After around two hours, Chris's corpse was finally disposed of. James and I dragged his body through the house leaving a trail of blood he later made me clean up.
I practically cried the whole time I cleaned, while James buried the body in the back garden. Never in my life have I felt so sick. When we got done cleaning the house and destroying any possible evidence of Chris being here, I slowly make my way upstairs.
My hands were trembling, I try to get them to stop but it's no use. I stand in the bathroom staring at my reflection. We got rid of our shoes and socks, but my body was still covered head to toe in blood.
I go in the shower, wanting to rid myself of everything we've just done. I scrub my skin hard until it starts to swell up.
The clear pool of water at the bottom of the tub starts to turn a dark red shade. I drown my head into the water, wanting to free my mind from everything but it doesn't work.
Every time I close my eyes, I see Chris's body laid out in front of me, motionless and cold. I can still feel James's hand on my cheek from when he smacked it.
I gently caress my face, reminiscing the scene.
"August," James's voice rings out as if he's right outside the shower.
I pull my head out of the water and slowly pull the curtains to the side revealing my head. James stands right in front of the shower as he looks down at me.
I can already feel my chest tightening up with fear.
"Yes?" I mumble.
"Why are you acting like this?"
I look down, trying to find the right words to say.
"Just say something already," he spits out impatiently.
Flinching back, I quickly say," Sorry."
His brows narrow as he rubs his temples," Look, just tell me what's wrong so I can fix it. "
I'm tired of pretending like everything is fine.
"Fix it? Fix what? What could you possibly fix James?"
My hands clutch tightly onto the curtains as I glare at him. His lips part as he lets out a breath.
"I just," I sigh before continuing," I just don't understand why you did that earlier. You know I didn't give you any look indicating for you to take the life of an innocent man. Sure, I was uncomfortable but it's normal for someone to feel uncomfortable when they're being flirted with by a creep. So just tell me, why did you do it?"
He stays silent for a moment before saying," Why not?"
My eyes widen from his statement.
"What do you mean? James, do you understand that this isn't normal?"
"Do you understand that I'm not normal? I did it because he was scum, just like the man I talked about on television this morning. This is what I was talking about earlier, killing bastards like that is what I'm missing in my life. Don't you get that August?" He snaps, raising his voice as his eyes darken.
I immediately go silent, not wanting to upset him anymore.
"You even helped me clean up the blood from the mess I made with those two teenagers last month so why do you care about this man so much? You're just as guilty as me so don't stand here and act like you didn't drag yourself into this lifestyle!"
My bottom lip and hands start to tremble, I want to say that's not true but that'll just be a lie.
"James please just go," I look down to avoid his glare.
"Go?" he takes a step closer.
I step back more in the tub while bringing the curtains with me, in attempt to cover my body.
"What? so, you don't love me anymore, is that it? Just like that, you're abandoning me like my mother!?"
"I-I didn't say that J-James. I j-j-just want to be alone," I stutter uncontrollably.
He scoffs as a smile grows on his face," You think you can just shut me out? I'm with you when you eat, sleep, breathe, walk, talk, drink. You can't just shut me out because of a small matter like this."
He yanks the curtains from my hands, causing them to fall. I slip and fall onto the floor of the tub as my eyes widen even more. He crouches down Infront of me, water drenching his shirt and hair.
"You and I are in this together. You had your chance to leave me, but you stayed so now you have to deal with your choices," he grabs me by the neck pulling me closer to him. His hold was tight, too tight, I could barely breathe.
"You brought me into your life, now try to get me out of it. I fucking dare you!" he shouts angrily. The hand on my throat tightens making me wheeze. I try pulling his hands off me but struggle.
Seeing this he pushes me back, finally releasing his hold as he stands over me. I cough trying to catch my breath. My eyes fill with tears as my body shakes.
"Fuck this," he says before stepping out the tub, leaving me sitting there like an idiot.
He slams the door shut causing a small portrait on the wall to fall. I bring my legs to my chest still sitting on the tub floor as the warm water pours over me. My breathing hitches from my sniffles. I hug my knees, burying my head in them.
Around thirty or fifteen minutes later, I finally make the painful decision to leave the bathroom. I changed in there as well to avoid awkward tension between us.
I take in a few deep breaths while wiping away any leftover tears. But before I could even walk in the room, the door opens from the other side.
James doesn't even look me in the eye as he pushes me to the side so he could get pass. My shoulder hits the wall. He doesn't spare anytime making sure that I'm alright.
I suck in a breath as I make my way in the room, slowly closing the door behind me.
Feeling drained mentally and physically, I flop right down on our soft bed, letting the warmth of it wrap around my body. The sheets smell like him, his scent left all over it.
Slowly, my eyes start to shut.
Everything around me fades away as my vision blurs.
I blink a few more times, each blink growing heavier and heavier.
Soon as my eyes finally shut, they jolt back open in alert as Angus barges in.
He has a few bags in his hands, placing them down as he walks over to the bed and sits on the edge.
I sit up with a small smile forming on my face," Hey—,"
"—Are you okay?" He cuts me off. His brow creases worryingly.
Confused I answer," yeah?"
The back of his hand raises to my forehead," James told me you had caught a fever and wasn't feeling too well."
"And yet you still came and bothered him," a deep voice sounds through the room. We look over to the door to see James leaning on the doorframe with his hands in his pockets. He looks to me, but I advert my gaze quickly.
"Well, I had to make sure that what you said was true and that he wasn't actually dead in here," Angus sharply replies as he stands up.
I tug some covers over my body to hide the bareness of my legs. James watches me but doesn't say anything. I fiddle with my fingers, biting my bottom lip. Angus glances at James then at me, then back at James.
While grabbing his bags he awkwardly says," Uh, I'm sensing tension here. I'm going to head back downstairs and get started on dinner."
"You cook?" James mocks him as a smirk grows on his face.
"I cook for my family all the time, not that it's any of your business," he gives me a wink as he leaves the room brushing past James.
Now that it's just me and James in here now, the room goes silent. I want to say something but bite my tongue in hesitation.
"You can go back to sleep, I won't bother you," he says tonelessly as he makes his way over to the bed.
I only nod while shifting in the covers.
He climbs into the bed making it sink down some. I face the opposite direction from him while he faces me.
I want to try going back to sleep but I feel extremely uncomfortable. The bed shifts as he scoots closer to me, his large hand gently rubs my shoulder making me shiver.
As much as I love him and his touch. I'm starting to question all of that. All the words he's told me up to now, saying that he loves me and doesn't want to see me get hurt. All the moments we shared together and all the ways he made me feel safe. I'm starting to question whether or not it was real. I want to love him, but he always does something that unsettles me.
With a shaky breath I nudge his hand off me by throwing my shoulder out a bit. I knew how much this would hurt him, but I don't care. You can't just say you want to protect someone from other people's harm then go and harm them yourself, that isn't love.
It's manipulation of trust.