Knowing my kids, they aren't going to be shy about telling the guys they are happy with whatever. I jump right in. Might as well tell him that too.
"He he, well, about that. I don't hide things and they knew I was upset this morning. We talked They found out about the kissing. Flipped out about Jeongin. Which yes, made me laugh. Then they proceeded to, umm, hmm... Well..."
Binnie is looking at my quizzically as I try to explain this. Taking a deep breath, I decided to just blurt it out.
"They told me that whatever happened was fine with them. And knowing them, they are probably telling the others this. So..."
Changbin starts laughing, hard. His high-pitched laugh is damn cute and infectious, I start laughing too. But then a thought hits me. Oh-OH NO! No no no. Dammit.
"Oh shit! They're going to tell the others about me being an author and a fanfic writer!!! OH HOLY HELL! I'm in trouble. They've probably already told them. OH MY GOD BINNIE!!!"
Changbins laughter gets hard and tears start to fall. Ass. But seriously, I might be in trouble once they find that out! Thankfully Changin is the only one to know that the fancfics I write of Stray Kids, are the ones my own sexual lusting is all about. These men are the reason I've had to replace my sex toys several times! All of a sudden, I get a text from Felix. Well, score for mom spidey sense! I knew that wasn't going to take long for them to tell them!
LF*FANFIC WRITER???? Wait, does Bin know? And Chris and Lee Know too?*
Just then Changbin's phone pings. He looks at it, then me. "Let me guess, Felix? He just messaged me. Yes, you can tell him."
"Guess I'd better explain some other stuff too then. Yes? Because things are about to get interesting." Smiling slyly, he answers Felix back.
"Hey, slow down. I want to get to know you first. I wasn't joking when I said go slow. I'm not going to lie and say I'm not attracted, like duh. Of course, I am. But baby, anyone seeing anything below the belt, is NOT HAPPENING! I am not mentally prepared for that. I've got to get through this surgery and get my mind in a better place before I'll even consider that. Even as tempting as y'all are." He arches his eyebrow at me on that statement. I just smile sweetly at him.
I'm waiting. I just know my phone is going to go off once he realizes I'm the writer of the story that drove him crazy. I so wish I was a fly on the wall to see his face right now! I'm surprised it's taken this long. Then again, I'm not sure why Changbin told him.
"And we can work with that. Look, none of us want to rush anything. Though we might steal kisses from you every once in a while." He says this with a cheeky grin and a wink as he finishes another text. He sends it and now I know we are both waiting. I can't help but smile and roll my eyes, while giggling at him.
I hear the ping. Felix had texted him one word, "WHAT?" In shouty letters. I know I'm next. But instead, my phone rings. It's Felix. Answering it, I put it on speaker phone.
"Hello Felix, you're on speaker phone."
"You're at Nari's, right? Are you in a private room?"
"Yes, we are." I look at Changbin and he is nearly convulsing from holding his laughter in.
"BINNIE, YOU.ARE.A.CUNT! YOU KNEW!!!! AND LYNN, WHAT THE FUCKING HELL? HAS HE TOLD YOU WHAT YOUR STORY DID TO ME? DID HE?" Laughing so hard I can barely breathe, Changbin answers him.
"Yes Felix, calm down love. She's been told that you nearly attacked me. There is more to those stories than any of y'all know. We'll all talk when I get back. OK?"
"More? There's more? I may not survive." Felix lets out a groan. Low voice, groaning-MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER!!!! I have to mentally shake myself from that one.
"Oh, trust me Lix, you'll survive. In fact, it's going to make you very happy. But I'll let Binnie explain later. Go have fun dear one!" As I hang up with him.
"Y'all are so bad. What have I gotten myself into?" We look at each other and laugh. I imagine Felix is have a fit trying to figure out what else there is. They'll find out soon enough.
"We already talked about us being bi. Yes, we've all been together. Yes, we've all dated women before. What I didn't say is that we, umm, may sometimes share or umm, participate in other ways. We all have a voyeur kink, so we like to watch. But, we never presented ourselves as bi to the women we've been with. We didn't share them. At all. If this goes further, you would be the first. When I say we've kept things under wraps, I mean it."
Oh fuck me. So, what I wrote in my fanfics is real? OH.MY.GAWD! This is beyond hot. Inner diva/sex pot demon just jumped up in leather practically howling. The images that just sprung to mind are hot. I wrote about them sharing. Fuck me, I've written about them having them all watching. I'm having problems breathing with the information and images that are rapidly firing through my mind.
Binnie, noticing my internal struggle, reaches across and holds my shaking hands. "Breath deeply for my Jagi."
He has a knowing look on his face and I realize he is feeling my pulse in my wrist. Sneaky man. He knows my heart is racing.
