I stopped outside Kaz's office taking a moment to calm my breathing. I went to knock on Kaz's door but his deep voice called from inside the office.
"Come in."
I opened the door and stepped into his office. I noticed Kaz sitting at his big desk. A pile of papers spread across the desktop in front of him. I assumed it was business papers.
He was writing in a ledger and cross checking his work with another paper .
I wasn't sure of my reception so I took a moment to shut his door and when I turned the lock over Kaz lifted his head from his work.
" Amira what are you doing?" He asked me voice low.
" We should talk Kaz." I told him finding my courage as I moved over towards him.
He watched me walk over his eyes locked with mine. He smirked at me as I came around the desk.
Kaz pushed himself back from his desk and turned in his chair to face me.
" Come here Amira." Kaz growled and waited for me to heed his command.
My first instinct was to be stubborn. I was so very tired of men issuing me commands but this was Kaz and with him it was different.
I sighed as I stepped between his long legs looking down at him.
He motioned for me to sit, so I crawled into his lap. This was becoming my favorite spot to be.
"Sorry I left you down there with the others Amira. I hope they behaved themselves. I just needed some time to think alone." Kaz muttered as he wrapped his arms around me and slide my bottom up more on his lap so I was pressed intimately against him.
I had to rest my hands lightly on his shoulders to support myself as I met his gaze.
"Its okay but as I anticipated they all know about us. " I started and I saw anger flash in Kaz's eyes, he started to move me off his lap but I put a palm on his cheek softly and continued hurriedly," Don't get angry at them about it, it doesn't serve any purpose."
" I should kick Jesper's teeth in. He has a big mouth and he never thinks of the consequences of his actions." Kaz growled, " Oh and I'm sure Nina is beside herself about it too, I'm never going to hear the end of this am I?"
I grinned at him. "It isn't that bad is it Kaz? These people love and care about you, you're lucky you have that."
" They love my reputation and my money. Me that's debatable. I've risked their lives countless times in the pursuit of wealth and revenge, the fact any of them still stay by my side is a miracle in itself." Kaz muttered
I frowned at him as I replied, " Kaz you are their family too, you aren't just their boss. You may be shit at communicating it but I know you love them all."
" Yeah it doesn't benefit to let anyone know you have people who matter to you. My enemies would use them against me for their gain." Kaz stated sullenly.
" Its a cruel world Kaz we both know it but it doesn't mean you shut out connection with people who matter. Love isn't a weakness, it in fact makes you stronger." I said softly
Kaz shut his eyes a moment and took a few deep breathes. I watched him, loving his long dark lashes. He was a truly beautiful man and I felt so lucky to be here with him like this.
"Kaz.." I started
He opened his eyes again and met my gaze. " What is it Amira?" He asked me softly
" I noticed the way you looked at me downstairs, like I had hurt you by not sitting at your side. Can you explain to me what I am supposed to do when we're in public. I don't want to hurt you but I'm unsure how to navigate this with you if you don't talk to me." I said
Kaz's eyes lowered, breaking our contact as he replied," I don't really know why that affected me so much, its part of the reason I came up here. I cannot afford to act that way in front of my crew. It shouldn't have affected me the way it had. Embarrasingly I cannot seem to stand to have you out of my arms. What spell have you put me under Amira?"
" Its called being in love Kaz." I said affectionately and his eyes snapped to mine again.
He seemed to mull the words over and I was desperate to know what he was thinking about.
" Kaz you don't need to say the words because I get we're not really a couple and I don't have any expectations. Christ we've barely known each other that long but I have to confess I am falling in love with you." I stumbled over the worlds afraid of his reaction. My heart raced as I waited for him to say something back, to acknowledge my feelings for him.
His grip on me tightened and he leaned towards me to kiss me again. When our lips brushed, I moaned.
He kissed me so sweetly it nearly had me in tears. It was utterly ridiculous that two deadly killers were acting like such love stricken teens with their first crushes. In honestly it was similar in that we were eachothers firsts for some aspects. Namely that I was his first lover and he was my first real love. I'd had crushes and flings with other men and even a few girls in my past but never had any true connection with anyone. With Kaz this was entirely different on a lot of levels.
Kaz shuddered under me as he broke off our kiss," Thing is Amira I do feel the same and I have no idea what to do about it, I just know I don't want to lose you."
The words struck me and my heart skipped.
" Kaz I don't plan to be anywhere else but by your side for as long as you'll have me." I smiled wide as I said it knowing how true the words were.
Now it just a matter of dealing with Carlson and the storm I knew was coming for us. The man was a tsunami and he destroyed everything in his path to get what he wanted.
If he knew my feelings for Kaz he would come for Brekker and would keep coming unless he was put down for good. My heart raced with fear for Kaz and the crows. I wasn't worried about myself because I knew the man would take me alive to try to convince me that I should be his. Kaz and the crows on the other hand, they didn't have any immunity from the wrath that lay in wait for us.
I was actually surprised that the Serpents hadn't been ordered to storm into the Crow Club yet. Could it be that Kaz was hiding me that well. Did he have the loyalty of all his crew? Money went a long way for keeping loyalties.
" Kaz what's your plan to deal with Carlson? You know his reputation. He is just as ruthless a leader as you are. He wants me for himself and he won't appreciate another man taking what he thinks is his to claim. I haven't given him any impression that I reciprocate his feelings but he doesn't care about what I want. He only cares about himself and he considers me his property already." I muttered
" He won't get you back. You are a Crow now and we're going to ensure he knows it. I plan to arrange a meeting with him tomorrow to try to settle this without bloodshed." Kaz informed me.
" Please tell me you are not going to him alone Kaz?" I asked concern etched on my face.
Kaz smirked at me," What are you worried about me? I know how to handle myself Amira."
I frowned at him," I know that you can fight Kaz but Carlson doesn't have any honor. He is likely to stab you in the back. I should go with you. You need someone at your back."
" No you're not getting anywhere near that madman. I will have backup you needn't worry about me." Kaz stated
" You don't understand Kaz. He isn't going to settle for any amount of money. He will not stop hunting for me until he has me back in his grip. I'm sorry for bringing this to your doorstep Kaz. You cannot reason with him you have to kill him and that isn't going to be easy. The man is paranoid, he never goes anywhere without a full guard. The men he has watching his back are very capable and they won't let you near him." I grumbled anxiety spiking.
Kaz frowned taking in all I'd disclosed. He was quiet as he took time to absorb my concerns.
I knew he was calculating all the risks and setting up plans and alternatives.
"Kaz I know you're a fierce opponent for anyone but Carlson isn't like the other crew leaders he has been in this game longer than both of us. He fights very dirty. He runs his crew like a dictatorship, the Serpents are afraid of him and his punishments." I stated
" I get your concern but I've been put through hell and I can fight even dirtier. You will not be going back to that man. You are mine. Now enough talk just kiss me again." Kaz growled
He sifted his gloved hands through my hair and guided me back down to his mouth. He completely controlled our kiss sucking and nibbling and swallowing my excited pants.
If Kaz wanted to set aside our worries I would oblige him in that. I wanted to savour each moment with him, knowing we are never promised a tomorrow.