---------- Chapter 34 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Good luck,” Matt and Alex chorus as I walk up the stairs to Haden’s room. I knock tentatively, but he doesn’t answer, so I gently push the door open and tiptoe into the room.
Haden’s lying down on his bed, his shoes still on, staring up at the ceiling. He isn’t asleep but continues to pretend he doesn’t know I’m around.
“Hey?” I mumble softly. No response. “I brought you something to eat. Emily said you hadn’t had lunch yet,” I ramble as I place the tray of food on his table.
“I...umm...wanted to apologise. I was going to tell you. I swear...I just had to come to terms with it myself,” I confess softly.
“Get. Out. Of. My. Room!” Haden snarls.
I take a shaky step towards the door before I steel myself. “I can’t leave yet. I need you to forgive me,” I whisper.
“Forget it,” he mutters back.
“I made a mistake Haden! And I’m sorry! I’ll take responsibility for it, I swear! Just please, please forgive me!” I beg, my voice shaking.
“Are you deaf or just dumb? I said leave. I don’t want to see you nor hear anymore of your lies. I’m done Jess. You can go around and whore yourself off to anyone you want. I’m through bothering,” he snarls.
“You’re angry and hurt, I understand that. But-”
“Get the hell out of my room!” Haden shouts, getting off his bed. He’s livid! I’ve never seen him so angry in my life.
I can feel myself shake in fear and I quickly run out of the room and back down the stairs to my room. I crawl into my bed and curl up, trying to keep calm.
“Hon? I heard shouting. What’s going on?” Emily asks, walking into my room.
“Haden won’t forgive me. He told me to leave,” I mumble. “Oh, and I’m not pregnant,” I lie.
“You aren’t?! That’s great sweetheart! How do you know?” Emily asks, immediately cheerful. I guess she doesn’t realise I’m lying through my teeth.
“Got my period. Guess it was just late,” I lie easily. “I kinda want to be alone,” I admit after a moment.
Emily catches my drift and immediately leaves my room. Why did I lie to her? Because this whole thing with Haden’s made me realise I have to deal with all of this myself. If I really am pregnant, I’ll have an abortion. But I’ll keep it quiet, nobody needs to know.
***
(Day of Formals)
“Are you ready Jess?” Alex calls up the stairs impatiently.
“Give me a second Alex!” I call back, putting the finishing touches to my makeup. I take a step away from the mirror to asses my handiwork. My eyes are kinda bloodshot and puffy from the crying and things, but other than that, I look pretty decent.
I hate wearing this dress though. It makes me think of Haden too much. He still hasn’t talked to me. He actually just drove off to the Formals without waiting for me. Thankfully Alex stayed behind in order to take me.
“Jessy, if we don’t leave now, we won’t get there in time!” Alex grumbles.
“Nobody is ever on time to these kind of functions Alex. It’s called being fashionably late!”
“Fine, point taken. Just get your booty down here!” Alex begs.
I descend the stairs carefully, praying that I won’t trip. Alex stares, shocked, as I walk down. I don’t know if that’s a good thing though.
“Ta daa” I whisper when he doesn’t say a thing.
“Umm, wow. You look amazing, love,” Alex murmurs, smiling.
“It isn’t too much?” I ask uncertainly.
“No. God no! You look a vision! You have to save me a dance, promise?” he smirks, holding his hand out for mine. I take it gratefully (my heels are kind of hard to walk in) and he leads me into his Benz.
***
(Haden’s POV)
“So you really haven’t forgiven Jess, huh?” Matt asks, as the both of us head to the table with the refreshments. The dance hasn’t actually started, so everyone is just mingling around.
“No. I feel horrible for not being there for her when she obviously needs me to understand...I just can’t quite get a grip. It seems like a sort of betrayal, you know?” I try to explain.
“I get it. But you’re pushing her away. She knows what she did was wrong, Haden, and she’s beating herself up over it. I think you need to cut her some slack,” he advices, pouring himself a cup of punch.
