© Amber Kalkes 2015
Song--}
"Don't Fear The Reaper" By Blue Oyster Cult
*T H I R T Y-O N E *
I take a step forward, with the full intention of ripping her a new one but Brandon catches my shoulder. Pulling me back into his chest, he wraps his arms around me but it does nothing to calm me down. My hands curl into fists at my side while I glare at Nadine. She has the decency to look contrite as she gazes back at me but I'm not buying it. Not at all.
"I know you're upset."
"Upset?" I ask before shaking my head, "No, Nadine. I'm enraged, right now. How many times have I called? How many times have I called out to you for guidance? You probably don't know because you've been too busy ignoring me!"
"It wasn't the time."
"Maybe not in your grand plan but I needed you!"
Nadine closes her eyes and looks away from me. She's ashamed and she should be. All I wanted was for her to act like the mother she claims she is. She's been my source of comfort consistently up to this point in my life but now, when I need her the most, she's gone. I stop until she realizes how hurt I am, either because she doesn't seem to realize it.
"Ruth," Benjamin says calmly, "Please, calm down."
"And where the hell have you been?" I demand of him, really on a roll now, "You wait until I'm in my twenties to just show up out of nowhere? You knew who I was for how long now? And yet you've kept your distance like a coward."
"I told you, Ruth. At the time we thought it was for the best." Nadine explains.
"You," I spit at her, "You thought it was for the best. You love to play puppet master, don't you? Just watching us all dancing to your beat while you laugh."
"It's not like that-"
"Don't speak to your mother like that." Benjamin tells me through clenched teeth.
"And you, don't you have a mate? How happily did she take it that you were fucking around behind her back?" I demand, not even control of myself anymore.
I know this is a step too far as soon as I say it but I don't take it back. I have so much anger, so much pent up frustration about this whole situation that its coming out as curses. I want to talk about this logically and with a calm tone but I can't do it, not when they're trying to pretend to be parents. They had their chance to be mother and father but instead they gave me away for nothing. All of this hurt and pain was all done for nothing.
"I suggest you keep your mouth shut when it comes to thing you don't understand." Benjamin advises, lowly.
"Then it explain it to me because right now you're not coming across as a father I'd want to have. Cowardly and quick to betray, can we even count on you in a fight? Or will we be the ones with knives in our back instead of our enemies?"
I don't realize that Raze is out of his seat until Brandon moves away from me. He grabs Raze's t-shirt and throw him against the nearest wall. Both men snarl and growl at each other, both of their eyes glowing gold, as their wolves push forward. Brandon is mere inches from Raze's face and as both men are of similar build I'm not sure how long he can continue to pin my half-brother to that wall.
"Brandon." I sigh, kneading my forehead. Okay, I can admit, I probably crossed a line there, "Don't."
"Listen to your mate, Beta." Raze smirks at him in challenge.
Brandon ignores both of us and instead keeps his tone deadly as he speaks only to Raze, "Try it again, Alpha and I'll rip your throat out by hand."
Raze bares his elongated teeth at him, "I'd like to see you try."
Brandon growls and pulls Raze back from the wall before slamming him into it again. I feel the magic before I see its effects. It's a tingling up your spine, the thing that raises the hair on the back of your neck and puts your instincts on full alert. It's a power that only someone like me can posses. When I feel it I turn back to Nadine but she's already acted. With a subtle nod of her head, Brandon is pulled away from Raze and flung across the room. I wince when I hear his head crack on the far wall as it hits it with the landing.
I try to move towards him but My feet are planted in their place. I try to move them but its no use. I lift my head and glare at Nadine but she's already looking at me with narrowed dark eyes. I try again to move my legs but it doesn't take to realize that I'm not moving until she allows me to. I'm just to stubborn to admit it.
"Let me go!"
I'm so pissed at this point that the walls shake with my anger. The picture frames begin to fall from the walls and even the plasma TV hanging on the wall, even shakes on its stand. Still, Nadine doesn't me go. I curls my hands into fists at my sides and try to override her control but my head starts to pound with all the effort. I close my eyes and push myself as hard as I can until I feel blood seeping from my nose.
"Stop this now, Ruth!" She orders.
"No!
"Ruth!" Brandon yells, clearly concerned.
He comes towards me but Nadine swiftly lifts her hand, pinning him against the wall so he can't move as well. He tries to fight her hold but it'll do him as much good as its done me. Turning towards him Nadine gives him a no-nonsense stare before speaking.
"Stay."
He growls at her but she's completely unaffected. Instead she turns her attention back to me and purses her lips at me. I can see her disapproval for pushing myself instead of letting my power just flow. She's always scolding me for things like that but right now I couldn't give a shit about what she has to say. As much as I wanted her with me I don't want her here now.