"So, now you know. It's been a long time since any of us have been with a woman. We couldn't, or more like didn't, find anyone that fit. That is, until you literally feel into our midst. Just know, we'll be patient. But that doesn't mean we won't be touching you, hugging you and most likely kissing you, every single chance we get. All of us Lynn. That is, if you are ok with it." Changbin never took his eyes from mine as he said that. And I can't take my eyes off of him. I think I may be in shock.
Am I ok with that? I want to say yes, but I need a little bit of time. My emotions and thoughts are all over the place right now. Thinking through this and figuring out exactly what I am ok with, is needed. Is this a fantasy of mine? Oh, hell yeah! But, I also need to talk to Don and Tony. It's only fair to talk this out with them. They've always talked about their relationships with me and this... Well, being in a poly relationship is not for the feint of heart.
Looking at Binnie, I can see some worry in his eyes. I squeeze his hand to reassure him and smile.
"Right now, my next step is to talk to my kids. It's not that I don't want to do this. I think you can tell by the responses my body has toward y'all, that I do. But-but, this isn't something I need to take lightly Bin. This is a lot and I need time to process it. So, let me talk and think everything over."
"Of course Lynn! We don't want to rush you. Seriously! Trust me, please. Let me talk to the guys and explain everything. Are you ok with that? Then, you let us know what you decide. Ultimately, no matter what we want, this has to be your decision."
This man just made my day by not pushing me. I smile, jump and up and pull him in for a hug.
"Thank you for understanding. I hope the others are as understanding. I'll let you know what I've come to decide. I'm going to talk to my kids now and do some shopping therapy." Squeezing me tightly, it takes everything in me to not just stay right there. But I know I need to think this through.
"Let's go. Need me to drop you any place?"
"I don't know. Guess I need to call my kids to find out if they took the car."
Just then I received a text asking if they'd like me to be picked up and where. Perfect timing! I get the address from Binnie and tell them I'm ready.
As we leave the room, Nari comes up and gives me a hug.
"Lynn, you are welcome anytime. Your whole family is. If I'm at the apartments, come on by. It'll be nice to have another female on the floor. Oh and by the way, love your books! No, I haven't read the fanfics of the boys. That'd be weird, but the others. Wow! Love the spice! Hanuel thinks it's hilarious that I'd already read your books. When I told him you were a spicy fanfic writer as well, he nearly fell off the chair!"
I start laughing. "Nari, I'd love to come by. Maybe I'll run some ideas by you for new story lines or new books."
"YES! On a different note, how are you? A lot of information, but the guys are really sweethearts. Whatever you decide, we will all understand. I love them like they are my own. Yes, I want to see them happy. But I know this is a big decision on your part. Don't feel rushed. OK?"
I shake my head and give her a hug back. Changbin and I walk outside just as Don and Tony pull up. He walks me over to the car and opens the back door for me.
"See you soon?" I tell him yes and slide in the car. He leans in and tells the kids to take care of me. Just before he stands back up, he leans back in to give me a kiss. "I'll be waiting Lynn." As he walks off, I look up to Don and Tony turned around and looking at me.
"Go mom! Four out of eight now? What is up with that? Should we expect any more surprises? Oh wait, NO. Because we already know." Don is telling me this as he and Tony turn back around.
"What exactly did y'all talk about with the guys? Do I want to know? Scratch that, I need to know."
"You definitely want to know. First, you already know we are fine if you want to date. We've been ok with it. The guys ask us if we were ok if they dated you. All of them. Yeah, we were shocked! But after the shock, we laughed." Don looked back quickly as he told me this.
"Mom, we just want you to be happy. And these 8 men want to make you happy, in more ways than one..."
"TONY!!!!"
"Oh please, we are not stupid mom. You are sexually attracted to them. They are definitely sexually attracted to you. So. Whatever happens mom, just be happy. You've been so sad lately. I know you try to hide it from us, but we know. We let them know how much you like them."
"Of course, you did." Shaking my head, I laugh. This is not a conversation I ever thought I'd have with my kids. Whether they are grown or not, definitely not a conversation I was expecting! Wow, adventure of lifetime is talking a whole new meaning now!
"So, were we going to?"
I tell them of the mall I found. As Don is driving us, we all talk over everything. I'm surprised they are so open to the idea of me dating all 8 guys. They informed me that the guys had shared their lifestyle dynamics with them as well. As in, all of it. They felt that since we were all living on the same floor that it was only fair. That way, there wouldn't be any surprises if we saw kissing and such. My kids said they'd questioned things about the guys' relationships and had received answers and where I was fitting in to it. I was actually really surprised with what all they had spoken about. And it set my heart at ease.
As we shopped and laughed the afternoon away, my apprehensions slowly ebbed. As they did, I came to my decision. I wanted this. I didn't know how it was going to work. I didn't know for how long. But I knew, without a doubt, I was theirs for as long as they'd have me. Or at least the time I had left here in Seoul. Now to just let them know.
