A/N Hello my lovlies! I couldn't leave you with that cliffhanger for long so here you go. Also there was so much ground I needed to cover here that I couldn't find a good stopping point so it is a much longer chapter than I usually do however a lot is conversation and that moves quickly. I hope you like it.
This story is fiction, plucked from my own imagination. I do not know or own SKZ, the members, management or company. I write solely for the purpose of my own enjoyment and I make no money off my writing, please don't sue me. My works are only posted here and AO3 at this time though I have given one person permission to translate my works and post them (with credits) to another site but that has not begun yet. If you see my works posted elsewhere please let me know. If you wish to be alerted when I update any of my stories follow _eyes_wideshut on twitter.
To my fellow witches, I love you more than you could ever know. Whether we talk and bounce ideas or if your story just means that much to me; you inspire me to keep going even when I doubt myself. To the members of a rather Risque Stay group on fb; thank you. Chatting with you, sharing our thoughts and our love of various fanfiction makes me want to write even more. I'm so thankful I found my people. Also because I am having issues with wanting to make sure you know whose thoughts are whose and when but coloring is not possible here and my underline, bold and italics don't always show up on here, I have decided that for Wattpad, I will put a lowercase f, h or c before someone's thought and brackets before and after the thought so you know if it is Felix Hyunjin or Changbin. I have started with this chapter but will be going back to update the previous chapters in this way. I hope that it helps.
again lower case letter before and brackets around the thought will denote whose it is.
example:
f{Felix thought.} c{Changbin thought} h{Hyunnie thought}
Recap:
Felix, Changbin and Hyunjin's minds whirled through thoughts and memories. Times Jisung or Minho seemed to know what the other was doing even when they weren't together. The way they looked at the door just as the other entered the room as if they had known they were about to walk in. The way Minho had told Hyunjin that he and Jisung weren't the norm when they had talked in the dance room. How the pair had stared at each other at the first meeting as if they had been struck by lightning. The way Minho knew how to greet Felix instinctively. The way Minho always knew when Jisung was having a panic attack even when he wasn't near. The way Jisung had reacted to get Hyunjin home almost at the same second Hyunjin had reacted to Felix connecting to Changbin. The way all the others had been full of questions about how their connection worked but yet neither Jisung nor Minho had asked a single question. h{What the fuck?} c{Seriously? How did they hide this?} "HOOOLLLY SHIT!" Felix said.
"Are you two connected?" Hyunjin hissed.
Chapter 17
There was complete silence for a heartbeat before there was an explosion of sound around the table. Chan banged his hand on the table once and the table went silent again. "I don't think this is a good place to have this conversation." he said, authority commanding his tone. "We head to the dorms and I think Jisung and Minho have some things to tell us. Family meeting time." He gave them a stern look. Minho sighed but nodded.
c{How could they have hidden this from us?} h{They saw how much I was struggling with this.} f {You didn't tell them right away though.} h{No but when I did, why didn't they come clean?} Felix and Changbin could feel his hurt that they had left him alone with his confusion and doubts. c{Jinnie, by the time you told them, you weren't still confused or feeling doubts were you?} Hyunjin went through the time line and he had to begrudgingly admit that Binnie had a point. By the time he had told the group, he fully accepted and even enjoyed Felix's presence in his head. h{Doesn't mean they shouldn't have told us.}h c{I know. No wonder they didn't ask any questions. The only reaction was when Jinnie and I connected too. Minho made that comment about not having heard of three people connecting before.} f{Oh yeah, I had forgotten all about that! Maybe they just didn't want me to know.} Felix bit his lip as he thought about it. f{I mean, I already know too much about them anyway but to let a stranger know this too...} c{Stop right there, Lixie. They could have told us years ago. This has nothing to do with you. Stop making yourself the bad guy in everything. Your own insecurities are putting things on you that you had nothing to do with. You are a good man. I barely know you and can see that. You deserve to be respected and appreciated for what you bring to the table and that means from yourself as well. No one elses opinions can be as pride filling or as hurtful as your own. You will never find your self worth until you allow yourself to.}
Changbin's thoughts were blunt but not harsh. Felix curled in on himself a bit but they each took a hand and squeezed them gently. h{See yourself as we see you, remember? Just like you were telling Seungmin earlier. Take your own advice.} Felix gave a rueful smile. f{I'm working on it. Thank you.} He did a lot of self reflection during the drive. He focused on the thoughts Changbin and Hyunjin had of him and compared these to what he saw. He knew his self image was flawed. It always had been. When he was a kid he hated his appearance so much he had attempted to scratch off his freckles. In contrast, the two men on either side of him saw the freckles as adorable and seeing them made the men happy. The cheeks he had always thought were too chubby and made him look like a kid were only parts of his smile and happiness to the others. Instead they saw his jawline and how handsome he was. Jacob had filled his head with the fear of being fat and the two men beside him saw him as tiny and precious and someone to be protected and cherished. f{I got so lucky with both of you.} Felix thought and squeezed their hands. c{Right back at you.} h{What he said.]