“Do you think that’s why she was crying the other morning?” I ask suddenly, putting two and two together.
“I should think so. That’s why I hope you’ll cut her some slack,” he repeats, handing me a cup of punch. “Gosh, how I hate punch!” he suddenly exclaims, grimacing at his first sip.
“I know what you mean. So bland...just like everyone in this hall though,” I murmur.
“Will you be dancing? You realise how many teenage girl fantasies you will make come true if you do, right?” he teases.
“I donno man. The only girl I want to dance with is Jess,” I admit weakly.
“You can dance with others too. It’ll make you savour the moment with Jess even more. Besides, it would be rather weird if you only danced with Jess,” he reasons logically.
“You’re right,” I mumble back as the lights dim and the music begins. Great, it’s starting.
Just as Bruno Mars’ ‘Just the Way You Are’ begins blaring (how the hell are you supposed to dance to that?!), the door flies open and an entire wave of people come in. And amongst the people in that wave, I spot Jessica in her emerald green gown...she looks divine.
“Space out much?” Matt murmurs, shaking me a little.
“Umm, no. Jess just walked in,” I explain unnecessarily.
“I figured. Play it cool Haden,” he advices.
He’s right. I can’t appear to be clingy. That would just ruin everything. So what’s the opposite of clingy? Completely carefree. I could make a round dancing with all the single chicks. That would surely get Jess’ attention right?
“Chantelle!” I call after the prettiest girl in my class. She whirls around to face me, a little shocked. Okay, so maybe I’ve never actually talked to her. It’s never too late to start, right? “Do you wanna dance?” I ask hesitantly.
“I’d love to,” she murmurs, smiling slightly. She walks up to me and expertly wraps my arm around her waist and within a couple of minutes we’re sort of swaying, completely out of tune with the music, but swaying nonetheless.
***
(Jessica’s POV)
“This must be a first,” I mumble to Alex as we walk into the hall. “My extensive research of all the chick flicks involving teenage dances suggested that it never starts on time!”
“Relax. We’re here. The music’s playing and there are a ton of people around. I’m going to take this as you being right about being fashionably late,” he assures me. “Now, how about that dance?”
I chuckle at him and pull him to the centre of the hall with all the other dancing couples. We grind a little, innocent grinding of course, and then Reid cuts in. Alex wasn’t thrilled, but he bowed out gentlemanly enough.
“Hey. I never got to answer your question the other day,” I murmur, as we dance.
“Yeah. I noticed. You were...a little preoccupied,” he mumbles, struggling to find the word.
“Anyway. It’s a little late...but I’d love to be your date,” I volunteer.
“My what?” he asks incredulously, pulling away from me.
“Did I say something?”
“No...Jess...I wanted to escort you here because you seemed a little down at not having anyone ask you...I don’t want to be your date,” he clarifies softly.
“I don’t see the difference. You basically said we should go together...but I’m not your date?”
“Yeah. Jess...I’m not into girls,” he admits after a heartbeat.
“Wha- you’re gay?” I whisper, completely shocked.
He nods and grins, stepping back towards me, and wrapping his arm around my waist.
“I thought you kinda had the hots for me,” I admit embarrassedly.
And he actually has the audacity to laugh! In my face! “Jessica...you’re amazing to look at. Seriously, you could probably turn a gay guy straight...but you’re kinda...empty,” he mumbles, suddenly looking uncomfortable.
“Empty? What’s that supposed to mean?” I demand, pushing away from me.
“Erm, this? You blow hot and cold so many times. You’re kind of all lights and sparkly stuff...but no real substance. You let everyone bully you. I think that’s why you don’t have people panting after you. You’d probably make a good one-night stand...but a relationship? I don’t think there’s any guy who would want that,” he murmurs, matter-of-factly.
“Excuse me?”
