I'm not stupid, and I am not like those female protagonists in movies that run away at the first misinterpreted thing they hear.
No, I stayed there. And listened. And waited. Only to learn absolutely nothing other than the fact that my soulmate doesn't want a soulmate and that Changbin, Chan's roommate, could not wait to find his.
Part of me wished Chan was like that.
I stabbed my chopsticks into the cup of ramen. "'I don't want a soulmate'," I mocked to the night air, aggressively stirring the noodles around. "Well guess what? You're stuck with me now!"
Taking a bite of my ramen, I dropped the container on the table beside me, drawing my knees to my chest and leaning back against the cold, hard plastic of the chair. I shivered when a hard gust of wind passed, whipping my hair around under my raised hood and causing goosebumps to appear on my legs. I was dumb for running out of my apartment in only my pajamas. I should have just waited. This was exactly what I was scared would happen.
Now I was screwed.
I know what happens now. It's every horror story parents tell their children when they talk about soulmates. My skin will touch Chan's and the connection will start, only to be immediately cut off. The sickness will start, and I'll get sicker and sicker and then I'll—
My phone ringing through the silent streets broke me from my thoughts. I sniffled, taking the phone out of my pocket.
It was Felix.
My finger paused over the answer button.
I can't tell him.
I felt pressure build behind my eyes, watching the phone ring and ring until it went to voicemail, unable to make myself press the button. I should have waited to talk to Felix first. I never should have run to their stupid grey apartment.
I should have kept my promise.
The phone vibrated as it rang again. I knew Felix would freak out if I didn't answer soon. I could see him showing up at my apartment, only to find me gone and getting upset. He'd probably tell Chan, and I couldn't risk either them finding me like this and asking me questions I didn't want to answer. Especially Chan. I can't lie to their faces, but I can lie to his voice.
"Hey did something happen?" Felix's worried voice came through the speaker.
I closed my eyes for a second, saying a million apologies in my head before opening them back up. I smiled at the empty street, tears forming in my eyes. I forced myself to be happy, even as the green, neon light above me flickered and cast dark shadows on the concrete. Even as the wind gusted and threatened to turn me blue, and a sob threatened to tear itself out of my throat.
"Yea everything's fine, what's up?"
"Oh. I thought something was wrong, you called me twice....Wait!" Felix's voice suddenly became excited. "Did something happen with your soulmate?!"
I bit my tongue harshly before forcing the smile back on my face. "Oh that! My arm started burning a little bit so I was going to ask for like some ice or meds but it stopped a little while ago."
"Do you need me to still come over? I can bring brownies—"
"No!" My voice came out as a yell and I quickly corrected myself. "No, I just got out the shower and I'm about to go to sleep so there's no use. Besides, you'll see me tomorrow."
"You're right, I'll just bring the brownies over later!"
I felt a sudden pang in my stomach. I felt bad lying to him. I wanted to tell him, I wanted to spill everything, but I swallowed it all.
Because Felix would be devastated.
Because Felix would know I'm unrequited.
And Felix would know exactly what that means.
And I couldn't do that to him.
"Goodnight, Felix," I said.
"'Night, Wonnie!"
I ended the call.
Something wet ran down my cheek and I quickly wiped it away. This was not what I pictured all these years, waiting and saving up money for the stupid injection that had ruined my life. I lightly lifted my shirt, staring at the black lettering on my waist that spelled out the end.
And then I shook my head.
This was not going to be the end, I couldn't do that to Felix. I couldn't do that to Chan. I couldn't do that to their families, who might as well be my own. I was going to find a way out of this. There was always a back door, and I think I knew what it was.
If I didn't want to get sick, I simply could never hug my best friend again.
I nodded to myself.
I could do this.
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I don't think I can do this.
For one, Chan is a hugger, which was a fact I had completely forgotten when I made my plan. I didn't have any classes with him on Wednesdays, but I already had to lose him in the hallways and the library. This was the most I've run in my entire college career.
I peeked around the corner, making sure it was empty as I tried to leave the building. I jumped like five feet when I felt a hand on my arm.
"You can't do that to me!" I scolded Felix, who was now leaning against the wall with laughter.
"What were you even doing?" The Australian boy responded. "I've been following you ever since you didn't hear me call your name."
"I'm heading to the cafe," I said, like it was obvious.
"Yea sure. So who are we hiding from?"
My eyes widened. "We are not hiding from anyone. Let's just....go to work."
Felix laughed. "Are you really that excited to see Minho?"
