A/N First of all please forgive the delay, I wanted some things to happen and couldn't figure out the order they were meant to and where to break the chapter up. Then it began writing itself and doubled and suddenly everything was included and this chapter became long and involved. I also beg your indulgence of the addition of an Original couple. I have written about them before though never in fanfiction. Vanessa is a beloved OG character of mine and she was determined to be in this story. She wanted to meet Felix. I hope you love her as much as I do. If I ever write a published novel I guarantee she will be the heroine of it. As you can hopefully tell by my words here, she is very alive in my imagination. Now this story is fiction and any resemblances to reality is entirely coincidence. This story is only published here and on AO3 and does not have my permission to be posted anywhere else. I put my heart into my writing and am very protective of it. If you wish to be alerted when I update any of my stories, you can follow _eyes_wideshut on twitter. Lastly, this chapter is dedicated to my beloved RL friend Jay who I introduced to SKZ (remember when you said you didn't like K-pop lol) and who has begun reading this and my other stories and told me explicitly this morning that she needed the next chapter yesterday and grew excited at seeing Vanessa again. This is for you, my baby penguin, Jay. I hope you enjoy it. Now get to the story.
"Are we still going to my parents tonight?" Felix asked nervously over the phone and he heard Jacob make that frustrated sound he seemed to make whenever Felix asked for something.
"Why don't you go by yourself? I don't wanna go over there." Jacob answered with an edge to his voice.
"You've been complaining we haven't spent time together." Felix said carefully.
"Tell you what. My place is being painted and tonight is my poker game I'm supposed to host. I'll come with you if you host the game at your place."
"Oh. Um, I guess I could." Felix replied. "I don't really know any of your friends."
"Well you wouldn't be playing anyway, it would just be the guys playing." He's a guy too, you dick. He didn't mean it like don't even think about defending him. "I'll tell the guys to bring their girls and then you can hang out with them." Felix froze, realizing Hyunjin had been right.
"I'm still a guy, Jacob. You remember that, right? I'm a man, not a girl." Hell yeah! Go Felix! "I think you forget that sometimes. Or else you don't want to think about it."
"Fuck, Felix take a pill or something, damn. Fine you are a guy. I didn't mean anything by it. You always take everything so personally. I just know you aren't into poker so u thought you would be happier baking brownies or whatever. You always do this. You make me out to be an asshole when I'm just trying to make you happy."
Felix immediately felt guilty and started to apologize but could feel rage coming from his bond with Hyunjin. I cannot believe him. You know thus is bullshit, right? He treats you like shit and when you call him out for it he blames you. You just reminded him you are not a girl. That is nothing to feel guilty for. Felix paused his words and thought over what Hyunjin was saying and he was right. "I'm not going to apologize for being a man or for reminding you that I am one. If you want a girl then be with a girl. If you want to be with me, great. But I'm a man."
"I'll pick you up at 6. I don't want to talk more right now."
"Fine." Felix said in a tight voice and hung up. Felix... the thought was hesitant. Will you do something for me? Felix could hear what he wanted so he headed into the bathroom and stood in front of the mirror. He hesitated and then looked up at his reflection. You don't do that very often you know? Do what? Look at yourself. Do you not see yourself as I do? Hyunjin took the time looking over Felix's features. Letting his absolute conviction of Felix's beauty color every thought. He thought about how Felix's hair looked like silk and made him want to touch it. He thought about how the freckles were like constellations, equal in beauty like looking at the stars. He thought about how the brown eyes were filled with sadness bad enough to make anyone cry and yet he imagined how beautiful they would be sparkling with happiness. He let his gaze caress the jawline and neck.
