Kayley, this is the fifteenth letter we've sent with no answer.
Please just answer us. Or me?
I'm getting worried.
Hope you write back, or visit the shop.
Worrying.
-George
Kayley! Where the bloody hell are you?
Answer this right away
-Ginny
Kayley, I'm worried. Everyone here is worried.
Please, just tell us you're alright.
-Hermione
Kayley, thank you for the birthday gift.
At least we know you're alive. Now where are you?
-Harry
Kay, this is getting ridiculous, if you don't answer I'm sending out a search party for you.
Honestly, just answer the letters. Things are getting out of control, don't you know
what's going on lately? Please just tell us you're alright!
-Fred
Kayley, you're probably off with your aunt in the States. But at least send a letter back.
Everyone is on edge worrying about you.
-Ron
Kayley, you must be in real shit if Potter and company are sending me owls that aren't laced with bombs asking about you.
They're accusing me of kidnapping you.
Just tell them you're alive at least. Or myself? I'm beginning to worry myself.
-Draco
Kayley Danielle Sorrin, you're causing a lot of stress over here.
Just answer the blasted letters. We know you're getting them because
Hedgwig is returning empty handed. If you don't answer, we'll have to
go to drastic measures.
-Hermione, Ron, and Harry
Kayley, just send a little parchment back that says you're fine.
More and more people are missing, I couldn't live with myself to see
your name on that list. Just please, I'm begging for you to answer me.
I'm tearing myself apart!
-George
The letters got worse from then on, the first month everyone gave me enough distance. Understanding that I still needed to recover from the Ministry adventure, after all I had some of the worst injuries--my right leg was both broken and I lost some of the muscle in my thigh thanks to that knife, my torso was wrecked as well. I had six broken ribs which took a few weeks to fully heel, and after that I was just so weak that I couldn't do very much. Aunt Marcy stuck around, taking care of me. But it's now August, a week after Harry's birthday and the letters were getting worse by the day.
"Your friends sure do miss you," Marcy commented as she sat besides me on my bed.
"I know."
"Why're you doing this? Shutting them all out like this," Marcy sighed.
I looked away from her as she took my hand and clasped it between hers, "I realized when I woke up in the hospital wing that I almost died. We all could've easily been killed just like Harry's godfather. I'm not going to allow myself to--"
"To feel?" Marcy snorted, "if you alienate yourself from all of them, it's just going to backfire. Trust me on that."
I rolled my eyes, "parchment and a pen then, please."
I scrawled a short note, letting them know I was perfectly fine before handing it back to her. "Send it for me, will you?"
"Of course, sweetie," she smiled before walking down the hall to her owl. "Speaking of your Friends..."
"Don't you dare start this again!" I groaned when she reappeared.
"You're tearing those two boys apart...just open your heart and listen!" She pleaded.
"There's a battle going on if you haven't noticed, Aunt Marcy!" I scoffed, "maybe after its all over.." I muttered.
"But what if that's too late?"
"Then they were never worth it to begin with!"
"Honestly, I thought seeing every musical on Broadway would help you think this over..." she muttered.
"You also thought shopping would do the trick." I closed my eyes as I sat back on my bed and sighed as she appeared with a small plate of salad.
"Clear your head and listen to your heart!" she's said this about fifty times so far this summer.
"I'm part of the Order, I don't have time for this!" I shouted.
Aunt Marcy looked at me, her expression hard as she stepped closer and took my arms in her hands. "Stop this, Kayley Danielle Sorrin. Stop trying to deny the idea of being loved by someone who is so willing to love you."
"Why?"
"I can't let you turn into me, I won't stand for it." she shook her head, a little sad as her eyes pricked with tears. "I can't watch you turn away from those two boys who are so desperately begging for your attention. Please, I know that you're afraid and I understand why! I was there once myself, but you can't do this to yourself. You can't cut off your emotions like this, I won't let you do it."
I wiped my eyes as I averted my gaze from her, "what do you suppose I do then?"
"I'll take you home with me, and we'll talk about this until you've chosen something on the matter."
I closed my eyes and sighed, "I have the Order and we've already tried this."
"I'm not allowing you to do that anymore."
"I have a mission, there's nothing you can do."
Aunt Marcy scowled, "oh I'll think of something," she threatened as she walked away. "I'm packing your bags this instant!" She shouted from the hall.
I sighed and sprawled out on my bed, I hid my eyes under my arm as I heard shuffling around me. I wanted to be invisible for as long as possible.
