It was late by the time we got back home. Shopping, site seeing and so much laughter my stomach hurt, made for an amazing day! I felt so much better. My mind was clearer. After really taking over everything with the kids, and I mean everything, that had happened so far, I was relieved. Surprisingly, they were all for me going for it. As they put it, I'm an adult, they are grown and if it this is what I want then go for it. It was a relief to know they really are ok with it. Because the honest truth, is yes, I do want this. Now, the only thing left is to talk to the guys. They had listened to Binnie and left me alone all day. It was beyond tempting to text them, but I resisted the temptation.
That night I dreamt of a life I've only written about. It was amazing and beautiful. When I woke up, I felt I needed to wait one more day. Though Don and Tony went out, I stayed in. I needed to do some self-reflecting. I told the kids if they saw any of the guys, they just needed to say I wasn't ready. Because, well, I'm scared. I didn't tell them that, but it's true. I'm scared of what I'm feeling for them. This feels stronger that just lust. And that, that's what is scaring me. I don't want to get involved for just a one-night stand. And I really hope that's not what I'm setting myself up for. But I know, ultimately, this comes down to me. And I ready to accept the consequences of my actions. I'm hoping at the end of this day, I'll feel more resolved in my decision. I know I have to give them, plus myself, an answer soon. We all deserve to know, not be lead on.
The next morning, I woke up fully rested and recharged. Yesterday I was able to clear my mind and solidify my decision. I may not understand what these feelings exactly are or why I'm feeling them so quickly, but this is what I want. I like them, all of them. Well, maybe more than just like, but I'm not ready to go there. I want to be with them, however long they'll have me. And with no regrets. Still shocked they want me. My head hasn't quite grasp that as of yet. But it was time to stop doubting it. I'm going to go with it and just let it be. Don't know how long it will last, but it's time to allow myself the sexual freedom I've only written about. The kind I have been craving, for a while.
Quickly dressing, I grabbed my stuff and make a dash for the stairs. Choosing to run down the 6 flights of stairs and out the doors, hoping to not encounter anyone. A good run will wake me up and set my day. Ah, fresh early morning air! Whew, glad I dressed in the heavier leggings though. It's cold this morning! At least it's not currently raining and hoping it stays that way.
An hour and a half later, I finally made my way back. Back up the stairs I went to finish out my cardio for the day. I felt refreshed and ready to talk to the guys. Just as I walked out of the stairwell, Changbin was coming from the gym. He was so engrossed in what he was looking at on his phone, he didn't see me walk up right in front of him. He looks absolutely adorable in his glasses and curly hair. He keeps chewing on his bottom lip and it's making me tempted to kiss him to stop.
"Good Morning Binnie!"
"SHIT!!!" shouts Binnie, nearly throwing his phone. "When-how, uh... WHERE did you come from?"
"Well, that would be from my mom..." I say, laughing at his expression.
"Oh, someone is being a smart ass this morning! You could give Minho a run for his money on how quiet you walk. Oh my god woman! You nearly gave me a heart attack!"
"Ha ha ha! Your expression was fantastic. I just got back from a run and came up the stairs. Now, quick question. What are y'all doing today?"
"You are extremely happy this morning. So, why you want to know?" Changbin looks at me suspiciously as he leans on the wall.
Taking a look at him, I make a split-second decision. Quickly walking straight up to him, I stand directly in from of him. Standing up, he tilts his head trying to decide what's going on. Before he has a change to ask me anything, I lean in and kiss him.
He is frozen in place looking at me, which gives me a chance to make a run for my door and go inside. Since I knew everyone on my floor, I hadn't bothered locking my door when Ieft for my run. Maybe not smart, but it sure helped this morning! I threw off my heavy hoodie, lauching it into the living room. Just as I got my shoes off, I heard Changbin.
"YA! What the hell Lynn! Get back here! Open this door right NOW!" he shouts as he runs to my door, banging on it.
