Fluffy, over dramatic, filler chapter.
***
'I'm so proud of you,' Jaxon murmured in my ear, gently prying the dagger from my hand as I stood still and blankly looked down on the now dead body at my feet, my chest rising and falling rapidly. One of his arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me so I took a step back from the body that was still radiating heat onto my leg, the wide eyes filled with pain staring straight into my soul. I heard a small thump on the dry ground and I presumed it was Jaxon throwing the dagger away as he comforted me. Footsteps crunched away from us and into the distance at a quick pace as Matt and Jarred left us alone to give me a moment to gather myself after a life changing incident.
'He deserved it,' Jaxon muttered again squeezing at my hips trying to draw a response from me. 'You did amazing.' His words of comfort sounded lowly in my ear as he tried his best to comfort me.
'Yeah,' I muttered back to give giving him a response just so he could ease up a bit.
'When I first killed someone in the war, I was fucking petrified. I couldn't sleep for weeks.' He softly told me grabbing my attention fully. Finally I was able to pry my eyes away from the man whose name we didn't even know and I twisted my head to look at Jaxon who placed his chin on my shoulder as he wrapped his second hand around my waist. 'It wasn't until I did it again that I got over it. The more I did it, the easier it became until it was just like breathing.'
'So you want me to kill a person every day until I turn out like you?' My words sounded full of disbelief and harsh, but my tone came out confused and innocent as I didn't understand his concept of what he is trying to tell me. He chuckled slightly showing no offence taken from my rash payout and I felt his head moving side to side in a no motion.
'What I mean, is that it will be hard to deal with in the beginning, but it will become easier.' It was a strange feeling listening to Jaxon talk all sentimental and like a regular person. Although he was sweet around me, usually he would tease or be nice, not truly sound like he was there for me. I couldn't lie and say I didn't like this strange feeling, in fact I loved it. I love how he makes me feel special and how I'm the only person that is able to see how sweet he can be. From knowing Jaxon's past and how his outlooks on life are now I knew for a fact I would be the only person that he comforts in such a human way. My heart fluttered in my chest at the thought.
'I might not seem like it, but I will be here for you.' His hands around my waist squeezed my hips as he motioned for me to turn around and face him. I shyly looked up at him overcome by emotion as he looked down on me, nothing but admiration and adorning in his eyes. 'Always.' His voice was so quiet it was like a whisper making my heart thump frantically in my chest as I looked up at him like he was an angel. It when then my mind brought the thought to mind.
I love him.
My eyes widen in shock as I shove his hands away from my body as I stumbled backwards. My step back was met with the solid body on the ground and I felt myself falling backwards in slow motion and I was helpless to help myself. I squeezed my eyes closed wanting to scream out in disgust of falling and landing on top of a dead body, one that I had killed as the blistered and burnt skin was about to break my fall. Jaxon's arms shot out but from shock of my hastily retreat from him he was to slow to completely stop me from falling on the man.
His hands shot out to my arms as his hand tightly gripped my forearms arms and he tugged me to the side so I was falling onto dry nature instead of the man. A small cry of protest left my lips as my butt slowly made contact with the ground with a small thud.
'What,' he spoke but trailed of as I twisted my hands to get him to release his grip on me. I pushed myself to my feet quickly as I shuffled away from him. I had no reason to be reacting like this to realizing my feeling towards him but I couldn't help it. What if I possessed a feeling greater for Jaxon than he did for me? What if it slipped out and he felt that this was moving too fast or he feels like he couldn't never love again because he was so mentally damaged after his life time's events. Yes, he has gone to extremes to make sure I was safe or to protect me but what if he did that just because he could and because the something made him do it?
'Olivia?' His words were full of concern as he cautiously looked at me, eyebrows furrowed and both hands extended in front of him as if he was scared I was going to run from him. 'What happened? Are you okay?' He shot questions off at me, ones I couldn't bring myself to answer.
I felt my eyes widen as I looked at him, scared that he could figure out what I was thinking and have a horrible scenario play out. My mouth opened to speak and make a believable excuse but nothing came out as my mind raced with thoughts.
It wasn't long ago that I knew I didn't love him, but maybe it was just an in the moment thing because he was being sweet. It wasn't like I had a fear of loving him, I knew it would come eventually but I didn't think it would come this quick into whatever the relationship was that we had.
