This is not my bed.
I scrunched my nose as I tried to bury my face further into the fabric, something about it causing waves of straight endorphins to shoot through my system. As I shifted, I could hear someone speaking very softly. I squinted in the direction of the voice, suddenly becoming acutely aware that I was not alone in the room.
I could recognize that silhouette anywhere.
His body shook with laughter at something he read off his monitor, responding to whatever was said in English. It was a shame I couldn't understand most of the language, but I could easily say that his accent was beautiful to listen to, even if I didn't know what he was saying.
Sometimes Felix and he would talk in full English in front of me just to see how I'd react.
I eventually just started finding words in Korean that I knew they didn't know and said them in rapid secession like they were a sentence.
I moved so most of my body was facing Chan and his livestream, only my eyes visible over the blanket. Another question, another response in English. Maybe I should study harder, this is why my grades suck.
"'Can I see your laptop for science, Chan?' Umm, I don't think so..." Chan read, laughing as quietly as he could. "I don't think people will be too happy if I spoiled all my songs."
My lips turned up at his answer. I wonder which song he hinted this time? As an aspiring producer, Chan was always playing around with lyrics and backup tracks. Changbin and Han would help most of the time, since Changbin was majoring in the same thing and Han had an affinity for lyrics. But when they were busy, or Chan just wanted another opinion, he would run a section past me. A few of his creations had already made it to Spotify.
"'Chan why are you being so quiet?' I think everyone is asleep right now, and I don't want to wake them up....No, I won't post pictures of them sleeping, Stay!"
Chan's amused voice only made my own smile grow. He kept talking for a little longer, switching from Korean to English and back, while I just watched. It was fun to see him interact with his fans. He was still my Chan, but there was a new kind of confidence and surety to every word he would speak.
I was the opposite. Any standing in front of people or just interacting in general made me want to cry. Chan had convinced me a couple of times to appear on lives with him, and that had just made it clear to me that if he wasn't beside me, I couldn't do it. That's just not something I'm good at.
Sometimes I would turn on his lives as background noise as I did assignments, if he wasn't already with me.
I saw Chan stand up and move closer to the monitor. He must be ending the live, if the virtual hug was any clue. I bit my lip as I watched him press a few buttons, ending the live and closing out tabs he had open. I opened my mouth to speak when I heard the sound of the door.
I don't know if it was just the freaking 'kid instinct', but I immediately covered myself with a blanket and acted like I was dead.
"Is Haewon still asleep?" Changbin's voice.
"Yea, she seemed really tired earlier, but Minho told me she wasn't sick."
There was a small pause, and I had to stop myself from jumping when the end of the bed dipped. Changbin must have sat down. "She looked comfortable curled up like that beside you."
The smirk in Changbin's voice made me flush.
I was suddenly glad that the area below my eyes was covered by the blanket.
"You think our soulmates will be that comfortable around us?"
A sigh. Then Chan's voice. "You know I don't want a soulmate."
"Right. I forgot."
He 100% did not forget. As a professional eavesdropper, I could tell Changbin's comment was deliberate. It was a press for more information.
From the weird silence, I could tell Chan didn't buy it either.
"Hyung," Changbin continued. "I just don't understand. Soulmates are supposed to be the one meant especially for y—"
"But what if there's someone else for me?" Chan interrupted.
"....Is there?"
Chan didn't answer.
I can't believe it.
This whole time I've been worried about there being something holding him back from fully believing in the idea of soulmates. Maybe a family member had a bad experience in soulmates. Maybe Chan was affected by whatever happened.
Now, he could be trying to be theoretical, just trying to prove that love can be found outside of the soulmate injections, but....
His words ran a risk of a thousand possibilities.
Because even if I was his, he was not mine.
I balled the blanket up in my hands, trying not to make too much noise so as to not get caught as the two left the room, still murmuring in low tones.
I was upset.
We were best friends before we were soulmates.
So why couldn't he tell me his view?
The outcome wouldn't have changed. I would have still gotten the injection. I would still be unrequited. But if I had known, maybe I wouldn't have gotten my hopes up so high. Maybe I wouldn't be so hurt.
Maybe I could understand him.
It was almost like being rejected all over again. How could I be really considering the idea that his mind could change, that he could accept me as his soulmate from when he had his arms around me for a moment earlier?
I burrowed further into my soulmates bed.
Sometimes, Fate was cruel.
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"I thought you were joking."
Hyunjin turned his head toward me, one foot propped on the bleacher in front of us. "What makes you think that?"
"What makes you think that I think?"
"Good point."
We both looked up at the sound of a loud splash. "YEAH FELIX!" Hyunjin yelled, moving to stand up before I yanked him back down.
"You can't do that during their practice, you'll get us kicked out!" I hissed, even though I found Felix's dive freaking fire.