I reach up and wipe the blood from under my nose before glaring at the floor, "Let me go. I don't have anything left to say to you."
"Not until we've cleared some things up."
I grit my teeth, "I don't want to hear what you have to say anymore!"
Suddenly I feel her hands on my face, forcing me to look up at her. This is a point that I know I could be an adult about this. I could look her in the eyes as she speaks me and face what she has to say. I could do that but I don't want to. Instead I avert my eyes away from her as she continues to hold my head.
"You will listen to everything I have to say." She tells me simply before taking a deep breath, "You are my daughter. I birthed you from my body and have loved you more than any person who has ever laid a foot on this earth. You think I didn't suffer with you? You think I didn't want to come to your side when I felt your anger, your confusion or your pain? Of course I did. I love you, Ruth, as only a mother can love her only daughter."
"I do these things not to cause harm, Ruth." She tells me quietly, "I do these things because I will do anything within my power to protect you. Its true that everything I did was for nothing. You are still part of this battle and that is unchangeable now but you have a mate who will stand by your side now. You have a brother and a father who will fight for you without question. And you have a mother who, though full of faults, will protect you until her dying breath. You may not understand my reasons or my past decisions but know that I wouldn't change anything."
I look up at her, tears filling my eyes, "Why?"
She gives me a sad smile, "Because, Lovely, you are everything I could have hoped you would be. You are strong, intelligent and stubborn. Actually, you remind me of me when I was your age."
"Is that supposed to be a compliment?" I ask sullenly.
She laughs a little before putting her forehead against mine, "The best kind."
I close my eyes and just take it all in. As I process her words I feel my anger start to fade away. I still feel the hurt but the anger, the rage I felt when I saw her face, is starting to melt from my body.
Maybe its because of the love I feel coming from her as she speaks. Maybe its just because I'm tired of feeling like this. I'm not naturally an angry person, this state is not my comfort zone and hanging on to such a strong emotion seems foreign to me. Maybe that's why. Either way I close my eyes and feel my body relax.
As my shoulders slump I can feel Nadine's hold start to slip and once it does my body is no longer being supported. I slump forward and into Nadine's arms as she catches me. I fought and forced it too much and now I feel like hell.
"Foolish girl," Nadine murmurs, clicking her tongue, "You know better."
I roll my eyes. Of course she would say that.
"Is she okay?" I hear Benjamin ask hesitantly.
"She's fine," Nadine assures him with a sigh, "Just a bit overwrought is all."
Nadine sits me on a couch and help me lay down before I feel Brandon's frantic hands on me. I have to force my eyelids open just to meet his gaze. I feel awful. My head is pounding and my body feels sore from all the effort. She's right, I do know better than this.
"She doesn't look fine." Brandon snaps, irritably.
"I am fine." I tell him but he gives me a look and I let out a heavy sigh, "Or I will be in a little bit."
"You could have avoided all this if you could have just come when she needed you." Brandon growls at Nadine.
"This has nothing to do with you, boy. I suggest you keep your nose out of it." Benjamin snaps from somewhere in the room. I don't know. I've closed my eyes again.
"It has everything to do with me." Brandon growls back.
I roll my eyes under my closed lids. All this testosterone is giving me even worse of a headache. A wet cold cloth on my forehead makes me jump a little and I open my eyes to see Nadine sitting on the edge of the couch, digging through her purse. I look at her profile and part of me is relieved to have her here. She's always been a very commanding force and with her presence I feel like I can finally let go of some of my stress. Nadine will take care of things.
She takes out a little Tupperware container from her purse and catching my eye, winks at me. I twist my mouth so I don't smile but its hard. I feel so much lighter now that she's here. Brandon and Benjamin are still arguing but I can feel another presence hovering nearby. I angle my head a little and see Raze standing behind the couch, peering down at me.
"Do I need to tell you, you took it a little too far?" He asks with a raised brow.
I sigh heavily, "No."
"Raze, there's no need to scold her. She knows she's done wrong."
He looks unconvinced, "Do you?"
I narrow my eyes at him a little, "What are you? My dad?"
"No," He laughs before gesturing vaguely towards the other side of the room, "He's over there."
"How are you so okay with this? Doesn't this upset you? I mean, your mom..."
"Died a long time ago." Raze says tightly, "Her mate was killed when she was very young and Dad was forced to reject his own."
My eyes move over to Nadine who is suddenly very interested in digging in her purse for something else, "Rejected?"
Raze follows my gaze and nods, his tone taking a sadder tone, "Its not an easy thing, to have to reject someone you love very much or to be reject by someone you love. Many people don't have the strength to do it."
"Then why did he?" I ask, my voice faint.
"Because he had a duty to his pack, to his father and to his line. An alpha born from a pure blooded union was a goal only the sickest of alpha's would ask for and only the most loyal of son's could give."
