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Juliet
I haven't left my room since I returned the night before. Muting my walkie I didn't even feel like talking to Shane as I said on the bed.
Instead I trailed my fingers over the bite marks still embedded within my cast. It had taken a while to calm down after the events at the meeting and even longer for Daryl to help remove the actual cast from my body to make sure I wasn't hurt.
My wrist might have been healed but the mental scars were still visible. If I didn't have enough reason to hate the things that transpired adding almost being bit to the list.
I wondered what would've happened if that walker had bit me. Maybe they would've cut off the infection before it spread and I'd be like Maggie's father had been, or maybe I could've been like Tyreese. Bled out and died before getting any proper treatment. I could've joined my mom up above; but that meant I had to believe in heaven.
I don't know what I believed anymore. There was so much death surrounding me and to be honest... after running from the corpse of my sister it was hard to believe in anything.
A subtle knock hit my door, making my head jolt up, "Um... c-come in," I stuttered before quickly wiping away any visible tears.
My door opened up, revealing a slightly tired looking Michonne, having heavy bags under her eyes and rather sleepy posture, "Hey," she still found a way to smile though.
"Hey... you, uh, okay?" I couldn't help but cringe as I wondered how little sleep she had gotten.
"Yeah. No, I'm fine," she yawned. "I just came to check on you. You missed breakfast."
I did my best to smile, "I'm good I'm just... not hungry."
Even if she was tired the woman could see right through me, "Uh huh. So I guess I have to eat this all by myself then?" She held up a large Bigkat bar, making my stomach growl.
"Well, I'd never say no to a Bigkat..."
"That's what I thought," she chuckled, joining me on the bed before breaking off my half.
I thanked her as I allowed the tasty chocolate to dance around my tongue. In times like these I've learned to enjoy the smaller moments, and the taste of sweets my mom could only afford around Christmas hit the spot.
"How's your wrist feeling? It hurt at all?" She asked.
I shook my head, "It's fine. Just... feels a little weird, you know? It's been awhile since I could use it."
My friend nodded before the two of us continued to eat our sweets. Even if it tasted well the feelings of guilt were the only thing filling my stomach. It had been days since she had properly talked to me and then on top of that I absolutely terrified her at the meeting.
I've caused her too much unnecessary stress in a world throwing it at her already.
So with a sigh I placed the chocolate wrapper down and apologized, "I'm sorry."
She paused her chewing, "What?"
"I'm sorry for sneaking over the wall," I looked down at my nails as I picked the nothingness from underneath. "I just wanted to get some air and didn't think of your feelings. I'm sorry."
"Juliet," Michonne sighed. "You don't have to apologize for anything. I shouldn't have taken my anger out on you. I took you under my care but... I have no say on what you do. I'm not your mom."
I noticed the sorrow in the last sentence, making me reach over and grab her hand, "Doesn't make you any less important," I squeezed her hand. "Your feelings should be valued. I should've told you."
Michonne placed her other hand on top of ours, patting them a few times, "Thank you, Jewels."
The two of us sat there for a moment before asking the hard questions, "How's it out there? Tense?"
The woman huffed, pulling away, "That's one way of putting it. Rick's handling it. Took Morgan out to dispose of... waste," I didn't need to read her cringe to understand what was being disposed of past the wall.
Rick made it very clear on how things were going to be around here and if I've learned anything from the church months ago, Rick didn't believe in burying his enemies. So Ron's father was definitely being fed to the walkers as we spoke.
"Ah," I nodded. "So that dude Daryl and Aaron brought in yesterday was named Morgan?"
She nodded, only making me even more confused. The moment Rick and this man made eye contact it was as if he'd seen a ghost. Telling him that he was right. Right about what though?
"Was he from the prison?" I couldn't help but ask.
She shook her head, "No. Not really. He was a guy Rick met early on. They weren't together long."
"But he was right about something. Rick said it very upsettingly but kept repeating it," I looked up at Michonne as I noticed her becoming rather uncomfortable. "What was it?"
Michonne glanced away from me as I noticed her fingers starting to play with one another, making me only more confused. I was sick of being left in the dark, so I started to press her, "You also told me you didn't want to lose a third kid, but you've told me you only had Andre," I sighed. "It's connected isn't it?"
She started to rub her lips with the top of her freshly brushed teeth, making me press her more, "His name was Carl wasn't it?"
Michonne's eyes quickly locked with mine as a small face of horror and sorrow was shown, "How do... how do you know that name?"
"I've uh... heard it a couple of times," I admitted. "He was Rick's son wasn't he?"
Michonne didn't speak for a moment. Tears started to fall down her cheek before being dragged away by her shaking hands, "Yeah. Yeah he was," still a fresh wound on her heart no doubt.