Despite my words, the blond boy in the water caught sight of us, raising a hand to wave. Hyunjin waved his hand around madly, making Felix laugh hard enough that we heard his faint voice from across the gym.
The sound of a whistle tore my attention away from Hyunjin and Felix's antics. My eyes naturally landed on Chan, who was standing up from the bench where he had been sitting. He placed down the water bottle he was holding and threw his towel down beside it. The group of boys that had just been finishing their reps passed by him on the way to the locker room.
Turning halfway, Chan found my eyes, giving a smile and a wave which I returned. I tried to focus on his face, finding the fact that he wasn't wearing a shirt distracting.
Get a hold of yourself, Haewon. You've known Chan for several years, you've seen him shirtless before.
This had to be the soulmate pull.
The pull was becoming more and more prominent to me. Not only was I coughing up a small handful of petals every few hours, I found myself wanting to spend more and more time next to him. Being near him made me feel like everything was fine.
Chan winked before he turned toward the pool, crouching down at the edge. I rolled my eyes before watching him dive into the water, quickly overtaking the others as his body cut through the water like a fish. When he reached the wall, he flipped and began a backstroke back to the beginning.
"Hey! Are you even listening to me?"
My head snapped to Hyunjin, who had his hands on his hips, an eyebrow raised.
I sheepishly smiled. "Yes?"
"Which boy were you looking at for inspiration this time?" He smirked.
I felt my face get a little pink. "Not you," I teasingly snapped.
"I'll have you know I am a very attractive man!"
I looked at the notebook I had balancing on my legs in disinterest. "Yeah yeah, sure."
I shifted my eyes quickly, catching my soulmate take the cap off of his head as he walked towards the locker room, one hand ruffling through his hair.
"Oi Hyunjin!" Came a yell. Felix was sitting on the edge of the long pool. "You ready to race, bro?"
Hyunjin blew me a kiss. "Wish me luck!"
I gave a small nod before cupping my hands around my mouth. "YOU GOT THIS FELIX!!"
Hyunjin gasped. "You traitor!"
I sat back against the wall on the top bleacher, setting my notebook aside so I could fully pay attention to the two boys. I didn't feel like continuing my English assignment anyways. Felix whistled when Hyunjin took off his shirt, causing Hyunjin to throw the said shirt at his face. The action just resulted in laughter as the shirt completely missed Felix and landed far in the pool.
"You're an idiot, Hwang Hyunjin!" I teasingly called.
"You should come over and say that to my face!" He called.
I rolled my eyes but still stood to walk towards the two. I pointed at both of them. "If you push me in the pool, I'm not swimming back up. Enjoy your murder case."
"Can you judge for us?" Felix said, ignoring my comment.
"Can I judge people? Yes, I do that all the time. Can I judge the competition? Why not."
The two blonds lined up at the edge of the pool as I carefully sat down with my skirt, taking off my shoes and socks so I could stick my feet in the cool water. I frowned when the back of my thighs touched a small puddle.
"Am I counting down?" I asked. When they nodded I spoke. "Okay, from here and back when I say 'go'. First person to get back to me wins!"
I made a heart with my hands. "I'm cheering for you, Felix!"
The Australian grinned while Hyunjin let out a list of complaints. I took a deep breath, deciding I had tortured Hyunjin long enough. "Alright boys. On your mark, get set, go!"
As soon as I said the last word, the two boys dove into the water. I had to admit, Hyunjin was better than I expected him to be. His long limbs cut through the water easily, helping him keep a really good pace. I could tell he would easily beat me in a race.
But there was a reason Felix was on the swim team.
Felix moved as he was one with the water. If I thought his diving earlier was impressive, his natural swimming ability was in an entirely different league. I couldn't even see the boy coming up for air. Honestly, if Felix told me he was a type of mermaid, I think I would believe him.
Hyunjin reached the opposite wall a second before Felix, but a slow flip allowed the Aussie to get a good sized lead. Even with his longer limbs, Felix's speed was just too great to let Hyunjin catch up, and instead increased the distance between them.
Part of me actually felt lowkey sad.
Like, yeah, it was Hyunjin's fault for challenging Felix in the first place.
But he actually did surprisingly well.
Felix just did better.
I held my hand up for a high five as Felix's head broke the water, to which he happily complied. He relaxed his arms on the tile next to me, his hair in wet strings across his forehead.
"Oh my gosh!" Felix's accent came out strong as he spoke in English.
Hyunjin's head broke the surface just a couple of seconds later, immediately wiping water from his eyes.
"Oh my gosh dude!" Felix repeated when he was sure Hyunjin could hear. "You had me. You literally had me."
Hyunjin's eyes were wide. "How are you so fast?! We flipped and you were just—poof! Gone."
"Mate, I'm on the swim team!"