They pulled up at the dorms and filed inside. Everyone filed into the family room and took seats on the couches. Felix hesitated in the doorway. Chan looked at him curiously. "I know family meetings are for members only, I just wanted to make sure it was ok..." his voice trailed off. Chan's expression changed from leader to a tender smile.
"You may not be a member, Lix, but you are definitely one of us." He gestured for Felix to sit. With a grin Felix slid over to the open space between his partners and sat. Feeling his nerves, Hyunjin pulled Felix back against him and Changbin pulled his legs over his own, gently rubbing them soothingly.
"Ok." He turned to look at the couple in question. "Is it true? Are you connected?"
"I thought it was pretty obvious." Minho said flatly, though they could all tell his bravado was nervous. He cradled Jisung to him whose legs were jiggling in a sure sign of panic. Minho looked at him for a moment and Jisung met his eyes. They communicated silently for a moment and Jisung settled a bit and snuggled into Minho's neck, sighing with relaxation.
"How have we never noticed that? We have all talked about their bond and the way they seemed to talk without words and even after my own connection to Felix, it never even occurred to me." Hyunjin said softly.
"I knew." Seungmin admitted softly. All eyes shot to him and he shrugged. "There were a few times Jisung told me Minho needed me in the dance studio but I hadn't seen him on his phone or being able to know in any way. And then there was the time Jisung and I had been out all day and his cell was dead. He started feeling sick so we headed home early. When we got there, Minho had just finished the soup for Jisung he makes for us when we are sick. I started to pay attention to how often they responded to each other without speaking and I looked into possible reasons." He shrugged again. "I found articles about connection and the more I read the more it made sense."
Minho cocked his head at Seungmin. "You never said anything."
"I figured you didn't want us to know for some reason."
Jisung finally chimed in. "We were so shocked at first and we didn't want to hurt the chances to debut. We were so afraid that if word got out he and I would be cut for the relationship clause."
Chan nodded thinking. "I can see how that would have possibly hurt things."
"But what about after?" Jeongin asked, his tone reflecting the hurt he felt at not having been trusted.
"It wasn't about you guys." Minho said softly. "We had gotten so used to protecting the group by not revealing it we just kind of quit thinking about you guys not knowing. Everyone has commented on our bond. Hell you all call us MinSung even when it's just us. We share everything with each other. When have any of you not wanted a bit of privacy?"
That silenced everyone. They had all longed for that. "Minho was trying to protect me. He knew how much it would break me to lose him. You guys remember what I was like before him. I was a mess. He calms me. When he was cut I fucking lost it. I was barely holding it together. Hyungs you guys saw it." His imploring gaze focused back and forth between Changbin and Chan. Both nodded thinking. "He levels me out. I couldn't take the chance sharing it would end it somehow. I can't lose him." His eyes turned to Minho and they could all feel the love in the gaze. "He is everything to me. He is the love of my life and he shares everything he is with me. I couldn't handle sharing that with anyone else. Even all of you. We all know if the company found out, they wouldn't cut me. They would cut him. I won't do this without him. Ever." He turned back to the others. "I don't ask for your forgiveness. I would hide it again." He said nervously defiant.
"Jigaya, it's ok baby." Minho told him. "You won't lose me, not ever." Jisung nodded and his eyes filled with tears.
"I get that." Felix said softly. "But you kept it from Hyunjin even after you knew. You could have helped him." There was an edge of protective anger in his tone. "You left him out in the cold when you had the answers."
