. "I remember reading about him in the papers, during the whole Titanic fiasco."
I didn't respond, instead turning my entire attention to the plate of sole that had been placed before me, although apparently my participation was not needed for the conversation to continue. Theodate gasped, "Oh, such a wonderful piece. I remember crying when I read of Mrs. Straus in your writing." She looked to me, "Did you ever have the pleasure of meeting the Strauses?"
"Once or twice." I mumbled, "Not onboard."
"You were onboard?" That seemed to have impressed Edwin, "How shocking!"
"Not only that, she met her husband onboard." Elbert chuckled, "The William I mentioned, he was the officer on watch when the iceberg was struck." That set off a flurry of conversation, all of it trying to draw me back in while I was solely focused on mentally begging the waiter to refill my wine glass.
Alfred must have noticed how tightly I was gripping my fork for he leaned in, "Really, must we go on like this? I'm quite sure Mrs. Murdoch doesn't wish to be reminded of it."
"But she made it off, and got a husband out of it." Edwin pointed out, "So many didn't survive."
I slapped my fork down to the table, "My father was among them, so I would ask for his sake that we stop this discussion."
Theodate actually reached over for my hand, "Oh my dear, I am so sorry. I was completely unaware."
It took everything to not draw my hand back and stalk from the room. "I don't try to talk about it. It's still rather hurtful."
"I'm sure it is." Elbert sounded a bit chagrined, "But if you would ever care to, I would be glad to write it down. I've found that talk about events like that can be helpful in recovering from them."
I shook my head, "It's alright, really, I don't talk about it."
"Perhaps it would be better to try and contact him?" Edwin smiled, "Theodate here has experience in reaching out to visitors."
"Visitors?" Alfred was clearly trying to draw them into another line of conversation, "I've had my fill of those in New York."
"Oh, he means from the other side." Theodate preened, "Those that have passed on. I would be glad to try and contact your father, Mrs. Murdoch."
"I'd much rather contact this duck." I muttered, looking to my main course laid before me. "At least I'm sure that it's actually here."
"Oho, a skeptic!" Elbert laughed, "Really though, I think a séance could be a wonderful time. Everyone's been talking nothing but U-boats and war, we could see if the dead have any advice for us."
I kept my head down, but it seemed that even without my input, I was to be the focus of this séance. According to Theodate I had an aura about me of death, although she tried to phrase it nicely. This aura was apparently quite enticing to ghosts, and as such, my presence was needed in order to ensure the swift arrival of any spirit that was willing to be contacted.
"Really my dear, with a conduit like you, we should be drowning in spirits!" Theodate kept ahold of my arm as she led me along to the reading and writing room, which had been chosen for the occasion. A few others were with us, more of saloon class that had heard her and Edwin enthusing over the opportunity and invited themselves along. Theodate gestured to the table, "Here, Mrs. Murdoch, please sit at the head. Do you have anything of your father's on you?"
It took everything I had to not grab the necklace just to make sure she didn't see his cufflinks. "No, I'm afraid I don't."
"Ah, a shame." She sighed dramatically, collapsing into a chair. "Spirits come so much more easily when you have something they once owned." I took my seat, gritting my teeth as I watched the rest of the participants settle into theirs. I had absolutely no confidence in her abilities, but if Father actually did show, oh he would be furious with me.
Theodate drew herself up, even as Edwin turned the lights down. "We are here to speak to those in the beyond, should they decide to speak to us." She held out her hands, "Now, everyone clasp hands before we begin."
I tried not to shiver as she took my left hand, although at least Alfred took my right. He whispered softly, "Anastasia, stop looking like you just bit into a sour candy."
"She's going to make a fool of me," I hissed, "She'll say something about how my father isn't talking to her because of something I did."
He snorted, "And make herself look like a failure? I doubt it. Just think of this like a pantomime, it's all a show."
My stomach was still knotting itself up as Theodate began to speak. "We call out to those spirits lost in the icy water of the Atlantic, on that April night three years ago." Silence followed, only broken by the whistle of the wind around the ship and the rumble of the waves outside. "We come to you to for your wisdom, and to find solace in your words." She gave my hand a squeeze, "Speak your father's name, dear. Ask him to come."
My voice sounded very small after her smooth tones. "Gareth Dalian, his name was Gareth."
"Gareth!" She threw her head back, "Gareth, your daughter misses and mourns you. Gareth, we call you here to speak to her."
There was a lashing against the window, some wave that had thrown spray up that pattered against the glass. Some of the ladies gave a little shriek, and Theodate started. "He's here!" She threw her eyes around the room, "Calm yourself Gareth, calm! You aren't there anymore, you're safe. Please, tell me what you want to say to your daughter." She deepened her voice, her eyes closed. "Is that you, my darling Anastasia? Is it truly?"
