The Vanderbilt's railcar was even more excessive than ours and Will couldn't stop marveling at the red silk walls and carved and gilded wood panels. The fact that they had a sleeper car of their own attached to it only added to his shock, and I chuckled to see his face when he couldn't stop staring after the car when they pulled away. He kept a hand around mine, then bent over to whisper in my ear. "Why would they bring the sleeper car if they spent the night in town?"
"Oh who knows, perhaps they wanted a nap." I gave his hand a squeeze. "Or maybe they actually didn't stay in the inn."
He snorted, "Well, we are certainly headed there. I am starving, and we had better purchase some to take home." My culinary skills had been progressing, but solely in terms of baking. I had actually managed a loaf of bread but in terms of savory dishes, I was lagging far behind. And despite how much we enjoyed them, we could't live off of all the chocolates that Oscar had brought.
Fortunately the inn was open for lunch, and not very crowded. In fact, there were hardly any patrons which meant that we were able to grab a seat close to the fireplace. The only man near us was old, his hair white and a long pipe clenched between his teeth. It was hanging loose though as his chin was resting on his chest and his eyes were closed. Will ordered us a couple bowls of the stew the inn was keeping warm for dinner guests, and I couldn't help but admire him as he settled back into his chair.
It had been some time since I had felt the flutterings of desire in my stomach, but they had come back during the night. Will had curled himself around me, his hand drifting up to my breast and pulling me tight to him. He had breathed deeply against my hair, his voice a rumble. "Ana, sweet Ana." I had pressed myself to him, humming happily when he began to knead my breast. He was still asleep, but I had been awake and had stayed awake for a long time. It had been awhile since we had been together, but the fact that he clearly still wanted me had made my heart beat fast.
It wasn't like I hadn't noticed the way he watched me when I was wearing his trousers, like he was about to devour me. He'd been so chaste with me before, simple kisses and his hand on my waist. When I wore trousers though, it was like an animal had been released. At least he had acted like one, his eyes dark as he had gently collected my wrists and held them above my head. It had been strange to be able to part my legs to make it easier for him to get close to me without a skirt hindering me, but he had grinned into the kiss when I had cocked a leg around his knee to keep him there. I found I had missed the feeling of his tongue tracing mine, the way he would trail his lips over my cheeks to whisper against my ear and then come back. I had wiggled then, trying to pull him closer and into a position that had once been so easy but I had wanted to avoid lately. But he had withdrawn, although his eyes had still been dark as he released me.
My mind had been all twisted, for how could Will still want me when everything had been so wrong? When I was to blame for what had seemed wrong? I had thought it was just him still performing his husbandly obligations when he held my hand or tried to get me to open the door, but seeing him that night, his eyes wild as he swore that he would never stop loving me, it had broken through. No matter what I felt about myself, he still loved me. I could have come to him destitute and ruined, and Will still would have loved me. It was enough to make me sigh to see his blue eyes, so light and clear, quickly find mine. He smiled, "Something on your mind, love?"
"Of course, darling." I batted my eyes, "You." A brief bit of color rose to his cheeks, having lost their slight tan from the summer and back to their usual paleness. But it meant that I could see him blush and the way his lips cracked into a smile.
"Well I'm glad for that then." He chuckled, "At least it's me and not Count Vronsky, I'd like to think that my wife had a fancy for sailors and not calvary officers."
I laughed, "You know very well that I do, although I do think you should try and grow in some calvary whiskers. You would be quite handsome."
"Maybe, if you offer something in exchange." He slipped his hand across the table, taking mine and rubbing his thumb across the back. "Did you read the inscription Liz wrote?" I shook my head and he continued. "'Anastasia, I hope that we can meet each other again before you finish these.'"
"I don't know if that will happen," I rolled my eyes, "They're so thick but we read so much of that one last night."
"If we keep trudging though, we'll make it through." Will glanced over, the old man by the fire had stirred and was looking at me. "Can I help you, sir?" It could have sounded rude, but Will's voice was respectful.
