LOVE ME NOT || Bang Chan Soulmate au

26. Kioku

"How did the treatment go?"

I looked up at Jeongin as I walked, the younger falling in step beside me as we headed back to his car. His voice was filled with concern and his Fox eyes were wide as he waited for me to answer. I gave a small smile and ruffled his hair.

"I think it went.....good," I said.

I saw the relief pass through Jeongin's face like a ripple in a pond at my words. For the first time in a while, I didn't feel guilty at the sight of concern going away or relief taking its place. This time, I didn't need to lie or hide, and there was no accompanying heaviness like usual. To be honest, I do think the treatment helped, at least to a certain extent. I couldn't feel that awful itch in the back of my throat that normally made me cough, and the exhaustion across my body had lessened slightly. I was still tired, and my breathing wasn't completely clear, but for once I felt.....okay.

     And I knew that part of it was because of Kioku.

     For someone who was dying, she seemed so very alive.

     In a way, she reminded me of my dad.

     My dad stayed positive the entire time he was sick, no matter how sick he felt or how much pain he was in. He'd smile at me when I entered his room, and if Chan had come with me that day he'd give him a small smile and a wave. He used to help us with homework from his hospital bed, having been really good with numbers before he got sick. I used to bring him shirts, ties, just any kind of accessory he could wear because he told me he found the colors of the hospital to be too bland. I started experimenting with culinary stuff around that time, wanting to care in some way for my dad even when I didn't particularly want to talk to him. He'd decorate his tray like we were at a fancy restaurant, and try to make me laugh by acting like a food critic.

     I never knew how he could joke around like that, be positive when everything around him was falling apart. He cheated on his wife and lost her, he had been in the process of losing me, and on top of it all he was dying. Yet, he never really showed it. The few times I walked in during a treatment, or on one of his bad days when he forgot to tell me not to come, I would see the white petals that covered the floor or bed. I would make myself find a quiet space in the hospital and force myself to forget. I wanted to stay in the positive world that he had created, for him.

     When he died, I was the only one at the funeral besides the doctors.

     Chan had been out of town, away with his parents, and I didn't tell him until he came back. Part of me felt like it was my burden to bear. It was at the funeral that I finally realized why he made himself stay positive.

     The flower that the Hanahaki disease had given my father was a white tulip.

     One of the things that I learned from all the years in the hospital alongside my dad was that whatever your flower is, represents the connection you have to your unrequited love, or in other words your soulmate.

     And white tulips mean forgiveness.

     My dad stayed positive, and tried to become the best dad he could be until he died, because he wanted my forgiveness.

     Kioku seemed to have that same kind of positivity, the kind that I'll never fully understand, the kind that makes me jealous of how they see the world.

     I felt myself jump a bit as Jeongin placed a hand on my shoulder. I looked up to meet his eyes, and he gave me a pretty Fox-eyed smile in response.

     "You okay?" He asked gently.

     "You okay?" The girl with the short hair carefully said, a small smile still on her face.