All the eyes in the room turned to me, Edwin even nodding to encourage me to speak. I coughed slightly, "Yes Father, it is."
"Your father loves you, dear." She drew in a shaky breath. "It has been so long since he has heard you call him father, he says that he always loved hearing that word from your lips."
I was glad she had her eyes closed, for I cast a glare at her that made Edwin furrow his brow. It wasn't Father talking to her, he would have asked her to lecture me for not calling him Papa. I bit my lip, and squeezed Alfred's hand far too hard. "I remember the last time I saw him, the red dress that I was wearing."
"You were so beautiful in it." Theodate simpered, "It was a great comfort to me to know that my last sight was of my beautiful daughter."
Alfred leaned over, hissing in my ear. "You never wear red."
"So she's not talking to my father." I hissed back, "I was wearing blue that night, I still have the damn dress."
"Darling," Theodate squeezed my hand again, still pretending to be Father. "Darling, how is your mother?"
"She still wears black for you." I lied sweetly, "She always will."
Alfred snorted, knowing full well Mother had left off the black awhile ago. But the others didn't seem to notice, instead making sympathetic noises about how faithful Mother was. Theodate let them settle before continuing. "I dearly wish I could see her one more time, and you, my sweet daughter."
"We all miss you, Father." I felt the corners of my lips twist up, "And your good friends the Reichsters miss you almost as much as we do." Alfred coughed, pulling his hand from mine to cover his mouth. But I smiled sweetly, "You remember how caring Zachary is, how sensitive."
Alfred's coughs grew loud enough to make a few of the others look over, but he simply waved them off. "I swallowed wrong, my apologies."
"Quite alright," Edwin sniffed, "Contact with the other side can cause such strange phenomena, we should just be glad nothing started floating like the last time Theodate was in contact."
"Now, now, Edwin." Theodate opened her eyes, smiling. "Don't frighten our guests." She squeezed my hand as she turned to me, "Now my dear, we shouldn't hold your father for too long. Is there anything you would like to say to him?"
I pursed my lips, "I love him, and I miss him every day."
"You should be the one to release him from this circle, simply bid him farewell."
"Goodbye Father," I felt the sting of tears in my eyes, even though I knew she was a fake. "I hope you find your rest."
Honestly, I hoped he would never find rest, at least in terms of moving onto Heaven or whatever the afterlife held. I wanted him to stay around, I wanted him to speak to me and appear like he did. I wanted to have him at least be able to see his grandchildren when I had them, to be able to watch them take their first steps and to hear when I told them all about their Grandpa Gareth, who even though he might not be around where we could see him, was always here with us.
It took Alfred keeping ahold of my hand to draw me out of my thoughts, and then I feel into the routine of thanking guests as they all shuffled out of the reading and writing room. It reminded me far too much of his funeral, I was rather curt to Theodate when I left. "Thank you, I hope you have a pleasant voyage."
"We could discuss his visit tomorrow, if you like." She kept ahold of my hand. "Perhaps you could even come visit my society of those like me. They would be glad to hear of what happened tonight, and your patronage would be much appreciated."
It took everything to not spit at her feet, "Perhaps, but I fear this was rather trying for me." Alfred tugged on my arm at that, and led me off. I waited until we were in the hallways before smirking, "Your coughing almost gave me away."
"You should just be glad no one else from New York was there." He laughed, "A caring Reichster, now I've heard everything."
I rolled my eyes, noting that we had come to my hallway. "Good night Alfred."
"Good night Anastasia."
"Tell your cousin to limit the amount of flowers he sends to my cabin the next time, I can barely move in there." I chuckled, opening the door and bringing Rigel loping over from his place on the floor. I knelt down, ruffling his hair. "Did you enjoy your dinner at the kennels?"
He licked my face, rather sloppily, then set to snuffling around my dress. I shook my head, reaching for the buttons on the side. "Yes, well, you had a more enjoyable time than me. Hopefully you weren't bothered by all the flowers." He yawned, watching as I pulled my nightgown on. I reached under the bed, feeling the rough canvas of the life belt as I pulled it out. I threw it onto the bed, pushing it down to the foot of it. "Well, the first night is done. Only a few more until we see Will again." I smiled, watching as Rigel leapt up onto the sofa. "I'm excited for it too, and he'll be so glad to see us." Rigel gave a little whine as he settled his head onto his paws, and was lost in the dark as I turned off the lamp and slid into bed.