Her body lays on the floor, not breathing, not moving. I half expect it to jump up and grab me if I turn away.
A hand touches my shoulder and I flip around suddenly.
"(Y/N)". It's Draco.
"What are you...".
His voice trails off as he sees what i've done.
I feel like I should cry. It's the right thing to do. But my eyes are dry and empty.
"Merlin's fucking beard...", He gasps and clamps his hands over his gaping mouth.
I'm in a trance. His voice is like background noise. I just stare at her lifeless body and remember her wand raised at Sirius, her cocky grin as she ran away.
He grabs me firmly now.
"We NEED to leave here now. Do you hear me (Y/N)? We need to get out of here. Come on."
Summer...
The months that passed didn't feel real. Yet here i was, living and breathing, sitting in Hogs Head while I clung to Dracos side like a scared child. I knew it was only a matter of time before people started speculating. I had been the only one not present during the fight between Dumbledore and Voldemort that night. Everyone knew Draco went to check on me. Dumbledore knew that, and I assume that's why he wants to meet with me today. To discuss what happens next.
"You don't have to go if you don't want to", Draco whispers.
"I do. I can't hide from it. It'll only make it worse".
"It was self defence".
"She didn't have a wand. She was practically defenceless".
"She killed your uncle. She deserved it."
"Do you think the order will see it that way? I'll be banished. It's fucking ridiculous. How do they expect to fight Voldemort without getting their hands dirty".
Draco stares at me for a moment, not used to this vulgar side of me.
"Are you alright (Y/N)? What happened had to have been...traumatic for you...in many different ways", He says, treading carefully around the subject.
"Im not okay but that's nothing new".
I finish my drink and stand up.
"I'll see you later, at the burrow". The order is having a meeting at Ron's house, to "discuss". Whatever that means.
"I'll wait for you".
"Don't. I'll see you later".
His face falls and the disappointment is glaring at me.
"Fine, If that's what you want".
He watches me walk out.
It feels weird being at the castle at summer. It doesn't feel real. It's so empty and cold. The only presence I can feel is that of the ghosts, and peeves of course.
I knock on Dumbledores office door and he shouts at me to come in.
He sits at his desk, reading an old book and without even looking up he says, "Take a seat (Y/N)".
He spends another minute looking at his book and when he finally looks up he smiles ever so softly and leans back in his chair.
"Good evening (Y/N)".
"Good evening".
"How are you?", He asks.
I think for a moment.
"I'm fine".
"Is that so?", He prys.
"And how are you Professor?", I say, ignoring his question,
"Fine", He smirks.
Checkmate.
"I know why you've called me here today", I say, trying to maintain eye contact as much as possible.
"I thought you might", He says, his whole persona changing.
We sit in silence for a few minutes as he glances once again at his book.
"What the hell is he reading?", I think to myself.
"On the night of the battle of the department of mysteries, you cast an unforgivable curse at Ms. Lestrange. Am I correct?". He doesn't say which curse but we both know exactly what he means.
My heart sinks. Hearing him say it out loud feels too real. I vow to accept my fate. If says he must take me to Azkaban I will kill myself. Id rather die than put Draco through that.
I look at him calmly.
"You are correct".
I wait for it. I wait to be seized. I wait for the lashing. I wait for it, but nothing comes.
"Ms.(L/N), I have had this little incident concealed. You need not worry about the ministry contacting you", He says.
"You...what? Why?".
This has to be some sort of sick joke, or maybe the trauma is now causing me to hallucinate. Maybe i'm in Azkaban already and i've finally gone insane.
He appears to grin ever so slightly.
"This is a war (Y/N). It would be foolish of me to send you to that place, for murdering a woman who took so many of our own. Yes...these are dark times indeed...but this is not the first time something like this has happened".
I blink 100 times.
He breathes in the silence then starts again, "I will not tell you how I have concealed this, as I do not wish you to fall under the illusion that this is something you can easily get away with again. Yes we are in a war now, but that does not mean I condone young people such as yourself taking lives without fully understanding the consequences".
I feel detached from my body, like i'm floating.
"I don't know what to say Professor, apart from thank you".
"This is a war (Y/N)", He repeats for the third time.
"People are going to die. And there is nothing you and I can do to stop them dying. We must make peace with that".
As i'm leaving his office I turn around. He's still reading from that same book.
"Professor Dumbledore".
He doesn't look up, as usual.
"Do you think I'm a bad person?", I ask, plain and simple.
His eyes meet mine and he smiles.
He doesn't hesitate as he answers.
"No. I do not".
I arrive at the burrow. Draco is standing outside the front door. He's looking at the flowers in the garden on the left side of the house and peacefully humming.
I grab hold of him and hug him tightly.
He hugs me tightly back, with no questions.
"Can we both promise each other something?", I ask as I pull away, my hands in his.
He grins.
"Anything", He says.
"No matter what happens, we stay alive", I whisper.
"For each other".
His gaze softens.
"I promise. I'm not going anywhere, love".
"I promise too. We stay alive for each other. No matter how bad this all gets.".
I kiss him softly, savouring every second.
"Always", He says, and we walk inside together, hand in hand.