"We're leaving, unless you have something to say," Aunt Marcy said as she looked over me.
"I have nothing to say," I mumbled miserably.
Aunt Marcy sighed, "you brought this on yourself, sweetie."
I nodded, of course I did. I just knew it. I closed my eyes and a few tears escaped. I heard Aunt Marcy rummaging in my room around me, packing bags for another one of our trips-they were getting old and weren't doing a thing at all to help me this summer. They served as distractions and nothing more.
"I love you, sweetie. This is for your own good, we'll spend the next month together until you figure this out," Marcy stated confidently as she appeared with three bags. It was discomforting that my life fit in three bags.
"It's going to take much longer than a month!" I scoffed.
"Don't take a month then," she stated. An owl swooshed through the open window and dropped a letter on my desk.
I leapt for it, "it's from the Order. I have to go."
Marcy looked outraged, "you're kidding! I will not allow this!"
"Please!" I pleaded.
Marcy glared, "Kayley. I can't allow you to do this."
"I'll be right back," I sighed as I grabbed my broom from beside the door before shoving off to Grimmuald place. When I arrived, I found all members of the Order in the kitchen.
"I got the letter, professor....how can I be of service?" I smiled as I took a seat besides Tonks who clapped my shoulder as she smiled.
"We would appreciate your services," Dumbledore began. I noticed Mr. and Mrs. Weasley looking at me with identical shocked expressions.
"Albus...you can't be serious," Mrs. Weasley said quietly.
"It's not dangerous, it involves going back to Hogwarts and keeping an eye out on the student body."
"Why is that, sir?" I questioned.
I noticed Snape and Dumbledore share a look, oh so it was going to be like that? "You said that if I were ever given a mission, that any information I could potentially need would be given."
"I did, but this is not needed information at this time."
I nodded,"then what shall I be doing?"
"We'll be needing unseen eyes around the student body this year, you will understand more in due time. But for now, professor McGonagall is going to teach you a complex transfiguration spell."
I nodded, feeling useful, "I'm at your service."
"Albus...you can't-" Mrs. Weasley started.
"There is no harm in this task, I feel certain that Miss Sorrin can do an excellent job at keeping watch over the student body."
I grinned, "I will do my best,"
"Well. What is it?" Marcy looked ticked as she sat on the sofa.
"I'm going back to school," I shrugged. "Nothing too bad."
She scoffed and sighed, "I do need to get back....the world doesn't sleep you know?"
"You've been here two months, I suppose the city life misses you," I smiled slightly.
"Will you be alright?" She looked at me expectantly.
I sighed, "we both know the answer to that."
She gave a small smile and sighed, "come with me, we'll be back two days before you leave for school."
I rubbed my neck and groaned, I wasn't making any progress in my self discovery over how I feel about the twins on my own anyway..."fine, fine!"
****
The train station felt strange as Marcy hugged me tightly, people were holding their children close to them as they hastily looked around as children boarded the train.
"You'll be alright?" Marcy asked.
"Of course, please go make Broadway magical!" I laughed.
Marcy looked uncertain before kissing my cheek one last time, "I love you, sweetie. Write constantly."
"Promise!" I grabbed my trunk and made for the last compartment of the train. Students filled each one aside from one, it was completely empty, I grinned to myself as I put my trunk above my seat. I closed my eyes and sighed as I shifted in my seat so that I was fully laying across the seat, my music player in hand.
"Brilliant! An entire compartment for---Kayley!"
My eyes snapped open to find Ron entering before placing his trunk besides mine, I tensed as he pulled me into a tight hug.
"Where the bloody hell have you been?! We've all been worried about you!"
"We even sent a letter to Malfoy asking if he'd spoken to you," Harry added.
"I was travelling," I gave the half truth, I coughed slightly. "I'm sorry you three, but I want some privacy. I'll see you at the feast."
"Why?" Ron asked.
"Its nothing," I shrugged before grabbing my things and leaving. Ron and Hermione began shouting protests as I bumped into Harry before finding another place to sit. I found another empty compartment near Slytherin territory, but took it either way-I wanted to be alone. I've been alone all summer, denying Ron's invitations to spend the summer with him, denying any letters from the twins or anyone else.
I raised the volume on my music player and began singing along as the train moved through the beautiful scenery. As my thoughts slowed, my mind jumped to the twins, as always. I closed my eyes tightly as I tried not to think about it, I didn't know what to do. I had come to terms with the idea that I can't stay guarded anymore. I was driving myself insane. But I can't choose either. That was the back and forth I've had for two months now. Nothing has changed.