Felix felt himself begin to blush but as if he were trapped in a spell, he couldn't look away. He was filled with warmth at the loving way Hyunjin saw him. The older man taking the time to look him over with such beautiful thoughts as if he thought Felix was beautiful and worthwhile. You are beautiful and worthwhile. Felix smiled a bit. I've never had anyone tell me that. You make me believe it, I think. Good, you should. Can I ask another favor? Felix saw in his thoughts again and pulled back out his phone. Hyunjin thought of the number and Felix took a photo and sent it. He could feel Hyunjin's phone vibrate and saw him look at the picture. Good. Now I can look at that beautiful smile even when you don't want to look in a mirror. Why are you so incredible to me? Because you deserve it, Felix. You are an angel. If Jacob doesn't appreciate you, find someone who does. You deserve someone who truly wants to be with you. Thank you Jinnie.
They spent the afternoon talking about various topics, whatever came to mind while they went about their day. Hyunjin dancing and Felix doing things around the house to prepare for his guests. Felix felt more cared for in those hours than he ever had before. He felt steadier and more self assured. As the doorbell rang and Felix went to let in Jacob he thanked Hyunjin for spending the day with him. Spending time with you is a pleasure not a chore, Felix. Felix opened the door to see a package delivery man. He signed and was handed a rather large and heavy box. He carried it into the kitchen and set it on the counter. He went to open it but heard Jacob honk. Open it when you get home. Try to have a good night Lixie. Yell if you need me. Thank you Hyunjin. For everything. I needed that. He could feel Hyunjin smile. The older man pictured hugging him and Felix could almost feel the arms around him and smiled. He headed out to meet Jacob.
Felix and Jacob arrived at his parents house for dinner and the Lee's welcomed them in with hugs. Felix smiled at his parents and relaxed in their presence. He grabbed Jacob a beer and then went into the kitchen to help his mother with dinner. "So how is work?" His mother asked. He caught her up on everything that had been going on at work and then what had been happening at home. He kept his connection quiet and didn't mention Stray Kids at all. He thought about telling her but who would believe him? It was a crazy story after all.
Felix set the table and called in his father and Jacob who had been watching a boxing match on the tv. Felix was the last to the table, carrying the salad. "There's my little connect the dot." Jacob said, referring to Felix's freckles with a lazy grin. Felix had always hated being called that but never responded, not wanting to draw attention to it when they were with others which was the only time Jacob did it. For the first time, Felix noticed his mothers mouth tighten just a bit at the words. He wondered how often she had reacted the same way and he just hadn't noticed. Probably pretty often. It's pretty rude. Felix took his seat without a word. After a few moments the conversation started again.
"Felix what's been going on?" His dad asked, having missed the catch up he had done with his mom.
"Nothing much dad, just working and spending time with Jacob." He smiled at his boyfriend.
"When you aren't drooling over that boy group you suddenly love." Jacob laughed.
"Boy Group?" His father asked and before Felix could answer Jacob started telling his parents all about this new obsession he had with the kpop group. Felix was embarrassed at the way it was being framed. Do I seem obsessive? Not even a little.
"It's just a bunch of pretty boys dancing around and trying to sing. It's really silly of someone his age to be following them but I guess it makes him happy." This time Felix noticed his father shoot a look at Jacob before looking at his wife.
"Baby, can we talk about something else?" Felix asked softly, trying to change the subject.
"Sure." Jacob said with a shrug. "I was just giving you a chance to talk about your new love interest." He took a bite of his food. "I don't usually like roast but this isn't bad, Mrs. Lee." Felix held in an eye roll and ate another bite of his food. He caught the look Jacob shot him for getting more bread. His jaw tightened and glaring right into Jacob's eyes as ripped into the dense fragrant warm roll with his teeth. Felix noticed how much he was enjoying the food. That hadn't happened in awhile for him. He had forgotten how much he loved his mother's cooking and food in general. Suddenly it didn't seem like a bad thing for him to actually enjoy food again..
Felix helped his mother clear the table and bring in dessert. "This has been so good, mom. Thank you."
"I always enjoy cooking for you honey." She said with a smile. "Now have some chocolate cake, I know it's your favorite."
