#DS7Unbalanced #InoCent #SMCouple #DaggerSeries
A/N: If you're interested to see the variation Tiara danced in this chapter so that you could visualize it more, just look for the shorts/reel on Youtube by Eva Nys. Search Black Swan by Summer Montenegro :)
CHAPTER FIFTEEN: FREEDOM
TIARA'S POV
Dance, kiss Domino, breakfast.
That's right. Dance, kiss Domino, breakfast. I'm a strong, independent woman. I could do this. I'm old enough, I'm not involved with anyone else, and this is the perfect setup for me. I will get to experience things I never thought I would: passion and intimacy. I'll have that without the danger of being in too deep because I could walk away when it's safe for me to do so.
"You said you couldn't give him the future, so stop thinking about the future."
Closing my eyes for a second, I inhaled a deep breath. Lucienne was right. I need to stop thinking about the end for now. May tamang panahon paran ro'n. Dance, kiss Domino, breakfast.
I opened my eyes, forced myself to step down from the last step of the staircase, and turned my back on the kitchen. I went straight to the glass house, and I wasn't surprised that it already had the perfect temperature. Tagaytay gets really cold in the morning, and the dance studio needs to be at least 21 degrees Celsius.
I took off the fuzzy pink slippers I'm wearing and put them on the side of the door. Kasama iyon sa binili para sa akin ng mga babaeng Dawson. It looks cute, and I like it, so I've been wearing it.
"Oh! Water—" Napatigil ako nang mapatingin ako sa maliit na lamesa kung saan naroon ang remote control ng glass house. My Hydro Flask is already in there, and beside it is a sparkling red Minnie Mouse tumbler with a straw. "He's really not going to make this easy, isn't he?"
I walked toward the table with a small smile on my lips. I reached for the tumbler, and I saw that it had lemon wheels inside. Shaking my head, I took a sip. Nang matapos ako ay ibinaba ko na iyon at sinipat ko ang sarili ko sa salamin na sa dulo ng kinaroroonan ko.
Bending down, I put on my pointed shoes, and then I pulled on the leg warmers over my white tights. I straightened and retied my black mesh wrap around skirt while looking myself over.
I'm wearing a leotard from my favorite brand, Wear Moi. When I'm training and Naomi or my mother is around, I usually wear Yumiko brand. It's a great brand, and they're known to be one of the best, but personally, I like the flare of Wear Moi. Yumiko is more expensive though hence why they like them.
Wear Moi has simple designs, which I also love and have, but I mostly enjoy their more creative leotards. They can make something plain look artistic by just using small pieces of fabric. Like Aeglos, which I'm wearing right now. It's a black halter leotard, and it has a simple cut. What makes it stand out is the embroidered tulle on each side of the bust and back connected to the neck, which gives the illusion of wings.
I like to feel like I'm making an effort for the day. Most people in their own profession would wake up, put their makeup on, and choose the best outfit to wear to work. Like an armor to prepare for the battle.
Inabot ko ang cellphone ko. I played the first thing on the list, and I started my warm-up. Fifteen minutes later, I was primed to go.
I reached for my phone again, and I searched for Tchaikovsky from my playlist and the particular variation that I wanted. "Swan Lake, Op. 20, TH 12, Act 3, Number 19 F, Pas de six, Variation 5," I mumbled. What a mouthful.
It's for Odile's variation. It's one of my favorites. "And yet I haven't used it in a performance."
My manager prefers that I perform softer and more dramatic pieces. Most of those are from lead characters who are considered the protagonists. She and my mother agreed that I look better playing those kinds of parts since I have a soft look.
Hindi ako nakikipagtalo sa kanila sa bagay na iyon lalo na kay Naomi. Despite everything, she knows how to do her job. I have sponsors lined up as proof of that.
But Olena and I would often practice variations that were far from what people usually see me perform. One of those is Odile's variation, which is from Swan Lake. Sometimes it's called the Black Swan.
