Shock, loss and grief, morbid pre-occupation, damaged self-esteem, self-doubt, anger. That is just some of the effects betrayal has on someone's life.
Dwelling obsessively on how you were wronged. Feeling exultant in your self-righteous pain. Turning your pain into an ongoing drama. Acting erratic and scattered, with no plan on getting better.
That's how the effects of betrayal is described, but experiencing it firsthand feels so much more complex.
When life doesn't grant you the opportunity to go through all those emotions in order to heal, you become set in being someone you're not, and sometimes someone you don't even recognize anymore. It produces life-altering changes to one's personality and your outlook on life.
Like every day is an act to protect yourself from the world outside your circle of people that you actually do trust. That's when protecting yourself becomes like a second job, almost like a burden at times.
I am taken out of my wandering thoughts by a voice in my office doorway.
"Doctor Harris, the patient you operated on this morning in 208, is experiencing a stiff neck and pain. Can I administer anything to alleviate the pain or do you want to check up on him first?" Ingrid, the lovely middle-aged nurse assigned to work with me since I've been here, informs me as she stood arms folded over her chest and with her shoulder leaning against the door frame.
"No worries, I'm almost done here, then I'll go check up on him. Will you meet me there in 15 minutes, please?" I asked as I completed my last batch of paperwork and files. Who said being a doctor doesn't entail lots of paperwork?
"I will wait for you at the nurses station, then we can walk to him together" she said smiling at me.
Ingrid has been kind and helpful since the day I stepped foot here. She is the only person I would care to talk more than five words not relating to work.
Oh, and did i hear the stuff being talked about me by the staff, when I first started working here exactly one year ago.
As the Doctors would say, I slept my way up the ranks that's why I am at senior level at such a young age, but they are proven wrong with my skill and way of thinking when it's comes to problem solving almost impossible surgeries, saving many lives that would have been lost if not tended to.
Nurses think I'm unkind and have no personally, but I make sure to thank them and give them recognition when things are done well. Even with my emotionless face, I still thank where thanks are due. Besides, a hospital is where people come that need help, so it isn't a place where you go play buddy-buddy for people to like you.
I also don't do emotions because emotions equals attachment and that creates room for disappointment when betrayed. It's not a question of, if betrayal will happen, but when it will.
At the end of the day I really do not care what people think of me, because I'm here to help people get a second chance at life.
Today is my last day here in Germany and it's a little bitter sweet saying goodbye to another place that has been helping me grow in my field of expertise, but I'm excited to see my family at home.
I am what many would call an intellectual genius. I graduated high school at the age of 16, studied at the best Medical school in America and travelled the world giving hope while healing people and learning so much.
I am a Neurosurgeon, people in a private capacity or hospitals would hire me to come in and deal with difficult cases. I'm also not permanently contracted which gives me the flexibility to be involved in the lives of my family. That's why the longest contract would be no longer then 1 year.
Any doctor would tell you, that to become the best in your field, you have to gain the experience and knowledge in the field.
That is why I decided to stay up to 6 months, or a year at most in each country to gain the expertise, because each country teach differently and come with different opportunities to learn new skills.
Traveling to some of the poorest to do surgeries for free, also to some of the richest countries gaining a wealth of knowledge doing so.
I have been to countries no doctor would prefer to go to due to the poverty, but what they don't realize is that you gain the most experience in those places.
I have also been approached by many rich people that would hire me where doctors either refused or didn't want to take the risk.
Which brings me to my next challenge. I have been contacted by a hospital at home one month prior, to come and help with a few special cases for the next six months.
They want me on a permanent basis, but I declined because want to live my life and not be tied down. I want to dictate my own path, that's why I only work on a consultancy basis.
How could I refuse being near my family? I jumped at the opportunity because I feel that I've gained enough knowledge and experience to be able to settle in one place, and which better place then home?