'Liv?' My heart fluttered in my chest hearing him call me by my nickname for the first time in my time of knowing him. I loved the way it rolled of his tongue with ease even though he was concerned.
'What is it?' My eyes took in his posture, tense and ready to leap yet slouching slightly in defeat, his brown orbs dancing in pure concern and confusion and his white pupils shot butterflies through me as he intently observed me. His black hair was a mess, sticking up in every direction and frizzing slightly from the humid weather but he still looked perfect. His black short sleeved tee shirt hung loosely from his torso covering the perfect definition of him yet his arms that could be seen were painted with the swirls covering the tanned skin. His pink lips were pursed into a thin line from worry and I felt bad for making him worry for no particular reason.
Damn mother nature for giving me moods during my time of month.
'Nothing, nothing.' I murmured. 'I'm sorry.' I muttered to him, embarrassed by my reaction. One of my arms hung by my side and the other reached across to hold it at the elbow and I looked down. My hair fell and obstructed my view as I looked at the ground with huge curiosity, the dried leaves and dirt usually not an interesting sight but they were now.
'Are you sure?' He gently voice asked me as he took a small step in towards me. He made his was in closer and closer until eventually he was standing right in front of me, one of his hands placed tenderly on my arm as his thumb traced small random shapes on my skin.
'What are we?' I blurted out still looking at the ground. Jaxon's movement halted and I instantly regretted the question. 'I mean I get were together in a way, but is it just like a friends with benefits thing or is it developing more or am I just reading way too much into this. I mean, I get if you don't want anything for this with everything that's happened with you in the past but I don't know, I'm sorry of this question put you in an awkward position. Maybe I should-' I was cut off but his lips pressing softly into mine, my words trailing off as I melted into his body. My arms rose to wrap around his neck as his tongue swiped my bottom lip which I immediately granted access to. He pulled my body in closer to his and I bathed in the blissful buzzing the something provided as my whole body came alive.
'If you want me, I'm yours.' He muttered into my lips causing my stomach to do backflips from his words. Not only was he suggesting we make us official, but his words were ones of a promise to dedicate himself to me. He didn't even sound hesitant about it making me full of joy.
'You're mine,' I whispered onto his lips, my own curling up into an uncontrollable grin as his matched my own. 'And I'm yours.'
'Yes you are baby,' he said with a joyful chuckle and placed his lips back on mine.
***
'So the boss is one hundred percent in Malara,' I said to Jaxon as we lay in our traditional place on top of the caravan, staring up into the dark blue sky littered with hundreds of tiny specs with our fingers intertwined.
'Mhmmm,' he confirmed, moving his hand that lay on his stomach to trace small patterns into my shoulder blade.
'And we killed one of three of the men that, that killed uh, Ben.' I stuttered. His fingers that were intertwined with mine tightened in comfort as he once again confirmed my statement with the murmuring sound.
'The government knows that we're here and are planning something but they don't know what.' I continued saying. 'It sure took a while to move everyone's caravan.' I said with a small shake of my head. I felt Jaxon roll onto the his side as his body faced mine, his head moving forward and nuzzling in the crook of my neck, a lazy kiss placed on my skin.
'Why couldn't you flash everyone's stuff? That would have taken 5 minutes, not five hours,' I joked with a laugh, shrieking quietly as his teeth nipped at my neck.
'Because then,' his husky voice murmured, 'I wouldn't have enough energy for tonight.' A shiver tingled down my spine at his suggestive comment, my eyes fluttering closed and mouth parting as he kissed over the skin he had just bitten.
'In your dreams.' I muttered, attempting to shoot him down.
'And what amazing dreams they are,' he fired straight back.
'Stop it,' I said with a laugh, shoving his body away from me as he huffed and fake pouted, his full lips looking extremely kissable.
'It would be much more entertaining than whatever you're listing off to me,' he said with fake humor but the seriousness of his tone shone through.
'Some of us aren't as mentally capable of remembering things and we have to be reminded.' I told him and bopped his nose with my finger. He let out a loud, over dramatic groan and rolled back onto his back, his arms snaking around my waist and making me fall on top of him.
'List away then, Liv.' It was only the second time Jaxon had used my nickname towards me and just like the last time I bathed in the way the husky voice effortlessly said my name.