It's a complicated piece that requires a ballerina to dance en pointe, it's very technical and precise, and it requires stamina. But what I like the most about it is its angst.
Naglakad ako papunta sa gitna ng glass house. While looking in the mirror, I arranged the expression on my face as I began the first step. It wasn't a wicked expression to emphasize Odile's role, and it isn't the blank stoic that some ballerinas do when performing this variation. Instead, there's a small curved on my lips, a tug in the corners, that makes me look almost smug and haughty.
There were a lot of hand movements in this variation, as if to replicate wings. There's also a handful of extensions, leaps, temps levé in arabesque, which is basically just a number of hops with one leg stretched behind, and fouettes and pirouettes, which are a series of turns.
Some ballerinas often portray Odile either with a hint of anger or a misplaced joy because of too much smiling. I don't find Odile angry. She was deceptive and manipulative, but one of the most important traits she has is that she's a seductress.
I matched the music as it went louder and faster, taking in all the wide space of the room. I was nearly flying with each leap, but I made sure that I landed with grace while at the same time ensuring that my body kept its lines beautifully.
The music reaches its final notes, and the narrative finally closes. My final pose became the punctuation of the story's conclusion. I assumed the position with one foot bent in front while the other stretched behind me and one arm pointing downward while the other was stretched upward.
"Wow."
I almost slip into a split in surprise if I don't manage to pull myself up in the last second. Nilingon ko ang pintuan ng glass house at bahagyang namilog ang mga mata ko nang makita ko roon si Domino na nakatayo habang may dalang tray ng pagkain.
"Oh my god, Domino. Are you trying to kill me?"
"Nope. I'm trying to feed you." Itinaas niya ang hawak niya. "Breakfast?"
Breakfast. The word sounded like a ping in my mind that reminded me of my morning's mantra. Dance, kiss Domino, eat breakfast.
Oh shit. "Pwede naman kitang puntahan sa kusina."
Nagkibit-balikat siya. "Now I saved you a trip so you can continue dancing after you have breakfast and a few minutes of rest."
Pinaikot ko ang mga mata ko at nangingiting lumapit siya sa lamesa para ipatong doon ang dala niya. Before I lost my courage, I followed him.
"Do you want me to get a chair or—"
The moment he turned to look at me, I was already beside him. He couldn't finish his sentence since that's when I tiptoed and planted a kiss on his cheek.
Ignoring the warmth on my cheeks, I looked at him shyly under my lashes and said, "Thank you for the breakfast."
He just stared at me with unblinking eyes. Para bang napako siya sa kinatatayuan at hindi siya makagalaw. Nag-iwas ako ng tingin at umabot ako ng piraso ng prutas na nasa tray at sinubo ko iyon. I kept the expression on my face neutral and innocent.
"What..." he whispered. "Did that just happen?"
I cleared my throat. "Nothing."
"Oh." Still spaced out, he pulled out a blanket from the drawer under the table. Sinimulan niya iyong ilatag pero sandaling tumigil siya at nilingon ako. "Are you sure that nothing really happened? Because I could have sworn that you just kissed me."
Pinaningkitan ko siya ng mga mata. "Shut up."
Sumilay ang ngiti sa mga labi na tinapos na niya ang ginagawa. Before I could move, he pulled me to him, and we both crashed to the floor. Well, he crashed to the floor while I dropped on his lap.
"You can't expect me to function after that, doll. I think you fried a thousand of my brain cells in one go."
I rolled my eyes. "Whatever." Pinagkrus ko ang mga braso ko. "Are we going to eat or not?"
Imbis na sagutin ako ay nangingiting inabot niya lang ang tray at ibinaba niya iyon sa sahig. There's two plates in it with avocado toasts with bits of what look like sun-dried tomatoes.
"How very American of you," I teased.
"Actually, they said that it originated from Australia. Mas obsess nga lang ang mga amerikano sa ganiyang pagkain." He grabbed a fork, and he cut a piece. I tried to move so I could sit beside him, which would make it easy for him to continue what he's doing, but his hold on me tightened. "Samantalang sa mga Pinoy ginagawang dessert 'yan."
