Sugar, Spice and a pinch of Fantasy

Chapter 53 (Epilogue)

---------- Epilogue ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

               “Do you want to see her, Haden?” my father asks. His gaze is something is something I don’t recognise...is it approval?

I nod my head solemnly.

How could I possibly not want to see her.

I walk up the spiral staircase, my heart hammering. Jessica’s dead...and I have to deal with that. I’ll allow myself to mourn, but not yet. For now, all I have is a few moments to meet the baby who has my beloved’s soul.

I push the nursery door open hesitantly. I don’t know what I expect...but what if...

I shake my head, chasing the negative thoughts out. Nope, I’m going to be positive. This obviously isn’t the ideal circumstance...but however deep down, the little baby in the cot possesses her soul. I love Jessy...there’s no way I won’t love this baby, right?

               “Calm Haden,” Alex encourages, resting his hand on my shoulder supportively.

I shoot him a fleeting smile before taking a deep breath. Am I an idiot for subjecting myself to more pain again? Should I take my mother’s advice and simply transport her soul? It would be over so quickly...

I shake my head again. No! I made up my mind. If there’s even a shred of hope that she’ll be even a tenth of the person Jess was...I’m willing to give this a shot.

I take another deep breath before stepping into the nursery. The little silver crib rocks gently on its own accord, lulling the little baby to sleep. I cross the room in four long strides and peer down at the tiny little baby sleeping soundly in the crib.

               “Jessica,” I whisper, a mix between a laugh and a sob. I can sense her...I shake my head in disbelief.

All of a sudden, the baby shifts a little and opens up her, big baby eyes. I stare transfixed into her intelligent eyes, the exact same violet as Jessica’s.

It takes me a couple of moments to realise my shoulders are shaking and that my face is tear-stained.

When they first told me Jess was dead...I didn’t mourn. Not because I’m heartless, but because I didn’t honestly believe them. A part of me hoped that they were all wrong. But now, looking down at the little baby...and sensing Jess at the same time, I know for sure that they were being honest with me.

This is it. My life with Jess is over...in just five short years.

Out of the blue, my mother wraps her arms around my waist, burying her face into my back. “It’s going to be okay, baby,” she whispers quietly. My father rests a strong arm on my shoulder as if to comfort me. And all the attention is just too much!

               “Could you guys leave me alone with her for a while?” I ask, my voice hoarse.

My parents nod and leave the nursery, closing the door behind them gently.

               “Hi,” I whisper, peering down at the little baby girl. “You have her eyes, you know?”

As if to emphasise my point, she blinks her eyes a couple of times, a happy little gurgle escapes her lips.

               “I can imagine why you’re happy at that. She was a beautiful girl. But don’t worry, you will be too. And that will just make life harder for me, won’t it? All the young boys will be lining up for you, won’t they? But it wouldn’t matter. You belong to me, just as much as I belong to you. It’s how our souls were made,” I murmur, running a finger along her soft cheek.

Her eyes seem to bore into my very soul. It’s almost as if her violet eyes are telling me that she knows who I am.

               “Do you recognise me? Do you remember me?” the words leave my mouth before I can stop them.

How could she recognise me?

She gurgles again and reaches her tiny, dimpled hand up, towards me. I grin down at her and stroke her little hand delicately.

               “I love you. I’ll always love you. I promise. And I promise to look after you...none of that is going to change. You have been the centre of my life since the first time I saw you...and you’ll continue to be the centre of my life till the last time,” I promise solemnly.

               “But you won’t remember this, will you? You’ll have a happy childhood somewhere on earth...and I’ll be here, waiting for you. You won’t know me...” I mumble bitterly.

I unclasp my silver chain from around my neck and take off my ring. The ring has my initials on it. My father got it for me when I was just born. He said I’d grow into it someday. I smile at the memory as I string the chain through the ring. I wind the chain three times around the little baby’s neck and clasp on the hook.

               “That’s my promise to you, that I’ll always be looking after you and thinking about you,” I whisper, gently cradling her in my arms.

She shoots me a dazzling smile and I can’t help but to smile back. Her chubby, dimpled fingers play with her new chain and she sucks on the ring. She looks so happy.

I breathe in her scent, sighing in satisfaction after a few moments. “I love you,” I whisper quietly to her gurgles.

               “Haden?” Matt murmurs tentatively, knocking on the door. “I know it hasn’t been long enough, but we have to take the little girl down to earth.”

               “I know,” I whisper, chocking up again. “I can’t come with you. I won’t be able to leave her in someone else’s care. Take Alex with you. And Matt...choose her a good family,” I plead.

               “Of course,” he reassures me, stepping up to my side and taking the baby out of my arms.

               “Matt, make sure you choose a family where there’s already a little boy and girl. I want her to have an older sister she can talk to and an older brother who would look after her. And don’t forget Tyler. She loved that puppy. I think she’ll still love him,” I mumble, drinking in the baby’s appearance.

               “I’ll take care of everything Haden,” Matt promises, walking out of the room, with her cradled against his chest.

               “I love you,” I whisper again, closing my eyes, trying to fight of the overwhelming sense of loneliness.

I love you Jessica...everything about you...and I’m so sorry for everything I made you go through. And I’m sorry that I’m so selfish and that I’m willing to make you go through life again just because I want to be with you. But I promise...this time around, things will be different.

This isn’t the end...this is just a new beginning.