A/N I do not know or own Stray Kids, all other characters are my own creation. Any resemblance to real people is coincidental. If you would like to be alerted when I update any of my stories, please follow _eyes_wideshut on twitter. I am trying to update my other stories as well but am not sure exactly where to take them, particularly Distant Dreams so if you have any ideas or things you would like to see in the story/stories, please feel free to message me. I can't guarantee I will use any thoughts or ideas but am always happy to toss ideas. It gets my muse moving when I'm stuck as I am with Distant Dreams. I only post here and on AO3; if you see my work posted anywhere else please alert me. As always, thank you to my amazing readers for your incredible feedback and love for my stories. They mean far more to me than you will ever know. Enjoy!
Chapter 8
The week moved quickly for both of them. Felix worked extra during the week so that he could take a half day on Thursday and take most of Friday though he did have a morning meeting he would have to attend online but it would only be a couple hours. He watched Hyunjin get his plane ticket with a smile. He had butterflies in his stomach at the thought of actually seeing him in person. He had nerves about it somewhat. It was intense to know their very first in person conversation was going to take place while Hyunjin was staying with him for a whole weekend. But he had heard every single thought Hyunjin had had for a while now. You literally know me better than anyone else. Don't be worried. You see me more clearly than anyone else ever has. I know. It's just nerves. I know you would never do anything I don't want you to. I do worry some though about moving too fast after I just broke up with Jacob. I can understand that. I have no real expectations, Lix, Whatever happens is what happens. I just want to spend time with you and actually see your facial expressions instead of just feel them cross your face. He could feel Felix's joyful smile at that. Our one downfall. We can't actually see each other. True.
Wednesday night had Felix hanging out with Vanessa again. They were dancing around the kitchen and cooking dinner for Arny who would be by after he got off work. "You are in a really good mood." Vanessa told him with a grin and bumped his hip with her own. "You looking forward that much to our movie night?"
"I'm just in a good mood." Felix hedged.
"Would that have anything to do with you being lost in thought all week?" She asked with a sly grin. What do you want me to tell her? I don't know. I like her but I'm not sure how much to trust her just yet. It's ok, Jinnie. I won't tell her anything you don't want me to.
"I'm having a....a friend...a really good friend come to visit." Felix finally answered.
"Oh." Vanessa said with a raised eyebrow. "How long will they be here?"
"All weekend." Felix said and blushed.
"Ohhhh. So a great weekend planned." She teased and then gave him a spontaneous hug. "I'm happy for you, Felix. You deserve so much happiness." The doorbell rang and she grinned and bounced over to let in her boyfriend. The three of them had a bunch of laughter and some great food. Felix adored his new friends. Arny was quiet but funny and so protective and loving toward Vanessa. It really made Felix want a relationship like that. He couldn't deny he was attracted to Hyunjin but he didn't know if that's where this was headed or not. But he couldn't help but to compare how Hyunjin would be as a boyfriend. He knew he would be amazing. He was honest, kind, loving and respectful. Felix hadn't had any good experiences with relationships since Jacob was his first. Being friends and caring is the most important thing. We already have that. Whatever we end up as, is ok. I just want you in my life. Felix smiled a gentle smile. I want that too.
"So do we get to meet your friend?" Arny asked with a bit of a playful smirk. Vanessa laughed.
"Uh...we want to keep this visit with just us so not this time. Maybe next time." Felix replied worried they would be offended. Instead Arny grinned and Vanessa clapped happily.
"Ahhh so some precious alone time." Arny winked at him. "Then we wish you a wonderful weekend and I'll keep this one from blowing up your phone." He teased Vanessa who started laughing again.
The next morning Felix clocked in extra early, he hadn't been able to sleep much. He watched Hyunjin sneak out and get onto the plane without any attention drawn to him. Have a safe flight. I will. I'll see you tonight.
After work, Felix went about his afternoon cleaning his house and showering. He put fresh sheets on the bed and blushed as he wondered if they would share it. Only if you want us to. When he saw that it was an hour to his flight landing, he grabbed his keys to head to the airport. Don't. I'll catch an uber. Don't worry about picking me up. Felix could see how much Hyunjin needed their first meeting to be private. He didn't want to draw attention to his presence and if all he could do was stare in wonder at the younger man that was more likely. Felix understood the thoughts and knew it wasn't a negative thing that he didn't want Felix to pick him up though he didn't understand why Hyunjin just thought he would stare at Felix in wonder. Ok. I'll just wait here then.
