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C A Z H V Y R E
THERE WAS NO WAY THE TRAIN RIDE COULD ARRIVE ANY SLOWER than I was prepared for. This, in my opinion, is the slowest point in the journey from the realm of enchantment to the life of reality. While the train travel home would be filled with recollections of what we had learnt and missed Hogwarts, the train ride in summertime was the time when you would start the year with memories from your summer and excitement of new discoveries. However, some would simply believe that returning to this train would mean suffering for an additional year and that returning home would be the highlight of their lives.
I fit into none of those categories.
Though the loneliness clings to me like knives, waiting for them to reassure me from pain and the boredom I bring from not having a life outside of Hogwarts, I do not fear the journey to Hogwarts for another year. More than a handful of my previous encounters in Muggleworld, it was my getaway. It was my brief opportunity to breathe, to take in some fresh air, and to spend some alone time. The ride home, though, was the worst. It's not even close to becoming a home. Since my brother left me and my parents passed away, it has never been my home.
This time, I knew I was anticipating a more...aggravated reaction from that guy.
Sanderfell Ravens.
That disgusting git of an uncle.
In our family, it's claimed that a guy born into conceivable requirements or high potential of magic ought to have his name begin with the letter S, as my brother Skylerence Nère Ravens did. In the meantime, a girl with a name beginning with D, like my mother Diana Fye Ravens, would likewise have a reputation to maintain. I am Cazhvyre Rène Ravens, given that my father's side was overjoyed to give his kids any name, even if they didn't adhere to those customs.
I was at least able to get away with that kind of stuff in their family. On my mother's side, there was considerably fewer cruelty yet more pureblooded coding. They were relying more on controlling oneself. But all I know is that we are the only remaining Raven descendants, along with my uncle's children and those of his sister.
Yes, my father inherited my mother's last name as his own. I'm not entirely sure how it all went down, but I suppose it was one custom my father had to comply with. Even now, when they were still living, I could not recall ever hearing his last name spoken in any of the conversation.
Recalling my terrifying background, I would be seeing my uncle in a matter of minutes. I wish the deamentors were approaching or something else would cause this train to stop. I also wish it could move more slowly. I promptly thought of it when I recalled my previous vision.
I wonder if that would also happen during our last game next year against Slytherin. I would be facing off with Regulus.
Regulus Black.
My secret friend, perhaps. It really depends on his mood at times, but I do treat him like a friend.
He walked up to me yesterday following the events in the Great Hall and inquired about my well-being, observing that I was seldom that tense during an argument. Naturally, I pretended to be fine, but inside, I was a little furious because I had been holding everything within. That's when it finally came out.
I simply give him my most typical response since I can't just tell him, "Oh, it's not like a voice in my head commanded me to do that and I was unable to resist being affected by it."
In addition, he expressed his desire to have a meeting with me prior to the pureblood celebration and gala. I mean, unless the severity of my punishment this time prevented me from leaving, I could definitely make something up to get away for a little bit. I'm also not allowed to let my uncle know that I'll be seeing Regulus. That discussion might go in any possible direction.
Marriage, for instance. I truly aren't fond of it and would prefer to stay away from it as much as possible.
Godric, returning to my uncle once more. I promise that he may simply pass away, and I would be glad to attend the ball to commemorate that. I made an effort to push my pessimistic thoughts aside and at last pay attention to what my friends were saying.
James joyfully called out to Sirius, who was wearing a frown, "Oh, come on, Padfoot! A little skiing wouldn't kill."
"Last time we did something like that, I broke an arm and a leg!" scoffed Sirius.
That made me almost burst into laughter. How poor is he at winter sports to be in an incident in that degree of injuries?! He must not really like any kind of those if he is not budging at James' pleas.
I nearly fell out laughing at that. What a mess of a snow sportsman is he to be involved in an incident with those kinds of injuries? If he is not giving in to James's entreaties, then he must not actually like any form of them.