My eyes quickly widened as I tried to back track, "I-I'm sorry. If you don't wanna talk about it we don't have too-"
"No," she sighed. "No, I think you have the right to know about him."
She motioned me to further up the bed so both could be more comfortable. I took a seat across from her as my chin rested between my legs.
"This stays between us. Rick's still grieving and I don't want him to know I told you, okay?" I crossed my heart.
"Good," she took in a deep breath. "Remember when I told you Rick saved me from walkers? Well, in actuality Carl was the one. I lost a lot of blood and collapsed in front of the gates. Carl shot the ones about to eat me while Rick pulled me to safety."
"Sounds like a good kid," I slightly smiled.
That only made her chuckle, "He was a little shit, that's what he was. One of the very first interactions, we were on a run and he tricked me into going in the wrong direction so he could grab something."
"Really?"
She chuckled, "Would've died right there if I didn't save his ass."
My energy started to match hers, "How old was this kid? Eight?"
"Eight? No," Michonne slightly laughed. "He'd be a little older than you. He would've been sixteen this year."
I could see the way her face kept flickering from the happy and the sad as she continued to speak, "We became good friends after that. After every run we'd sneak into his cell, eat stale m&ms and read the latest comic books I found," she smiled at the memory.
"Comic books?" I couldn't help but turn my nose up slightly.
Her brow raised, "What's wrong with comic books, Juliet?"
Oh shit, she used my real name, "Uh..." I tried to backtrack but realized there was no use, "I'm more of a novel person myself."
"Well we weren't," she playfully shoved me. "The two of us would spend hours reading them. Then in the morning old man Ricky would scold me for how tired his son was."
I chuckled, "I can only imagine how mad he was."
"You have no idea," Michonne lightly smiled. "You think he's bad with us now, you should've seen him with Carl. Very protective."
"You three must've been a good trio."
Michonne sighed, "We were..." I noticed her change in attitude and was prepared to change the subject but she still went on, "The day the prison fell... we lost a lot of people. They were shot, bit or just gone."
"And..." my hands started to fidget with Lori's necklace, "And Carl...?"
"Gone," she frowned. "Just gone. It took forever to get Rick to leave Judith's car seat. Daryl had to pry him away as he wanted to die where his children both did. But Judith somehow made it... and it saved him."
I nodded as the room started to sink into silence. I watched Michonne struggle to keep herself from crying at the thought of this boy. The two's friendship must've only been a quarter of what ours was from the way she acted. Maybe I wasn't the only one she'd been motherly too.
Seeing how she sat reminded me of my own mom. Even if she smiled after Portia was gone I could still tell she was a wreak at times. To this day I had no idea how mom, Rick or Michonne could smile after losing a child like that.
"My mom and I were walking on the tracks to Terminus," I don't know why I started to speak.
Michonne looked up as I felt myself starting to tear up at the memories I pushed down for so long, "The walkers just came out of nowhere. They attacked and we fought as hard as we could but-" I paused as I could still hear the scream she let out when that fucking walker bit her neck. "Once they were gone mom told me I had to... be the one to end it."
I let out a staggered sigh as I remembered what I did. How selfish I was. How she was still out there.
"I couldn't do it," I shamefully admitted. "I just ran. I left her and never looked back. It's my biggest regret. She's just... she's just out there still. Walking. I did that to her."
"Jewels..."
"I thought that it couldn't get any worse," I gritted my teeth as I remembered every nail in my skin. "And then I was shoved into that fucking train car."
The tears streaming down my pale face were suddenly wiped away. Looking back at my friend I saw her staring at me with a similar expression, "I think your mom would be very proud of who you became," I'm not sure why, but those words made me completely break.
I started to sob as she pulled me closer. She rubbed my hair and whispered to me to let it all out. As she held me it hit me this was the first time I've cried over what I had done.
And as she squeezed me in her arms I couldn't help but feel something I never thought I would after my mom died. Comforted.
And thus my healing started to begin. Yet I didn't know at the time those wounds would be opened up by bat wrapped in barbed wire.
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"And... done!" I tied the last piece of string together and threw it with the others.
As the sun started to go down and Rick still not home I couldn't help but seek out a source of entertainment. Ever since we lost Noah I had started a small side project for the rest of my family. I was originally going to use grass but Enid told me it was stupidity over complicated and handed me a large box of beads and string.
It took me a while to figure out what design to do for the group, being as many had very different styles, until I realized I had enough colours to represent all of us.
Once they were done I sauntered outside and begun my journey. Slipping on my yellow bracelet I went to find my family members out and about.
"Hey Sasha! Wait up," I ran after my friend heading towards the guard tower.