The slightly cloudy green eyes cut over, and then back to me. "Perhaps. You're the couple from New York, right?" Will nodded, and the man turned his full attention back to me. "And you're named Anastasia, would you happen to have had a grandfather named Hiram Dalian?"
I started. "Yes, I did."
The man chuckled, "He always thought your name was foolish, always called you Anne in his letters." He stood, his legs a bit shaky even with the support of a cane. "Captain Beaufort Franklin, ma'am, of the Federal Navy." He bowed, as much as he could which wasn't much. "I served with your grandfather under Admiral Porter."
I blinked, "Oh, that's interesting."
"He never mentioned his old friend Buefort?"
"I'm afraid if he did, I've forgotten it." I looked down, "He passed away when I was quite young."
"Yes, I was grieved to see his obituary." Captain Franklin looked to our table, "Would you mind if I joined you and your husband?"
Will scooted back, fetching another chair. "Of course not, Captain. Here, allow me." Will helped the elderly man settle into the chair, and gestured to the innkeeper for another bowl of stew. "It's strange to find you here."
"Yes, well, my daughter married into the family that's run this inn for decades and managed to negotiate a free room for me." He grinned, "It's pleasant here, I get to see my grandchildren every day and visit my wife in the churchyard every week."
I smiled, "It sounds lovely, although it's odd that a Navy man ended up so far from the sea."
"Well, once you're been in combat, it becomes a bit easier to move inland." He shrugged, "Although I have to admit that I had far less blue water experience than your grandfather, I was brought on for my skill on the rivers."
"I imagine that was more useful for that theater," I smiled as the innkeeper brought out our lunch, along with a few pieces of bread. "I must admit, I devoured General Grant's memoirs when I was old enough. My peers thought I was silly for it."
Beaufort snorted, "The man was a good writer, it's only a shame that he finished them just before his death."
"I may have to find your copy when we head back to New York." Will dipped a piece of bread into the stew, "I must admit that I've never had a reason to even think of reading them."
"Well by the sound of it, you're British." He blew on his stew to cool it. "Can't imagine you'd have much of a reason to."
I kept an eye on Will as I spoke, "He's Scottish actually, and I shall seek to remedy his education soon."
"There's no reason to delay it." Franklin pulled his pipe to him, drawing on it. "I can relate at least a few stories from your grandfather and I's time during the war." He closed his eyes, clearly thinking. "There was the time we swam the width of the Mississippi to get a message back after our canoe drifted away." I laughed at that, and he grinned. "If you think that's funny, you should have seen General Grant's reaction when he came across all of us bathing in the river. I've never seen a man get so red!"
I should have blushed at the thought of all those naked men, but it seemed so silly. "Well I can't imagine it was easy to bathe in your tents."
"If we had them, half the time we had to sleep at our posts on the ironclads." Beaufort was clearly enjoying this. "Of course, you won't find that in the memoirs. All the books seem to leave out the dirty aspects, and the less than gentlemanly ones." He glanced down, "Not that your grandfather and I did anything like that, the worst we did was to try and climb the bluffs near Vicksburg to see if we could spike the guns."
Will spluttered at that, coughing and I reached over. He waved me off, "I'm fine." He shook his head, looking to the other man. "I had a friend do something similar as a joke once."
Beaufort smiled around his pipe, "He did better than us, we couldn't see two feet in front of us in the dark and wound up falling into the river on our way back."
"What about after the war?" I chased down the last bits of beef in my bowl. "Did you keep in touch with him after?"
"Of course," He nodded, then leaned closer. "I even visited him in New York and talked him out of a very unlucky purchase." His audience was rapt, and he lowered his voice. "He had the chance to grab some shares in a brigantine and asked me to offer my opinion. He'd already started building his business, but he needed more ships. As soon as I set foot on her, I knew something was wrong." A log on the fire popped, sparks spraying out briefly. "I'd never felt a ship's doom on it, but that's the only way I could describe it to him."
Will leaned forward. "What ship was it?"
