TW: PTSD,Night Terrors
This chapter will also contain sexual content.
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Something woke me from slumber. I heard a pained moan. I opened my eyes and glanced down at Kaz. He was thrashing in his sleep. Sweat soaking his brow. He was saying a name over and over " Jordie!No please don't!"
I knew it was dangerous to wake someone in the throes of a night terror but I could not stand the agony I was hearing in his voice.
I gently shook him and started softly calling to him. " Kaz, Kaz can you hear me? You need to wake up now. "
He jolted awake and nearly fell off his side of the bed. I grabbed both his arms with my own,ignoring the instant piercing pain that jolted through my injured shoulder as I helped prevent him from falling. His eyes were still unfocused. He was panting,heart beating fast.
" Kaz,Kaz you're safe, you're okay. " I said reassuringly.
He blinked several times before he was able to stop struggling and got his breathing back under control. When I was sure he wasn't going to fall I released my grip on him.
He wiped his sweat slicked hair from his eyes. Meeting my worried expression, he said grimly," I'm sorry, I'm fine I apologize you had to witness that. "
"Kaz you don't need to apologize. You couldn't have controlled that. I have had many similar nights like that myself so I get it." I told him honestly
Kaz frowned as he realized this meant I'd been through something terrible enough to cause the night terrors too.
I wanted to say something to lighten the suddenly somber mood. Kaz had turned his back to me and sat on the edge of the bed trying to gather himself. I could see that his back was soaked. He must be incredibly uncomfortable in his wet clothes.
I decided to be bold as I asked him. " I'm sure you would like to freshen up and get into something dry. Perhaps we should bathe? "
Kaz he got up off the bed and faced me holding a gloved hand out to me. " Come."
I smirked up at him as I slid my unbandaged hand in his. He easily pulled me to my feet.
We moved silently across my room out into the corridor fingers interlaced. Outside in the hall Kaz abruptly disentangled himself from me. I shivered at the sudden loss of his intense heat.
I realized he didn't want anyone to see him holding my hand.I felt slighted by his abrupt shift in behavior but I kept silent and let him lead the way down the hall to his own room.I noticed he leaned heavily on the crow topped,ebony walking cane he always carried. I refused to comment on the absurdity of him refusing my support. His pride was part of his armour after all. I contented myself watching his broad back as we moved towards his door.
Kaz swiftly opened the room and he held the door for me to enter first.
I moved myself into the doorway of his room narrowly avoiding brushing up against him. His breathe hitched but he didn't say anything as let me step further into his room.
Once I was inside he followed me in and locked us alone inside his room.
Kaz watched me intensely as I bent down to slip out of the slippers id been given.
I padded barefoot over to where he remained near his front door.
He looked absolutely gorgeous with his dark hair disheveled, some strands covering his stunning eyes. He gritted his teeth as I approached him.
When I was standing in front of him I knelt down.
He said roughly," What are you doing?"
I didn't miss the way his whole body trembled and his breathing had quickened as he shifted his weight more to his uninjured leg.
" Kaz allow me." I pointed at his shoes.
His eyes widened but he didn't stop me when I carefully unlaced his shoes and slid them from his feet one at a time.
I stood up and I lightly tugged his shirt tails from his slacks. I started to unbutton his shirt, but he paused me grabbing my hands in his gloved ones careful of my injured hand. His shook slightly. I smiled warmly up at him.
" Kaz let me do this please." I said softly
I waited for him to answer. He hadn't released my hands from his so I took it as a good sign.
"Only remove my shirt and don't touch my bare skin. " He ground out
I nodded . He released me and moved his hands away so I could help him out of his sweat soiled shirt.
My fingers trembled as I worked loose the delicate ebony buttons of his black dress shirt. Each button undone revealing inches of pale perfect skin.
I slid the shirt from his shoulders careful not to touch his bare skin.
I bit my lip to keep from moaning out loud. Seeing him standing there in nothing but his black fitted slacks was making my heart race.
He was so beautiful. I took my time to admire his broad shoulders, large biceps, abs and his trim waist. He was build like an athlete but not heavy with muscle. I practically drooled over the trail of dark hair trailing below his navel disappearing beneath his trousers.
The only thing marring his perfect body was the bandage covering the spot where Inej had cut him.
Kaz was nibbling his lower lip his hands were clenched at his sides. He was struggling to not reach out to touch me and it made feel incredibly feminine and desirable.
I could see clearly his erection tenting the front of his pants.
I ached to touch him but I knew I had to move slowly. I felt myself growing ever more aroused by all the male perfection in front of me. I glanced hungerly to his lips, craving his kiss and hoping to dance my tongue against his again soon.
