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'Sometimes fear does not subside and you must do it afraid.'
~ Elisabeth Elliot ~
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Summertime Party
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Milo
I am so tired. I don't wanna be at this damn party, but I know being at my house is only going to lower my mood. Violet's words won't leave my mind, and it's giving me a headache.
Ava isn't manipulating me. I'm better than that. I mean, what would be the point in lying to me? If she liked me, then she would tell me, and I would reject her. Easy peasy, it would be done like that.
We could still be friends. I'm not as cruel as I look. I wouldn't just drop her because she had a small crush on me.
The thought of drinking sends a spike of pain through my stomach, which just makes this even more depressing. I'm sober as can be, at a party I don't have any business being at.
Ava came, stuck to my side like a leach, and then started dancing with some other dude. It doesn't bother me, but the way she keeps glancing over at me makes me think she wants it to.
My eyes search the room, until they come upon the blonde headed girl that I wish was sitting beside me, tucked into my side, where I could keep her safe. I don't know why I want to keep her safe, but I'm starting to see a pattern with my behavior at parties.
I don't want her hands on other guys, and I don't want other guys hands on her. I don't want guys simply looking at her. So many fucking emotions that I can't even cling onto one, just making me look down right mad.
I am mad, but I'm also jealous. Jealous that all our other friends get to have her back while I don't. Which is again, my fault. So, I'm also sad because I can't have the one girl I actually want.
She's standing ridiculously close to another guy, and she's laughing at something he said. Her smile is so beautiful, and her laugh is so pretty that it makes me want to be the one to put it there.
It's fucking contagious, and I have to fight my face from smiling because of it. I feel my jaw tick, and I shift in irritation. She's not even trying to get under my skin, yet she's somehow burrowed and implanted herself there.
I study the guy's movements more, and it's obvious he's not trying to get anything with her. He's simply just talking to her like a friend. Now that I think about it, he looks like the guy Noah walked in with.
What was his name again? Xavier or Xander? I don't remember, and I don't really care enough to think about it any harder. I'm at risk of a migraine at the moment.
"Can I join your pity party? Or is it strictly prohibited to dumb fucks who are in love with someone they are so prone to pushing away." My scowl turns slowly to my left as Noah slings his arm over my shoulder and sits down on the couch.
"Shut up, I'm not fucking in love." I growl, siping the bottle of water I have. Noah does the same, but with a beer bottle instead. "Ok buddy. You keep telling yourself that."
"What do you want, Noah?"
"Why? So you can go back to wallowing in self pity?" I roll my eyes and down some more water. "I'm not wallowing in shit." I give him a forced, sarcastic laugh and then go back to staring at Isabelle.
This is just pathetic. "Maybe you should start by apologizing for being such a dick. You know she'd forgive you." I do know that, and it's scary as fuck.
She forgives me, then what? We go back to being best friends and ignoring the way we find each other insanely attractive. Well, I can at least speak for one of us.
Everything has changed. I changed, and went through some hard shit. It's obvious she's changed, and gone through stuff. I open my mouth to tell him just that when he cuts me off. "I know you both are two different people now, but that is no excuse to not be at least on good terms with her."
I feel like a broken record here, going in circles and circles that are endless. My jaw clenches looking at her. "Who's that?" I question, pointed at the guy she's talking too. "Xander." He sighs wistfully, making me look over at him with an assumed smirk on my face.
Looks like someone is denying their own feelings to themselves. He stiffens when he sees the way I'm looking at him. "Friend to friend, you should probably work out your own love life before trying to fix mine."
He opens his mouth several times, looking like a fish out of water as he searches for words. "I don't–that's not." I laugh, and shake my head.
"Don't worry, you've got this." I nod my head at him, standing to my feet. "You suck at giving advice." I shrug, straightening out my shirt. "Yeah...good luck in your...what did you call it? Pity party." I smile down at him while he bluntly lifts his hand and flips me off.
The minute I finish my water, and throw it away I realize I have to pee, and start heading to the upstairs bathroom. The whole town is practically here, and I can already see the line for the one downstairs skimming around the corner.
Violet says since were her friends we get to use her personal bathroom, but only for actually using the bathroom. She told me, straight up, no fucking in her room or bathroom.
She told me she can't control what happens outside of those rooms, but if she found any trace of sperm in her room, she was going to skin me alive.
That woman scares me, and most people don't. Besides Mama Hazel. I think it's the fact that they don't bluff. it isn't in there nature. It's obvious in their tone that they will threaten, and follow through with it.
Unbenounced to a lot of people, I don't sleep around as much as I make it seem. I've only ever slept with 2 people. Once sophomore year when I lost my virginity. I never saw her again after that, and it didn't seem like she cared at all.
Then second being Ava, and the only reason I've slept with her more than once is because–well, I'm a man and I need release, and she doesn't ever seem to care. She knows I'm using her, because she's using me too.
Although now I'm starting to doubt myself. Maybe she's been using me more than I thought.
I do my business quickly, and then get on with it and begin leaving Violet's room. For her personality, it's strangely clean. I shake my head, and open her door to leave her room when I ram into someone.
More like someone rams into me.
I get deja vu instantly from the party on our birthday when I look down and see Isabelle, shaking her head as If I just winded her. I wouldn't be surprised if I did.
Not to be egotistical, but I do have a hard chest, and she's a tiny person. When she looks up and meets my eyes, she takes a large step backwards, and her face flushes with color. Her blue eyes are so beautiful I would get lost in them.