I stopped trying to struggle with his hold. "Really?"
Inumang niya ang tinidor sa bibig ko at kusang bumuka ang mga labi ko para tanggapin iyon. "They combine it with condense milk here. Ginagawa nilang ice cream or ice candy. I'll make you some later."
"Condense milk has a lot of calories."
"Then you can just have one bowl."
I shake my head. "One spoonful."
"Seven."
My eyes narrowed into a slit. "Three."
"Five."
Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga at pinakatitigan ko siya. He's grinning from ear to ear, as if he's immune to the murderous look I'm giving him. "You're such a stubborn ass, you know that?"
"Yep." He cut another piece of toast and gave it to me. "So? Are we going to talk about the kiss?"
"Nope," I quickly answered.
"Why not?"
Kumuha ako ng prutas at isinubo ko iyon sa kaniya. Hindi pa ako nakuntento at dinagdagan ko pa iyon ng dalawa pa para hindi siya makapagsalita. "You need to move on. It's just a touch of the lips on the cheek. I'm sure you received plenty of kisses in your life."
He chewed and swallowed before speaking. "Not one that came from you. I don't care if it's a flying kiss. I won't move on from it."
I let out an "argh" which just further amused him.
"Can I move now? Hindi ka makakakain ng ayos."
"You sat on my lap yesterday, and I fed you with no problems."
"Those were finger foods." Sinubukan ko ulit na umalis pero katulad kanina ay hindi niya ako hinayaan. "Domino."
"Tiara," he said, mimicking my tone. "No. I like you here."
Bumuntong-hininga na lang ako. Domino is a tenacious person, and the word "stubborn" was created just for him.
"Is this how things would go?" I asked after awhile. "You tell me things, and I follow. Are you going to keep disregarding what I want?"
He didn't seem put off by my line of questioning. The small smile on his lips never faltered. "No. I only ignore what you're saying when I know that it's not good for you or if I could see that it is not what you want, and you're just forcing yourself because you think you have to. "
"Sitting on your lap doesn't fall into either of those two."
"Yeah. I just happened to like you this close." Nang bumuka ang mga labi ko para magreklamo ay inangat niya ang kamay niya para punasan ang labi ko. His finger stayed there, halting what I was about to say. "And this wouldn't harm you, would it?"
The "no" is playing in my tongue, but I held it in. He's right, and I don't want to feed his ego. But with the way Domino's eyes twinkle as he watches me tells me that he knows what I'm thinking about.
He didn't say anything more after that, and we continued eating in silence, which I really appreciate because I might have indigestion if he doesn't stop. Nang matapos kami ay umakto akong tatayo na pero napabuntong-hininga na lang ako nang hindi ko iyon magawang ituloy dahil sa braso niyang nakapaikot sa bewang ko.
"Rest first," he said.
"You're so—" I searched my brain for the right word. "—bossy!"
"Hmm."
Humalukipkip ako at pinakatitigan ko siya. He didn't deny that he's bossy. He's also very domineering, overly protective, and at times, overbearing.
Lifestyle.
Nagsalubong ang kilay ko. It's a word that has always been at the back of my mind. His sisters-in-law mentioned it before. Lifestyle.
For some reason, it's all I can think about now. Because it felt like it had something to do with his personality and that little memory I had of him the first time we met.
"Why do you like being called "sir", Domino?"
Napakurap siya. Mukhang hindi niya inaasahan na iyon ang magiging tanong ko.
"And what is your lifestyle that they have been talking about?"
He didn't say anything for a moment. He just kept looking at me as if he were searching for the right words to say.
"What?" I prompted.
"Nothing. I'm just surprised that we're talking about this during breakfast."
"We're done with breakfast."
His nose wrinkled, and he tapped the tip of my nose. "Smart ass." With a shake of his head, he let out a huge breath. "Are you really sure you want to know?"