When he licked his lips I very nearly came undone.
His nostrils flared at my reaction to him.
" I want to taste you again. " Kaz rasped. He leaned down to softly press his lips against mine briefly before he trailed kisses down my neck .
I shuddered and closed my eyes at the sensation of his warm mouth against my delicate skin. The light graze of his teeth at my pulse made my legs become unsteady. Kaz wrapped his strong arms around my waist to steady me.
I wasnt sure what to do with my hands. Kaz saved me from deciding as he took my hands into his gloved ones.
He maneuved my uninjured hand onto his chest placing it over his pounding heart. Above where the bandage was. He held my hand against him watching me intensely.
My eyes widened as he permitted me to touch his chest. I stilled, enjoying the steady beat of his heart beneath my palm.
He shuddered beneath me but didn't move away from me. He closed his eyes and took several deep breathes.
With Kaz this was different and exciting. The other men had just been greedy,grasping hands and suffocating lust. It had never been pleasant for me.
With Kaz now though I had never been as aroused as I now felt with this gentle, sweet but dangerous man.
Kaz leaned down and kissed me again sweetly as he told me," You make me feel like I am a whole man for once. The way you look at me it is killing me. "
I was startled by his confession and my heart cracked at the pain I saw dancing behind his beautiful eyes.
He shuddered and took a rallying breathe.
"I haven't been touched by anyone like this and I want you.. I need you to touch me. "
Kaz sighed brokenly as if the confession would make me think less of him.
I fought to hide my shock from him, I didn't think he'd appreciate it,"That must be difficult, not finding any comfort in another's touch. If I may ask this... " I paused for Kaz to agree.
He seemed intrigued by what I was about ask him so he nodded at me to continue.
" Have you not..uh." I swallowed the lump I had in my throat as I continued," Have you not even touched yourself?"
I felt my cheeks heating and I cringed at my impulsiveness. I was nervous as I waited for Kaz to answer the extremely personal question I didn't really have any business knowing in the first place.
He placed a gloved hand beneath my chin to have me lift my gaze to meet his again.
" I tried a few times but I couldn't finish. So the answer is no. I find no pleasure in the action." He said this softly as if ready for me to mock him over it.
"Oh Kaz I.. " I hesitated a moment before I asked him boldy, " Do you believe that it will be different with me?"
Kaz's pupils dilated.He hissed out between clenched teeth," Yes...now please touch me."
My own hands shook .His abs clenched when I smoothed my hands down his bared stomach. My nails grazing through the line of dark hair trailing past his navel into his dark tailored pants. The noticeable erection tenting the front of his trousers made my mouth water. I ached to have the silken length of him throbbing inside my mouth. I wanted to know his taste on my tongue.
I smoothed my hand over his erection over his pants and he bucked beneath me.
When I went to loosen the belt he stilled my hands covering them with those soft leather gloves of his.
" Wait. " Kaz panted, " I want to see you first."
I smiled seductively as I watched him .I started unfastening the ties that held the loose dress shirt I had been dressed in closed. Kaz growled and reached out to close his large hands over mine stilling me again. " No I. I'm going to do that. Come here. "
My stomach clenched at his needy command and I shifted so I was almost leaning into Kaz.
His hands shook as he deftly unlaced my top.He parted the silk so he could reveal the lace beneath. Kaz moaned as he helped me slide my shirt off my body to pool with his discarded dress shirt at our feet. I was left standing in a black lace bra and silk shorts
" Turn around for me, I want to see it all. " Kaz practically begged and it made me grin.
I slowly turned for him, I knew he was memorizing every detail. I watched him over my shoulder. His eyes were bright as he roamed over me. When his gloved hands found their way to grip my hips I hissed as he suddenly pulled me back against him. My ass brushing against the hard length of him making us both shudder. I went to turn in his arms but he held me firmly where I was pressed into him.
" Do. Not.Move. I want you just like this. " Kaz commanded and I obeyed him
He spread my thighs wider with one gloved hand and he had me lean back against his body. I could feel his heart thundering against my back. He was so excited at having me in his arms. The sensation of his heat and strength surrounding me was almost too much.
Kaz kissed his way down the exposed side of my throat and along my collar bone. His right gloved hand massaged my right inner thigh while his other hand grazed across the tops of my breasts. The texture of his gloves adding another element to the sensation coursing through me.
Kaz brushed my long red hair behind my ear to allow him to see my expression clearly when he danced his gloved hand over my hardened nipples. He rolled the peaked bud of my left breast between his thumb and finger causing my hips to buck. If his right hand wasn't already grabbing my thigh I would have fallen foward. My skin was on fire for his touch. He moved his attention to my other breast, his skilled hands were slowly undoing me.