Sirius clung to Remus and cried out, "Moony! Save me from this savage!"
Remus, in the meantime, sent him a scornful glance and returned to talking with Peter about the goodies they would have to sample throughout the Christmas season. Despite being severely upset, Sirius still holds onto him.
At that, I grinned. Sirius Black, what is that behavior you're displaying?
James grabbed me from the side and said, "Cazh, you're doing that again where you appear like you're plotting a murder while in a disoriented look." It stopped me in my inner monologues.
I said, "I was planning to push Sirius off a cliff if that skiing trip happened," which is only partially true because I might be able to get away with it, but doing so will only bring me more punishment when I return the house. In reality, though, I was really thinking of pushing him when I had the chance just to feel like I was able to.
As Remus eventually gave him a blow to the back of his skull for tossing him excessively, Sirius said, "Hey! Don't gang up on me, you two! Moony, help! They're both planning my death!"
"I would be watching it unfold," Remus said while rolling his eyes.
Peter threw me a quick high five, which I cheekily returned, "Sorry, Sirius. I don't have any skill in balancing myself. It's safe to say that we both would probably die together if I helped you."
"Bullocks! Everyone is against me!" Sirius cries while the rest of us continue to chuckle or go about our daily activities.
With anticipation, James asks, "Does that mean you'll go with us if there's a Christmas trip?" I couldn't help but be in awe of his lovely nature.
As I drew nearer to him, the small space between us caused him to get slightly tense. With a sheepish smile, I said, "I would rebel and escape the house if I have to be with you in that skiing trip as well as watch Sirius struggle for his life."
He continued, almost slipping with that one, "Merlin, I could not ask for a cooler gi-friend."
He blushed madly when I jokingly lifted my eyebrows. He just had to ask if he wished me to become his girlfriend. I'm fairly certain that my feelings for him would become irreversible.
However, time is crucial. When I'm certain that the timing is appropriate to eatablish an official relationship with him, I'll let everything play out. It's not as though I don't trust him. More than anything, it's an inquisitiveness of myself and what might transpire in the future with me-a girl with multiple secrets and trust issues.
I don't want to ruin him just to satisfy my inner happiness.
I played along with what Remus and the others were playing to kill time, but I made a bold statement that astonished him: "I would do anything for you, Potter." At my side was a delighted Gryfindor boy with a charming smile and unkempt hair. That was all I could think about the rest of the train ride.
. . .
James seized to my side and pleaded, "Come on, love. Come with us. You can hopefully meet my parents before we part."
It's crazy to meet the parents before we have a label and when I'm not mentally prepared to do so. No, thank you. Even though I knew they were wonderful, lovely people, I'm not ready to interact with any adult other than my uncle since I know he would be upset if he spotted me.
Moreover, I don't think I'm ready to meet the Potters. Intense waves of anxiousness about seeing my uncle soon have been dampening my façade. My friends turned to face me as I felt the mood shift. Before I could even respond, a hand was on my shoulder. That touch seemed familiar to me. Fucker.
"Perhaps another time, Mr. Potter. I believe my niece and I have some catching up to do, and we are behind time. She's also very tired, right dear?" It was a warning that if I detest him here, those conversations might as well be done right here, right now, and I wouldn't want my friends to see that. James and the others give him a detached glance as they carefully await my response to determine how they should respond. Since they are unfamiliar with my uncle, I am aware that they are making every effort to be courteous.
I presume my uncle is stating that there's some urgent news we need to address, and I do feel exhausted. "Sorry, guys. I'll introduce myself to your family next time, James." Yes, I'm sick of living with this monster and even being here alongside him.
James still appears anxious, but he doesn't say, "We'll see you on Christmas, Cazh." Instead, he seems to be hesitant to give me a hug. Feeling the tension in the air, the others simply said farewells as well.
Fuck, he's excessively enrage to even try to cover things when the negativity becomes so evident. Being hauled away from them left me with no time to react.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
As we went, he looked straight into my eyes and said, " An arrangement on Christmas, I see. I wasn't even aware of that."