"Aww babe, maybe you shouldn't. You have had a lot to eat tonight." Jacob had never gone that far in front of Felix's parents before and Felix glared at him.
"I hardly think he needs to worry about his weight." Felix's mom said with a laugh and then turned to Felix. "Have all you want honey." She smiled at Felix and he saw her shoot a side eye at Jacob.
"Thanks mom." He grinned at her and took a huge bite.
He helped her clear the table after everyone was done eating and when they were alone in the kitchen she turned to him and took his hands. "Felix, I try not to get involved because I know things aren't always how they seem but I just have to ask. Are you happy honey?"
Felix looked at her in surprise. He started to just say he was fine but hesitated thinking. "I'm starting to be." He finally said softly. "Momma, how do you know if a relationship is real love or not?" He bit his lip worriedly.
"Well..." His mother said, thinking. "Love makes you feel good. It lifts you up and boosts you. It doesn't try to tear you down or make you feel smaller or less than. When someone truly loves you, you feel warm and cared for." Felix nodded thinking about the difference in how he felt with Jacob vs how he felt with Hyunjin. He knew he and the man in his head were attracted to each other. It was impossible to hide your feelings when you shared your every thought and could feel each other's bodies.
"I don't think Jacob loves me." Felix said softly, his heart breaking at the realization finally hitting.
"I don't think so either honey." His mother said gently and pulled him into a hug. "You deserve better."
"I think...I think I am finally realizing that."
"Your father and I support whatever you choose to do honey."
"Thanks Mom." Felix accepted the comfort of his mother's embrace.
"You ready babe? My friends will be at your place soon for our game so we need to get going." Jacob said from the doorway.
"Ok." Felix responded.
"We love you, Felix." His mother said again and touched his cheek. Felix gave her a watery smile feeling lost in his emotions and thoughts. He followed Jacob out to his truck and climbed in.
They reached his apartment before he was even aware they had actually driven anywhere. Felix let them in and set up a card table and chairs for the guests. Jacob said 3 friends would be coming and one of the guys, Arny who was a new friend for the group, was also bringing his girlfriend Vanessa. Felix set out bowls of chips and pretzels and was just setting out a cooler with drinks as the doorbell rang and Jacob went to let them in. The first two guys to arrive seemed much like Jacob. Crass man's man type guys. They were joking around so much that Felix went to answer the door for the last arrivals.
On the doorstep was a couple. He was a bit shorter than Felix with curly black hair and his arm around a tiny woman who was bouncing excitedly on her heels. Her black hair was pulled into pigtails and had a neon pink streaked through. The most arresting thing about her was her ice blue eyes that sparkled with happiness. "Hi." Felix finally greeted them.
"Hiya! I'm Vanessa and this is Arny." She said, her voice adorably cute with warmth and friendliness exuding through. Felix saw Arny look over at her and give her a tender indulgent smile and his heart warmed at the couple. Is this how real loving couples looked?
"I'm Felix. Come on in." He ushered them inside and led them to the table everyone else sat around. "Please take a seat. Can I get you anything to drink?"
"I'll just take water." Arny said. "I don't drink."
"Aww man! Seriously?" Jacob said disgustedly. "I thought you were cool and would party with us."
"You need alcohol to party? I seem to have a great time without it." Arny replied evenly with a raised eyebrow.
"Whatever." Jacob scoffed. "Babe, I was hoping you had made some of your brownies." He said, turning to Felix.
"Oh. No I didn't know you wanted any." He hesitated. "Did you want some? I could make some." He offered.
"Yeah. Why don't you do that? You love baking anyway right babe?" He smacked Felix's ass and Felix jumped.
"Ohhh I love baking!" Vanessa said excitedly. She appeared to be a ball of energy that could barely stand still. It was very cute. "Can I help?"
"Sure." Felix replied and then hesitated and looked at Arny. "If he is ok with it that is."
