LOVE ME NOT || Bang Chan Soulmate au

21. Because I Love You

"So how long have you known?"

"Since the day I got my tattoo."

Seungmin raised his eyebrows as he took a sip from his mug, eyes set on me as he waited for me to continue. I took a deep breath, turning to face the street outside the window. I couldn't look at him if I wanted to keep talking.

I heard the sound of the mug being placed down as I drew one knee to my chest, resting my chin on it.

"Why don't you just....tell him?"

My eyes focused on the dark sky. "Because I would only hurt him."

Seungmin scoffed. "And how would you do that?"

"My mom always said I reminded her of my dad," I started, watching as a group of people walked into a restaurant across the street. "I used to think that was a good thing, but the more she said it the more I realized how wrong I was."

     I played with a loose string on my sweater. "My parents were soulmates. They had the....symptom that let them feel each others' emotions, so they could feel when one of them was sad or happy or...." I trailed off before starting again. "....excited. It was cool until it became the very reason my parents broke up."

     "What happened?" Seungmin said.

     I played with the straw in my drink, stirring it around but never actually taking a sip. "Well, it turns out that it's hard to hide you're a cheater when the other person can feel it."

     Seungmin was silent as I stared back out at the road, memories filling up my mind. I have never told anyone this. No one knew this side of me except Chan, and now I was telling Seungmin. It was somehow....refreshing, in a way.

     "My parents never really fought. Because they could feel what the other was feeling, one of them would always fold to not make each other upset. So, when they started yelling that day I just kind of....shut down. I never really imagined them fighting seriously. I never saw either of them in a bad light until that moment, and I remember I couldn't tell who to be angry at when I heard my mother scream that she rejected my father."

     I let out a humorless laugh. "I was just a kid. And I knew my dad did something wrong but I was so angry that my mom rejected him. Even as an adult, I still don't know who to blame."

      "But your dad cheated," Seungmin said. "Why can't you just blame him?"

     I met his eyes. "Because he may have been an awful person, but he was a great dad."

     Seungmin sat back in his chair, waiting for me to continue.

     "Trust me, I want to blame him," I started. "He cheated on my mom, and every time I think about it, it pisses me off. But he really did love me," I said, looking at Seungmin. "When someone rejects their soulmate, it's like they're cutting the thread between them, and that thread unravels with every person that was connected to their soulmate. It makes them unable to feel any emotions towards anyone in that unraveling thread, like they become completely emotionless. When my mom rejected my dad that day, she lost every feeling she's ever had for me. Love, happiness, sadness, all of it was forgotten whenever she thought of me."

"I expected him to reject her back. I expected to hear him scream the same words to her that she did to him but I heard nothing. My dad was the one who found me, hiding in the closet trying to drown out the fight, and told me everything was going to be okay." I stopped stirring the straw around in my drink, taking in the laughter and talking that was happening at the tables around us. "He never rejected her. My dad died because he wanted to make sure I still had a parent who could love me."