Week
I stood still. My thought process stopped. I can't even utter any reaction to that.
"Tequila? Are you listening to me? Anak... kita," she whispered so weakly as she made me sit back down.
Akmang lalapit na siya sa kinauupuan ko nang itinaas ko ang kamay ko at umiling-iling sa kanya.
"H-How am I... your daughter?" I laughed incredulously.
I don't believe her. I don't want to believe her.
Sa lahat ng taong magkakilala kami, ngayon niya pa lang napiling umamin? Throughout the years that we have been close to each other?
Heck! She could have even told me in the face the first time we met!
"I was one of the househelps in your father's mansion back then. I... I had an affair with Javier and I never thought about the consequences at first. I thought I was so in love with him. Turns out I was just naive!"
I massaged my temples, trying to ignore her regretful cries.
'S-Saka lang rumehistro sa akin ang maling nagawa nang nagbunga ang patagong pagkakaroon namin ng relasyon. I was ruining his marriage with Hilda! I was unconsciously hurting another woman!"
I scoffed.
Now that I know, my respect for her... wavered.
"I couldn't think properly that time. So I just left you with your father..."
"And you never came back."
Hindi ko na mapigilan pa ang panunuya ng boses pati ng ekspresyon.
My feelings are all tangled up right now! Shock, doubt, and resentment. But the latter lorder all over my emotions.
Ang tanging gusto kong sagutin niya rito, bakit sa hinaba-haba ng panahon naming magkakilala, ngayon niya pa lang napiling umamin? She's saying all of this right now because her husband threatened her?
Is this even the right timing? How about those times we spent together? No'ng panahon na um-attend siya sa graduation ko? Those times she took me out shopping? Or even those times we quietly spent our dinners whenever she invited me to go out?
"I... I tried to came back for you. But when I saw how Hilda started treating you as her own child even though it must have been so hard for her, made me hold back. I couldn't just try ruining her life the second time."
Her sobs are now unstoppable and her shoulders are shaking uncontrollably.
Pilit siyang inaalo ni Tristan pero hindi maawat-awat ang pag-iyak niya.
But somehow, throughout her cries, hindi ko yata mahanap-hanap ang awa para sa kanya. I can't even grasp the chance to understand her.
It seems to me that all that she's saying right now, are nothing but plain excuses.
I can't think rationally and I'm tired to even try. Masyado akong nilulukob nga biglaang mga emosyon.
"Three years after leaving you, I... met Tristan's father. He was from a wealthy family and it was foolish of me to ask him for help. But that's when I finally made up my mind to get you from your father. Akala ko, makukuha kita gamit ang koneksyon ng napangasawa, pero labis ang pagtutol niya sa aking gawin ito."
She tried to find support from my hand that's placed on the table. But I fidgeted. Iniwas ko agad ito bago pa man niya ako mahawakan.
She gasped. Napayuko siya at tila naiintindihan niya naman yata ang reaksyon ko.
This is not easy for me. This is all too sudden. And I don't think I can warm up to her. Not right now, at least. Hindi ko naman sinasara ang posibilidad na maiintindihan ko ang mga desisyong nagawa niya. But right now, I don't want to give her a forced comfort.
Namutawi sa amin ang katihimikan ng ilang sandali. Nangibabaw ang mga paghikbi niya kasabay ng paghampas ng mga alon at mabining ihip ng hangin.
She coughed all throughout her cries, so Tristan stood up and went somewhere in the house to probably get her a glass of water.
And when her son was gone from the room, she quietly continued her explanation.
"I was a prisoner all throughout our marriage. Sa tuwing binabanggit ko ang ideyang kunin ka sa ama mo, pisikal niya akong sinasaktan. All the more I couldn't left when I was pregnant with Tristan. From then on, I never had the chance to leave because I had to fight for my son," napapaos niyang sinabi.
"And I painfully lived each and everyday while I was far from you. I had to give up my daughter... in order to fight for my son. I know it's unfair. It's unfair towards you. But I hope, I hope you'll understand, Tequila. I don't expect you to forgive me immediately but please... please... at least, give me a chance."
I sighed and then nodded as I raked my trembling fingers all over my messy hair.
My head is throbbing right now.
Pagkatapos marinig ang kuwento niya, I get to grasp the idea of the kind of life that she was living. How it must've been so hard and felt to straining.
What other choice did she have... right?
Hindi ko na mapigilan pa ang pamumuo ng nagbabadyang luha sa mga mata.
"I... I need time to think," I whispered quietly and got down the terrace before my tears started streaming down my face.
Ramdam ko kaagad ang mainit na pakiramdam ng buhangin sa mga paa kong walang sapin.
I went further towards the shore and weakly sat down the sands.
And then when I was sure that I was all alone, I let out my quiet sobs.