'Okay,' I muttered as I composed myself. 'So someone from my village who we don't know didn't actually get captured and left for Malara to tell the government what happened. As already said the government knows were here and in precaution have set up lots of security in the city so they are prepared. They also did something to drain all of your energy.' I said and relaxed my body into Jaxon's strong one as his arms wound around my waist.
'Hmmm, you were right when you said some people aren't mentally capable to remember much,' he said a teasing tone to his words. I scoffed and slapped his chest making his body rumble from chuckling below mine.
'What else am I missing then you mentally smart, old, immortal, magical man.' Instantly his laughter died does as I teased him.
'Do you want to start this game, my sweet, innocent, young, mortal lady?' His voice had an undertone lying beneath the mocking words but I couldn't place it. I shook my head no.
'Ben's death was to provoke me for some unknown reason yet. The main boss is too much of a coward to make his presence known. On our side for the attack we have sixty seven men and when we attack we do the government building first to send the message to the boss. Its common sense he won't be in the building, that would make everything to easy so we need to find out his second location or make a bribe for him to show himself before.' He said and I nodded my head din agreement. 'And you learnt all about becoming a demon.' He taped me on the nose after the last statement.
'And we don't know how Stacey was one.' I concluded. We fell into silence as we tried to think about how Stacey could possibly have been a demon came up blank. Eventually the silence turned into a comfortable on as we lay staring up at the sky, Jaxon's arm wrapped lazily around my body as I bathed in the blissful buzzing.
'You know, I've never had a girlfriend before.' Jaxon's husky voice broke out silence. This news shocked me as I sat upright, peering down on him as his eyes remained hidden as he relaxed. His hands that were once wrapped around me follow my movement as I sat up and shuffled around, resting on my waist
'You're joking.' I dead panned, not believing him for a second. He shook his head in a no motion.
'When I was born, you didn't have a causal girlfriend or boyfriend. You married for status. Then I turned and I was just so angry all the time and emotionless.' He finally peeled his eyes open and rested his body weight on his elbows as he stared intently into my eyes, face unreadable as he contemplated what he wanted said to say next.
'I'm glad that you're my first one.' He finally murmured, raising a thumb to trace over my lips what were parted in shock. I stared at him with wide eyes and he nervously laughed as a lock of his hair fell in front of his face.
'I love you,' I couldn't help the words from passing my lips and by the time I registered what I said it was too late. I was frozen to my spot as I stared at him, Jaxon's tracing of my lips freezing in its spot as he mirrored my look of shock.
'You,' he said quietly but I cut him off as I shoved myself away from him.
'I'm sorry, I, I didn't, um.' I stuttered nervously cutting myself off. Then I did the thing what I shouldn't have done. He was still yet to speak and just kept looking at me with no emotion on his face and I imagined his eyes lighting up the slightest bit.
So I ran like a coward.
I shuffled my body away from him in a haste, my heart thumping wildly out of control. I could hear my heart beat in my ears as I thumped ungracefully to the ground. My eyes were still locked on Jaxon as he looked just as shocked and confused as I am, his eyes wide as he took me in deep in thought.
With one last look at him, I turned and bolted to an unknown destination, the rationality of my mind failing to make an appearance as I ran away into the thin trees.
'Olivia,' I heard him say as his mind finally snapped back into his. 'Olivia!' He shouted again, this time much louder and even had a tone of desperation as I felt to cowardly to turn around and face him. Everything in my being was shouting at me to turn around and to sort this out without acting like a child but the fear of me possessing a deeper feeling towards Jaxon was a constant nagging on my mind and it pushed me to keep on running.
'Olivia! Stop, please!' His voice echoed around the small area. Tears welled in my eyes as I hastily wiped them away and I scolded myself for crying at such a petty issue. I shook my head as I ran, vision obstructed as I ran and the side of my torso clipping a tree in result. A small cry left my lips as the unshed tears burned at my eyes. 'Livvy,' Jaxon's quiet voice murmured to me as his body flashed from nowhere, his hand gently cupping my elbow as he brought me into his body, arms protectively wrapped around my body as he held my quivering frame to his.
I couldn't help but soak up the bliss I felt, my mind immaturely shouting to me this was the last time this would happen because my confession was something Jaxon didn't want to hear.
'Hey, are you listening to me?' His soothing voice cut through my ears and I snapped out of my subconscious annoyingly playing out the worst scenarios in my mind. I shook my head in a no motion and buried my face in to his chest even more, my arms finally responding and wrapping around his torso.