"I'm excited to see his air fryer, actually."
Felix took my hand as we began walking in the direction of the cafe. The blond boy swung our hands back and forth between us before looking at me, his eyes twinkling.
"So...." He said, poking my shoulder. "Have you found out who your soulmate is yet?"
My throat became thick as I unconsciously pulled my hoodie further down over the tattoo on my waist. I looked away from his eyes, focusing on the sidewalk ahead of us.
"No, I haven't."
Felix smiled comfortingly, squeezing my hand. "I'm sure the mark will show up soon. I bet your soulmate is everything you've ever wanted!"
He was.
"No, I don't think it will," I looked down at my moving feet. "I don't think that matters anymore."
Felix stopped. "What?"
I met his eyes, and in that moment I decided I was going to tell him. I opened my mouth. "Felix, my soulmate doesn't—"
He gasped. "You don't have one, do you?"
"What."
"That's why you're so down today and why you called me last night. You knew last night. That's what the burning was that you mentioned." His sad eyes met my wide ones. "You don't have a soulmate."
I opened my mouth to argue but Felix pulled me into a hug. "I'm so sorry, I should've realized sooner. I wouldn't have asked so many questions."
I didn't know what to do. He seemed genuinely upset, and all plans I had of confessing had flown out the window. I awkwardly patted him on the back. "It's fine, Felix. Calm down."
He let me go with a sad look, his hand taking mine again as we continued to the cafe. "I'm going to make you an entire pan of brownies," he decided. "Just for you, you don't have to share them with anyone."
"Oh yea, I meant to ask about my brownies today," I nudged his shoulder, attempting to lighten the mood.
Felix's frown turned into a beautiful smile. "It's a surprise."
I sighed dramatically. "But I'm hungry."
"Well good thing the cafe's right there," he pointed out.
I smiled as I followed the Aussie boy to the front glass door, which was already unlocked. Quickly, we turned on the lights and made our way to the back of the building.
As soon as we entered the kitchen I felt my hair raise on the back of my neck.
Minho was standing in the middle of the kitchen, staring with sharp eyes. I never thought someone hold a baking pan of cookies could look so scary. Felix and I instantly got quiet, and the blond boy shifted a little so he was behind me. I threw a glare over my shoulder for putting me in front.
Minho silently placed the baking pan on the counter and walked over to the sink. I didn't realize what he was planning until he turned around with a bunch of tissues in his hand.
Minho wasn't going to kill me with an air fryer.
Minho was going to kill me with tissues.
He took one step and Felix and I split.
I dodged behind the kitchen island as Felix quickly ran out of the kitchen, leaving me with Minho. I walked around as he walked around, both of us moving in a circle so I could stay as far away from him as I could. I remember the last time someone made him upset, he had managed to get one tissue in Hyunjin's mouth before Chan and I had to pull them away from each other. I had made fun of Hyunjin for being cautious weeks later after that whole situation. Now that I was in his place, I finally understood. This was my karma.
"Look, I didn't mean to miss my shift!" I pleaded, changing directions when Minho changed. "The doctors appointment took longer than I anticipated, and I couldn't call you because I passed out."
All he did was raise an eyebrow.
I glanced toward the door, hoping Felix would come in to help but knowing he was just as terrified. I started rambling. "I'll clean the freezer! I'll go with you to feed the cats in the grocery store parking lot! I'll....come in earlier on Saturdays! What do I need to do?!"
Minho paused and narrowed his eyes like he was considering what I said.
I bit my lip. "Can you at least say something? You being silent is freaking me out."
The brunette tilted his head. "Have you ever eaten a tissue, Min Haewon?"
I took that as my cue to leave.
I bolted out the door, knowing Minho was behind me and not wanting to be caught. This is why I *sometimes* go to the gym. This moment right here.
Catching sight of Felix behind the register, I hurriedly walked to join him. Minho couldn't threaten me with tissues if I was helping a customer. It was a smart plan.
Until I tripped over my shoes.
I heard a voice say, "Felix, what's going on—Haewon!" and then suddenly I was on my back staring up at the one person I had been avoiding all day.
Chan looked down at me, his eyebrows furrowed in worry. "You okay, Haewon?"
My eyes widened at how close he was to me in the moment. He hadn't touched my skin, right? No, there was no way. I was wearing a long sleeve shirt and sweatpants so most of my skin was covered just in case he got close, even if that meant giving myself a mild heatstroke all day. And I had hit the ground hard enough that I was pretty sure he didn't manage to catch me in time.