Felix saw Hyunjin stop by a store and make a purchase with a smile and then grab his bag at the baggage claim and head to meet the uber he ordered. Felix couldn't keep still. He finally watched a couple videos to pass the time. His brain was racing as he watched the uber get closer and closer to him. When it finally pulled up in front of his apartment, he headed to the bathroom to check his appearance one last time. He saw Hyunjin approaching his door and went to open it. He found Hyunjin leaned against the doorframe holding out the rose he had bought at the airport for Felix.
"You're really here." Felix said and blushed looking down, suddenly a bit shy.
"Can I come in?" Hyunjin asked, ducking his head slightly to try to meet Felix's eyes.
"Of course." Felix said and stepped back. Hyunjin stepped into the apartment and looked around. It was different seeing it with his actual eyes instead of through Felix's and Felix was getting a strange double seeing everything through his eyes and Hyunjin's. It was different.
"Can I hug you?" Hyunjin asked softly.
"Of course!" Felix said with a grin.
Hyunjin dropped his bag and moved closer. They nervously moved into each other's arms but the second Felix was folded into Hyunjin's arm he felt like he was home. They both sighed at the rightness they felt from the embrace. Feeling the embrace from both sides was the most comforting sensation. They stood like that for a long time in silence, just enjoying the feeling. Without conversation they moved to put Hyunjin's bag in the bedroom and Felix gave Hyunjin a tour of the small apartment. When he saw the poster on the wall of the office Hyunjin smiled. "I love that you hung this up right where you look."
"I want you in eyesight." Felix teased. He got one of Hyunjin's coffees out of the fridge and brought it to him and they settled down on the couch, not cuddling but not sitting too far apart.
"I like hearing your voice. It's deeper in real life than in here." Hyunjin said, tapping his head.
"Is there anything you want to do this weekend?" Felix asked as Hyunjin toyed with the tips of the younger man's hair with his fingers.
"I just want to spend time with you. I don't care what we do." Hyunjin answered with a smile.
"Well let's get this out of the way." Felix said with a laugh. He pulled out his phone and took a picture of Hyunjin sitting on the couch grinning at him with Felix's hand touching his arm in view of the picture.
~He has arrived safely and is in good hand.~ Felix texted Chan. That was cute, almost as cute as you. Felix grinned.
~In hand? That's a cute pun. Take care of our Hyunjinnie. He is precious to us.~
~I will~
He relaxed and with a slight hesitation, put his head on Hyunjin's chest, cuddling close. Is this ok? Of course it is. Hyunjin wrapped his arm around Felix. This feels so...right. Yeah it really does. You are so much smaller than I realized. Almost tiny. He compared their hands and Felix jokingly hit him.
They relaxed and talked about nothing in particular. Felix told Hyunjin about growing up and Hyunjin told Felix about getting street casted as an idol. Not a surprise, you are gorgeous. You are biased. Maybe but still true. They played with each other's fingers as they talked, slipping easily between thought and verbal and enjoying being able to freely touch.
Around dinner time, Felix got a text from Vanessa. ~dropped something at your door. Have a great weekend.~ with a bemused smile Felix went to look and found a basket. He brought it in and set it down. He opened it and pulled out Tupperware containers of still warm parma and several kinds of snacks. A store bought pavlova and a bottle of wine. He smiled at the thoughtfulness of his friend.
~thank you! You didn't have to do that.~
~I know. I wanted you to enjoy your time together and not have to worry about cooking at least one meal. Hope they aren't vegetarian. I forgot to ask~
~He is. He is horribly disgusted now and packing to leave. All your fault.~ Felix teased back.
~shut up brat 😜 You should be glad you are adorable and I like you.~ That made both men laugh.
Hyunjin blocked his number again and then texted her. ~thank you, we both appreciate it.~
~ahhh so the mystery guest is the mystery text person. The plot thickens. Just know if you hurt our Felix in any way you will have me to deal with and I'm scary.~ Hyunjin laughed at her warning.
~message received.~ He replied. "Being able to understand English when you are awake is very helpful." Hyunjin said with a grin.
They sat to eat and continued chatting. Now that the nerves were wearing off they felt comfortable with each other. Hyunjin smiled as he watched Felix excitedly talking about League of Legends and sitting up on his heels, eyes sparkling with happiness. Then his words tapered off and slowed. Shit. I'm boring him and talking about childish things. I probably seem like an immature kid. He couldn't stop the fears from crossing his mind. Hyunjin touched his hand softly.