Jisung's lips trembled a bit and the rest eyed Felix. His protective instincts toward Hyunjin was a surprise to them all. "I'm sorry." Jisung said. "We weren't trying to hurt either of you. We knew it would come out once we knew about you two. We kept trying to figure out how to let the truth out but there just didn't seem to be a good time."
"Then when Felix got here he connected to Changbin and that took precedence." Minho added.
Felix nodded. "How scared are you right now?" His voice had gentled.
"Petrified." Jisung said with a nervous laugh.
Felix got up and ignored his partners reaching to pull him back and even the glare Minho aimed at him. He moved towards the couple and sat next to Jisung. He reached out ignoring the low growling sound Minho let out; he touched Jisung's hand. "I can understand. Minho is your rock and the fear of losing him is bigger than the worry over hiding this from your brothers." Jisung looked at him and nodded."I have no wish to pry and I'm sure we would all be willing to give you whatever privacy you need but any answers you have learned that you could share would mean a lot to Hyunnie, Binnie and I. We don't know how any of this works and just like you are terrified, so are we. Can you please trust your brothers enough to tell us a little?"
Jisung fell against Felix, hugging him. "I'm sorry." Minho's gaze gentled at the tender embrace Felix held the love of his life in.
"We'll tell you." He finally said. "Just give him a second."
Felix smiled again and hugged Jisung one last time before rejoining the others. This time Binnie pulled him closer. Hyunjin put his head on Felix's shoulder while Felix nuzzled into Changbin.The elder patted his shoulder and kissed his head before reaching to Hyunjin's head and patting it. Felix reacted to the touch to Hyunjin with a smile and nuzzled in. Chan looked at the trio and smiled. All worries he had about the three of them melted off his face.
"First, generally the connected need something from the other. If the needs are perfectly matched they connect. It isn't as rare as it is reported. Most of the connected just keep it pretty quiet. You all know another connected group." Minho dropped the bombshell and sat back.
"WHO?" Jeongin asked.
"Wooyoung and San confronted us at Kingdom and confirmed they were as well." Jisung said.
"We think that Seonghwa and Hongjoong are as well." Minho added "though they haven't confirmed anything and we haven't asked. We actually think there are several idols who are connected. We all see them, friendships that are extraordinarily close. We all see them, fans ship them and comment on them. Friends and couples who seem so in tuned they almost need no words."
The others thought about their various friends in the industry and could each name several pairs that could be connected. Chan nodded. "Is it a really private thing for everyone?"
Minho and Jisung looked at each other. "The way our industry is makes it to where it has to be. They want fan service but too much and you are separated. You know how that is. The second they think there might be something real behind the fanservice the couple is instantly separated and forced into fan service with other members or kept completely apart and if they aren't too big yet, one or both are cut. Makes it hard to admit that not only is there real emotion there but there is a genuine connection between you and feeling your partner's every fear tends to keep you pretty quiet."
"But we are your brothers." Seungmin said. "Why wouldn't you trust us?"
"It's not about trust Minnie. Do you share your every thought with us? Do you want us knowing your deepest secrets?" Jisung said but his voice was pleading. The others could understand that point. Then Felix brought up a point that stopped everyone cold.
"Do you know of any idols connected to a regular person?" He asked quietly.
"No." Minho said as gently as he could. "Our lives are hard and adding someone into them who is not part of our world is almost impossible."
"Minho!" Hyunjin snapped. "Don't scare him!" He turned to Felix. "Baby, we will make it work."
Minho held his hands up in his usual I mean no harm gesture. "I don't say that to scare or to be mean, Jinnie. You know that. I like Felix. Sungie even feels safe with him already and you know that anything that makes my Jigaya feel safe is going to be treasured and protected by me. Honestly it is because of Felix being a normal guy and not an idol that is pushing us to come clean. We want to help in any way we can. But this isn't going to be easy. I won't lie to you about that. Yeah, you share mind, body and soul but it takes a serious toll when you can't be together."
"What do you mean?" Changbin asked, eyes narrowing and body tensing.
