Gogol pov
Gogol slowly opened the door. "I'm home!" No answer. He went to the kitchen, where his mum was cooking. "How was school? Did you get any tests back?" Sloppily Nikolai threw his bag in a corner. "Nope, we didn't even write one, mum." The middle aged woman put a meal on his plate. "But you still need to pay attention in class. Don't get disturbed by friends, you hear me? You'll have time for that when..." - "...when I have a job and a stable life, I know. And no, I don't have a lover either." His mother gave him an approving nod and kissed him on the forehead. "That's my boy." She smiled and called her husband to the table.
Later Gogol lay in his bed, staring at the dark ceiling. With one hand he reached out for the nothingness. For a moment he felt Fjodor's soft and silky hair again. That moment certainly wasn't the most beautiful one but to him, it was a precious memory. Was he okay? It wasn't like Fjodor to yell or back him into a corner. And he certainly said some things he shouldn't have. Especially after Fjodor had looked so miserable again. He had already been standing in front of the door to the office in the first break, but he couldn't knock. No friends, no lover. That's how it worked here.
Still, he remembered how Fjodor had touched his wrist today. He still felt a pleasant tingle on that spot.
Fjodor hated him now anyway probably. He said horrible things. And that expression on his face after he threatened to touch him. I front of all these people. A guilty knot formed in his chest. "Graaaaaa!", he screamed in his pillow.
Author's note:
Hi, some out of schedule chapters for you on the weekend because I felt like it and I got some pretty good deals on some of my bsd merch holy grails 😊 so I thought I'll celebrate it with my readers. This is more or less a two part chapter, that's why they are so short. I could have packed them into one, but... I just didn't feel like it 😂
I'm also thinking about making some special schedule for December, like posting on the advent Sundays AND normal Tuesday/Wednesday postings. I mean, I just finished writing chapter 32 and I hope I can finish the story soon, so I have more than enough chapters for some extra posting.
Anyways, thank you for all the love and comments you share for my works. Especially this one because I thought it would flop so hard because it's very out of my usual genre, way darker and I still don't know how my brain came up with that stuff. I thought people would find it weird or disgusting or something and I was very unsure if I should post it or not. But I decided that I should give it a chance and if some people didn't like it, I could just learn on how to deal with hate 😂 but up to now, it works way better than expected. You all love it so much and that encourages me so much (that this 'note' is probably longer than this whole chapter, Whoopsie, you could have just skipped it, yk) thanks for reading tho 😊 I really appreciate it 💕
Yours
LunaMiyazawa💜