What is wrong with me? Why don't I want to go in? I cannot face them right now...
Losing all of the courage I thought I had, I turn to leave and can hear Loki yell for me to come back. He bursts out of the door and begins to chase me. I have to get away from him before he teleports to me. Quickly I duck into an alcove and teleport back to my rooms. Casting a shield around my room, I drown out all sounds from both inside and outside; anyone who would knock on the door would feel a shock and it would be followed by a reverberating gong.
Waiting for a bit in my room, when I feel as though enough time has passed and that I am in the clear, I decide to go to the kitchens for a quick nibble of cake, I am sure it was left over from dinner. I missed dinner, and suddenly find myself starving. Not surprising at all, I run into Skarde, the head chef.
"Good evening Lady F/n, how are you and what brings you to the kitchens at this hour?" he asks, and kisses my hand.
"I am well and actually I was looking for cake, any chance there is some left over from dinner? How are you Skarde?" I ask and he says he's well, and leads me over to sit at the table in the kitchen.
He is the process of cleaning everything from the dinner as well as preparing the menu for tomorrow. He also got word that the King wants to have another ball soon so he and his mother are planning what they will serve.
"Thank you for the beautiful bouquet of flowers, but I must tell you..." I begin to tell him, "I am not looking to court anyone, so please do not be angry, I just do not feel as though I am ready." His face falls, and I continue.
"It's nothing about you, truly. I just want to figure some things out for myself first before I decide anything else, if that makes sense? But I do feel like we could at least start with being friends." He nods and smiles.
"I would be lying if I told you that I wasn't disappointed, but I understand." He says, and offers me a piece of chocolate cake and a glass of red wine.
He helps himself to some too, and we chat amicably and share a few laughs for a bit before Loki appears.
"Ingrid, are you here? Hello?" Loki intones, "oh Skarde, is your moth-...oh, F/n. ...." He looks at me awkwardly as if to say that I was the last person he was expecting to see here. He looks to the wine and cake and can tell that we have been sitting here for awhile.
"Good evening to you both, I hope that I am not interrupting your .....date?" Loki says with false sincerity.
Actually, I hope I am!
Loki!
Ah, I must have been interrupting something...is this why you went sprinting from me earlier? A cook? You are aware that I am a prince and your cook boyfriend works for me, correct?
Loki Don't start!
"Your Highness, no interruption at all. I am sorry my mother is in the hall working with Lady Kathalia on the seating for breakfast tomorrow." Skarde says nervously as he scrambles to his feet to bow. Loki nods curtly and leaves the room. It takes me a moment or two to realize exactly what he said.
"Oh SHIT! did you say my mom was in there too?" and Skarde nods.
"Damn!" I yell, "Thanks for the cake, wine and company... maybe we can continue our conversation some other time."
Grabbing my wrap and not waiting to see or hear his response, I dash through the doors to that lead to the great hall, through the pantry. I need to get to my mom before Loki does! I have no idea what he would say to her, or if he would say anything at all. But something slows me and I find that I am falling forward. I hit the floor with a thud and hope no one heard or saw me fall; my elbows feel bruised, and my leg feels like it too.
"Oww! What the...? Oh that's going to leave a mark.." I say to myself.
Rolling over on to my back, and pushing myself into a sitting position I check my elbow. I hear a sinister laugh and see Loki leaning casually up against the wall and slowly pulling his booted foot back, and smirking.
"Hehehe Hmmm...I do not think that I am going to apologize for that, I feel as though you deserved it after avoiding me for the past few days." Loki taunts me and makes a move to help me up.
"You trip me and are going to help me up? I don't think so..." I smack his hand away and stand on my own.
"Why must you be so resplendently complex?" Loki roars."I just want to help you up."
I will not let him know that my elbow is bruised, or that my leg hurts a little bit. Looking him squarely in the eyes, I can see his hurt, I can read his pain; and I wonder if he can feel mine or if he cares. But that's not really fair of me is it? He has tried to speak with me, and I have been avoiding him. Right now though, I do not want to talk with him.
"Your Highness, thank you for the beautiful flowers you had sent to my chambers. It was a lovely surprise, and I appreciate it. They were my favorite color and were incredibly thoughtful of you." I move past him, "now if you will excuse me, I would like to get some rest. Good Night my Prince, sleep well."
Loki reaches out and grabs my arm as I walk past him and he shoves me up against the wall. His face is so close to mine, so much that I can smell on his breath the wine he had been drinking.
"Loki, are you drunk?" I ask him.
"No, why?" he asks yet slurs some of his words, "oh yes, because I joined our friends for a few drinks, and you .... Did not? Why is that, why have you been avoiding me since the morning after the ball? Not just avoiding me but really avoiding everyone. What has happened to you?"
"I am not going to speak with you when you are like this..." I tell him, he would not be rational and we would end up fighting.
"Like what?" He taunts.
"Drunk, you have had a lot to drink, Loki..." I tell him honestly.