"You guys saw how I was when Min was cut." Jisung said. "It wasn't just nerves over losing my soul mate. It physically hurt to be apart. We didn't notice at first because we were already hurting but the longer it went on the more it hurt. That day when he was brought to practice after was the first time I hadn't been filled with pain in days. It's like we need the recharge and then we are good for a while. It was only so bad in our case because the company wouldn't let us speak at all during that time. It won't be so bad for you guys but since he lives in another country, it's gonna get rough sometimes. Especially when we are on tour. It's different for each group from what we have read. Maybe for you guys it will be easy. Maybe it's just my neediness that makes it so bad for us."
"Well we have been apart far more than together." Hyunjin said. "So Felix, how has the distance affected you?"
Felix thought back. "Well the headaches may have been that but there is no way to know for sure without testing though I will say I didn't have any when you were visiting me and I haven't had any while I have been here. This is gonna sound stupid but it's like the closer I got to you the more peaceful I felt."
"I know what you mean. Even if I hadn't watched you land, I felt different as soon as you got to Korea; more settled and whole." Hyunjin said and Felix nodded.
"Exactly."
"Shit. That's gonna be doubly hard with me and Hyunjin here and you there." Changbin said. "That's bound to cause some hard feelings." f{Jealousy is gonna be a problem. The two of you together while I'm there is gonna cause some feelings whether I want them to or not.} h{We will do whatever you need to feel safe.} c{You are our priority Lixie. Whatever you need.} Feilx nodded.
"You will probably need to do a lot of travel back and forth." Minho said.
"We will work with you to clear our schedule however we need to but that's only gonna work for so long." Chan said.
"We will figure it out." Minho said. "Felix is one of us now. When you two and now three connected he became part of the team. Whether he becomes an official stray kid or not, we have eight members now."
"Does that mean I need to move here?" Felix asked worriedly.
"If you want to we will make it happen but if you don't we will figure it out together. You aren't just you anymore Lixie, you are us now." Changbin said.
Felix nodded thinking. "I get why you didn't tell them. I'm so sorry that I caused you to have to tell."
"Nope. Not your fault Lixie, is it ok for me to call you that too? What's your Korean name anyway?" Minho asked.
"Yongbok." Felix answered with a laugh.
"Yongbok. Good name." Minho said with a nod of approval. "You are like my Sungie. You internalize and take blame for everything on yourself, don't you?"
Felix started to shake his head no but everyone else in the room nodded. He blushed. "Ok..maybe I do."
"He does." Hyunjin said.
"Let's take some time to sleep on this and process. This is a lot of info to take in. I'm sure Felix is overwhelmed and Jisung looks like he is close to panic." All eyes snapped between the two men before turning back to Chan. "Let's call it a night and regroup tomorrow. I would also suggest that the two connected teams have some time alone to discuss without us listening in. I'm sure there are aspects the rest of us won't understand."
"One more question." Changbin said. "What did you mean about me being a blocker?"
Minho nodded as he processed the question. "You were worried your addition would cause Felix to leave and hurt not only him but Jinnie and your relationship with Jinnie, right?" Changbin nodded. "That worry allowed you to put up walls. The same thing happened with me when we first connected. From what I gather it's usually more of a learned ability over time but apparently you and I have it naturally."
"So it's something we can learn?" Hyunjin said, sitting forward in his excitement. His connected knew that he wasn't excited to know he could learn to block them entirely but more that he could have some semblance of privacy. And not force you to taste my coffee. Felix smiled tenderly at him for that.
"Possibly. I haven't learned. I'm no good at it." Jisung said, his voice full of shame.
"Jagiya, you never have to worry about blocking things from me. I protect you from the overthinking of my thoughts as well as yours. It's my privilege to protect you in this way. Never feel shame for allowing me to do what I was born to do." Minho said softly.
Jisung's eyes filled with tears and he lightly punched Minho's shoulder. "Don't be sweet right now. I'm emotional already."
"Fine. Then sit there like a good princess until I tell you to speak." Minho teased with a smirk.
"OI! I'm not a fucking princess!" Jisung roared but couldn't hold back the laughter and the others could tell they were witnessing a private joke between the two.
Minho turned back to Changbin. "I'll work with you on it and you can teach them." Binnie nodded.
"Ok Kids. Everyone head to your rooms. Get some sleep and we will regroup in the morning." Chan said in a stern voice.
