'I'm so sorry. She is like a child sometimes.' Jimin seemed just as relieved to be out of there
'Yeah. I can see who Yujin takes after.' I agree
'What's going on? You're basically running like I'm chasing you.' He grabbed my hand, pulling me back a little. 'What's wrong?'
'I'm just... flustered and confused. I didn't really prepare myself for meeting your mom. Or anything else, to be honest.'
'I know. I am pretty lost myself. It's not like I'm used to any of this.' He slowly laced his fingers with mine, his palm pressing against mine. 'Is this okay?'
I nodded, still unable to look at him, and looking at our hands instead.
'Do you mind if we walk slowly? I don't wanna go just yet.'
He is going to melt me away.
We did walk slowly, taking one step at a time. Holding hands, we made our way to my house, and even if we did walk slowly, we still got there a bit too fast.
'Can you please look at me?'
I looked up from the ground, meeting his eyes for pretty much the first time since we left his house.
'What are you thinking about?'
'A lot of things. But at the moment, I'm just wondering about what do we do now.' I admit. 'How am I supposed to act around you now?'
'Like you always have.' He smiles
'Like friends.' I whisper
'Yes.'
'Is that what we are then? Friends?' I had to bite my tongue not to say something that would hurt us both
'Are we not?' He almost murmured, gently caressing the knuckles of my hand that he's still holding
'Right. We are not together. We're just friends. Nothing more.' I mutter to myself. Or so I thought.
'I only said that because I am not sure myself about what's going on. I never did any of this before. I've never been in love before. I never even kissed anyone until today.' He added the last part so quietly, averting his gaze. 'It's not like we had the time to talk about this. I thought we could do that some other time. Actually talk about what to do.'
Even though I kind of knew that he never had a girlfriend, I am still shocked by the fact that it was his first kiss, purely because it was beyond perfect. But right now, that's not my problem.
'Why do we need to talk about it? Do you not want to be with me?'
He feels the same as I do. It shouldn't be this complicated.
'Of course, I want to be with you.' He cupped my face like he did earlier, holding me with his soft hands. 'I just... I don't know how any of this goes. I don't know what to do.'
'What are you afraid of?' I was almost pleading. 'I want to be with you. And you want to be with me. We can figure it out. Together.'
'I don't wanna mess this up, Angel. I'm just trying to slow down for the moment. I'm afraid that I'll rush it and do something wrong.' He pulled himself closer, lowering his head almost on my shoulder. He was so close that his lips were almost brushing against my cheek, his breath tickling my ear as he spoke quietly. 'I know that if this goes wrong in any way, what we have is lost. And I don't want to lose that.'
'Don't you see that it's gone already?'
He pulled away, looking at me with fearful eyes. 'What do you mean?'
'The way I feel about you is not what you feel for a friend. I'll never see you as only my friend. And if we decide to stay only friends, even with everything we feel, it won't be the same. We'll both just suffer. And this is why I haven't said a thing before. This is what I was afraid of. And that fear was erased earlier when you kissed me. I thought that you wanted the same as I did. But I suppose I jumped a bit ahead of myself.'
'So that's it? Either we are together, or we are nothing? I either get all of you or none of you?' His voice was really deep and choked up
'No. I'm not gonna push you into anything, and I don't want you doing something only to make me happy. But if you decide you don't want this, I can't promise you that I will be the way I was. That's all.'
I don't want to make it seem like he has no choice or give him some kind of ultimatum, but I don't think I can pretend to be okay and act as a friend when I'm dying to be with him. And I was honest with him so far. There is no need to lie to him now.
'It does sound like you are pushing it on me, though. You basically just told me that I'm either with you or I lose you. It doesn't sound like I have a choice.'
'You always have a choice. I meant what I said. Whatever you decide, I'll do my best to work with it. I just don't want to promise you anything. I never wanna lie to you.'
He was just looking at me for a good minute, possibly processing everything.
'Never thought it would be this complicated.'
'It really isn't. It's simple. You either want me or you don't. And I want you. More than anything. I'm happy to just be with you and figure the rest out as we go along. But the choice is on you. I'll give you time and I won't even mention this to you again. You tell me when you come to your decision, whatever it may be.'
'Angel, please. Don't do this. Don't push me away like this. You might have done this before, but I haven't. I just want to make sure that if we do this, I do it right, and that I can make you happy.'
'How will you know what to do if you're not even willing to try? I don't know that much more either, and this is new to me too. I've never been in love before, either. I'm scared of losing you just the same, but I want to try. I want to be yours.'
He hung his head low, taking a few deep breaths. 'We sound like an old married couple. Arguing over the same thing over and over without the result.'
'Then let's stop arguing. You think about what you want and let me know. You know what I want. I'll be here when you decide. Until then, I won't mention it again.'
'Wait, please.' He clutched the back of my shirt as I turned to leave. 'I don't want to leave it like this. I don't want to go when you're so angry and hurt.'
'You don't have to worry so much about me. I'll be okay.' I smiled only to make him feel a bit better
'Who else am I gonna worry about?' He let go of my shirt and grabbed my arm, pulling me to himself almost roughly. I didn't get to say a word before I was wrapped up in his arms. 'I'm not letting go of you until you hug me back.'
'You're such an idiot.' I muttered, sliding my arms around his waist and leaning my head on his chest. His heart was banging like crazy against his chest. I could clearly feel every single thump on my cheek.
'I know.'
'Should I avoid you tomorrow or are we on speaking terms?' I mumble
'I'm holding you in my arms as you speak, and you're asking me if we're on speaking terms. And then I'm the idiot?' He sighs
'Then... I can sit next to you?' I nuzzle a bit closer
'You have to. I don't like it when you're not next to me.' His lips found their way to my face, leaving a soft kiss on my cheek, making my butterflies have butterflies. 'Good night, Angel.'
'Good night, Jiminshi.' I squeeze a bit tighter
He let out that cute giggle. 'I got a nickname. Thank you.' Another kiss on the same cheek
'If you don't let go of me I'm afraid I'll jump you on the street.' I threaten, and it made him giggle again
'Okay. Go. I'll see you in the morning.'
He kissed my hand before letting me go completely, and then watched me get inside of the house.
For someone who keeps saying that he has no idea what he's doing, he sure doesn't seem like it.
Now if he could please make up his mind quickly, just so I know if I'm getting my heart broken or not.
And, please, don't break it.