Quickly opening my door, I pull him in. Sheesh he's loud! He's going to wake the whole damn floor. Pushing him against the wall, I shut the door. I slap my hand across his mouth before he can yell again.
"Shut it Bin! I don't want everyone woken up. I especially don't want my family woke up."
Changbin grabs my hand, pulling it down. "YOU KISSED ME! And you didn't think I wasn't going to be shocked? What was that about? Wait. Ha-have you come to a decision?"
"Keep it down. Seriously, hello, family here! I would prefer my brats to not wake up yet! Now answer my question please. What are all of you doing today? I need to know."
Binnie reaches out and grabs me around the waist, bringing me flush against his body. My heartbeat immediately goes into overdrive. He pins the hand he was still holding behind me, pulling me in even closer.
"Absolutely nothing. We are off the next few days. Completely off. We told them we didn't want to do anything. No promo's, no fashion events, no nothing. Why are you asking Lynn?"
"Ok. Go-good. What are you going to do this morning then? Are y'all going to go for breakfast or st-staying in? I probably should have asked that first." I have to take a deep breathe. I breathe in Changbin's scent and oh my word, this man smells divine. Being this close is intoxicating. This man is built. I can feel his strength, his muscles, through our thin workout clothing.
Changbin stares at me, his eyes darkening. Bringing the arm he still had pinned behind my back to around his neck, he leans in close to my ear. "I'm going to go take a shower, then it's my turn to cook us all breakfast. So, no we aren't going anywhere. We'll be eating in Chris's apartment. No one else will be waking up for at least another hour and half to two hours. Why? Want to join me in the shower?"
Oh boy, that sent my heart into orbit and my mind straight in to the gutter. Well, this is what I want. Leaning into him further, I whisper, "Hmmmm, I'd love to. But not this time. But don't tempt me Bin." I press a kiss on the side of his neck, nipping the skin just a little and lean back. He lets out a soft moan and pulls me in even tighter.
"Lynn? If you keep that up, I'm not going to care who is around. Your voice just then and what you just did to my neck, just set me on fire. But you can already tell that can't you?" He grinds into me as he says this, eliciting a moan from me. "Does this mean you've made up your mind? Please, baby tell me you're saying yes."
"Yes, Binnie. This is me saying yes." Leaning back in I nip at his neck.
Suddenly he grabs my ass, lifting me up. Wrapping my legs and arms around him, I look him in the eyes. We stare at each other as he walks across to the other wall, pinning me against it. I feel his erection through my leggings. He's only wearing thin workout shorts. I watch his brown eyes turning nearly black with lust. He leans into me, our lips connecting. His tongue swipes across my lips as he grinds into me, pulling a moan from me.
Pushing his tongue through when I moaned, the kiss grows deeper as our tongues intertwine. He rolls his hips into me, causing another moan. He's hitting just the right spot and it's driving me insane. He keeps rolling his hips, pushing into me. He growls as I grind into him and it is the sexiest sound. Oh my god, I haven't felt this in so long. Toys are one thing, this, holy shit, this is beyond hot! Our lips crash against each other, both of us barely able to catch a breath. If this is what he is like in bed, I may not survive.
"Bin-Binnie, if we keep this up...holy fucking hell...I may-I may lose it right here."
He growls into my ear, biting and licking. "Do you want me to stop babydoll?" I shake my head no. Looking at me, he slowly slides his hand along the slit in my tank top till he is hand is resting close to my breast. His thumb starts caressing the side and he looks as me with a questioning look, asking for permission. Slowly, carefully, he starts caressing my nipple through my sports bra. My body is on fire. He rolls my nipple between his fingers and a lighting bolt shots through my clit.
He keeps pushing and rolling his hips just the right way, hitting my clit through my leggings. I'm so hyper sensitive that I know if he doesn't stop, I'm going to cum soon. I feel my orgasm building. My stomach muscles a tighten and my legs are beginning to shake.