'Cazh, stop engaging in conversation.' I tried to calm myself. "It was a spur of the moment." By responding in that way, I'm almost digging myself a deeper grave.
"Well, I guess we must reprimand you again. Those mudbloods and blood traitors corrupted you greatly. I also recall advising you not to be in their presence, and yet I received some letters regarding those close relationships." He stated as he was about to appariting us. Anytime I see Avery again, I'm going to kill him. His demise was long overdue.
Even though I knew there would be consequences, I couldn't help but redirect my rage at him by saying, "I'm pretty sure I'm all right without your disciplinary acts, uncle." I had to take measures concerning the Ravens' anger management problems.
He said icily, "We'll see about that when you're on the ground pleading for mercy." This isn't good, I see. If he's trying to hide his rage under a mask of indifference right now, then he's definitely planning my murder. I might as well not make it until Christmas.
Fuck my life, my foolish opinions, and my brilliant brain for allowing my feelings to control me.
Everything transpired so quickly. As soon as we apparated, I was hurled to the ground. My head struck close to the living room table and felt lightheaded. He just got started without even allowing us to catch our breath. He kicked me in the back without waiting for me to rise up and said, "Foolish child!" My hands covered most of my head as my body instinctively curled to protect my abdomen in defense. I tried to lessen the harm, but the kicking never ceased.
I'm unable to escape out. Running away or protesting never proved to be an excellent choice because it would simply result in more instances similar to this one. He pulled my body forward, twisting my arm in the process. "Get up!" That will be painful like crazy afterwards, fuck. When my face finally came into view, uncle smacked me, presumably overstimulated and thinking about how much I looked like my mother, the golden child.
He spat and knocked me off my feet once more. "It's always that disgusting face. You're just like your mother, a blood traitor!" How many minutes were left? My entire body was covered in what seemed like hours of searing anguish.
He took me by my hair again and yelled, "Why don't you ever heed to me, Cazhvyre? I'm doing what is necessary for the family. You're the only one I can count on not to turn rotten like the rest." The talks given are the same every time. Why am I unable to be a true Ravens? How come I aren't a submissive niece? How come I can not just be another pureblood, superior to everyone else?
Simply because I'm not.
I'm not sure who I am anymore. However, I refused to become the puppet he envisioned me to be.
I could not suppress an uncontrollable chuckle. His face changed from being pleasant to being frigid as I stared into it. He tightened his hold on my hair and said, "You found this hilarious? Are you ridiculing me?" I refrained from flinching in the slightest.
"Apologies, uncle. I couldn't just quit how morbid your life is, still catching up to your dead sister, which you will never overcome. Might as well follow her to the ground." I couldn't quite bring myself to let his remark strike me more deeply than they did. Even though I was taught how to fight, the trauma, the terror, and all those horrific experiences kept me bound to this family and to this place. In this kind of situation, I usually shut up and just dissociate from myself, and yet the fire inside me boldly spread like wildfire in my veins. Somehow, I couldn't get myself to let his words hit me just like that, more than physically.
Even if I might not be in the position to save myself entirely, I would not give up without having to fight.
"I should've begun with severe punishment so you wouldn't be able to chatter with that vile tongue of yours," remarked the man. Even though my uncle can be frightening when he expresses his wrath in public, I was most afraid of him when he bottled up that rage into his expressionless face.
Eventually, my wits returned when I realised that, despite my uncle's intense rage, I still had my wand with me. I saw him lift his wand, and I knew exactly what he was going to do. I raised mine as well and stopped second-guessing myself.
"Expelliarmus!" startled him, but he dodged just in time thanks to his lightning-fast reflexes. I sometimes wish I didn't have such powerful genes because, obviously, he would have the same reflexes.
"You dare!" He yelled as I attempted to flee the living room, but before he could even turn around, I cast another spell, "Stupefy!" I could technically disappear from here, yet I'm not old enough to apparate, but the Ravens family has a really strong barrier defence system and can even shut people inside when they want to, so my only option is to dash upstairs.
