Ogawa
I've never really been one of the social types. I was always shy and kept to myself most of the time. When people come up to me, wanting to talk to me, I get really nervous. I always panic and think about my next word as fast as I can. Questions would always come up in my head and I'd get even more nervous just thinking about it. "What should I say? What if I accidentally insult them? What if they never want to talk to me again? What would happen if I talk at all?" This fear and this anxiety has always been a part of me, even now.
So what do I do to get away from all that stress? I take pictures. I have a personal camera of mine that I use to take photographs of all of the things around me. I would look around for a place that works well for me. Next, I think about the scenery, the angle where I should take the photo, and how close or far I need to be. Then, I take the picture. If I don't like it or if I think I can take a better one, I take another and another. It takes some time and patience, but this way of thinking allows me to forget all my troubles, even if it's just for a moment. For me, it's fun and exciting.
At the end, I look back at my camera to see the millions of photos I took. Of course, it's not exactly a million, but it's quite a lot. Luckily, I have a few memory cards with me. And most of them have been used up already...
Anyways, I love it when I get to look back at a photo of a beautiful sunset with such warmth and light. Or a flock of birds flying in the dazzling blue sky above. Or an amazing piece of artwork from Keyaki Mall. Or the school courtyard where there's a stunning tree and a group of smiling students sitting together. For me, it just calms me and allows me to well...be me.
There's just something about a photograph that is precious and special. After all, it is a memory held in place-one where you can always look back to anytime, anywhere. The beauty of that memory, and the feeling that you get when you look at it. It's incredible.
But...even though I love taking pictures, even though I love looking back at them, I want something more. I want to have friends. I want to have bonds with the people around me. I want someone who I can trust and rely on. I want to smile with them and laugh with them, like how everyone else does.
So when I joined that study group, everything changed for me. I want to experience something like that again. If anything, I always want to experience that, over and over again. That feeling of having friends, of talking to people, of smiling and laughing with them. If I could just bring myself to do it on my own...it'd be great. And it'd be a huge step I'd be taking.