She paused, looking strangely at my bag of bracelets, "Well someone's doing important things in school," she repositioned her sniper gun
I fake laughed as I dug into my bag of goodies, "Har, har, har. Actually it's a gift," I held up her mostly green bracelet.
The style was simple. Twenty-five clunky beads on a stretchy piece of string. Each having thirteen different coloured beads that represented another member of the group, three representing Beth, Tyreese and Bob, then, depending on the person, a white bead to represent every person they lost before I met them, and finally all remaining beads would be the colour I identified with each person.
She looked at the bracelet in shock as I explained it to her, smirking as I zipped my bag closed, "It's a little stronger than those grass ones. Thought it was time for an upgrade," I winked before continuing on my journey. "Enjoy the rest of your shift Sasha!"
Moving on to the others, I met up with the Rhees. Maggie practically squeezed my head off as I handed her the silver bracelet, while Glenn did his best to pry her off of me as well as place his blue one on as well.
When I visited Tara in the medical ward she screamed at the bracelet. Saying, "This is sick as hell!" Before showing off her rainbow beaded jewellery off to the others.
Rosita only playfully rolled her eyes before giving me a 'love tap' on the shoulder before placing on her hot pink one. Eugene started to ramble on about the hard work I put into the simple brown bracelet before Abe told him to shut up as he placed his orange one on as well.
Later on I was able to find Michonne in the streets, still on patrol, who accepted her bracelet with two extra white beads for her kids, before hugging me tightly.
Still feeling a little betrayed by Gabriel after he told Deanna about us not being good people I decided to still make him a bracelet but put it in his mailbox instead of actually giving it to him. So I don't even know if he'd seen it yet.
"And what's the white represent?" Carol asked as she held her purple one up to see clearer.
"Beth, Bob, Tyreese and yours also has one for Sophia," I smiled as Carol looked at me.
Her lips parted as I raised mine up for her to see, showing my extra two white beads, "I have one for my mom and sister. Just a way to have them with us still."
The short haired women quickly put hers on before messing up my hair, "Thank you, Juliet. You sure are a different kid."
"I'll take that as a compliment," I chuckled.
And as I tried to fix my hair the bag was snached from me by a familiar dirty man, "What is this arts and crafts time? Carol you in on this?"
Carol looked between us before smirking, "Juliet made us something. Be thankful you were included," the woman crossed her arms.
"One of these is mine?" Daryl looked through the bag, pulling out a grey one, "They look like shit."
"Good thing that one's not yours," I snatched it and the bag from his grasp. "That's Rick's. This one is yours," I handed him the pink one.
Carol didn't bother to hold in her cackle as Daryl's cocky attitude fizzled. He looked down at the pink bracelet, "Seriously?"
"It suits you, Pookie," Carol continued her snickering before looking at the white beads. "Why does it have two extra white beads?"
"Oh! Uh..." I rubbed the back of my neck, "Back on the road, early on the road, I was a little scared of Daryl-"
"Fair."
"And Glenn might've mentioned how Daryl was a softie at heart. How hard he looked for a member of the group and sustained a grave number of injuries looking for them. I put two and two together and..." my fingers played with my locket. "And I thought it was only right for him to have an extra for her as well as his brother."
I watched Daryl's face turn as his fingers rubbed against the white. Though, as if he was trying to keep up his act, he scoffed it off and said, "Pink isn't really my colour."
I frowned, looks like my joke fell flat, "If you don't want it I can make a new one or-" the hand I held out to take the bracelet was slapped by the archer, making me jolt back.
"No. It's mine. Fuck off," he scoffed as he walked into his bedroom, putting on the bracelet.
"Looks like he likes it," Carol elbowed me.
I breathed out a laugh, "I knew it was a good idea."
As the day went on I waited by the gate as the doors finally opened to reveal Rick, Morgan and... Ron? What the hell was he doing out there?
"Rick!" I ran after him, "Hey, Rick wait up-!"
"Not the time, Juliet. Not now," he brushed me aside before whistling out to Carol's house.
The moment Daryl and Carol came out he motioned them to follow, "Get the others and meet at my house," suddenly Rick snapped his fingers at me to get my attention. "Watch Judith."
I blinked at the sudden change in his mood. Rick hadn't acted like that in a long time, "Uh..."
He didn't wait for me to say anything as he demanded the others to follow and get Deanna. Carol practically threw Judith in my arms as she ate the latest toy Shane brought over.
Glancing back at Ron I looked at him strangely, "What the hell happened out there?"
To this day I wonder what would've happened if Rick went a little less further outside the walls. As this singular action became the gasoline before the spark of the shit show I accidentally started.
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