Nagkibit ako ng balikat. "You seem to know everything about me that I'm basically an open book now."
"Hardly," he chuckled.
Silence enveloped us again. I continued watching him, and he did the same with me. Pagkaraan ay tinaasan ko siya ng kilay dahilan para umangat ang sulok ng mga labi niya.
"Do you know what people like me are called?"
"Like you?"
"Dom."
My eyebrows furrowed. "I know. You're Domino."
He guffawed. "No, sweet doll. I'm a dom. Dominant."
I stared at him in wonder. I'm pretty sure he's not just talking about it as an adjective. In fact, I am very sure that the other thing that I'm now thinking about explains his penchant for being called sir.
"BDSM?"
He blinked in surprise. "You know BDSM?"
"I heard of it," I answered. "You're a sadist? You are into... I don't know... whipping people up?"
"I'm not a sadist. My focus is not pain. What I like is dominance, power, and control. Have I whipped a person before? I did. Once. I didn't enjoy it. I like the paddle more, the belt, or just my hand."
My chest is rising up and down quicker than normal. "You just said you're not a sadist, but those things sound painful."
As if he could feel my tension, I felt his hand go up on my back, and he made a soothing upward and downward motion.
"Those aren't necessary for me. Sometimes pain comes up when punishment is needed to be enforced, but it doesn't play the key role in the relationship that I want, unlike in sadism and masochism. I could deliver a punishment effectively even without any of the things I mentioned."
I don't know what it says about me that I felt a thrill crawling all over me at what he said. Damn it.
"BDSM means bondage and discipline, sadism and masochism. But nowadays, the d and s can also stand for dominance and submission."
"Why?" I whispered.
"Why do I like it?" Nang tumango ako ay umangat ang sulok ng mga labi niya. "It's just the way I am. I like control. I like having it, and I like taking care of things."
"Like me."
Imbis na sagutin ako ay inabot niya ang isa kong kamay at pinagsalikop niya ang mga iyon. I couldn't help but look at our intertwined hands. "You asked me if I expected you to just follow what I asked. The answer is yes. But does it mean I'm disregarding what you want? That would be a no."
"I'm... confuse. I don't see how—"
"As the dom, I watch the sub closely. I cater for her needs. I make sure that I know what she really wants, not what she thinks she wants. I ensure her safety. And though I have control, she has the power to stop everything in an instant. The relationship won't work without the consent of the submissive and her full trust to surrender to the dominant. That's how it is."
"All of this just for sexual practices?"
"No, doll. I am who I am in and out of the bedroom. With or without sex."
Wow. I feel like my brain got bombed into different pieces. It's a lot to take in. It's surprising, but at the same time, it isn't. I mean... it explains everything about him. It even fit his name. Especially his nickname.
"You think I'm... that I am one?" Without waiting for his answer, I continued. "But I like control too. I might not be like you, but I live for control. That's how I've been since I was a little girl. I'm not a... sub... or whatever that is."
"I told you. There's a difference between wanting control and being forced to take it."
"I am not—"
"Do you enjoy it? Do you gain satisfaction from controlling every part of your life? Or does it make you feel exhausted and suffocated? Does it make you feel free, or does it feel confining?"
I couldn't answer. I couldn't because I can hear what he's implying, and I'm not sure that I can deny it.
Control is a power I have wielded for a long time. But more often than not, it feels like a sword pointed at my neck, just waiting for the right time for me to make the wrong step.
Control doesn't free me... it is what's been killing me.
But can I really be that for Domino? Can I really surrender? Just while we were in this bubble. While I'm still here at the safety of his giant castle walls.
Can I really do it?
Looking at him staring back at me with his eyes that hold so much strength, the answer is much clearer than it ever was before.
Yes.
I think I can do it. Because for once I wanted to experience it. To understand it. For once, I wanted to know what it felt like.
Freedom.
________________________End of Chapter 15.