"Lixie, you don't ever have to be anyone different with me. I like you exactly as you are. You aren't childish, you are full of life. You aren't boring. You are fun, beautiful and intriguing." Hyunjin touched his face gently. "Lix, I want to know all of you, but only as you are and want to be." Felix's eyes met his and looked deeply seeking any ounce of deception.
"You really like me just as I am?" Felix asked softly and bit his lip nervously.
"Very much." Hyunjin replied with a fond smile.
"I've never had someone accept me just as I am and like me without wanting me to change." Felix said softly.
"You are perfect." Hyunjin replied. "You deserve to be wanted and cared for just as you are."
"Thank you." Felix dropped his eyes to Hyunjin's lips. "Jinnie, I don't know what I'm ready for between us." Inside his thoughts were whirling around Hyunjin.
"It's ok Lix, whatever you are comfortable with."
"Do you even..um...want me like that?"
"Lix, you know I do." Hyunjin said gently. "You hear my every thought. You know how attractive I find you and how fond I am of your beautiful heart. I like you not for this," He gestured to all of Felix. "But because of this," he touched Felix's chest over his heart. "And this." He touched Felix's temple. "Baby, I definitely want you and desire you but I am willing to wait however long you need. You are worth that." He caressed Felix's cheek and the younger man leaned into the touch.
"Then can I ask for something?"
"You don't have to, I can read your mind." He leaned forward slowly and cupped Felix's face in his hands and gently kissed him. He took his time with the kiss, allowing Felix to get his bearings and feel the feelings. It was a different sensation than any kiss either had experienced. Being in their own heads as well as each other's had them both reeling at the stimulation. They could feel the others lips moving against their own but also from the other they could feel what kind of kisser they were themselves. Every feeling, taste, smell and sound was multiplied; and the emotions...they were multiplied too. Hyunjin had a fleeting thought of wondering if that meant arousal would be multiplied as well. Felix heard the thought and moaned in his mind. I'll erupt in flames if that's the case.
When Hyunjin heard Felix's thoughts swirling with pleasure and want, he deepened the kiss, gently licking at his lips and Felix opened for him immediately. This? This is what kissing is supposed to be like? I've been missing out! This is so much better than anything I could have imagined.
Hyunjin didn't touch Felix aside from gently holding him. Felix on the other hand had the older man's shirt clenched in his fingers trying to pull him closer. Felix's thoughts began to beg for more but instead Hyunjin pulled back and gave him one more peck as he pulled away and touched Felix's hands gently. There's no rush baby. Your last lover didn't take the time to make sure you enjoyed it. I want you to enjoy every moment and that means not rushing into it. I want you 100% on board and even though you are wanting it, I still hear the fear you are hiding in those thoughts.
"Jinnie! If we wait until I have no fear we will never get anywhere." Felix whined and Hyunjin laughed. Felix pouted and Hyunjin tapped his nose with a finger. Relax my Lixie, we have all weekend and longer if we need it. Fine then can I at least get snuggles? All the snuggles you want.
They got ready for bed and shyly climbed in together. Felix curled into Hyunjin who wrapped his arms around the younger man. Jinnie, is there more to waiting? Yeah. You give everything of yourself without stopping to question what YOU want. I want you to take your time and think about YOUR wants and needs. I'm here for you no matter what we turn into. Whether we are friends, lovers or more; I'm right here. You get to decide what we are. But I already decided. Felix argued back. No you didn't. You are just giving in to me and what you think I want. You are important too, Lix. Felix was awake for a long time pondering Hyunjin's words. Is that what he was doing? Just giving in to what those around him wanted? If so, what was it that he actually wanted? Did he want Hyunjin or did he think he was supposed to?
Stop thinking so hard, Lix. Just relax and be. It doesn't have to be figured out tonight. We have as long as you need to know for sure. He kissed the top of Felix's head and stroked his back gently. Felix finally tried his best to put it out of his mind and closed his eyes. Hyunjin began humming softly to allow Felix to focus on that instead of his thoughts. It worked and Felix relaxed and finally fell asleep. Hyunjin smiled and settled in to sleep as well. Here, in Felix's bed, surrounded by his scent and touch felt better than any place he had ever been in his life. Hyunjin would wait forever if it meant Felix would know exactly what he wanted and have no doubts.