“It’s not entirely bad. You just need to stand up on your own feet a little more. You let your brothers...your guardians decide everything. When have you ever said no to them?” he asks.
“Plenty of times!” I defend vehemently.
“I mean about important things. You said you’ve been to 8 schools in 4 years. You sounded like you didn’t enjoy the moving. What you want matters too, you know? Did you ever, even once, tell them that you don’t want to move or that you won’t move?”
“Well...no...but-”
“And there you have it,” he concludes, bowing slightly. “Look, don’t look so sad. It’s better you know, right?”
“Yeah...but did you really have to hurt my feelings in the process? Couldn’t you have told me when we weren’t at a dance? When we were, perhaps, alone or something? I’m sorry, but I do not enjoy the public humiliation,” I spit coldly, stomping away from him.
I sit dejectedly on one of the few empty chairs, hoping some random guy would you use some corny line to pick me up. He’d ask for a dance and I would know that Reid was just full of crap.
But I sit on that chair, for ages, really. Nobody approaches me. Finally deciding enough is enough, I walk over to Matt, who’s surrounded by a group of his friends.
“I haven’t danced with you yet,” I announce, tapping him on the shoulder.
“Well, hello there beautiful. Glad you remember me despite all the lavish attention you must be receiving,” Matt teases, holding his hand out for me. The music takes on a slower beat, and Matt wraps his hands around my waist, swaying me from side to side.
“You’re uncharacteristically quiet. What’s the matter?” he finally asks, pulling away from me.
“Reid’s gay,” I mumble, scrunching up one side of my mouth.
“Did you like Reid then?” he asks confusedly.
“No. But I thought he kinda, sorta liked me. But apparently not. He said I’d make a pretty good one night stand because of whatever, but not a good relationship. He says I don’t stand on my own feet enough. So...I guess what I wanted to know is...is he right?” I ask uncertainly.
“No! Completely wrong, Jess. He’s just lost it. Don’t fret, alright?” he comforts, kissing my forehead before returning to his friends.
And I’m once again left alone, like a complete loser. Then I spot Carter.
“Oi!” I shout across the room, for some strange reason completely livid at him.
He merely raises his eyebrows, staring at me coldly.
“You suck! Do you know that?” I mutter crossly.
“Whatever,” he mumbles, turning around to walk away from me.
“Dude!” I grab his arm to stop him from walking. “I was talking to you!”
“I’m a lecturer. Let’s not have any inappropriate touching Ms Aubry,” he spits.
“Such a freaking hypocrite,” I murmur, shaking my head in disgust. Carter throws me a mischievous look before pulling me out of the hall with him.
He pushes me up against a wall, kissing my neck and face greedily. “Get off me!” I protest, squirming.
“You want me. Why else would you have come up to me? And baby, you were the one who started all the touching, no?” he murmurs against my neck.
I should be angry. Furious, in fact. But I kind of want to wrap my arms around him.
“Aww, that’s adorable. You’re torn. You want me, so bad. But you also want to play the good little girl, don’t you?” he taunts.
“Carter?” a female voice calls uncertainly.
Carter immediately drops me and walks towards the source of the voice. “Where are you going?” I demand. I follow him, and standing by the hall door, is a tall blonde girl I have never seen before. Carter wraps an arm around her waist and kisses her passionately.
“What about me?” I ask in a small voice and that’s when I realise I’m not over Carter. What an idiot I am!
“What about you?” Carter retorts, eyeing me coldly.
“You said you loved me,” I remind him.
“Did I? I say so many things! Okay, here’s a little secret for you. Jess, you really aren’t as amazing as you think you are. I told you whatever I needed to in order to get you to love me. You do,” he whispers softly.
“I don’t understand,” I whisper defeatedly.
“I want to get even with Haden! Get it? Get over yourself,” he spits, trotting off with the blonde, leaving me hyperventilating in the cold night air.
***
“Want company?” Haden asks, stepping out of the hall, slightly sweaty and carrying two cups.