He says he isn't drunk but I can tell that he has had enough to drink that his inhibitions are lowered. He steps closer to me which causes me to be pressed further against the wall.
"Let go of my arm..." and as if to show that he won't be told what to do, he squeezes it, which causes me to squeak in pain.
A menacing smile plays on his lips. He moves closer to me, our lips are almost touching, I know what he is thinking and what he going to do next and I really hope he doesn't. He brings his hands up to my face and I begin to dread the feel of his thumbs on my temples...he knows that calms me, he knows that I enjoy how that feels, and my eyes start to water out of dread; I do not want to lower my defenses. He has found a weakness of mine, and is willing to use it against me especially if he can steal a kiss or more. He cannot wait for me to decide if I want to be his, he knows what he wants and will do whatever he can to get it. He continues to stare intently in my eyes and brings his hands ever so much closer to my face. There is part of him that is enjoying seeing me crumble in front of him, because of him...he is enjoying wielding the power he has over me. Using my eyes to plead with him, I am hoping he stops and just let's me go.
"Loki....please, don't..." I implore with as much desperation that I can whisper.
I close my eyes in fear and feel the hot tears stream from my eyes, roll down my cheeks and I start to shake as I brace for his touch. Every muscle in my body tenses. He is close enough to me that I can feel his hot breath on my neck...moving his mouth and face along my neck and jaw line, but not making contact with my skin. It's like he is the predator and I am the prey and he is trying to locate the perfect place to attack. One of his hands is on my waist, and his other is on the side of my neck, his long fingers curling around to the base of my hairline and his thumb resting right in front of my ear lobe.
What is wrong with me? Why don't I ask him to stop again, or at least defend myself allowing me to get away?
Because part of me is enjoying his proximity after not being in his presence for so long; I am concentrating so hard on not giving in to him, that it is almost impossible for me to remember any of my training, or to find my voice.
Why don't I just give in?
My thoughts drift briefly to the library...but I am brought back to the current moment when Loki speaks.
"Oh F/n... if you only knew what you do to me...how you make me feel...how much I love you," he says in a breathy whisper. "The things I would give you, and do for you, all you have to do is give in and be mine...forever."
He presses his lower body against mine and I can feel his excitement. Another small embarrassing squeak escapes my lips, and I can feel him smile against my skin as he begins to kiss my neck. The shaking becomes worse and then suddenly he stops, as a small sob escapes my lips.
"F/n, open your eyes, please." Loki says with a voice that is quiet and soft. "I am sorry, I... I am so embarrassed that you fear me." His voice shakes. "I didn't know that I .... We... affected each other in this manner. I am sorry, I am sorry for whatever I did that has caused you to respond to me this way, and I am sorry for how I reacted to you. I just cannot help myself when it comes to you, and that's not fair. I will give you whatever time you need away from me."
Opening my eyes slowly, I can see that he is on the verge of tears and has backed away from me a bit. This is too much for him to take; the reaction from his best friend-someone who has been by his side through so much. He had no idea how I was feeling, and I didn't realize how my body and mind were going to react to him. I am frozen, I want to wipe the tears from my face since I am ashamed and embarrassed that Loki saw this...this completely unintentional reaction. I am trying to figure out why I am mad at him again...
Briefly Loki looks away from me, and then turns back. He has an enormous amount of love in his eyes and is pleading with me silently to not be angry at him. Our eyes are locked on to each other's and there is a shift in our vibes to each other. We are suddenly not angry or annoyed with each other, we are fighting the urge to run in to the other's arms and give in to desires. Tentatively, we take a step toward each other.
"Lady F/n? did you find your moth..." Skarde comes through the door and is dumbfounded when he sees me up against the wall and Loki looking like he is moments away from ravaging me. He can see that both Loki and I have either cried or are on the verge of tears, and he is confused.
"Are you ok? Lady F/n? Your Highness? Do you require assistance, I can summon the guards or healers if either of you need" he asks in a guarded tone. Loki and I finally break eye contact with each other, and Loki backs away from me and nods.
"Apologies Lady F/n," Loki says and bows ever so slightly, "now if you will both excuse me, I bid you both a good night" he turns quickly on his heel and leaves.
"Are you truly ok?" Skarde asks me, I nod and thank him as he places a sympathetic arm around my shoulders.
"Could I ask a favor of you?" he nods and inclines his head.
"Would you be able to get Asmund to walk me back to my room?" While he is occupied with summoning Asmund, I remove the memory of what he saw with Loki and me. I hope I performed the spell correctly, if not memory spells can go horribly wrong without any way to be fixed. Within moments, Asmund is at my side and walking me back to my chambers. We chat a bit as we walk, and then before he leaves me he speaks.
"Lady F/n, I hope that whatever caused you to fear walking back to your rooms alone has been handled. If not, please let me know, and I will take care of it to ensure that you are not harmed." Asmund says grandly.
"Thank you Asmund, sometimes I do not know what I would do without you." I enter my rooms, close and shield my door. After a relaxing bath, and attempting to heal the bruise on my elbow and leg, I fall asleep.
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