Y/n's pov
You sip your wine, putting your glass back down onto the coffee table and wrapping your blanket tighter around yourself. Shi Jin takes that as you feeling cold again, bringing you closer to him by his arm around you. Closing your eyes, you lean onto him, feeling Shi Jin glance at you.
'Are you tired?' He asks, stroking your hair.
'Just a little bit.' You reply, enjoying his touch through your hair. You both stay silent for a few seconds, simply enjoying each other's presence.
Shi Jin's pov
'You know, before, I wasn't sure if I could trust myself again.' Y/n says suddenly, her eyes still closed on my shoulder.
'Hm?'
'To love you again.' She says again, the corners of her lips arching upwards ever so slightly. 'Before...we broke up because I never made time for you.' I hesitate whether to disagree with her and say it wasn't her fault, but I let her go on.
'So I thought... what if I repeat the same mistake? Make you feel lonely even when we are together and we would separate again.' She says, her still looking peaceful with her quiet voice.
'When you approached me the second time, I didn't dislike it. Actually, I was more grateful that you didn't move on and forgot about me. But I was scared to accept that and try again.' I only undo the tangled parts in her hair, trying not to disrupt her flow.
'I'm still scared you won't be next to me in the end. But now... somehow I want to love you again.' She says, moving away from my shoulder and curling against her knees under the blanket.
'Thank you for telling me.' I say, her slowly opening her eyes. 'I promise, I'm not going anywhere.' To that, she only smiles, tracing the lines on my hand on her knee with her finger.
'You remember when I found you in the building after the earthquake? I had come for you the first thing after I landed.' I say, enjoying her gentle touch on my hand. 'You don't understand how worried I've been. Wondering...will I ever be able to see you again? What if you had already died. How would I live without talking to you one more time.' I add, Y/n smiling as she rests her chin on our intertwined hands.
'Or when they took you away? I even disobeyed my order and risked our whole nation to get you back.' I say again, her slowly closing her eyes again as if to savour my voice.
'So you can be assured...even when we separate, I'll always make it back to you.' I finish, Y/n softly laughing, her cheeks turning redder whether from my words or the wine.
'That's cringy.' She says as she taps my hand in her familiar drunk motion, yet still her lips arching upwards.
'It's true.' I reply, her shifting to straighten her legs, her feet poking out of the blanket and going back to lean on my shoulder. I put my arm around her once again, suddenly feeling the urge to tease her.
'Also, can we backtrack again to the part where you love me?' I ask, half for genuinely wanting to hear her say it once more and half for wanting to tease her.
'I said I want to.' She says curtly although I see her lips are still arched upwards, her eyes closed peacefully. I raise my eyebrows, sensing that she has caught my bait.
'Then please do. Because I love you.' I say, her opening her eyes.
'Are you drunk?' She says back, looking up at me from my shoulder.
'Why do I have to be drunk to tell my girlfriend that I love her?' I reply, Y/n blinking slowly even though I feel her gaze still on me.
'....' Y/n turns her head away, looking ahead at the night city view. I try not to feel disappointed at her for not returning the words, trying not to pressure her to fit my standard of showing affection.
'I think I kept my feeling away for so long. It's difficult to say it out loud.' She says after a pause, 'For too long, I couldn't look back on my feelings even when that's my job to help others do it. I only realised that when I met you and the others again. That I was dried out from the inside. But now I'm trying my best to change that.'
'I can wait. You don't need to pressure yourself.' I say, pulling her closer to me.
'But I want you to hear it too. So, I love you.' Y/n says, and I turn to look down at her, a teardrop rolling down her cheek as she closes her eyes.
'...' I stare at her for a few seconds, unsure how to comfort her.
'It's going to be okay.' I say, pulling her into my arms.
Y/n's pov
You feel the years old knot melt away, feeling safe and secure for the first time in years. With others, you easily told them that facing their real emotions was difficult, but you could now feel exactly how hard it is to say it out loud.
'Thank you for telling me .' Shi Jin whispers, patting your back slowly, your tears smearing onto his pyjama shirt.
You pull away after a few minutes, the corner of your lips lifting upwards even when you feel the heat in your eyes. Shi Jin smiles back, his warm hands wiping the tears off of your face.
'Now I don't want tears on your beautiful face.' Shi Jin says, gently taking away the last remains of the tear stains. You keep staring at him, his eyes firmly looking into yours, your reflection almost engraved in his eyes.
Closing your eyes, you feel his lips on yours. Tender and careful, as if he's afraid that you would disappear again.
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[past, 23rd summer]
Extract from Y/n's psychiatry essay
'How are you?'
We say those three words to each other on a daily basis. Too often, too simple to the point that it lost meaning.
And so you reply, I'm fine thank you.
Then nobody questions, and moves about their day. But on the inside, are you really okay?
If you could ask someone with a tiny extra drop of attention, to that someone, you may be her lifesaver.
So,
How are you?
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Shi Jin's pov
'Captain? Captain! Are you listening, sir?' I snap out of my trance, remembering the last evening. Specifically, the part where I kissed Y/n, properly this time.
'What are you thinking about? Idols are coming to our base! That's the most important mission for today - keep them safe while performing!' Sergeant Choi says, the others exclaiming in excitement.
'I don't need any idols. My girlfriend is the most perfect woman already.' I start, putting my feet on the desk.
'Why do you look extra happy today? I don't like it.' Daeyoung says to me with his usual blank expression, me only winking away his odd way of showing friendly affection.
'Did you and Dr. L/n do something extra nice yesterday?' Master Sergeant Gong says, raising his eyebrows.
'Master Sergeant Gong Ho Chul' I say, the others gulping looking between the two of us.
'Ha-sa! Gong Ho Chul!'
'Don't cross the line or I make you do 100 laps around the field, got it?' I say, tossing the stack of reports onto my desk, Sergeant Gong frozen in his salute position.
'Yes, sir!' He says, stiffly lowering his arm.
'But you're right. I kissed her.' I say, me motioning at them to cheer louder.
Author's note:
Shi Jin- i wuvvv u
Yn- i wuv u too
Author: 👁️👄👁️
Author: 🤡
Plz remember to vote, leave a comment i you like to restore my sanity after writing this chapter 😂