"The Mary Celeste." Beaufort grinned, "Such a cursed vessel as this world has never known."
Biting my tongue, for the thought that we had been on a cursed ship had reared in my mind, I chose my next words carefully. "Why was it cursed?"
"Ana," Will looked over, "You don't know?"
"I wouldn't be asking if I did."
"She was found with all her crew gone, her officers gone and the captain and his family gone." Will was clearly uncomfortable, glancing around. "No one could tell where they went or what happened to them."
"And no one ever will." Beaufort laughed, letting a little evilness into it. "My grandchildren always like me to do that, they love a good ghost story."
"You tell it well." I smiled, "Although I may not sleep tonight!" Captain Franklin proved to be a font of stories, and he had a number that I would have never even thought Grandfather would have been involved with. Stories of some shady business dealings, of trips across the Atlantic where they faced waves three times the height of their ship, and stories of his reaction to my mother. Apparently he had wanted Father to have looked to the wealthy daughters of New York, but when he had presented Mother to him when they had stopped in Nebraska on their way to their new California offices, he had relented. I made a note to myself to ask Mother what she had done, for apparently she had been so charming and winsome that he had agreed to the suit that night.
"Grandpapa!" A girl barreled in, practically bouncing on her feet in front of Beaufort. "Come and watch us! I've almost got the spin, I only fell twice this time!"
He chuckled, "Well, that's some improvement." He made to rise, then settled back down and sighed. "But you'd make your old Grandpapa go out into the cold and leave his new friends?"
The girl turned to us, a pout on her face. "They look young enough, they can come skate with me! And I can bring a blanket and a hot water bottle, you'll be fine." I felt myself freeze, for the thought of skating made my mind seize and I knew my hands were beginning to shake.
Will reached across and took them, calming the shake. "I think perhaps we should head back home."
"Oh come on, you have to join in!" The pout on her face deepened. "Everyone is skating and it's better than sitting in here and listening to Grandpapa's old stories."
I fumbled for something to say, "I'm afraid we're just not very skilled at skating."
"Well you can't get better unless you try." She rolled her eyes, "I can even get you some skates."
"Are you sure it's safe?" Will looked over to Beaufort. "I would hate for anyone to fall in."
She snorted, "No one's fallen in in ages."
"Rebecca!" Beaufort snapped, "They don't want to go, and if you don't stop bothering them you won't be skating either." Rebecca's mouth screwed up, but she backed away. He turned back to us, "I'm sorry about her."
"No, it's alright." Will stood, holding out a hand. "We should probably get headed back, it's getting late."
I took it, rising and hoping that my feet weren't shaking. "Thank you for the stories Captain Beaufort, I'm sure we'll be back to hear more."
"Of course, I hope you'll visit plenty before heading back to the city." He stood, his cane tapping as he followed us to the door. "Mr. Murdoch, Mrs. Murdoch. Good night." Jacob had the buggy waiting, having run a few errands in town and stowed his purchases behind the seat. Will kept his hand on mine, his grip almost painfully tight. I tried to breathe, to calm myself. I wasn't out on the ice, there was no chance that I would fall into the freezing water. But the buggy was trotting by a small lake by town, and so many people were out on the ice. They were skating and laughing, and a group of boys were racing each other around the edges of the lake. All it would take was one crack, one slip and they could all plummet into the water. And they would freeze and die, and I wouldn't be able to do anything.
Will squeezed my hand, "Ana, we're home." I blinked, the ride had passed and my mind had never left the people skating. Will helped me down, sending Jacob off with a wave. I could feel my hands shaking, and tried to shove them into my coat pockets, but Will quickly grabbed one. "You're still upset."
"I'll calm down soon." I shivered, shaking my head. "It's just, that ice and all those people."