He picks up the pace, grinding into me faster. As he kisses my neck, he nips and sucks on just the right spot. All the while his hand is kneading and teasing my breast. I let out a moan, trying desperately to hold it in, grinding into him as well. God I hope my kids stay asleep.
"I'm not stopping Lynn. Your moans are so fucking hot. Oh fuck. I-I don't-don't think I'm going to last much longer either baby. All I've dreamt about is you, wishing I could feel you. I want to be inside of you so bad."
"Fuck Bin. Some-someday Bin. Oh my god, please don't stop. Keep going Binnie. I..." I whimper into his ear.
"Cum with me Lynn."
I shatter at his words. He swallows my scream with his kiss and quickly follows with his own. Our breathing is raged as we try to calm back down.
"Holy shit Lynn. I've never gotten off without skin to skin. That was beyond hot." He tells me as he slowly lowers my legs. It's a good thing he still had a hold of me, because my legs nearly gave out. Fuck, that was beyond hot!!!
I kiss him and just lean into him for a moment, still catching my breath.
"Bin, that-that was amazing. I definitely need that shower now. Ummm, and I'm pretty sure we both need to wash our clothes." I can't help but giggle.
He steps back and sheepishly looks down. We both have large wet stains. When he looks back up though, the look in his eyes takes my breath away. He's eyes, still full of lust, are looking back with love as well. I feel a quickening in my heart and stomach. And it scares me just a little.
"You. You are amazing. Thank you for the absolute best start to my day! That was the sexiest thing I may have ever done! Not going to lie, my legs feel a little weak." He giggles after saying that. "Someday Lynn, there won't be any clothes between us. You'd better be prepared, cause damn!"
I let out a little giggle and press myself up against him. "I'm looking forward to that day Bin." I kiss him slowly, then step back.
"I'd better go take my shower and get breakfast started. All I want to right now though, is stay here. But I know I can't, at least right now. When will you tell the rest of the guys?"
"How about I take a quick shower, then help you fix breakfast for them? I can tell them at breakfast. Or do you think I should wait?"
"NO! No waiting. Let me know when you are ready and we'll go in together."
"Ok. Now get out of here, so I can get ready. You are way too tempting if you stay here.", I say as I open the door. He gives me a quick kiss as he slips out, smiling brightly.
Running to my room, I take a quick shower and get ready. It's a cold, but beautiful day, so I decide to wear my hair down. It dawned on my suddenly, that none of them have seen me with my hair down. The times they've seen me, I've had it up in a messy bun. It's longer than in my pics on my pages or in my books back covers. For the past year, in all my pictures, it's been up. It now reaches nearly to my butt. For a long time, I dyed it black. Finally, it's back to a dark auburn brown with added caramel highlights. My hair is naturally wavy, so after some low heat blow drying with my round brush, the waves hang perfectly. Jeans and a pink fuzzy sweater and I'm set! I grab my fuzzy pink socks to put on. Since I don't plan on going anywhere right now, what's the point of shoes?
Quickly letting Changbin know I'm ready, he tells me to meet him in front of Chris's room. I was totally unprepared for what I saw upon entering.
"Whisper Lynn, or you'll wake them."
"Them?" He leads me into the living room where they are all snuggled up together. It's the absolute cutest thing I've ever seen! They are all snuggle up together. Heads laying on each others legs and chest, arms hugging each other. Seeing the Stray Kids cuddle pile made me love them even more! How could anyone not love this? I knew they did this, but seeing it in person was amazing. Especially getting to see them so relaxed, up close, makes me happy.
Turning around, I look back at Changbin leaned against the wall. As I walk over to him, I realize he had his phone out.
"Please tell me you have a photo of this? And if possible, send me one! It would have been better with you down there, but I'll take what I can get.", I whisper to him. Changbin looks at me and shakes his head with a smile. Motioning for me to follow him to the kitchen, I turn and take one last look. I can't stop the goofy smile that's on my face as I walk in behind Changbin.
