April
We spend another three days in New York, ensuring an interim truce is in place with the Council until the treaty can be finalized. Reed says it could take weeks for them to go over every detail and he wants to get me out of the city, away from prowling vampires.
"I'll come back down soon and finish off negotiations with the Council," he tells me as we drive back toward New Haven. "Though I suspect they'll want you part of it again at some point."
I say nothing to that and he adds, "You don't have to though, April. You're not responsible for any of this. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do."
It is nice that he says it, but I feel responsible in a way. It might not be my fault, but the truce broke in the first place because of me. Am I not at least somewhat obliged to help fix it?
I've tried to do a few classes online the past few days, but I'm woefully behind on college work. I still have a number of assignments and an exam before Spring Break. Maybe then I can finally breathe and take a moment to process everything.
We drop by Yale for me to pick up some things. Clothes, toiletries, my textbooks. A lot of my belongings remain stranded at my parents' house, but I won't venture back there quite yet. Maybe when Reed and I return to New York, I'll find the courage.
He looks around my small dorm room, his eyes momentarily pinning to my bed like he wants to throw me onto it. I shiver at the thought, but am focused on packing.
"What's this?" He asks, standing in front of my antique chest. He reaches down and flips open one of the latches.
"Nothing," I say quickly, hurrying over and doing the latch back up.
"April?" His face is concerned, a crease between his brows, lips pulled down. "No secrets between mates, remember?"
"So I'm not allowed privacy?" My voice is snippier than I intend it to be.
His frown deepens. "No, that's...That's not what I mean."
I sigh and push my hair out of my face, tying it up behind my head in a barely-holding bun. "I'm sorry. It's just a project I'm working on. But it's personal...for now."
"Alright," he nods, his expression still cautious. "Did you want to see your friend, Harper, while we're here?"
I consider it; of course, I want to see her. Badly. But she still thinks I'm with my parents in New York and I think in the interest of keeping her as far away from North as possible, it's for the best.
"No, let's just go."
We make the long drive back to the packhouse and he holds my hand the entire way.
My stomach knots with anxiety as we drive up the dirt road leading to the house. Reed's father, Sol, is standing on the porch with some of the emissaries, waiting for us.
I think Reed can sense my nervousness because he squeezes my hand before we get out.
Carrying my bag in one hand and holding me close with the other, he urges me up the front steps.
"It's good to see you both, healthy and safe," Sol says, his relief evident. "April, I'm sorry about what happened to you in New York."
"It's fine. I'm fine."
Sol nods and pins his stare onto his son. "We have a lot to discuss. Come to the Congregation and we'll–"
"I have to make sure my mate is settled. I'll come soon," Reed says, his voice respectful but also firm.
He takes me straight past his father and the others, into the warmth of the house. Werewolves are piled onto the couch and sitting on the floor of the living room. One has a guitar in his hands and Lark is singing beautifully. Some melancholic, haunting tune that I haven't heard before.
Her voice cuts out when she sees us. "They're back!"
She, along with Heath and several others, jump up and hurry toward us. I see North hanging back, his arms crossed over his chest and his expression unapproachable.
"I knew you couldn't stay away," Lark smiles at me.
"Yeah, well..." I don't know what to say. How do I explain that I came back because it wasn't entirely safe for me anywhere else?
"Come on guys, don't overwhelm her," Reed insists, a protective arm secured around my shoulders.
"What did the vampires say? Did you agree to another truce?" Heath questions.
Reed nods hesitantly. "We're still discussing the particulars–"
"After everything they did? How can you want a treaty with them?" Heath scoffs. Lark puts a hand on his chest, quieting him.
"I understand your frustration, man." Reed's voice is full of empathy. But in the blink of an eye, his face hardens. "But don't ever question my decisions. Excuse us."
He sweeps me away from them and into his small bedroom. I sit heavily on his bed, fidgeting, hating the way I captured the attention of the others.
"Your dad mentioned the Congregation. What's that?"
"It's just the meeting space. The barn in the other clearing."
"Oh." I look down.
"You ok?" He reaches out to touch my cheek.
"I guess it's just going to take some time to...settle in." To feel comfortable, is what I really mean.
"We've got time, April. All the time in the world," he assures me.
"Then...do we have to do the mating ceremony this upcoming full moon? It's only a few weeks away." It's something I've been wanting to say ever since he explained the ceremony to me.
He goes over and closes the bedroom door, then crouches in front of me, taking my hands in his. "We don't have to, of course. I want to," he admits. "Until your life is tied to mine, you're still mortal. Which means...I could lose you." His grip on my hands tightens. "I've already nearly lost you. I want to be sure that you'll be safe."
"So after the ceremony...the only way I die is if you die?"
"No. If I died—which I don't plan on doing, for the record—then you'd resume aging normally, as a human does. But you wouldn't die."
"And if I died? What would happen to you?"
Any tenderness or mirth drains entirely from his body. His shoulders are tense, as though the mere thought of it is unacceptable. "Your death may not directly lead to mine, but make no mistake; I have no intention of living in this world without you. It's unthinkable."
"Reed," I breathe, reaching out to touch his jaw. He leans into my hand and kisses my wrist, then stands.