Vanessa let out a peel of laughter and Arny smiled at her in a tender smile that made Felix long for someone to look at him with that much love in their eyes. Is this what love was supposed to look like? "She never has to ask my permission to do what she wants." Arny said softly. "Nessa is a force of her own."
"And don't you forget it." She giggled and then kissed her boyfriend sweetly and turned to look expectantly at Felix to lead the way.
He led her into the kitchen and started to pull out bowls and ingredients. He moved the box off the counter to make room. "What's that?" She asked with a grin. Felix blushed.
"It's a sweatshirt I think. I ordered one but the box is kinda heavy so I maybe got the wrong order. I was gonna open it later."
"What kind of sweatshirt?" She asked with a sweet smile.
"A kpop band I like."
"Oh cool! Arny and I listen to kpop too. What group?"
"Stray Kids." He answered softly.
"Ohhh they are awesome! I hope it is your sweatshirt! I'm sure that will be exciting to open. Maybe I can open it with you after we get the brownies in the oven." She bounced excitedly. "I wanna see." Her general enthusiasm and warmth made Felix laugh for the first time since he and Jacob had gotten home. She grinned back.
"Ok." He said with a grin. He got down to the business of baking. They worked together and once the brownies were in the oven they cleaned the kitchen and he pulled up the box. He cut the tape on the top and went to open it but heard Jacob call him from the table asking for another beer. He held back the eye roll and grabbed one. Vanessa grabbed another bottle of water and brought it to Arny who greeted her with a wink. She blushed prettily and bounced again on her heels. Felix handed the beer to Jacob who didn't even look at him.
"Thanks babe." He said. Felix headed back to the kitchen and saw Arny holding Vanessa's hand and she rubbed his shoulder with the other. Looks like Felix had lost his baking friend. He checked on the brownies. He suddenly heard her voice get angry.
"What the fuck?" She yelled.
Felix ran back to see what was wrong and she was standing where he had left her but she was glaring at Jacob and Arny appeared to be gently holding her back. "Why would you say such a thing about your boyfriend? Thats incredibly fucked up! He is there baking you brownies and welcoming your asshole friends..." She turned to look at Arny apologetically. "Not you baby." He grinned and nodded his head telling her it was ok and she spun back to Jacob. "And you say that? He's your boyfriend and you disrespect him like that? What the hell kind of boyfriend are you? It seems like he brings everything to the relationship and you bring what? Your dick? Ain't that good, I'm positive of that."
"Arny, get your bitch in line." Jacob growled and Felix saw the change come over Arny.
"Do not ever call Vanessa a bitch." His face was stoney and he looked like though he was smaller than all the other guys, he could take them all on and win. "She is entitled to think and speak however she wants and honestly if I had known what a dick you were, I wouldn't have ever come."
"Then get the fuck out!" Jacob yelled.
"It isn't your house asshole!" Vanessa yelled back. All five feet of her having no problem standing up to the 6'2 muscular man. "It's Felix's house and he is supposed to be your boyfriend and yet you treat his place like it's yours and you treat him like a servant. He is a doll and deserves better than you, I can see that after an hour of knowing him."
"Get rid of them Felix." Jacob ordered his boyfriend.
Vanessa turned to Felix and touched his arm gently. "If you want us to go, we of course will. But Arny and I are happy to stay and make them leave instead if you want us to. You shouldn't be alone with him."
Felix stared at her in amazement. He saw Arny nod his approval at her words, signifying he would agree. His eyes went to Jacob's whose own were filled with rage before he looked back at the couple. The way that Arny backed her up and her confidence in her relationship were things Felix had never experienced with Jacob. He had missed part of the conversation so he didn't know exactly what had pissed the couple off so much but he knew that what he wanted looked more like what they had then what he and Jacob had. Jacob had slowly isolated him from his friends and taken away all his support system. Felix suddenly could see it all so clearly for the first time. He knew that without his connection to Hyunjin he wouldn't have even seen it the way he was now. "Just go," Felix said softly. Jacob got a smirk. "Jacob. Just go." Felix clarified. "And take those two with you."