I looked past him just in time to see a wild Minho appear.
I pointed at him. "It's his fault he started this!"
Chan turned around and immediately sighed, reaching a hand down to help me up. "Minho, what did we say about the tissues?"
"To stop threatening people with them." The scary boy crossed his arms over his chest, looking at me. "It was your fault, really."
I leaned out from behind Chan, making sure I didn't get too close. "How was it my fault?"
He narrowed his eyes. "You missed your shift."
"So you decided to make me eat tissues?!"
"I didn't have my air fryer."
"SO YOU DECIDED TO MAKE ME EAT TISSUES—"
Chan put a hand on his forehead. "Okay, why are you mad, exactly?"
Minho rolled his eyes. "Haewon didn't show up for her shift yesterday so I had to be the only one working in the kitchen. Not only that but then she just had to call my only other worker to come pick her up."
"I was at a doctor's appointment."
"Then walk home, don't call my employee."
"It was late!"
Chan turned to me with a frown. "Why didn't you just call me? I would've picked you up, no matter how late it was."
My mouth opened. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't explain myself without mentioning the soul doctors and based on his conversation I overheard, I don't think he'd have the best reaction. While I was thinking of an excuse, someone beat me to the punch.
"She asked me earlier in the day, hyung. It just took more time than we both thought."
I turned and gave Felix a grateful smile, which he returned. There was a small hint of sadness in his eyes, which made me suddenly remember that Felix thought I was soulmateless. He must have thought I didn't want it to get out so he's protecting me, something I knew I didn't deserve as I felt my stomach pang with guilt. I turned back around.
Chan was looking at me with concern. "Was something wrong? Did something happen?"
I shook my head, giving him a reassuring smile. "I just passed out Chan, not that big of a deal."
"You passed out?!"
"They had to do some blood work, and you know I'm bad with needles."
Lies after lies. I'm doing a great job digging myself further into Hell.
"I should've been there," Chan started. "I could've....sat in the the room or something."
No you really couldn't have. "It's fine Chan. I'm all good."
Chan opened his mouth to say something again but Minho interrupted him. "While this is so heartwarming and entirely disgusting, we're starting to get customers outside so I need my baker back."
I smiled apologetically and carefully passed by him, careful not to touch him. I've been way too close for way too long.
"Throw away the tissues first," Chan said.
Minho made a point to dramatically drop the tissues into the nearest trash can. I followed behind him, grateful for the out he had given me. I watched him warily as he walked around the island, returning with a cloth and a bucket of soapy water.
Well.
I'm in danger.
He put the cloth and bucket in my hands and started walking away.
"What is this?"
He smirked. "Didn't you offer to clean the freezer?"
I looked at the cloth in my hands and cleared my throat. "I mean yea, but—"
"Great, you might want to get started on that then." He walked to the entrance of the kitchen and stopped. "Oh and I'll see you in the morning, we have cats to feed."
He left as I started cursing his entire bloodline in my head. I really put him in a bad mood this time. He was usually pretty chill, if not overly sarcastic, but his sadistic side was coming out now. At least the cats would put him in a better mood tomorrow.
I slowly walked towards the freezing, wishing I didn't have the tendency to ramble when I got nervous.
My hand moved to the freezer handle to my throat, it suddenly feeling thick. I cleared my throat and reached for the door handle again.
The bucket of water and cloth were soon forgotten as a sudden cough tore through my chest, taking me off-guard. I pressed my hand against my throat, feeling a slight burn, and covered my mouth with my hand. I didn't take me long to catch my breath, so I look my hands away from my face to wash them before I cleaned and....
There was a petal on my hand.
In the middle of my palm sat a baby pink petal that was no bigger than my thumbnail. I stared at the fragile thing in horror. How? I had been so careful! When would it even have happened?? I quickly lifted the side of my shirt to make sure I wasn't hallucinating, and sure enough where the lettering on my waist had been plain black, it was now outlined with gold.
"Wonnie?" An Australian voice called. "You okay in there?"
"Y-Yea," my voice cracked as I stared at the beautiful thing in my hand. "Just....choked on air, I guess."
"Do you need water?"
I walked over to the counter, still cradling the pink thing in my hand. "I'll get some now, Felix," I called back.
His next words were drowned out as I turned on the sink. Once more I looked at the thing in my hands.
It was small.
It was beautiful.
It was fragile.
It was the end.
I turned my palm over, watching the baby pink petal fall lazily through the air until it was dragged down with the running water into the darkness of the sink, until every last trace of it was gone.
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