No matter how much I wished it did.
I had my eyes closed, could feel myself drifting away to sleep when there was a knock. I looked outside the compartment and found Collin Creevey smiling at me.
"Hiya, Kayley!" he was always so cute! "I have this letter from Professor Slughorn," he handed it over.
"Thank you Collin, tell your brother hi for me, see you at the feast," I smiled.
He grinned before walking off. I looked down at the letter, he wanted to meet me? I raised an eyebrow and shrugged before going to find the compartment he had provided on the invitation. When I found it, I found several other students inside-one of them being Cormac McLaggen. My heart stopped as I froze, the twins weren't around, he must know that...I glared as I took a seat beside Harry.
"Miss Sorrin! It's so lovely to meet you!" the man I presumed to be Slughorn greeted me, but he seemed nice enough.
"Lovely to meet you too, professor," I smiled.
I shot a smile to Harry as we sat squished together, I noticed Ginny across from me-her eyes were red and puffy as she glared at me. I raised an eyebrow to her but she only shook her head. For what felt like hours, Slughorn asked everyone about their families, aside from Harry and myself.
"Now, Miss Sorrin, your father. Does he still write for the Daily Prophet or did he go to another paper? I do miss his articles," his small beady eyes turned on me, waiting for my answer.
What do I say? All eyes were on me, waiting to hear as well. It wasn't hard to notice that my father's articles weren't lining the front page like they always had for the past several years. No one could miss that, my father's articles were pieces of art to a lot of people, he use to get letters from people giving opinions or just praising.
But....He had passed away a few years ago, and I covered it up. Not wanting the world to know of my hardships. I had already started school a year late, adding my father's death to public knowledge only made me look weak.
I looked at Harry and took a deep breath, "actually he retired. Said he didn't want to write anymore," I shrugged. Ginny narrowed her eyes at me and I noticed Harry cough, they knew the truth. I had told them a long time ago, they're the only ones who knew within this compartment, and I wanted to keep it that way.
"That's such a shame, his articles were the best out of the entire paper!" Slughorn said.
"So I'm always told," I tried to joke. But it didn't work. I coughed, "could you please excuse me? I must meet with professor McGonagall at the front of the train and get ready for our arrival."
"Of course, of course!" I noticed that I was shot jealous glares as I left the compartment instantly, I rushed to my compartment and broke down.
I quickly dressed in my uniform before the compartment door banged open, I rolled my eyes. I knew of only four people who would do that.
"You're such a liar!" Ginny growled as she shut the door behind her.
"I am not!" I shot back as I turned to look at her, she was pissed. Her eyes were narrowed as she glared. "Well, I did what I had to do back in Slughorn's compartment but--"
"You're father died two years ago!" She hissed.
"Let people see a weakness and they'll walk all over you," I stated my mantra.
"Would you stop your stupid mantra already?! You have to be tired of being this, this...." she looked me up and down, "this fake girl who hides behind a facade!"
"I do not hide-"
"You hide from everything!" Ginny shouted. "You hide from the world, you hide from my brothers, you even hid from me, which was the very last thing I expected!" She looked genuinely hurt.
"Come talk to me about hiding things when you've lost as much as I have," I shut my trunk with a snap. I wouldn't let her have the satisfaction of ticking me off.
"Harry has lost just as much as you, maybe even a little bit more, but he didn't shut us out of his life like you did!" Ginny shouted and gave a frustrated yell. "The twins are worried, if it weren't for mum those two would have been on this train looking for you today. But she wouldn't allow it!"
"I don't care." But I actually did.
"Stop lying!" Ginny shouted. "I know you care! I know you truly do want to know that they would do anything to get you to smile or maybe that they were crying over your hospital bed! For fuck's sake, Kayley! Ron and I are related to them and they didn't cry that much over us and we were in the beds beside yours!"
I jumped back from her, as her shouts amplified, "I told Slughorn what I had to. If I had confessed that my father was dead to that group of people it would've been out of control and you know it."
Ginny rolled her eyes slightly as she crossed her arms over her chest, "you're going to regret that, you know?"
"I don't care. If I'm a liar then people won't want to be around me and I shall enjoy the quiet!" I threw up my hands.
"You're so unbelievable!" Ginny roared, she was getting angrier by the second.
"Why are you acting this way?!" I yelled.