"You little cunt!" Jacob roared and moved toward Vanessa and Felix and Arny immediately stepped in the path.
"You don't want to do that." He said, his voice deadly quiet but full of the promise of violence in the way that only a person who can back up their words could. "Lay a finger on either of them and I promise you will regret it."
Felix felt warmth fill him and he realized these strangers cared more about him than his own boyfriend. He gave a tentative smile to Vanessa. "Thank you." He whispered. She grinned and hugged him.
"Fine. We will talk about this later." Jacob said.
"Felix, I think we are going to become good friends." Arny said looking calmly at Jacob making it very clear that Jacob would not be able to take this out on Felix later. Jacob scoffed and he and his two jerk friends left, not before knocking over the table. It wasn't until they were gone that Felix finally took a deep breath.
"Felix, if you want us to go, we can too but Nessa and I can help you clean up." Arny said kindly.
"What did he say that set you off?" Felix asked Vanessa.
"He made several crude comments hinting that he was only with you for what you do for him. Then he basically answered one of his buddies who was commenting he never realized Jacob was gay until you and the asshole actually said," she dropped her voice to imitate Jacob "they all look alike from behind."
Felix blanched. He had recently begun suspecting that maybe Jacob wasn't really into guys but he had been into Felix so he hadn't noticed right away. He was hurt that his boyfriend thought of him as just another hole. "Thank you for standing up for me." He turned to thank Arny but the man was already picking up the table they had knocked over and replacing things. "You don't have to do that."
Arny smiled at him. "It's ok. I don't mind. Nessa obviously likes you already and she has good taste. Except me of course." He gave her a wink and it was obvious by her giggle that this was an inside joke between them. The couple wasn't even touching and their interactions were more intimate than his and Jacobs were during sex. It was rather eye opening.
"Let's open your box." Vanessa suggested. Felix smiled.
"I'm kind of tired and a bit overwhelmed. I think I can do that tomorrow." Felix was worried he was imposing on their time.
"Not gonna happen." Vanessa answered with a grin. "Arny, can you bring the box on the counter in here and take the brownies out of the oven before they burn?" She took Felix's hand and led him to the couch and plopped down, dragging him to sit next to her.
"Of course Flutter!" Arny grinned and did as she asked.
"Flutter?" Felix asked.
"He says I'm like a butterfly. I bloomed when I met him. I was pretty reserved before him." Vanessa answered. "So he calls me Flutter." Arny carried the box in and set it in front of Felix and sat in front of her.
"You ARE my little Flutter." Arny agreed.
Felix opened the box and pulled the sweatshirt on top out and grinned. "Oh good it is my sweatshirt!" He said excitedly and showed them.
"Oh Stray Kids rock!" Arny said and Felix nodded happily, starting to relax. He looked in the box and was surprised to see more. He began pulling out item after item, his shock and joy growing and his excitement at the autographed items. At the bottom was a note. He took it out and looked at it and a grin spread over his face as he read it.
~Forgive me, please. I wanted you to have these.~ H.
"Awwww! That's so cute!" Vanessa said. "Who is H?"
"Just a friend." Felix said and his smile grew intimate as he thought of the other man. "A really good friend. The best I have ever had."
Vanessa smiled at him. "I hope we can become friends too. I like you, Felix. You have a good heart. I can see it." She said and gestured between the three of them.
Felix looked at the couple and smiled. He could see himself in Vanessa. He could see himself as he could be with a supportive partner. For the first time, he was positive that his relationship with Jacob was finished. And also for the first time, he began to wonder if Hyunjin was his future. "Who wants brownies?" He asked with a grin. Vanessa clapped her hands excitedly and Arny laughed and Felix knew he had indeed made two new friends. No matter what had happened earlier, it was a good night.