I was only a few steps ahead of the stairs when I heard a horrying spell, "Bombarda!" Fuck! I knew what was happening the moment I flew out of the way and land awkwardly on my side. I think I heard my ribs crack. Fucking hell! He's crazy to even use that spell inside the house!
"You lunatic!" I can't help but spat out.
"You left me no choice, Cazhvyre. Tsk, such a pesk like her mother." He said as he got closer to where I am.
My head was ringing from the aftermath of the spell. I don't know where my wand is, and I can't even use wandless magic. I knew he would use that against me when he finds out how more special I am. That would add fuel to his never-ending envy and anger.
Through my blurry vision, I saw the tip of his wand facing me, and I already knew what spell it was going to be.
"Crucio!" The same excruciating and deafening spell struck my whole body without mercy and time to prepare myself. It was always the same trick, the same suffering, and yet my body always cannot handle it. It was like something always broke inside me, and I could not do anything after it.
"Ahhhhh!" I let out a scream that seems to drown to his cries of repetitive use of the spell.
"There were no escape routes in this nightmare, "Crucio! Crucio! Crucio!" I'm not sure how many hours went by, but I eventually lost my voice and the desire to make an effort to get off the ground, and my scream transformed into muted cries, broken pleadings, and agonising whimpers.
Rest. Become unconscious. Rest. Kindly pass out. I must go to sleep. It's beyond what I can take. Please, let me pass peacefully.
Between the spells, I passed out, but I was unable to stay unconscious completely. My body was at its breaking point, even as my head was screaming for me to get out.
All I want is for it to end.
"Get up! We're not through. You might as well spend your time in the basement. You forced this upon yourself, Cazhvyre." I tried to wriggle free of his hold, even though I didn't have much strength left. I fight endlessly to escape yet another nightmare.
Not the basement, please!
Please.
I am afraid to remain there.
I don't know what I was saying, but I just wanted to get away. "Let go! Please! No! Stop! C-cant! Ple-".
Still, I could feel the well-known chain hanging from my hands slightly above my head. He next fastened my lower legs with the same similar-looking chain. I wanted to trash around, but all I could think about was the same pleas that kept repeating in my head and the tears that would not stop streaming from my eyes.
He looked into my eyes and said, "Don't fret, I'll let you off with a few more curses, just sufficient to keep you alive and breathing." The light in my eyes was fading as the blackness that surrounded my frayed soul drew closer.
"You ought to shoulder blame for this," were the final words I heard from him before he started cursing again.
. . .
J A M E S
When we eventually go to the Potters' Manor, my parents are met with Sirius's antics. "Oh, Cazh! You're stunning! Merlin, I could drop dead right now!"
I was so embarrassed that I had covered my face. "Sod off, Padfoot!" I should have stood up for myself, but I knew that I had uttered such things while I was delusional and gazing at Cazhvyre Ravens.
Mum gave me a funny look and said, "Language, James."
They're on to me, I just know it.
I glared at Dad when he said, "Seems like a lovely girl making James practically fall on her feet."
"Cazh is incredible! You will love her! She is like a sister to me as well," Sirius exclaimed with gusto as he chewed his meal.
Mom isn't done making fun of me, though, since she looked at me again and said, "You should've invited her, James. We would love to spend time with her, the girl who finally let you move on from your long-year crush."
They nodded in agreement as I added, "Mum! I did, okay? It's just that her uncle's a bit strict on house rules. She promised she'll try though," but Sirius merely scoffed at that, forcing us to glance at him.
I was afraid that the sensation in my gut would never go away. "House rules? I wouldn't call it that. Pureblood family like mine might as well call it punishments." He said in response. At that, my parents began to give us a concerned look as well.
My mother is already in the process of arranging for her to remain at our house because my father and she both consented. "Did she tell you of her house life? You know, you can make her stay here if needed."