Changbin had arrived back at their apartments after breakfast. He couldn't wait to talk to the guys. He walked into the apartments and straight to Chris's room. Before he even knocks, the door is thrown open by Han.
"Get your ass in here and please calm these two down! They've been freaking out since we got back from breakfast, afraid of what she said."
I look over at Chan and Jeongin. Both have obviously been crying. Even Lee Know is looking bad. I think him being shook affects me the most. Lee Know doesn't usually show the emotions. Wow. She really has very quickly entered all our hearts hasn't she? Oh boy...
"Guys, stop! Look, Lynn and I talked. I told her everything She didn't say no, but ask that we give her some time. I don't know if it'll be today, tomorrow or even next week before she decides. She wanted to talk with Don and Tony. I know you spoke to them and got answers from them."
Looking at them, I know I have to ask this question, even though the thought hurts me too.
"Are you prepared if she says she just she wants to be friends? If she just isn't ready for that type of relationship, or anything other than friendship. Because I am. Yeah, I want more. So much more. But I don't know if she is ready. Maybe, maybe not. I found out some things today. And it was an eye opener to what she's struggling with mentally. But I will always be her friend, period. As crazy as it is, I can't imagine her not being in my life, in one way or another. So, as much as it hurts to think about it, I will step back and just be a friend." I watch their reactions and see the fear, pain and resignation in Chris's eyes. Hyung, you've already fallen hard haven't you?
"I'm prepared Bin, to just be friends. That's what we've been talking about. We're all prepared for this hyung. Some of us more than others." He side glanced at Chris. "Now what did you find out? Because you look a little upset. What did Lynn reveal?"
I was surprised to hear Jeongin tell me this. But I'm so proud of my little brother in that moment. I know that took a lot for him to admit. I can see how attracted to her he is. It actually might be the first time I remember him being this attracted to anyone, ever, besides all of us. It kinda scares me a bit, but I can't let him know that.
Sitting down in the middle of the kids, I go into detail about what Lynn and I spoke about. I explained to them what Lynn thinks of herself. And the struggles she is dealing with. That right now, she isn't prepared, AT ALL, for any kind of nudity. But especially waist down. With any of us. But she might be open to all the hugs and kisses we could give her. Maybe a little bit more. But she had to think it all over and make a definite decision. That she is extremely self-conscious right now. I told them how she'd pulled her sweatshirt off, and shown me the loose skin on her arms. How upset she had been and how she had cried.
As I was explaining, each of them let out gasps of pain and sadness that she felt that way. I could feel this need from all of us to comfort her. I was honest about us kissing, because I don't lie to my loves. That I'd cried too. It hurt my heart that she felt this way.
"She is attracted to all of us. And definitely wants to get to know us, whether as friends or other. But we've got to be willing to give her time. This surgery, it's going to be a really huge deal for her. For her self-confidence. Speaking of Chris, Nari said to get Lynn in with your counselor. NOW. Oh and Lynn said if her family needs to sign NDA's they will. It wasn't a problem. She fully understood."
At this, everyone starts discussing if they feel the need for that. I know the company will want it. But the company doesn't know, that soon, we won't be with them any longer. We finally have all the money we need to start our own. We've put off re-signing our contracts for a while. I have a feeling the old man, JYP himself, knows. We've already bought a building as well, that we've been renovating with offices, practice rooms and studios. Our personal studio is nearly done.
We kept the top floor open and it is being turned into our apartments, plus a few extra rooms in case. We'll have individual small kitchens, but there will be a larger kitchen for family meals and when guest are over. We decided on an opening living area along with the kitchen, but individual apartments. It sounds weird, but that way we each have our own private areas as well. We found out last week, our home is nearly done. Next week we will be picking out new furniture to along with what we will take from here. It's exciting! Turning that into our home has got us all excited. It's time for us to part ways and be our own bosses. I'm hoping we can convince Hanuel to go with us, to continue to be our manager. He's really become family. He and Nari both. And none of us want to lose them.
A few hours pass and we've all made our peace with everything that's happened. Chris, Jeongin and Lee Know are in much better spirits. Chris called and set up Lynn with his counselor in a few days and sent her a message about it, with the info she needed. She actually did answer back to tell him thank you and that she would talk to him soon. I was surprised she did. We hadn't heard anything from her all day. So, that ping, such a small thing, gave us each a little bit of hope.
The rest of the group had found out about her being an author of book and fanfics. There was definite surprise when I said she'd written about us several times. I could tell by Chris and Lee Know's looks they knew! I had to explain that I'd know who she was and yes, I'd read the facfics. I let them know her name on those, because I already knew they'd want to know. She may hurt me for that one. But knowing that those are her fantasies written out, the guys needed to know.