And before you say it's an opportunity to make more money, my parents are wealthy, but my world does not revolve around wealth.
They never flaunt their wealth and always made sure we are aware of how hard they earned their money.
I have two brothers, to which I'm the middle child of. Chase is 29 who took over from dad last year when he retired.
Daniel is 24 and an Engineer, also for the family business and serves as one of the directors.
Then myself who is 25, turning 26 soon.
All of us are single as can be. Chase doesn't have time to date and Daniel is too much of a nerd to attempt to ask a girl out.
Me on the other hand, I don't believe in relationships because I won't be able to trust anyone....ever, besides my family.
All of us still lives at home and dad made sure to build a huge house out of the city on a 14 acre piece of land, and for everyone to have their own separate living quarters. We don't mind because we love them.
I finished adding notes and signing the last file then proceeded to head out to the nurse's station to get Ingrid. As soon as she saw me she followed me to room 208, where the patient resides.
"Are you excited to see your family" she asked.
"I cant wait. It's been six months too long" I said as we headed to the elevator.
I will surely miss you" she said, making me glance over in her direction seeing the emotional side that she always tend to show me.
I get attached to no-one besides my family, but i do get comfortable enough to have a conversation with them and this nurse is one of them.
"I have to say, I've worked in a lot of countries and have met some cruel, heartless people in this field, but you have a heart of gold. Please protect it" I say as I face the front entering the lift with her following behind with a shocked expression. This was the first time she saw me giving a human like response.
I can see from the corner of my eyes, her wiping the glossiness from her eyes "I knew there was a person with a heart inside that body" she says while chuckling at her own comment.
I just smile as we exit and finally enter the patient's room.
"Good Evening Mr. Hans, how are we feeling?" I ask as Mr. Hans as I look at his monitor, then proceed to pick up his file glancing through his stats.
He answers me in English with his thick Germán accent "Not so good, this pain in my neck and I'm unable to move my neck.
"That is totally normal after having a big tumor removed from your neck. The nurse here will give you something for the pain as I don't see any further issues with your stats.
After explaining to Mr. Hans what is to be expected as time goes by, i also explained the medication and why we're not able to give too much.
leaving the patient's room after Mr. Hans was satisfied with my answers, I head to my office gathering all my personal belongings to head to the airport for my flight back home.
Ingrid came in a few minutes before I left, bringing me a cupcake to celebrate the time we spent together.
I gave her a gold necklace with a pendant of a brain, with the words saying "Thank you - DH" inscribed on it.
That was followed with a lot of tears from her, but I eventually made it to the airport. That's also why I hate emotions, the vulnerability that accompany it sometimes.
Once I boarded the plain and got settled, I messaged my dad to let him know that I have boarded and that he should not forget to come and pick me up at the airport in nine long hours.
It's already 12:30 at night when we took off as I settled and got some shut eye so the time could go by quicker.
I slept the whole nine hours through not removing my seatbelt or going for a toilet break. Getting this amount of sleep is a luxury.
I was woken by someone touching my shoulder to wake me up. I opened and saw it's the airhostess waking me up. We are probably going to land I thought.
"Dr. Harris?" she asked bending down almost unsure if it's me.
"Yes" I answer her with a questioning look on my face.
"The captain just informed that there's medical emergency and requested your help at the airport when we land. The person needing the help is high profile and you are the only person nearest to the airport with the level of medical expertise that could help. The medical staff they have there are only the paramedic because the doctor is late for duty and an hour away from the airport" She explained.
I just nod in response as she thank me with a smile and made her way to the front of the plane again. A few minutes later the Captain started to speak.
"Good Morning everyone, Welcome to New York city. We will be landing in exactly five minutes. I would like to ask everyone to remain seated when we land and for Dr. Harris to disembark first. She will be helping us with a have a medical emergency on the ground. Once again, thank you for flying with us"
Five minutes later all eyes were on me as I'm the only one able to grab my backpack and exit the plain. Awkward.....