"Give it a week or two. If you decide you still want to push back the mating ceremony, then we will. But I would like to go ahead with it, if only to ensure your safety."
I nod my agreement and he bends down to kiss my cheek, pausing and whispering into my ear, "And I am impatient to fuck you."
Heat flares through me and I reach for his shirt, to pull him on top of me, but he is already moving away from me, his lips ticked up.
"I'll be back as soon as I can," he promises and disappears out the bedroom door. I fling myself back onto the mattress.
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The next two weeks are insanely busy.
I catch up on school work, commute back to Yale when I need to, avoid Harper at all costs, and rapidly become involved in pack life.
It is nice, the community that Reed has. I don't exactly slot in easily, but I slowly find my footing.
We sit around a bonfire some nights and roast marshmallows and Lark sings for us.
Other nights, Reed spirits me away to an empty cabin on the edge of a far flung clearing and I moan his name freely, loudly, with his head buried between my legs.
I've never had a boyfriend and I don't know for sure if that's exactly what he is, but I like it. It's comfortable and pleasurable and waking in his arms feels like a homecoming every morning.
So what if there is a small hole in my chest? A slight emptiness, an ache for the steely mystery of a vampire I dare not speak about? It has only been a few short weeks since I last saw Nik. In a month, I will hardly remember the color of his midwinter eyes. In a year, I will forget the cadence of his voice. In a decade, I will no longer recall the taste of his lips. He will be lost to me completely and then, finally, I will be able to move on. Maybe I will be able to cast him from my mind entirely.
An unprecedented heat wave creeps in and in the middle of a sweltering night, Reed wakes me and pulls me out of bed.
Heath, Lark, North and four others are waiting for us on the front porch.
"Where are we going?" I hiss at Reed.
"It's too hot to sleep. Come on," is his only answer.
We trek through the forest, on a path I haven't been down yet. Some of the others race ahead, shifting into wolf form and disappearing into the dark.
I can hardly see a foot in front of me. I only don't trip over and fall on my face because Reed has an arm around my waist, steering me and lifting me over obstacles like fallen branches.
The forest thins and opens to a large lake. A gaping chasm of darkness, reflecting the stars and moon in its inky surface.
Without hesitation, the other wolves dive in, splashing each other and laughing loudly.
Lark climbs onto Heath's shoulders in the water.
"Go for a swim with me?" Reed grins, cupping my cheeks. He is more carefree now, in the dark, like the weight of responsibility he usually carries has been temporarily lifted.
I pull my shirt—which is really Reed's shirt—over my head, leaving me in just my bra and underwear.
We wade into the water together and it is a little chilly, but the repressive, humid heat of the night air makes it worth it.
He ducks under the water and grabs my ankles and I laugh and pull his hair. He clutches me against his chest and lifts me, my legs wrapping around his waist. Then I dive away from him and swim until he catches me.
He props me against his hip as we float and I kiss his cheek, my arms winding around his neck. We're a fair way from the others, who are play-fighting and splashing each other.
I comb back Reed's hair and kiss his forehead.
"Can I ask you something?" I whisper into the dark.
"When have I ever given you the impression that you can't ask me something?" He wonders.
"That's just it; you're always so open and honest. But I don't want you to talk about something you're not ready to just because you feel like you owe me this unwavering honesty."
He seems to mull this over for a moment. "Ask me," he finally decides. "And if I don't want to talk about it, I'll say so. But there's nothing I don't want to share with you, April."
I hesitate, the words sticking in my throat. "What...What about your mother? You've never even mentioned her."
He stands up straighter, finding the rocky bottom of the lake and holding me up higher out of the water.
"I have mentioned her, April," he replies quietly. "I told you about the werewolf I was close with who was killed by a vampire when I was twelve. It was my mother."
I suck in a sharp breath, clinging to him tighter. "Reed...I'm so sorry." I don't know if he means twelve in human years or werewolf years, but either way it is far too young for a child to lose their mother.
"It's ok," he assures me, stroking the skin of my back. "It was a long time ago. But for my father..." He turns his head away from me. "He disappeared for nearly an entire year after it happened. She was his mate, the love of his life. I was sure he'd killed himself. I stepped up as best I could, along with my father's emissaries, but I was a child. We needed a leader. Thankfully, he returned, although he was...a mess. He's pulled it together now, but I still sometimes think he's barely holding on. He lives for the pack and for me, to give me time to develop as a leader. But I think that–" He cuts himself off, glancing over his shoulder to his packmates. But they are all preoccupied across the lake, having found a swing that they use to launch themselves into the water. "Sometimes I think that he's just waiting, that the moment I take over as Alpha and the pack is settled under my leadership, he'll take his life so he doesn't have to keep suffering without her."
"Jesus," I murmur. "Reed, that's terrible. Isn't there anything we can do to help him?"
"I used to think so," he says and brushes my lips with the pad of his finger. "Therapy or something. But now, having met you, I understand it. The idea of living centuries without the one person you are destined to love is...horrifying."
I wrap my arms further around him and we hug tightly. The compassion I feel for him cuts deep like a physical wound.
But the pressure in my chest grows and festers. The pressure to go through with the mating ceremony, to help lead his pack and now the pressure that his happiness—and life—are dependent on me.
I am afraid that at some point, the pressure will grow to be too much.
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