I walk up behind him and hug him tightly. "Thank you Binnie. Seeing them so relaxed makes me happy. You are all so amazing. I feel honored and blessed to get to know each other you."
Quickly turning around, he hugs me back. "We feel just as honored and blessed Lynn. I can't begin to describe it. We haven't even begun to really learn about each other, but it's like you've always been here, in our lives."
Sighing, I pull away so we can get ready. I wonder who will be the first to wake up? This is going to be an interesting morning!
Cooking with Changbin is fun. This man is seriously hilarious! How we were able to keep from waking anyone up is beyond me. I thought my kids could sleep through anything. These men may have them beat! Eventually though, I hear someone stirring in the other room. Turning to look at Changbin, he winks at me.
"Let the adventure begin! You ready for the chaos? I'm pretty sure that's Seungmin getting up. He's usually the first awake besides me."
I go to stand by the coffee maker. Changin comes behind me, mostly covering me since I'm leaning against the counter. He turns around as someone walks into the kitchen.
"Morning Seungmin. Did my puppy sleep well?"
"Mmm, it was ok. But I wish I could sleep later. By you know my body won't let me. Have you heard anything from Lynn? I'm just worried. I dreamt she rejected us. It was horrible. I'm really curious what her thoughts are."
I have to hold in my gasp and drive to go hug him immediately. Changbin leans back on me like I'm his personal pillow, which makes me wiggle my butt on him. He reaches down and pinches my butt. Brat! I kick his leg as he begins to talk.
"Ow *cough* umm... Why don't you just ask her yourself?"
"Why'd you say ow? Are you ok? What's..." His face breaks into a huge smile as I step out from behind Changbin. Darting across the kitchen, he picks me up into a hug and sits me on the counter. I wrap my arms around him as we just hold each other. Changbin giggles from beside us, reaching up to ruffle Seungmin's hair.
"You're here. You really didn't run away from us." Suddenly I feel wetness on my neck, realizing he is crying.
"Seungmin, I told y'all I wasn't running away and I meant it. Please. Please don't cry. Minnie, look at me."
Reluctantly and slowly he raises up and looks at me. Tears are streaming down his face. "Oh Minnie, why the tears babe?" Changbin walks up and hugs both of us, laying his head on Seungmin's back. I was surprised to see Seungmin let him do that. I'd always thought he didn't like a lot of skinship. But he was all snuggled up next to the guys too, so I have a feeling I have a lot to learn about all of them.
"I was really afraid you were going to leave. Binnie, I know I didn't voice it. But I've been sick with worry. I actually got up twice last night, to go throw up. I've never felt this worried." We both hug him tighter.
"I didn't know someone could mean so much to me in such a short amount of time! But you mean so much to me and I got really scared. To see you here right now, this means the world to me. I know it's going to mean the world to the others. And I promise to try and not do anything to ever make you feel uncomfortable. Please don't leave us." He whispered this, aware of the others in the living room. The three of us cling to each other, as by now, we are all quietly crying.
As we pull apart, Changbin comes up and pulls him in for a hug of his own. I watch from my perch on the counter, as Changbin reaches up and wipes the tears away. They stand there for a moment just looking into each other's eyes, before Seungmin bends down to kiss him sweetly.
"Thank you jagi. I love you. Thank you for fixing us breakfast and just being my rock when the world sometimes doesn't feel so steady."
Watching them, I feel like an intruder. The love I can see in their eyes, is so beautiful.
Turning from Changbin, he faces me again. "And you. I want one more hug before I go shower. I'll see you when I come back. I won't be long. Thank you for being here, for accepting us. It really does mean everything." I smile up at him as he bends to hug me.
As he stands back up, he looks over at Changbin. I watch as Changbin smiles and nods. Next thing I know, Seungmin kisses me sweetly on the lips before walking away. My heart swells with happiness. I look over at Changbin watching me. What I see, makes me weak. It's not lust. It's not desire. What I see is love shining from his eyes.