Hyunjin's eyes crinkled as the three of us laughed at Felix's familiar comment. He smoothed his hair back, the long blond strands clinging to the back of his neck. His eyes suddenly widened.
"Oh no."
Felix's face filled with worry. "Don't tell me you left windows open again."
I tried to contain my snort. It did not work.
"I forgot I have dinner with my parents today," Hyunjin explained. "And I don't think I have time to get to the apartment to shower before I need to be there."
The Aussie visibly relaxed. "Don't worry, you can use the showers in the locker room."
Hyunjin nodded, and after Felix swam to grab Hyunjin's forgotten shirt the two used the ladder to the side to get out. I kept my spot, not wanting to move at the moment because I was comfortable.
"Hey Wonnie," Felix's deep voice called. I turned and looked over my shoulder. "Do you want one of us to walk you home?"
I shook my head. "No I'm okay. I'm going to stay here a little while longer and then leave."
Felix mouth pulled downwards. "I can wait here with you if I need too."
"No, I'm really fine," I said with a little laugh. "Beside, don't you have a test to study for tomorrow?"
I could tell by Felix's frown that he wasn't happy with my answer. He never really felt comfortable with me walking alone at night. If only he knew the amount of times I'd left my apartment for a sudden late craving.
"At least get Chan to walk you home. I don't think he's left yet."
I considered for a moment, then finally nodded. I could deal with that. Maybe I could *casually* mention the topic of soulmates?
Maybe this was my chance to see how he truly felt.
Felix and Hyunjin disappeared into the locker room. I moved my feet slightly in the water, my shoes and socks in my lap as I played with the stitching of my sweater. The overhead lights were all off now, Felix having switched them off on his way to the locker room, leaving the only things still lighting up the space the pool and emergency exit lights. They cast a pale blue glow on the edge of my skirt, moving whenever I shifted.
To be honest, I was worried.
I knew my confidence was shaky. If Chan seemed more receptive to the idea of soulmates, or revealed more about his reasoning, then maybe I could find the courage to tell him. It was a long shot, I know, but it actually gave me a possible chance to stop the spread of the Hanahaki. I was tired of coughing up petals. I was tired of trying to hide them whenever someone was around.
I didn't know if I could handle it getting worse.
I felt my heartbeat start to beat a little faster in my chest. Looking up, I heard the sound of laughter, recognizing Chan's familiar sound immediately. This was it. I raised my hand, waving a bit as he turned the corner before freezing.
He was not alone.
And she was beautiful.
Her long brown hair fell down her back in waves, short pieces in the front framing her face. She had on similar clothes to Chan, both workout clothes, in dark shades. He was laughing at something she said, his eyes crinkling up as he grinned widely, and her face seemed to light up as she watched him.
How could I be so stupid?
Why must I do this to myself?
Why do I always get my hopes up, only to let them be crushed?
The worst part was I knew this was a possibility. I knew that this could be the reason why Chan didn't want a soulmate, and yet I made myself focus on the better interpretation because of my stupid feelings.
I was so dumb.
Chan was in love with someone else.
I looked around for a door, any door close by that I could escape through before they noticed me. I could walk myself home. I caught sight of the back door nearest to me and silently stood up from my place beside the pool, wet feet softly padding through the shadows. I didn't bother to put my stupid shoes and socks back on as I quickly shut the door behind me, my feet landing on the grass behind the building.
The hug, the wink, everything I had been feeling toward Chan meant nothing. I couldn't compete with someone who already had his heart. It was useless.
We were best friends before we were soulmates.
So maybe, I'm just meant to be the best friend.
I struggled to take deep breaths, walking slowly through the dark in direction of my apartment. One hand clenched the fabric of my sweater, on the left side of my chest. Why was my heart hurting? My hand found the edge of a wall as I coughed, the force making me double over. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't stop coughing as tears sprang to my eyes from the pain. What was going on?
I was scared.
"Noona? Noona are you okay??"
Someone's hand found it's way to my back as I finally caught my breath, my eyes opening to catch sight of the small pile of gladiolus petals on the ground. I looked to my side in alarm, my eyes catching those of a boy I'd never seen before.
His eyes were kind and Fox-like, filled with worry as they quickly scanned me for injuries. I saw his gaze catch hold of the petals on the ground before flitting back up to me.
"Do you need me to take you to a doctor?" He said slowly, making sure I heard him.
Somewhere in my head I knew he was only trying to help, but all I could process was that he knew.
This boy, who I had never seen in my life, now knew my deepest and darkest of secrets.
Everything was starting to fall apart just as I tried to grab it.
The facade was crumbling.
I didn't know what to do.
So when the boy reached out his hand, I ran.
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If I made anyone emotional/cry, please don't sue me, I don't have that type of money 😭
So that being said....how'd we feel about this?
Don't forget to like, comment, or vote if you liked this chapter!