Why Even Try (Book 1 of 4)

Chapter 14 - Getting Better

"Good afternoon Lady F/n..." she says and moves around to my face, "how are you feeling?"

I try to move, and she immediately moves to help me, and signals for some other person to come help. Once I have rolled over on to my back, I see that she has a brought a light brown haired man with stunning beautiful blue eyes to help me sit up. He is incredibly handsome.

"Oh! Hello, " I say to him and feel my cheeks flush slightly

"Hello, I am Cedrin milady, and I am just starting to work with Eira on becoming one of her assistants." Cedrin says.

"Hello Cedrin, I am Lad-" I begin but he cuts me off

"Many know who you are Lady F/n, your legend and reputation precede you" he says and kissing my hand, "as well as being one of the most beautiful, sought after and eligible ladies in the court-even though you appear to have been claimed by Prince Loki"

Before I can respond and ask what he means by that, Eira speaks first.

"Now... Cedrin," Eira begins "Lady F/n's injuries are a result of the explosion yesterday..."

She asks me if I am ok showing him the injury since he is in training. Wanting to help out, I agree and actually find myself becoming somewhat shy around him. Eira thoroughly explains what happened and how I was healed temporarily until I could get to the ward. She also talks about the time I will have to spend in the ward, and my anticipated healing time but I don't really pay attention since I am a little taken with Cedrin.

He's so good looking! And I hate that he sees me in this condition.

Once again I feel tears threaten and they both decide to leave. I lay back down and reach over to read the book of poetry that Loki has left behind. I read a little bit and when the words become blurry I know that it is time to sleep.

I have to find out where Loki got this book of poetry, many of these are unheard of, and the words are some of the most beautiful I have ever read.

Meanwhile, back in his rooms...

Loki has spent most of his day sulking in his rooms, and embarrassed about having fallen asleep on me.

Why did I run from there? I should have left as soon as she fell asleep, but I was enjoying being near her, and feeling her next to me. I am so embarrassed; she may never want to speak to me again. She is the only one who understands me. I almost lost her and if I would have left last night I would have regretted it, but I have no idea why. What is wrong with me?

Like a spoiled child, Loki flounces on to his bed and screams in frustration into one of his satiny pillows. He has used some telepathy and managed to destroy some things in his room. Exhausted from having used most of his magic, he eventually falls asleep.

Frigga knocks on his doors and enters the rooms to see him sleeping on his bed. She pads over to his side to rouse him; carefully stepping around the mess he has made.

"Sweetheart you missed lunch and it is almost time for dinner..." she says to him and he rolls over and rubs his eyes.

"Darling, what's troubling you?" she asks him, "What have you done to your room?"

"Nothing," he responds and continues to stare up at the ceiling, concentrating and flicking his wrists, his room is restored to its usually neat appearance.

"You know that you cannot lie to me, correct?" she giggles and then stands, "and if I have to tell you what I think is wrong, you will probably find it slightly embarrassing."

"Fine!" Loki sits up quickly.

"I am embarrassed mother! I should not have fallen asleep on F/n. And as I was waking, I .... I did things that a lover would do, and clearly we are not lovers. She didn't want me there since she nudged me and had a question in her eyes to why I was there... she only sees me as friend, and only ever will. She probably thought I always wake with one of the leisure ladies next to me...after what I did."

"Loki, you know she knows that you have nothing to do with any of them..." she says.

Frigga looks at her youngest son, and watches as he paces about the room. She chooses her next words carefully but eventually cannot hide what she sees.

"Loki! You care for her! " she exclaims and claps her hands together.

Loki turns on his heel and stares at his mother in disbelief.

"Well of course I do, she is my best friend..." he says and Frigga shakes her head.

"No my son, you care for her as more..." she moves over and turns Loki towards her and places her hands on his face, "you are worried that she sees you only as a friend, but you must want more. You do want more... you love her."

Loki shakes his head as if Frigga's words are truly disturbing and incomprehensible.

"No.. I can't, I am not...." He sighs and composes himself before he continues, "I am not the lovable one, or one who is able to love. Thor is...and that has been made abundantly clear since our childhood. I am the monster, the god of mischief and lies, probably destined to be alone for all of my days. Besides even if I could love, who could or would love me back?"

"Son, you don't mean that..." Frigga pulls Loki to a hug. "you can't mean that..I am your mother, and I love you."

"Mother, if it were true that I did....love her" he says those words as if they are the most disgusting thing, "it matters not, she does not feel the same."

Frigga thinks for a moment, then responds.

"Can you say that for certain you know of her feelings; that you know what is in her heart? Have you seen her yet today? Perhaps explain why you left so quickly this morning? She deserves to know why you did what you did; your actions could have hurt her feelings. If you are best friends as you say, I bet she is missing you. She needs support and love from all of her friends right now."

Frigga laughs and then continues.

"Loki, you both have spent so much time together since you were children, do you not think that your absence from her today is hurting her? Especially now at a time when she needs all the love and support she needs. I bet she needs you as much as you need her."

"Thank you mother..." He says and she hugs him once more before leaving the room.

Loki shakes his head, he did not think that I would want to be around him since he left so early this morning after his actions. Showering and cleaning himself up he is determined to go see me and make sure I am not mad at him. He changes his clothes into his armor. Once he catches a glimpse of himself, he changes back to his more casual black pants and white tunic. Instead of his usual boots, he wears a pair of black slippers.

She always did like it when I was more casual.

He smiles to himself and conjures a bouquet of flowers and walks to my room in the Healer's Ward. He knocks, and when he does not hear a response he enters the room and sees that I am facing the windows, away from the door.

"F/n?" he calls gently.