"I know." He held me close for a moment, "Why don't you go get warmed up? I'm sure Rigel wants to see you, and I'll be back down soon." I nodded, and moved to the parlor. Rigel was immediately on me, butting his head against my legs and wagging his tail. I tried to focus on him, on scratching his ears and brushing my fingers through his hair. It helped me, I didn't think about the ice and the people risking their lives to simply skate. I buried my face in his hair, breathing in his scent until I heard Will come back. A shining chain was dangling from his hand and he dropped it into my palm, "Here, take it."
"What is it?" I ran the chain through my hand, finding a whistle at the end of it. A memory flashed in my mind, the silver chain against his navy coat as he directed lifeboats. I looked up, shocked. "Is this your whistle from that night?"
Will sat next to me on the settee, "Yes, I took it from my house after that night I was lost in my memories. I've kept it on me since then." He curled my fingers around the whistle, "Because I knew that if I had this, if I was stuck in that moment again, all I had to do was blow this whistle and someone would come running. Someone would hear me, and they would be there, and then I wouldn't be back in that night."
I pressed my lips to the whistle, "That's a good idea."
"I can get you one too, so that way you can simply blow the whistle and everything will be fine." He curled an arm around me. "Why don't you blow it? Make sure it still works." I nodded, blowing softly through the whistle. It rang softly, but shrilly, throughout the parlor. Rigel's ears perked up, and he trotted over to sniff around it. Will chuckled, "See, you can simply blow it and Rigel will come over. You didn't have him that night, so there's a way to break you out of it."
"I see." I mumbled, squeezing the whistle tightly before handing it back over to him. "Why don't you settle in and I'll get some of that shortbread?" Will nodded, and I wearily stood to fetch the sweets. Will had remembered the recipe that his mother had made, and we fortunately had everything to make it. It was quite tasty, and we had wound up making another batch after the first one. I piled a small plate with the cookies, coming back to find Will in the rocking chair. I hesitated for only a moment before joining him. I set the plate down on a side table, and lowered myself into his lap. "The shortbread is still good."
Will snaked a hand around my waist. "It stays good for a long time, we might even make it to Christmas with it."
"Good." I mumbled, grabbing a cookie and biting into it. Here, with Will right next to me and the fire warm against my skin, my nightmares seemed so far away. Will grabbed a cookie of his own, pressing a kiss to my cheek after he had finished it. My skin felt like it was on fire as I felt his hand trace my waist, and I closed my eyes. "Will, I want to head up to bed."
"Hmm?" He glanced over to the clock on the mantel. "It's not that late, but if you're tired-"
"I'm not tired."
"Oh," Will whipped his head to stare at me. "Oh. Well, yes, I suppose we should head up then." He seemed reluctant to let go of me though, and he was hardly a step behind me on the stairs. Rigel, asleep in front of the fire, took no notice of us. Will's touch was gentle on me as we reached the bedroom door, and he kept his lips soft when he brought them to mine. I shivered as his hand roamed up to the buttons of my shirtwaist, and he stopped. Instead he moved them back to my waist, gently stroking me as he continued kissing. I sighed into it, leaning closer to him and pressing my lips to his a bit harder to show him what I wanted. He didn't respond in kind though, keeping his movements slow and soft. We had been kissing like that since we had arrived at the cabin, but I wanted that passion and heat back. I wanted to see him almost fall to madness if he couldn't have me.
He started when I grabbed his rear and thrust my tongue into his mouth, my lips sloppy as I tasted him.
I pulled back, letting my teeth linger as I gently bit his bottom lip. "Will, I want you."
"I, I know." He panted, "I just don't want to scare you."
"I'm not scared anymore." I dropped my hands to the buttons of his waistcoat. "But I missed this."
His fingers went back to my shirtwaist buttons. "I did too." I had to admit I was inpatient as he slowly opened the buttons, and had already had his shirt open when he finally finished with mine. I shrugged out of it, and I almost jumped when I felt his hands trace over my skin as he searched out the knot of the brassiere. He lowered his lips to my skin as he did, and bent over to more properly kiss my breasts once they were free. His fingers continued their searching and my skirt and petticoat swiftly joined my other clothes on the floor. I stumbled towards the bed instead, pulling him after me and tearing at his trousers. He grunted, "Ana, God."