'I asked why you ran.' He softly repeated himself. My cheeks lit up and I refused to answer him, embarrassed by my actions.
'We can't pretend like you didn't say that.' He murmured, resting his chin on the top of my head.
'Yes we can.' I muttered into his body, his soft laugh a response as his chest vibrated.
'Did you mean it?' He asked so softly I almost didn't catch the question. His arms loosened slightly on me and he looked down on me, his eyes the most vunrable I've ever seen them.
'It doesn't matter.' I brushed him off, looking down at my feet as I pried his grasp off me. Surprisingly he let me go as his arms dropped down awkwardly at his sides. I was met with no response and a cloud of doubt washed over me, my heart feeling like it shattered into a billion microscopic pieces. 'I'm sorry.' I said through a choked voice as I took a step away, hastily walking in the direction I knew Malara was in. I didn't know what I would do when I got there, the government sure as hell wouldn't help me and I didn't want to go to Bek becase Josh is a demon too which could complicate things and Brandon is preparing for a baby so I couldn't impose on him. Maybe I could locate Daniel and see if I can crash somewhere at his for the night before devolping a logical and reasonable plan.
'I don't know what love feels like.' Jaxons voice called out to me making me stop dead in my tracks. My eyes locked on the small branch near me, my back still facing Jaxon as with my whirl of emotions I didn't trust myself. I waited for him to continue.
'I never loved anyone when I was human. Sure I loved my family, but it was so long ago I can't even remember what that feels like.' His voice sounded desperate.
'When I lost Lacy, the feeling of loss was never there. It was just blank feeling inside with only a small bit of affection for her. I know I sound like a dick and it sounds cold that I wasn't sad when she passed, but I was devastated. But, but I only felt angry for revenge because the last connection to my sanity was taken from me in the blink of a hat. Lace was my last connection to my human life and it fucking sucks to know I have nothing left of it.' He stuttered, his voice vunreable as he told this to me. Slowly I turned around to see Jaxon standing exactly where he was before.
His arms hung helplessly down at his sides and his legs were pressed together, face pointing down slightly but still looking directly at me. His eyes however took the breath right out of me. The vulnerable look in his dark eyes and dark circles stood out from the angle of the moon filled night and small flame jaxon had started to provide light for the conversation. His hair was sticking up in all angles, a clear sign of stress and evidenc of his hands continuasly running throught the locks. As if to prove my point, a hand rose and fingers sifted the hair into another array of angles.
'Then I met you, and I started feeling.' He said taking a small step forwards almost cautioually. 'You made me laugh out of happiness for the very first time since I died, not some sarcastic one. You made me feel like I mattered, like I was wanted. You made me feel protective of you and feel affection. I fucking love pulling you into my body knowing that you're mine, knowing that you can make me feel so, so fucking alive.' He ranted, taking a step closer while he talked. My heart was thumping out of control and I felt like the beating was rushing my heart up into my neck as I failed to swallow, talk or even sting together a coherent sentence.
'I want to say I love you, I really do but I don't know what love feels like.' His tone turned darker and moe determind as his strodes closed the distance between us, his body stopping a few feet away from me. 'I have no clue what I feel towards you, but I know I don't want it to end, nor am I going to let it.'
'Are you, are. You're joking?' I stuttered, peering up at him with wide eyes. What he just said was better then him saying he loves me. This melted all the shattered pieces and stuck them back together making it whole and brand new again. My chest felt in pain from the over whelming sense of adoration and love towards him.
'I'm not Livvy.' His eyes stayed locked on mine and I could see the truth behind them. Without thinking, I practically ran closing the distance and flung myself at him, his shock making us both fall the ground with a thud. I laughed a pure joy filled laugh and I lay on top of his body, peering down into his eyes that were drowning in the same amount of joy and relief as mine. I grinned down on him, lowering my head to connect our lips together. Dragons danced around in my stomach as my eyes fluttered closed, Jaxon immediately reacting as his lips moved against mine. His hand naturally rose up to rest on the small of my back and my waist. The kiss didn't deepen because both of us wore a shit eating grins as our lips pressed together. When I pulled away, I lay my forehead on his and kept my eyes closed breathing heavily as the grin didn't dare to leave my lips.
'Let's get outta here,' Jaxon muttered and flashed us back into the caravan.
***
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I managed to find time to write this weeks but my mid year exams have fallen into next week as well so I'll see what I can do :)