In ones and twos they left the room. Changbin was one of the last to leave and he watched Hyunjin, arms around Felix, walking to his door. He watched them sadly. He knew they had had a night together but he had no idea where he fit in. This was all so confusing. He loved Hyunjin. He always had. Their night together back then hadn't felt right but the night before had felt perfect. And Felix! Felix was beauty and sweetness all rolled together into the perfect combination. He had been giving a lot of thought to what they could be needing from each other. He felt like Felix needed validation. Not in a normal sense but Felix didn't take care of himself at all, he cared for those around him. He needed people to remind him that HE was important too. That he was worthy of love and worthy of receiving the same things he gave out. He also needed protectors for that same reason. While he was capable of defending himself, he rarely would actually do so. Changbin felt like that was maybe where he fit in and also possibly why it hadn't felt right with just Hyunjin.
Changbin loved to play and have fun with the others but there was always a need to be a protector. He looked out for the other members and taught them self reliance but he also loved being able to step up between any danger and them. Hyunjin didn't need protection. He was pretty self reliant in that way so that left that part of himself unfulfilled. Until Felix. Felix DID need that part of him. With Felix he could be protective and soft at the same time. With Hyunjin he could relax and allow room for more creativity and thought. Hyunjin was deep.
Changbin knew that the fans often just saw the dramatic side of Hyunjin or the occasional idiot side; but that was such a small part of him. Hyunjin was all beauty, class, grace and creativity. Not in a bad way but more like he was elegant and thought deeply about things. He was happy to have fun with the others but he was also happy to spend several hours next to you, each reading or doing their own thing. He was easy to relax around. It was easy to let go of his worries around Hyunjin and let the man tell him why watercolors are superior to oils or why the romantic period was better than the blue period. That was what Hyunjin did for him.Hyunjin opened his eyes to the beauty of the world around him.
And Felix. Felix was softness, patience and compassion. Felix was all the happiness and love in the world made whole into a man. Felix's softness evened out Hyunjin's loner essence. It gave exactly what Jinnie needed without pushing too hard. It also gave Binnie someone he could potentially be softer with and still feel strong.Where Hyunjin opened him up to the beauty of the world, Felix enticed him to be part of it. It was like the three of them together made a perfect match. He could see it so clearly but he didn't know if they saw it too and the last thing he wanted to do was force himself somewhere where he wasn't wanted or better yet, where he wasn't needed.. He smiled sadly as they kissed at the door. Changbin quietly headed to his own room but just as he went to open the door, Felix's tiny hand touched his arm.
"You aren't coming with us?" The man asked.
"I wasn't sure if I should." Changbin said softly. "I don't want to force myself in."
"Come." Hyunjin said, his tone one of welcome, not command. "I think the three of us have much to discuss." Changbin could feel no hesitation in either's thoughts and so a soft smile crossed his face and he followed them into Hyunjin's room. The three got ready for bed and then sat on it together in a circle.
"I want to be with you both." Felix said softly. "I know how that sounds but it feels so right. I don't want there to be hurt or jealousy. I know that will happen but I want to try."
"I agree." Hyunjin said and Changbin felt a wave of relief and love wash through him.
"You both really are willing?" Changbin asked, knowing from their feelings that they were but just needing the confirmation of the words. "For real, not just every so often?"
"We weren't right because we needed Felix. The three of us together are right." Hyunjin said with a shrug. "But we can't tell what you think about it because you are keeping your thoughts private. We need to know how you feel about all this."
Changbin looked between the two and with a bit of fear, dropped his walls. Felix and Hyunjin were immediately overwhelmed by all the thoughts and then as they slowed a bit from the initial onslaught, the three were processing through Changbin's thoughts about the three of them and their needs. They both nodded excitedly. f{That's exactly it. I think you definitely got it.} h{I think you are right, hyung. The three of us balance each other out perfectly.} Hyunjin focused on a different part. h{You have loved me? } c{For a long time. I just didn't think I was right for you. But I worry how that makes Felix feel.} f{That the man I love and the man I am falling for, love and care for each other and me? That they waited for me before committing to this? How could I feel in any way but happy about that? You literally waited for me. Maybe you didn't know what you were necessarily doing but you still did.} Put like that Changbin looked at their unusual connection in a new light. Instead of interrupting a relationship, the three of them were coalescing into a partnership. Each part integral to the whole. Looked at in that light, it was impossible to feel jealous. He smiled at each of them. c{So we are doing this?} h{I want to. I want to be with you both.} f{I have the two most beautiful men in the world wanting to be with me and each other. I would have to be an idiot to not want it too and I am not an idiot. I'm all in.}
The three men fell together exchanging kisses. They were all exhausted by the long day and the emotions of the reveal that that happened but invigorated to be together and to have made a decision. For better or worse, the three of them were together. They would deal with the fallout and they would figure out how to make things work. There would be many details to work out along the way but the decision had been made and that in itself took a lot of the pressure off.