"Open." Nadine demands, her voice thick with an emotion I can't imagine. I do as ordered and she sticks a plastic spoon of some concoction in my mouth. I make a face and gag a little as the very strong taste sits on my tongue.
She rolls her eyes and grabs my cheeks, forcing me to chew, "You'll never get better if you just let it linger there."
"What the hell is this?"
"Schizandra berries, reishi mushroom and a little bit of cat's claw. It'll rejuvenate you."
"It takes horrible," I whine after swallowing it.
"But you already feel better, don't you?"
I move my body hesitantly and pout when I realize she's right, "A little."
She grins at me, "Then don't be difficult, lovely. It's not attractive."
I stick my tongue out at her as she turns away from me and I hear Raze laugh. I can still hear Brandon and Benjamin arguing lowly but its not until Brandon growl does it really get my attention. If it were with anyone else I'd roll my eyes and scold him for acting like a caveman but this doesn't seem like just some bullshit claim.
"What's going on?" I call but they ignore me.
"Dad's questioning Brandon's position as your mate."
I snort, "Well it's a little too late for that."
Raze's dark eyes flicker down to my partially revealed shoulder, "So it would seem."
"They may have been strong enough to separate but I'm not and neither is Brandon. I wouldn't allow it."
"Come on, sis, even if he suggested it do you really think I would allow it?" Raze asks, "He was an Alpha in a different time, when things like that could be ignored. Back when the system was more about the strength of young than matters of the heart."
"The goddess makes matches, not men." I grumble.
He smirks at me, "Or half wolf men."
I smile a little, "Them too."
"She is mine!" Brandon yells, pounding his chest for emphasis.
Okay so that was a bit much, I think with an eye roll. Raze comes around the couch and offers me his hand. I take it and I feel myself be sucked into a vortex. At least it feel that way because suddenly I'm not in my body.
*
I'm somewhere else. A battle field, quiet and still but with many casualties lining its grassy plains. Both wolf and human bodies, bloodied and in pain, amongst them. My feet seem to move all by themselves as I walk through the carnage.
I hear a distant whimper and spin around looking for the source. I look at the faces of the lost as I pass them, trying to find the one whose making that heartbreaking sound. Finally I spot a large light brown wolf with matted fur, slick with blood labored breathing. I fall to my knees before this wolf and feel tears fall down my cheeks at the visible pain it is in. I can't imagine what kind of pain it must be feeling.
I hesitantly reach out and go to touch its fur, to give it comfort but as soon as my palms feel its body heat, it begins to shake. I move back a little and my eyes grow wide as the wolf begins to shift from an animal back into its human form. I cover my mouth, to stifle a sob, when I see a boy, no younger than fourteen, in front of me. His face is slathered in blood and cut so deeply that I almost don't recognize him. Then he opens his eyes and I do.
"Raze." I whisper into the hand against my mouth.
He reaches up and tries to touch me but its not my name he calls. Instead a tear falls down his ruined cheek as he simply calls for the one thing any injured boy would call out for. He calls out for him mom.
"Mommy, I failed."
I let out a little sob but I shake my head, "No, you didn't."
"I was supposed to be strong."
"You were." I assure him, just wanting to comfort him, "You were so strong."
"Will you take me home now?" He pleads, "I just want to go home."
I nod and reach out for him again, "Yes, sweetheart. We'll go home."
When my hand touches his bloody chest, over his heart, everything starts to change. My vision starts to change and suddenly I'm being pulled away from him. I reach out for him and he screams out for me but I can't reach him. I can't do anything because suddenly I'm back in my body.
*
I suck in a sharp gasp as I come back into consciousness. I can feel hands on me, helping me up and voices speaking in my ears but I don't hear anything. Looking up, I see Raze sitting on the edge of the couch with his head in his hands. His head snaps up just as my eyes settle on him and I can see the concern in his eyes as I start to uncontrollably cry.
Brandon pulls me into his arms and against his chest. I know its him from the shocks I feel throughout my body. I wrap my arms around his neck, as I bury my head into his chest. He doesn't hesitate to return the favor but seems confused by my reaction. I'm confused by it myself. Why was I given that vision? What good will that do? I wish I could chalk it up to the goddess working in mysterious ways but there is always a reason for her gifts.
Brandon picks me up and barks out something about me needing rest. I don't say anything and I don't think anyone argues much either. He's right anyway. I just need to rest, process and maybe in the morning everything will make sense. Maybe then I'll be able to shake off this ominous feeling that the vision of the past may just be what lays in my future.
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Hey guys, bit of a wait on this and I apologize. I got sucked up in this Korean Drama on netflix and its slowly stealing my soul. I think that's why Netflix is so cheap. Ugh.
Anyway, what did you think of the chapter?
VOTE, COMMENT AND FOLLOW :}