He had me lean forward slightly and he expertly unhooked the fastening of the bra so that he could free my breasts. He slid the lace straps from my shoulders and he tossed the bra over his shoulder not caring where it landed.
As he had my chest fully exposed I was writhing uncontrollably beneath his renewed attention on my body.
"These must be so sensitive now.Look how you respond to my touch." Kaz praised as he continued to tease my breasts.
I needed more. I needed friction and pressure. I needed to come so badly it was almost unbearable.
" Kaz please I need.. I need." I was panting unable to get out a complete sentence.
Kaz chuckled and I felt the vibration of his laugh course through me. He whispered at my ear, " I know what you need and I will give it to you. You are so beautiful when you're begging me. I think I could really get used to hearing you call out to me like that. I enjoy knowing I am the one you want,crave and desire."
Kaz shifted his hips against me again and I shivered.
He walked us into his washroom.
I wanted to touch him,wanted to face him,so I told him as much." Kaz I want to see you, I want to feel you too."
I felt Kaz shutter at my words. He released his hold on me and stepped back so I could turn around and face him again.
His eyes drifted to my bare breasts and he hissed.
I smirked and I cupped my own breasts wanting to tease him some more.
"Enjoying the view? It only gets better from here."
Kaz swallowed keeping his hands clenched at his sides.
I kept his gaze as I slowly slide the silk sleep shorts down my long legs.
Kaz cursed. I stepped out of the shorts
one foot at a time. It was a torment even to me to move so slowly but I delighted seeing the way his breathing changed. I enjoyed the way his eyes followed the shorts down my legs. His heated stare roaming over the most feminine parts of me before darting up to my face again, this was nearly enough to make me climax right then standing naked in the middle of his bathroom.
"You are a goddess." He rasped and he took a step closer, my stomach clenched with anticipation.
I wanted him bared before me too and it took all my strength not to go to him myself.
I willed myself to still. I remained where I stood waiting for his next move.
He surprised me by kissing me briefly and moving past me without touching me.
I turned to watch as he went over to the bath and leaned over to plug the tub and start the faucet.
As he ran the water I got an uninterrupted view of the muscles of his back rippling with his movements.
It made me bite my lip. He turned to catch me admiring him and I felt myself flushing. I had never been so bothered by any man before Kaz. He seemed to get me more flustered than was comfortable.
He grinned at me and it made me ache. I felt my arousal pooling between my thighs.
When the tub was filled and the water turned off, he finally padded back towards me.
"Let's get you in while it's still warm. " Kaz held a gloved hand out to me.I smiled as I accepted his offered hand. He walked us over to the tub and helped me into the water. I settled in the warmth of the freshly drawn bath. I kept my bandaged hand out of the water resting it over the edge of the tub.
I watched Kaz curious and anxious about his next move.
When he only settled himself onto the tile floor and leaned over the end of the tub to look at me,I frowned at him.
"Are you not joining me?" I questioned him
Kaz shook his head at me before he replied," No I'll shower afterwards."
He didn't seem to want to elaborate as he busied himself pulling over the tray of soaps and oils in front of himself. I watched him pick one from the tray. He released the stopper and dumped some of the contents of the bottle into the water by my toes. The air became fragrant with the smell of rose oil. I continued to watch Kaz as he swirled the water with the tip of his cane. I was startled I hadn't even realized he had still had it with him. I had assumed he'd left it at the door. He had felt so strong and solid holding me. His attention on my body had my thoughts so scrambled that I hadn't noticed he'd tucked his cane under his arm to bring it with him.
When he was satisfied the oil had been mixed well with the warm water,Kaz rested his cane against the tub to reach for another bottle. With it in hand he faced me asking me quietly," May I help you bathe?"
He seemed tense as if waiting for me to reject him. I'd admit this wasn't the direction I had thought we were moving towards but his offer was appreciated because I doubted my shoulder would allow me to raise my arms high enough to wash my hair. Plus Kaz was looking so hopeful that it made me melt.
This man was an inigma. He could be so fierce yet in these quiet moments so gentle and kind. I wanted to know this side of him more intimately and I wanted him more than dreamed I ever would. For me this was even more interesting than just fucking him. I knew I'd eventually have him like that too, which definitely excited me but this moment between us now seemed so fragile. If I pushed him too far to fast I knew I'd lose him entirely.
I would move at his pace despite how much my body craved his.
I smiled at him as I said simply " Yes Kaz I'd love that. "
His answering smile would forever be imprinted in my mind.