She couldn't move freely. She was shackled.
At least... she was still thinking of me, right? At least... she didn't forget me when she already had another child?
Just thinking about all her struggles made me think I can easily warm up to her. That within the next days, I'll slowly let her in. And I'll be trying my best to do that.
Kaya lang sa mga sumusunod na araw, habang nagtatago kami sa isang liblib na probinsya, sa loob ng isang maliit na pribadong resort na pagmamay-ari niya, nahihirapan akong ayusin ang relasyon namin.
She insists that her husband doesn't know about this resort so we're safe here. She doesn't get my point. I don't want to be caged in here forever, hiding like a criminal. Surely, we can involve the authorities with this matter.
But then, it seems more difficult for her. Alam na alam niya ang illegal na business na kinasasangkutan ng asawa. She's revealed that he's recently involved in the smuggling of guns.
Ni hindi niya ako pinapayagang makigamit ng phone niya. Pinagbabawalan niya rin si Tristan. She thinks they're both wiretapped. So she doesn't allow me to contact anyone.
It's been three days since she dragged me here. And I can't help but be worried about Gon.
Ano na kayang iniisip o ginagawa noon ngayon? Surely, he's asked from Don Primero about me because I was in their mansion before he left for his younger brother.
Siguro, kinompronta na siya ng Don tungkol sa akin. So I can't help but think about the possibilities.
Paano kung iniisip niyang umalis ako ng walang paalam dahil sumuko agad ako sa aming dalawa dahil sa nangyari?
Oo, sumagi ito sa isip ko. That maybe we should put an end to our relationship. Right when Celest said that I just manipulated Gon into loving me. Malaki rin kasi ang posibilidad na... tama nga siya.
What if his feelings for me were a result of all my lies before? But then, I didn't entirely lie. I may have faked my intentions at first, but I genuinely liked him back then... and within that short span of time, it eventually evolved into something much more deeper.
Pero paano nga kung inakala niyang sobrang dali ko lang sumuko? Paano kung sa tatlong araw ko na ritong nagtatago, tinanggap niya na sa huli ang engagement niya kay Celest? That he's realized after a long talk with Don Primero, that he deserves better than me?
This thought made me so moody throughout the whole day. Ni hindi ko halos pansinin si Tristan na kumakaway ngayon sa akin habang nasa malalim na parte na siya ng dagat lumalangoy.
Nanatili ako sa may buhangin, tuyo, at ayaw man lang lumusong sa tubig.
My eyebrows are furrowed. At nanatili ang parehang ekspresyon ko nang bigyan ako ni Ma'am Therese ng isang platitong puno ng prutas.
I can't still call her Mom, like she wants me to. Kung noon ay malapit kami sa isa't-isa, nahaluan na ngayon ng akwardness ang pakikitungo ko sa kanya.
Though I can still feel her patience as she silently understood me. Alam niyang hindi madali para sa amin 'to.
But the day finally came when I got frustrated of our set-up.
On our fourth day hiding in this private resort, I didn't go out of my room anymore. Ni hindi ko matulak ang sariling sumali sa ginawa niyang picnic sa labas, doon sa may dalampasigan.
She knows the view outside somehow calms me. But this particular day, I lost it. I don't even want to eat the pasta she cooked. Something about its smell makes me want to vomit my lungs out.
I didn't want to be rude about it. Kaya nang tinanong niya kung hindi ko ba raw gusto ang niluto niya, sabi kong uubusin ko rin mamaya ang tinira nila para sa akin. But I don't think I can really force myself to eat that.
And the truth is, my irritability is so high right now. I don't even want to see them.
I can't even make sense of the tears that suddenly cascaded down my cheeks as I lie on the bed and stared at the ceiling.
I miss Gon.
And I'm frustrated about the situation that I'm in right now.
Kaya hindi ko na napigilan pa ang emosyon sa ikapitong araw habang nagtatanghalian kami ng sabay sa hapag.
"You didn't eat the pesto pasta that I cooked for you last night. So, I grilled some chicken. Kumain ka ng marami," sabi ni Ma'am Therese habang pinagsasandok ako ng kanin.
Tristan is also pouring a pineapple juice on my glass right now.
But my eyes didn't left the pesto pasta that they still placed on the table. Nakakunot ang noo ko habang nakatanaw rito. My nose crinkled when its putrid smell attacked my nose.
Napatayo agad ako sa kinauupuan ko.
"I don't want anything that you cook. Heck, I don't even like any of your fancy picnics. I bet your phones aren't really wiretapped! You just want us to be trapped in here and play a happy family! Can't you understand that I have life outside of here? My vacation is long over, so for sure, wala na akong trabahong babalikan!"