Then came the fun part. Letting them know what her fanfics where all about. Though she'd written about a couple other groups, she'd explained to me during breakfast, that those were just imagination. He true fantasies, and what she'd dreamt of actually doing, were the ones about us. Those were the ones she imagined when playing with herself. Let's see how this goes.
"Now, on to the subject of her fanfics. Since I can tell some of you are trying to read them. You may want to put your phones down for this one. The ones specifically written about us, those while yes, are her imagination, there is more. She let me know that those, those are her fantasies. Things that she's dreamed about, masturbates to. The newest one, fuck. It did a number on me." Chris, Lee Know and Felix's eyes darkened as they took in deep breaths.
"So, if we don't push her. I do have a feeling she'll be open to us. WE, as in all of us, need to be gentle. She may have written some stuff, but she never imagined they might actually be able to come true. She's never done anything like this. Well, she did admit to having toys, but I don't know what that entails. I can say with confidence though, she has a praise kink. I don't know if she realizes it or not, but I picked up on it." Watching all their faces, and the internal struggles of keeping themselves in check, was hilarious and fascinating all at the same time.
We ordered dinner in and started watching a movie. We all decided to snuggle up together to watch the show. As we talk, we think back to past relationships. None of us, ever, can think of anyone that has burrowed under our skin and into our hearts so fast. We didn't even click that great at first. Tensions, attitudes and the fact we were young, nearly took its toll on us. There were some darks times in the beginning. But we grew, we evolved and respected each other.
The beginning of it all plays in Changin's mind and he smiles to himself about that one. It was a lot to take in at first. You'd think it was Minho and Han first, but it actually was Chris that came out as bi. Or, well, more like he was discovered when he accidently left some porn on his personal computer when he had to go to an emergency meeting at JYPE. Seungmin heard it and went to turn it off. He was shocked to see boy love porn on. At first, he had assumed Chris was just into guys. He got nosy though and discovered threesome and even some foursome porn involving males and females on Chris's computer. Talk about eye opening for a younger kid! He eventually confronted Chris and well, it all came out.
Overtime, we discovered we were all bi-sexual. Talk about a shock. We'd changed in front of each other multiple times. Minho and Han came out as a couple, which I'd always thought they were. But then they disclosed that they liked having other partners as well. When they said that and my heart started racing, it shocked me. That was the first time I realized I was open to having more than one partner at a time. Those two were the very ones to show me how beautiful it could be and I've never looked back. Slowly it came out that we were all very much attracted to each other. Jeongin was the last to fully embrace the lifestyle. The fear of his family kept him from being free. Once he openly admitted to us, but more importantly to himself, that he was bi, it changed his whole attitude.
After a few years, none of us could deny our attraction for each other. We tried, but it was too strong, too powerful. We were afraid of what it could mean for us as a group. We'd been having a family late night movie and dinner in Chris's room. The staff having already gone home, we pulled out soju for everyone. That was the first time we all admitted we were in love with each other. You could have cut the sexual tension in the room with a knife. Needless to say, that night turned into the most beautiful night. Those of us who'd been virgins, didn't stay that way that night. And we've never looked back.
Military, for us, was exceptionally hard, but also an immense time of individual growth. There was worry that we'd come back and possibly not feel the same way. There was worry that Chris and Felix wouldn't want to be in a poly any more, even though they assured us that would not happen. Instead, we came back stronger and even more in love with each other. I'm so thankful. My love has continued to grow and I'm never looking back. I don't care that the world disagrees.
It hasn't always been easy. Especially at first. But now, our love is strong. No matter what, we will always be here for each other. And we don't care if no one else approves, likes or whatever. JYP knows, but he is not happy about it. I could care less, since I haven't liked him since the beginning. Looking around our snuggle pile, I see the men I love most in life. Who knew we might find THE woman who could enjoy our lifestyle with us? What I didn't tell Lynn, is it's been our dream. Who knew she'd show up right under our noses! I hope we hear something soon.
Changbin snuggles up closer to Chris, laying his head onto his stomach with a sigh. He smiles as Chris starts running his hands through his hair. "You ok Bin?"
"Yeah, I am. I'm hopeful Chris. Thank you for bringing us all together. I love you."
"I love you too Bin. And thank you. You and the others saved me and I will forever be grateful."
Seungmin snuggled up closer to Changin in his sleep and let out a sigh. He pulled him closer and covered them both with the blanket. He loves nights like this. Their lifestyle may not be for everyone, but he is so damn thankful for these amazing men in his life.
"I love you each. Let's always have snuggle piles, okay? I feel even more safe and loved when we have times like this"
"You got it Binnie. I love you too." Felix whispered sleepily from next to Hyunjin.
Eventually everyone fell asleep, all snuggled up in a Stray Kids pile in front of the T.V. Dreams of Lynn in their minds and hope in their hearts.