"Because all summer, no one heard from you. No one. I even asked Neville trying to see if you had talked to him-because I know you do sometimes-but he said no. We even sent a letter to Malfoy and while he told us off he also confirmed that you hadn't talked to him either." She huffed, "you just....ditched us, every one of your so called friends. The twins were going mental over you, worrying if something had happened. Even Ron was speculating that you could've been taken by some Death Eaters during the summer when you didn't answer him for the sixth time. The only sign that you were even remotely alive was when Harry got your present!" Her shoulders were shaking uncontrollably as she continued to talk. "We thought we were your friends but you just fell off the face of the planet without a word."
"Do you know why I never wrote back or accepted yours and Ron's many pleas for me to visit? It's because I spent all of last year trying to control everything in my life, and then your brothers mucked it all up by both telling me that they fancied me!"
"Oh come on, we all knew that since the Yule Ball!" Ginny shot back.
"I've tried to hide the fact that I've known for so long because I didn't want any part of a relationship, I still don't. But no, my aunt and your brothers had to come along and muck everything up! Make me actually think, now don't you think it's a bit hard to do that when you've spent so much of your time saying no to the very thing you're supposed to accept?! And not only that but it's Fred and George! I'm being forced to choose between them and I just..." I let out a frustrated yell, "so I spent my summer in isolation so that I could sort through everything and finally figure out how I actually feel. Because, to be completely honest, I have no idea, and I still have no idea. I thought you could understand that."
Ginny was quiet for a moment, her gaze was calculating as what I said sunk in, "so you've finally accepted that you have feelings for them? And not just normal feelings, I mean you fancy them, kind of feelings."
I shrugged, not giving away a single thing, "doesn't matter. Now are you staying in here or leaving?"
Ginny sat down, raising an eyebrow as I sat across from her. "The twins are going insane over you, they're so worried...especially George."
My breathing hitched but I kept my calm, "I don't know what you want me to say."
Ginny nodded, "I know."
"Are you their messenger?"
"Sadly...I am, they wanted to know if you returned to school or not," Ginny gave a small smile.
"I don't see why my disappearance is such a major thing, I saw your brother Bill everyday and your parents. Why couldn't you just ask them if they saw me? You all knew I wanted to join the Order."
"That's the thing, none of us knew if you were with them or not. When you showed up at the Ministry with them, I assumed, but not entirely certain. Besides, Bill and my parents would never offer that up so easily," Ginny shook her head.
I laughed, "I suppose so."
"I'm sorry, Kay...it's just," she sighed, "you should've seen them. I've never watched Fred and George become so upset over anything aside from when Malfoy ticked them off last year during that quidditch match. They were tearing themselves apart trying to figure out where you could possibly be. It was horrifying to watch the two most easy going people I know slowly go insane."
I tried not to let her notice the change in my breathing or the sweat on the back of my neck as the train moved along. She'd know she won in the end the second I showed any emotion, instead I looked out the window as my heart hammered in my chest. I felt guilty, but also happy to know that they cared, that I wasn't just another girl to them-at least that's what my heart wanted to believe for the longest time. But as I sat there, I couldn't help the smile that formed.
"But...no more hiding alright?" Ginny whispered.
I looked at her, knowing that my first reaction was to say no but I nodded once, "right."
The feast had a different air to it, people felt....scared as we sat there, enjoying the meal. But now, I was standing before McGonagall, Snape, and Dumbledore.
"Miss Sorrin, your work for the Order will be to observe students and gather any pertinent information." Dumbledore explained,
"I will be teaching you a spell that I believe you will be able to perform," McGonagall stated.
I nodded, as McGonagall flourished her wand, "agrestus," she spoke clearly as she pointed her wand at me. I shrieked at the unexpected feeling of magic as my body shifted. I felt my tailbone shrink and my fingers collapse in on themselves, I was quickly shrinking and then I was sitting on the floor looking up at the three professors.
I looked around, my hands were now paws, my fur was chocolate brown while my paws had white on the bottom-like socks.
"Meow!" I was turned into a cat!
"Homorphus," McGonagall said with a flick of her wand.
"So I have to use that form to watch over the student body?" I asked, slightly confused.
"I hope you understand the underlying task you must achieve," Dumbledore said with a single nod.
I looked at Snape, studying him slightly before it sank in. I was going to be a spy for the Order, but not just on anyone...no, I needed to spy on...Slytherins. I suddenly didn't feel confident about this.