I am ushered into a black SUV that does not belong to the airport. Once we reach the building that only serve private clients on opposite side of the airfield, we exit and is shown to a small medical room.
A bulky man in a black suite with black shirt and tie stretch his hand in my direction for me to shake.
After the formalities are over he starts to explain the situation as we head into the room where his boss is situated.
I glance to my side and see about 15 men also dressed in black scattered around. How high-profile is this guy?
"Dr. Harris, thank you for agreeing to help. My boss, Mr. Giordano complained on the flight of head ache and nausea. He threw up and then fainted shortly after" he explain as we made our way to the room where his boss is.
I only nod as he hold the door open for me to enter first. As I enter I can see a middle-aged woman, a man, probably her son and a girl her daughter because they both look like her.
They stood to the side observing me intently, but I ignore them as one of the only medical staff i see approaches me.
"Good Day Dr. Harris" the guys which I assume is medic from his attire. I respond with a nod.
After glancing at the person on the bed, I froze as soon as I see the person's face in front of me.
I am so use to masking my emotions in difficult or surprising situations, that I don't think anyone would be able to read the thoughts through my expressions, because there is none.
How is this possible and how can there be more then two of these faces in the world. This can't be.
I start to panic internally at the meaning of that face. This can't be possible, the man is married with big kids.
Never, I say to myself as I force my mind into believing that it's just a coincidence.
I am however taken out of my reverie as the paramedic starts to talk.
"We have a male, 53 years of age, blood pressure 180/120, unresponsive" he says.
I just nod as I approach the table where the man is laying and start to measure his pulse with my finger. I stretch my hand out "Statoscope?" because mine was packed with my luggage and i won't be able to rummage through it now.
As soon as I feel one being placed in my hand, I place it in my ears to listen to the functioning of the organs when I look up at the man's face, notice a clear fluid running out of the patient's nose.
I look at his wife cause she would be able to give me better answers to my questions I'm about to ask as I continue listening to his organ function.
"Does he have flu or any illnesses such as hypertension, diabetes?" I ask her waiting for her to respond.
"No, he's a very healthy man. He loves to eat, but goes to the gym regularly" she says as she shake her head.
"Did you check his sugar levels?" I ask the paramedic ignoring her response she just gave as i start to feel his ribcage and the rest of his body.
Most of the time family don't notice things about their loved ones and other times family members hide stuff such as illnesses and so on.
"Normal Doc" he says.
"Did he fall or bump his head, complain of head aches, drowsiness" I ask as I lay the statoscope on my neck looking at her again waiting for a response as my hands move to his head feeling for any bumps or lesions indicating any trauma.
"He complained on the flight of a headache for the first time and that was on our way here, that's when he started to feel unwell" she says with tears in her eyes. You can see she's trying to stay strong for all of them.
I could feel the bump under my fingers as my suspicions is confirmed.
I look at the medic who's the only one on duty "we have to do a trepanation to the scull plate" I say looking at him and his eyes bulge out of his sockets. I know he knew what I was referring to by his expression.
"A What!?" the son asks as the mother starts to cry into her hands.
"I have to drill into your father's scull to alleviate the pressure to his brain" I said.
"No! Just make him stable enough so that we can take him to the hospital" the guy says as his sister move to her dad's side side in shock looking at him in disbelief.
"Your father has" I lift my arm to check the time on my watch "15 minutes then he will go into cardiac arrest due to the pressure preventing his his heart from functioning. A hospital is 30 minutes away from here, not taking into account the fact that he has to be loaded, then driven to one and the morning traffic" I say as I wait for them to respond.
"Have you had any exposure to the procedure before?" I ask the paramedic totally ignoring their shocked faces and continuing to save their dad's life..
"No doc, this will be the first time seeing something like this being performed" he says.
"Ok, lets get ready. We have a husband and dad to save" I say.
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