The shocked and offended expression on their faces were the last thing I've seen before I stormed out of the dining room and immediately went to my room.
Hindi ko na napigilan pa ang pagtakbo patungong banyo nang pakiramdam ko bumabaliktad na ang sikmura ko. It's that damned pasta's smell.
I tried to puke on the sink but nothing came out. Hindi ko na napigilan pa ang pagbuhos ng kanina pang nagbabadyang mga luha.
I felt a hand hold my hair as I tried to let out the gross feeling on my stomach again.
For a moment, I thought it was Gon.
But of course, he's not here.
Ma'am Therese is now beside me as she held my hair for me. Sobra-sobrang pag-aalala ang nakapaskil sa mukha niya. She looks even paler than me.
Nililinis ko na ang sarili sa sink nang hindi maalis-alis sa akin ang tingin niya. Parang may gusto siyang sabihin kanina pa.
I sighed as I spared her a glance.
"When's the last time you had your... period?" she finally asks in a small voice.
My brows quirked up with her question.
"Last month. I'm regular so I'm about to have it next week."
I got out of the bathroom after wiping my hands with a towel. Ramdam ko ang pagsunod niya sa akin. I can still sense her worry.
"I'll get you a pregnancy test."
My whole world suddenly stopped spinning with what she said.
Natuod ako sa kinatatayuan ko. And then my tears fell.
I could be pregnant. I could be pregnant!
"I could be pregnant and yet I haven't even seen my boyfriend for a week now! Kasalanan mo 'to eh! Why can't we just go back to El Valencia? Your husband can't hurt us there! Gon will protect me, he'll protect us!"
Grabe ang iniyak ko pagkatapos at nagkulong na sa kwarto.
When she finally realized that this set-up won't do us any good, she tried assuring me in the morning.
"I don't want to contact anyone and risk our safety here. I'll drive the old car and go back to El Valencia. You both stay here until I get help and inform the authorities about Carlos' threats."
She told me and Tristan after we had our breakfast, ni hindi ko napansing kumain siya ng maayos.
I shook my head. Nagkasabay ang parehong reaksyon namin ni Tristan.
"I'll go there instead." Even our words of protest matched.
Umiling lang si Ma'am Therese sa amin, tila pinal na ang desisyon.
"You might be pregnant, Tequila. You need to stay here. Kaya Tristan, samahan mo ang Ate mo rito. She should not be left alone."
In the end, we were left with no choice when she hastily left the house wearing her big sunglasses, a cap, and a mask.
"Huwag na huwag kayong magpapasok ng kahit na sino. Kahit sino pa 'yang kumatok diyan. Don't open the gates until you hear that it's my car," huling bilin niya sa amin bago umalis.
With the first thirty minutes that she left, I was pacing back and forth on our terrace. Si Tristan na kanina lang ay nanatiling kalmado ay nahawa na sa kakaalala ko.
I can feel him trying to control his emotions.
That's what I usually do, too. But this time, I can't seem to relax. Masyado akong nag-aalala para kay Ma'am Therese.
My fingers started fidgeting as I tried to grip the bannisters of the terrace. Kung mapahamak man siya ngayon, kasalanan ko. Sinisi ko siya tungkol sa sitwasyon namin kaya wala na siyang nagawa pa kundi paluguran ang gusto ko.
Ilang minuto pa kaming tumambay lang sa terrace ni Tristan nang tumunog ang windchimes malapit sa gates, hudyat na may tao sa labas. Then it was followed by knocks that confirmed it even more.
Sa nanlalaking mga mata ay nagkatinginan kami ni Tristan.
I know that Ma'am Therese told us to never open the gates unless we hear that it's her car. But my instincts are telling me to find out who that person is outside the gates right now.
Ni hindi na ako nag-isip pa ng matagal at lakad-takbo nang nagtungo sa labas. I can feel Tristan trying to stop me. Pilit niyang hinahawakan ang palapulsuhan ko para pigilan ako sa balak na gawin but I resisted.
"Ate! What are you doing? You heard what Mom told us!" he's now whisper-shouting behind me.
Hinigpitan niya ang hawak sa akin at buong lakas na akong hinila. But it's too late now. I already opened our bamboo gates.
My jaw dropped after seeing the person outside the gates.
I don't know how he found me here but I am so speechless right now.
I can't even contain my happiness
Sa naluluhang mga mata ay kaagad kong tinakbo ang maliit na distansya sa pagitan naming dalawa. I jumped a bit and he immediately caught me in his arms.
With my arms hooked around his neck, I poured my longing for him into a deep kiss.
"I miss you... Gon. I miss you so much. I'm so glad you're here now," I whispered into his lips when we broke our kiss.
In the background, I can hear Tristan's utter panic like he just didn't see me jump on the person outside our gates.