Changbin was lost in the sensations of hands and mouths touching him everywhere. It seemed that where the night before had been all about Felix, tonight his partners were making it all about him. They were welcoming him into the relationship. Felix kept touching and squeezing his muscles and marveling over his body. It made Changbin feel 10 feet tall and invincible. Hyunjin was focused on how safe Changbin made him feel and how sexy he found him. He apparently really liked the cut V leading to his groin. The two men worshiped his body, sharing tender kisses between them. Both mouths teasingly fought over who got to suck him until he hoarsely cried out to stop or he would cum too soon. Binnie's fingers worked over both of them however he could. With Hyunjin it was mostly jerking off that gorgeous cock and Felix moaned prettily as Changbin's fingers worked him open.
Hyunjin and Felix grinned at each other and nodded. Felix crawled up and straddled his hips. Hyunjin held Binnie's cock in place and guided it as Felix sank slowly down, working a bit further each time, the ultimate act of sharing his lovers. When Felix was fully seated he took a moment to allow himself to just feel full before beginning to slowly ride him. Hyunjin kissed Felix and then settled to kiss Changbin. His hyung had other ideas however. As his hips thrust up to meet Felix, he jerked Hyunjin up to straddle his face. Hyunjin's thoughts exploded in lust at the manhandling.
Hyunjin braced himself against the wall as Changbin gripped his hips and sucked him as deep as he could. Hyunjin looked over at the mirror where he could watch Felix's expressions. The three of them could see how it looked for Felix to be riding Changbin, hands braced on the man's stomach. How it looked from behind seeing Hyunjin thrusting into Changbin's mouth. And Changbin looked up at the lithe muscular frame above him. It was overwhelming to all of them. All of them felt like they were being fucked, were fucking, were sucking off, and were getting sucked off all at the same time.
Thoughts were reduced to primal needs, all three incapable of words. Because of the amount of mental stimulation they were getting coupled with the physical it didn't take long. Changbin tapped Felix's thigh in warning but the younger man just rode him harder, angling himself for the prostate brush that had him moaning loudly. Reflexively as his orgasm hit, Changbin pulled Hyunjin in tighter, almost choking himself and the feeling caused Hyunjin to cum. Felix followed immediately behind, feeling both orgasms pushing him over the edge.
Hyunjin gently got off Changbin and lay beside him, wanting to be sure he hadn't choked him badly. c{I choked myself on your dick. You didn't do it. That was the hottest thing that has ever happened in my life.} h{Same.} Hyunjin said and snuggled into Changbin's side, his hyung wrapping an arm around him. Felix lay his head on Changbin's chest and the other arm wrapped around him. Legs tangled together and they all relaxed and caught their breath. Belatedly they could hear music pounding from either side of the room and realized the others had cranked up music to drown them out. f{Oops.} Felix giggled.h{Eh. We'll get them all some noise canceling headphones.} c{They all have them. If they chose not to use them, that's on them. Besides, I have heard all of them getting off at one point or another.} Changin grinned and pulled each man closer for a kiss before gently moving Felix off of him. "Let me go get you something to clean up baby."
Felix and Hyunjin kissed gently, need gone, just enjoying each other and Changbin watched from the bathroom door with a smile after cleaning himself off. He was the luckiest man in the world. His lovers were everything he could have wanted and more. He made his way back over to clean Felix. They ended up with Changbin on his back and the two men laying on his chest happily snuggled in. Binnie had never felt this full of love in his life. Whatever insecurities any of them had had were not present now. Now there was nothing but peace, fulfillment and love. He kissed each forehead and with a smile, he finally allowed himself to follow them into sleep.