Chapter 224
Temptation
I didn't move when she suddenly hugged me.
I hadn't expected it,
but yet in a way I knew this whole episode,
the minute we left the hospital
was a mistake.
The scent of her hair washed over me like a waft of fragrance .
Suddenly, my pain seemed to slip away,
her warm body
was shaking and crying
uncontrollably against my own.
Our damp bodies were suddenly craving for each other.
Then like they had a life of their own,
I felt my hands finding their way to her waist,
and then stroking her hair.
Both scared and tired, we were unknowingly safe and tight in each other's arms.
"T-t-thank you so much..." Her shaking, sobbing voice said in my ear.
"I was so scared..." Tears soaked my shirt.
"I was so scared you would be hurt." She swallowed.
"I'm so sorry I couldn't do anything!"
Chapter 225
Temptation
I didn't know how this happened. My memories of the last half hour escaped me. It was unreal.
I sat there now, my arms around her, completely clueless.
I'm so sorry Aoi...
I knew I couldn't be forgiven.
Chapter 226
Temptation
Maybe I missed Aoi's touch so much that I had become defenseless.
That it had driven me to insanity.
Chapter 227
Temptation
Her hands drew soft lines on my back, I felt fire left where her fingers had been.
I felt her hot breath on my face, so close I could smell the gum she chewed.
Her moist lips drew closer and closer.
I felt my own move towards hers,
a burning desire for more.
Her mouth opened and her tongue nearly touched mine.
But I knew I would be swallowed up, if I let this continue.
Chapter 228
Temptation
"Stop."
I pushed her away, and pried her hands off of my body.
She tried to hug me again.
"Why..." She nestled her head against my chest. "It's okay with me. You saved me..."
I grabbed her shoulders firmly and pushed her back.
What was she saying?
"That's enough."
She looked hurt.
And somehow there was a slight urge to hold her again.
I forced that thought out of my mind. How was that possible?
Have I fallen for her? I won't believe it.
Chapter 229
Temptation
I didn't return to the hospital the next morning.
I felt dirty. I felt guilty. I couldn't see Aoi like this.
While Aoi was asleep, here I am tempted by someone else.
She would hate me.
She should hate me.
Chapter 230
Temptation
I started skipping school recently and today was no different.
I complained of my injuries and spent the day in my room, drowning in guilt.
It was raining hard like buckets outside,
a drab grey blanket painted across the sky.
But winter hadn't come yet,
so it wasn't enough to drain the life out of me.
On the contrary, I felt so restless and antsy,
and the smell of the wet rain
soaked me in a heartfelt loneliness.
I hadn't felt any worse or confused ever before.
My heart was churning, the pain wallowed up and threatened to swallow me whole.
I couldn't keep track of how many times I said a silent sorry.
Every thought was occupied by Aoi and Airu.
I felt Airu's hot breath and saw her lips again.
Then I saw Aoi crying. I saw Aoi turn away, her heart shattered.
The memories of our time together dissolving into space, forever gone.
I saw Aoi on her hospital bed, lifeless, cold.
And my heart ached with pain.
Again and again the images in my head
flipped back and forth,
tormenting me like a haunting ghost.
At last, I couldn't bear it anymore.
I knew I had to see Aoi.
I had to apologize.
No matter if she could hear me or not.
Chapter 231
Temptation
By the time I reached her bedside I was dripping with rainwater.
My umbrella didn't do me much good.
I remained silent. Speechless.
She was still and unmoving,
her face painted with a sheet of grey light from the window.
Seeing her was all of a sudden a shock to me.
Like I came in from a different reality,
a different universe into a lonely desolate island.
My churning emotions inside of me a moment ago,
struggled to be released, but strangely,
all the fluid emotions and thoughts ceased,
watered down by the quiet grey.
Chapter 232
Temptation
Then, instead, there was a replacement of heart rending loneliness with such fierce intensity that it seemed to be shining like a bright light.
It ached so much it was hard to breathe.
It was the kind of feeling that I wanted to hold on to desperately
and bathe in the pain of the moment.
I wanted the world's sympathy.
What bothered me was that none of this pain had to do with Aoi.
It was the most selfish feeling I've ever felt before.
There was not a drop of emotion for her. It scared me.
I was getting numb to her condition.
Like things were happening and days were passing by,
and Aoi had become seperate from my life.
I wanted tears to come to my eyes every time I visit.
A fresh wave of emotions. But I wasn't feeling anything.
What was happening to me?
Were my feelings toward Aoi fading?
Or was something else taking me away?
Chapter 233
Temptation
"Gomen..." Were the first words that managed to come out of my mouth.
It was tough to get out. I felt like I couldn't be forgiven.
Not for being with Airu.
Not for the lack of feelings while I stood there in front of her.
Not for letting her be in this condition.
I couldn't get anything right.
Even though I couldn't save her,
but worst yet, behind her back,
I had my arms around another,
as if I was taking advantage of her comatose state.
Worst yet, I was selfish. I didn't feel anything.
I sagged to the ground beside her on my knees, my head down.
How could I be this weak? Saitei da.
Forgive me Aoi.
*~Gomen - Sorry
*~Saitei da- this is the worst (in context, I am the worst)
Chapter 234
Temptation
I only heard her soft breathing in reply.
Her face was an unreadable expression.
It was just gentle and soft
-- there was not much of an emotional value.
Her features so soft, like feathers,
that I could feel like I was sanctified just by looking at her.
She looked so forgiving.
But I knew she was hurt by betrayal the most.
Aoi cried for the longest time when her best friend for years ignored her,
when she found out her own crush liked Aoi instead.
That was quite an episode.
I don't remember what happened to him after I told him off one day afterschool, when he had been harassing Aoi.
Remembering her tears pained my heart.
Would she cry if she found out about what happened between Airu and I?
I couldn't bear to see her tears.
"I swear Aoi.. I would never do something like that again. I promise you."
Let me hold your hand again.
I'll never leave your side.