"Will." I looked up, feeling him already firm beneath the wool. "How long have you wanted this?"
He hissed as I finally opened his trousers, palming him. "I never stopped." I stroked him lightly, and he only shifted to step out of his shoes and toss his trousers aside. He sat on the bed, stilling me as he gently rolled down my stockings and throw them into a corner. I shifted back on the bed, resting my head on the pillows and tugging him to join me. Instead of settling on top of me though, he laid alongside me. This time he opened the kiss with his tongue, his hand tracing low from my waist to knead my bottom. I joined him in that, ghosting my hands over his sides to gently stroke his muscles before I returned to my ultimate prize.
I froze when he went to return the favor, stroking along my length and rubbing at the very apex of me. "Will, God."
"Too rough?" He rested his forehead on mine, "I can be gentler."
"No, I just forgot how nice it feels." I murmured, desire rising in my belly as he split his focus between stroking me and suckling at my neck. "I thought you wouldn't want me anymore."
He drew back, his brow furrowed as he moved to between my legs. "I will always want you Ana, so long as you want me." My heart was fixing to beat itself out of my chest as he kissed a trail down me, inhaling between the patch of hair between my legs. I hoped Rigel was fast asleep and that the fire was noisy because Will swiftly had me moaning and panting. They way he laved at me with his tongue while stroking his fingers in and out, I couldn't stay quiet.
I dug my fingers into his hair, "Will, now. Please, take me now." He rose, kissing his way back up and settling between my thighs. The width of him, after so long of not having it, seemed almost unbearable. But I was wet, and he went slow, and I gasped once he was sheathed fully in me.
He opened his eyes, the blue in them dark. "Alright?"
"Yes, I just," I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, lit partly by the only light in the room, from the fire as he held himself above me. "I forgot how good it felt." He chuckled at that, moving slowly at first. I rocked with him, soft moans escaping as he began to thrust with more force. The bed moved slightly, a thumping that was all too familiar. Will groaned and panted, his eyes squeezed shut and hips moving faster and faster. My own eyes closed, my mouth opened and I was crying out as I felt myself approach the finish. The pleasure built with a terrifying speed, my toes curling and the muscles in my thighs burning as I felt my climax break over me.
Will shuddered as he kept moving, my muscles clenching around him and doing their best to make him stay inside me. I was boneless and blissful when he grunted and sped up, somehow going even faster as he pounded into me again and again, before finally holding his breath and collapsing. I could feel him placing light kisses to my shoulder, and when he rolled off me I followed him. He brushed my hair to the side with a hand, "I missed you, Anastasia."
I smiled, bringing my own hand up to his cheek. "I'm not planning on leaving again, William."
"I don't want you to ever believe those things you hear, because I will never leave you. I will always want you."
"And I won't, not knowing what I know now."
He smiled, his eyes falling shut. "Then come here and keep warm, it's getting freezing outside." I snuggled closer to him, glad for the warmth that he seemed to radiate. We must have fallen into a doze for awhile, because a soft whining woke me and the fire had died down to coals. I had started to get up when Will waved me off, "I'll take him out." Rigel, waiting at the edge of the bed, wagged his tail happily and trotted after him as Will pulled on his robe.
I blearily knelt before the fire and fed it a few more logs, and it was shortly warming the room again. I had crawled back under the blankets by the time Will came back, although I almost shot up out of it after he joined me. "Get your feet off of me!"
He chucked, pulling me back to him. "Why? Are they cold?"
"You know they are!" I squealed as he danced them up and down my leg. "And to think I stirred the fire back up for you!"
"Well, it was your dog I was taking out." He grumbled, slipping an arm around my waist and pulling me tight to him. "Now, warm your husband's feet so we can both go to sleep." I rolled my eyes, but let him bring his feet up to press against my legs. He sighed, "Ah, now that's it. Good night, Ana."
"Good night Will," I mumbled. "I love you."
"I love you too, my sweet Ana."