As he stops eating and just stares at his food, Sirius stated, "Not really in details, but it's probably worse from what I have already gathered. She's strong though, so I hope she can handle it." He was likely thinking back to the dreadful experience from his own previous household.
We nodded in agreement as Dad continued, "Well, if we can assist in any way, just tell us. We'll try our best to make her feel as at ease as possible." Mom leads the way for us to eat once more, but Sirius and I can't help but worry about this again.
Now, if only I could see her.
I wish Christmas was here already, ugh.
. . .
R E G U L U S
It was just like any other dinner with my parents, where the clanking of the knife, spoon, and fork can only be heard. Yet, I can't help but feel something amiss that made me tense up to every action of my parents. It felt like there's something that they wanted to address at the moment as they also kept me in check.
I balled my hand into a fist to calm myself as much as possible. I couldn't break my mask at the moment, not in front of them.
My father stated, "Regulus, I received some news a few weeks ago," which caused me to start trembling beneath the table. Relax. I made every effort to keep myself from being so vulnerable, but I couldn't help but allow multiple images to enter my head and wonder what kind of report my parents would be made aware of.
If it was about my grades, I wouldn't be feeling this restricted or anxious. I was also aware that this semester that I had received excellent marks. So what's the deal? Has anyone written about the meeting that took place with my brother on his birthday? Was there anything I did wrong this year while I was a Hogwarts student?
I stopped with my father's next remarks after racking my brains over several ideas.
"I think you've found a new friend," my heart pounded so loudly that I was unable to comprehend it given that I was getting so terrified.
"A pureblood girl from the Ravens' household." I turned my attention to my father's gaze, quickly tuning out the other sounds. It was not disdain or disgust. Even my mother seems content with the current circumstances.
What is going on?
I almost forgot to respond to my father's comment, "Answer me, boy." That would have earned me several lectures, but because he didn't follow up with a depressing comment about my manners, I suppose their curiosity got the better of them.
I was honest as I don't think lying is ever a good idea. "Yes. We happened to meet and converse with each other a few months ago." Cazh might potentially be impacted. Since we are already friends, it's not like I can't agree with them either. If they are bringing this up, they must already be aware of it.
My mother said something that left me feeling perplexed on the inside but maintained a neutral expression on the outside: "An excellent choice, I believe, dear."
"What your mother meant is that she is from a distinguished pureblood family that also had a remarkable legacy in magic. You should've told us about her and your closeness," my dad clarified. However, I couldn't help but be concerned by their apparent interest in our developing friendship.
I tried to ask several questions to try and get further clarification, like "Does this entail it is acceptable for me to maintain my friendship with her?"
This time, my mother's response nearly made me drop my fork: "Why, of course, dear! We are actually delighted that you both have the opportunity to know each other as she is on the top list of candidature over your marriage."
"Pardon?" I couldn't resist responding right away after learning the unexpected news regarding my marriage. Although I was aware that it would eventually happen to their selected pureblood lineage, nothing about this is to be anticipated.
"You did not have to dump all the news so suddenly like that, Walburga. Well, since it come to this, we just would like to inform you that no one is preventing the two of you to get to know each other as this will be a more efficient procedure for picking someone desirable as your future wife. Her uncle even encourages the notion as he is also pleased with it." My dad clarified, but it failed to slow down my heart's rapid pace.
I hastily inquired, "Does she know?"
My mother reassured me as they went back to their own business, saying, "Cazhvyre Ravens? I am convinced her uncle is already talking about this with her. Don't fret too much, and just cherish your time with each other." I was therefore unable to request any further questions.
What led to this situation?
I hope Cazh is handling this news well. I couldn't even begin to think how furious she would be-probably more over being forced into an undesired marriage than over the idea of us being together, given that she and Potter are currently together.
I can't help but look forward to seeing her at the upcoming gala so we can discuss this topic in more detail.
I hope this won't turn into a bloodbath of a gala.
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