Mark rests his elbow on the incubator, staring down at his tiny daughter. All one pound, one ounce of her. Barely a week old and yet facing the biggest battle of her life. Mark rubs his eyes tiredly and straightens up, looking over as the door opens.
Bonnie smiles gently. "Hey." She whispers, leaning on the other side opposite him. "She's looking so good."
"She is." He smiles a little. "I've been so wrapped up in her... and Callie... that I've been a total ass and neglected you." He frowns as he looks over at her.
Bonnie takes his hand over the incubator. "I think I can let it slip." She smiles. "I've come to terms with the fact I'm not the only woman in your life... though if you ever suggest making another baby will Callie Torres? I'll be the last woman in your very short life."
Mark gives the biggest, most genuine smile he has given in weeks. "Understood." He mumbles and rubs his face.
Bonnie kisses his knuckles. "Let me take you home and cook dinner. Just for a night. Baby girl is stable, Callie is stable. Please come home."
Mark takes a deep breath as he stretches. "You know what? Let's go." He nods.
Bonnie smiles wide and takes his hand, letting him lead her out. She drives - no way is he getting behind the wheel after the lack of sleep he's faced lately. The moment they get home, he heads to shower as Bonnie begins their dinner.
Mark eventually comes out of the bathroom in some loose joggers, his hand rubbing through his damp hair. "That feels so much nicer than the hospital ones."
Bon smiles as she cuts the steak packaging open. "I have told you that a hundred times."
He leans on the counter behind her and looks around, re-familiarising himself with his own home. He frowns deeply and picks up the orange pill bottle amongst her medications that are tucked by the fridge and toaster. "Doxycycline?"
Bonnie freezes a little and chews her tongue. "Yeah..." she slowly says and looks over. "I was going to tell you later but... come sit." She turns the stove off and takes his hands.
Mark frowns deeply, his heart leaping. "What's... going on?" He slowly asks.
She pulls him beside her on the couch, gripping his hands. "Right. Okay." She takes a deep breath. "About a week ago, I felt a bit unwell... please let me finish before you say anything." She quickly adds. He nods stiffly once. "Okay. Well I had this feeling a couple times before." She almost whispers. "And then I'd usually do a test. Unfortunately I didn't get chance to do a test this time to know for sure but I-I had a miscarriage. I didn't fully pass it all and Ady had to do a D and C procedure a couple days ago. She gave me IV antibiotics and oral." She whispers now.
Mark is silent. Frozen. Processing. "Pregnant..." He slowly says, his eyes focusing on her. "Surgery...." He say as it slowly sinks in. "And... no one told me."
Bonnie frowns a little. "I should have, I know I should have, but Callie wasn't in a great place. Your focus needed to be on her and not on me-"
Mark grabs her face a little rougher than intended in both of his hands. "My focus should have been on you!" He snaps, eyes raging. "I should have been there! That was my baby!"
Bonnie grips his wrists gently, stroking. "Mark... there was nothing that could have been done. You were, you ARE, in a fragile state and I wasn't going to add to that. Not when it was something so horrible."
"Bonnie, I should have been there! You, you're my everything! We promised no more lies." He finally let's go of her face and snatches his arms back as he stands, one hand on his hip and the other in his hair. "Fuck!"
She's silent as she let's him digest. "I'm sorry. I truly am. I didn't lie, I just kept the cards close until they needed to be laid." She says softly. "I've never carried longer than 5 weeks, never."
"What- how many ti- you-" He stutters over words.
Bonnie takes a breath. "When I was with Dacre, I had 4 miscarriages. One just before he passed." She says, eyes focused on the creased curtain. "I had another a few years ago after a one night stand. And then this one. None ever longer than 5 weeks okay?"
"Not okay!" He snaps.
"I'm sorry." She says firmly and takes a deep breath. "I had to deal with all of this along most of the time. I'm not- I don't share well. It feels too personal. I was putting you first."
"But you need to put yourself first!" He throws his hands up then rubs his eyes. "How can I take care of you when you don't tell me things?" He demands.
She stands, taking both of his hands even as he tries to pull away. "Look at me." When he doesnt, she stomps on his toes. His eyes widen and he glares. "There we go. I'm sorry okay? We never talked about babies did we? And there's been a lot more important things right now. After all of this is over then we can have that conversation about babies and my shitty womb and what we are going to do. But until then, you are focusing on that little angel and her mom. Are we clear? This IS me taking care of myself. And you."
Mark takes a slow, shaky breath in and nods once. She kisses his cheek and sighs. "Derek fought your corner. Go give him a call, he'll be sure to rant about how awful I am."
Mark gently kisses her cheek and goes to the bedroom closing the door. Bonnie rubs her face tiredly and sighs. She knew it wouldn't go well but that doesn't stop this shitty feeling she has.
-
The next weeks, months, are gruelling. Callie took a turn, Sofia needed surgery, Mark and Arizona have barely held it together. Bonnie has tried to be there for all of them while also trying to put herself first. In order to be there and help in a positive way, she gradually returned to work. Just a few hours at first. She's up to 8 hour shifts for now and mostly spends it in the NICU.
Today was Sofia's carseat test and she smashed it; the tot is ready to go home. Everyone but Callie is thrilled.
"She's not ready. No, she can't leave. She's-she's been watched by doctors 24 hours a day." She says firmly as she chews her thumb nail.
Arizona calmly, rubbing her partners back. "She still will." Arizona looks around the room at everyone there.
Callie takes a breath already ready with another reason. "Okay, well, her lungs ... she could get R.S.V."
Arizona shrugs small. "Well, any kid could get R.S.V." she reasons.
"She's not getting in a car!" Callie says firmly. "It's not safe."
Mark moves away from the carseat to comfort his friend but she backs up. "Callie..."
"It's.not.safe." Callie slowly and firmly says. "The last time she was in a car, she nearly died. We both nearly died. Get-get her outta that thing. Honey ... Get her ... give her ... give her to me, Mark. I'm not kidding. Get her out of that thing. Give her to me." She yells as Mark moves the carseat away.
Bonnie frowns deeply. "Everyone out!" She orders and snatches the carseat carefully. "Go!" She glares when everyone stares. As they leave, she carefully unstraps the tiny tot and hands her to her mom.
Callie instantly holds her close, her racing heart slowing some as she takes careful breaths. "Mommas here baby." She says quietly.
Bonnie puts a hand on her shoulder. "You've done all the hard work Callie... so has this little bean." She says softly. Callie looks at her, eyes full of fear. "It's time to reap those rewards and go home with your little wonder. Because that's what she is, isn't it? A wonder. She's a miracle. And so are you."
"What if something goes-"
Bonnie shakes her head, interrupting before Callie can even finish. "It's not a case of what if. We have control of everything as much as we can, the rest we leave up to whatever God, being or force is out there." She encourages. "You just have to raise Sofia right and give her a warm home to go to. Feed her change her comfort her. 3 things. And she's got 3 doctors as her parents, half a dozen others waiting to support her. She's got this. So have you."
"And she has a badass stepmom." Callie says gently. "One of the most dedicated nurses I know... thank you."
Bonnie blushes and smiles. "Please, were family. We're there for each other." She nods.
-
Mark sneaks back into bed carefully, sliding under the covers as to not disturb Bonnie. "How's Sofia?" She mumbles half asleep.
He silently cusses. "She's good. Breathing." He says quietly. Every few hours he goes over to check. Has the last 3 days she's been home.
Bonnie curls up against Mark with a hum. "Good. Now get some fucking sleep before I drug you." She mumbles.
Mark smiles. "I can't wait to have kids with you, Bonnie Teller." He whispers, holding her close.