“Not really,” I answer, dashing the stupid tears from my eyes. After Carter walked off, I ended up staring after him for ages. Eventually, I walked over to the little shed like thing that overlooks the hall and decided to feel sorry for myself.
“Rough night?”
“You wouldn’t care,” I mumble glumly.
“Not true. I care... a whole lot. But before you start...I wanted to apologise. For yesterday. I shouldn’t have acted the way I did,” he mumbles awkwardly.
“No...I’m sorry Haden. You should have heard it from me...not him,” I spit, thinking about Carter makes me so mad and sad at the same time.
Haden smiles compassionately, handing me a cup. “I laced the drink. You’re old enough for alcohol. Plus, it’s been too long since we’ve just had fun,” Haden explains.
I take a swig of it and blanch in disgust. “This tastes horrible!”
“Yup,” he responds, smiling easily as he sits down beside me. “Now tell me why you’re here all alone and not in the hall. You’re too beautiful to be here alone,” he whispers.
“Is that all that defines me? The way I look?” I ask, shattered.
“Well, no. But...isn’t it also partially good that everyone acknowledges how beautiful you are?”
“No. Reid just told me people see me as the one night stand girl...not the girlfriend type of girl. Apparently I’m too...docile?”
“Apparently you also pay too much attention to what others say about you,” Haden whispers. “I think you’re amazing. I would never think of you as a one night stand kind of girl. You’re perfect Jess. Stop worrying what some random idiot thinks,” he comforts, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.
I blush slightly. “You have to say that. You’re my guardian,” I mumble sourly.
“What if I told you that I want to be more?” Haden asks uncertainly.
“What do you mean?”
Haden purses his lips a moment, deliberating, before kneeling down in front of me. He holds on to my shoulders firmly and slowly leans forward.
He’s going to kiss me
In the time it took for me to think it, his lips are on mine. Feathery light, as if asking for permission.
I pull back in shock. “Haden...are you drunk?” I ask tentatively.
He shakes his head, eyes intent on me. “Jess, you do realise that we aren’t related by blood, right? I just take care of you. And well...I love you,” he admits softly.
“I love you too...always have?” I whisper unsurely.
“No. I don’t mean like that. I love you. More than Carter ever could,” as he whispers this, he once again leans in. His lips brush past mine gently and I don’t know how to react. This guy has been like my brother for 5 years...isn’t this wrong?
***
(Carter’s POV – after leaving the hall with the blonde)
“So, well done, Carter,” Moira whispers dropping the pretences. She tried to assume the image of the tall blonde. A rather sad attempt actually. Obviously Jessica didn’t see through it, though I am surprised neither Matt, Alex nor Haden noticed her.
“I still don’t understand why you made me end it with her,” I mutter sourly.
“You want to torture Haden? You need me,” she murmurs haughtily. “So you will follow what I say without any questions.”
“Who do you think you are to command me?” I glower.
“I’m the only person who can truly break that cousin of yours. Hasn’t that always been your goal?” she taunts easily.
“I could torture him as much, if not more, than you can,” I argue.
“Oh really? Hmm, yet you haven’t been able to accomplish a thing in the past five years, have you?”
“Shut up,” I snap.
“That’s adorable. You really do love that girl, don’t you? Hmm...I’m starting to hate Jessica Aubry on her own merits,” she whispers more to herself than me.
“So, walk me through this. You had Haden completely unaware tonight...and yet, you’re leaving? Sounds like you aren’t as good as you think,” I jeer.
“All in good time. Let him and the girl get closer, fall madly in love. Can you imagine how shattered he will be if we then get rid of the girl?”
“No! Absolutely not! You promised that you wouldn’t hurt Jessica!” I remind her, grabbing onto her arm.
“Fine. I won’t harm the girl,” she murmurs boredly before squirming out of my grasp and apparating away.
I’m sorry Jessy...