Jesus, and who knew vanilla could smell so damn good?
"Oh, sorry." She mutters, and that's when I realize she looks angry. Her face is flushed, but her hands are also clenched into fist. It's dark, but it's not dark enough for me to see that the once white shirt she was wearing is now see through.
My eyes snap to hers and see her look down slowly until she realizes. "Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry. She freaking spilt her drink on me and it didn't even register that I–" She cuts herself off, looking up at me wide eyed.
Her rosy cheeks deepen. Hell, she's so pretty. She smiles sheepishly, and crosses her arms over her chest slowly. "Who spilled their drink on you?" Suddenly, the smell of alcohol wafts through the air. Coming off of her. She doesn't look like she wants to answer me either.
My anger spikes only for a minute before I look down at her again, and she calms me instantly. I realize we're still standing in the hallway, for other people to potentially see her.
Yeah, no.
I grip her shoulder softly, and guide her back into Violet's room. I flick the light on, and the room finally glows to life with light. "Oh, this looks different." I hear her murmur softly to herself, as she walks towards her closet.
I don't know why I'm still here, but I feel like I have her in my grasp, and I don't want her to leave yet. I can't stand losing her again.
I examine the pictures Violet has of all of us when we were really little. Ranging from birthday parties, to school field trips, and not one of them is missing any of us.
Violet may be a pain in my ass for 95% of the times we are around each other. But that 5% shows itself a lot in the way she loves. She's got a big heart, and she isn't afraid to show it.
"Oh, you're still here." I turn around to see a flushed Isabelle staring at me, with a hand over her chest like I scared her. She's now, instead of her soaked shirt, wearing a large graphic t-shirt of Violets that has spongebob plastered across it.
That is totally something she'd wear. We stand in silence, but for once it's sort of relaxing. She blows out a long breath of air, and glances at Violet's bedroom door. "We don't have to go back out." Her gaze snaps to mine, and then she smiles softly.
"Really? Thought you were a partier." I shrug, taking a seat on her bed. "Looks can be very deceiving. You'd know that better than most." Her smile falters, and I mentally punch myself in the face.
That came out harsher than I meant it to. "I didn't mean it like that. It wasn't–"
"It's ok, you're right." She gives me a sad smile this time before padding over, and taking a seat next to me. I realize she's not wearing shoes and smirk. She's never been a shoe typa gal.
I also notice her toes are painted hot pink as she kicks them against the bed. She was never much of a fidgeter when we were kids.
I sigh, feeling another wave of emotion hit me. A collection of them actually. "Do you not like parties?" I ask her. She looks over at me, and then pops her legs up into her lap and crosses them.
She shrugs, down casting her gaze, and fiddling with her fingers. They're also pink, except lighter.
Cute.
"I guess not." She whispers, but it seems to hold so much more unspoken words. "Thank you, by the way." She says quickly, blushing again, but not as much this time.
"For what?" I ask, staring at her, trying to figure her out. She's an open book with so many words it hurts to read. "Helping me, when I was sick." I laugh, causing her to look over at me and bite down on her lower lip.
"Don't be so hard on yourself. You practically worked yourself to exhaustion." She flames red again, and diverts her eyes. "You do too, ya know." She speaks quietly. Not soft enough to be considered a whisper, but if I wasn't sitting right next to her I wouldn't have heard her.
"Who poured the drink on you, Isabelle?" I ask, needing this answer. People don't just do that for no reason. She doesn't meet my gaze when she answers, more like stares at the wall behind me. "Nobody."
It's an obvious lie, and she doesn't even try to hide it. Before I even know what I'm doing, I reach out and grip her chin softly to direct her eyes to mine. "You can tell me." I whisper, feeling myself soften for her.
I don't know how she brings this part of me out, but she does it pretty damn well. She visibly gulps, and then her eyes run over my face before settling at my lips. She snaps her eyes to mine and blushes softly.
"Uh, just someone I upset. It's ok." I frown at her words. She doesn't even seem confident in her answer. "Then why can't you tell me." It flashes in her eyes before she can stop it. She doesn't wanna upset me.
"Izz." I whisper. Tears look like they want to topple over, and cover her checks completely. "I'm not gonna be mad." She shivers from the contact and I realize my hands now on her cheek.
I retract it immediately, and almost blush myself. "You promise?" The vulnerability in her voice has me breaking open wide for her. "Of course I promise, I won't be mad." She sighs, and looks down in her lap.
"Ava poured her drink on me." I have to look away, and then breath through my nose to calm myself. "You said you wouldn't be mad." I look over at her, to see her staring at me. "I'm not mad at you sunshine, I'm mad at Ava for doing that." I pause. "Why did she do it?"
This time she completely blocks me out and shakes her head. I know I'm not going to get an answer here. Her sad mood makes me want to cheer her up.
"Do you remember when you thought you could fly, so you jumped out of Violet's window and landed on me, and we both broke our wrist." She snorts, and looks behind her at the window.
"We had just watched Peter Pan for the first time. How was I supposed to know it wasn't gonna be like the movie?" She looks over at me, and flashes me her smile that makes me melt, and wanna jump around her until she doesn't stop smiling again.
I can't even stop myself from smiling. Her eyes slowly, so slowly, trail down my face until they land on my lips. Again. She doesn't look away this time though.
Her smile falls, and her lips part before she bites down on her bottom one again. "Don't look at me like that Isabelle." My voice causes her to shiver, and look up at me. Her eyes are darker, barely any blue left in sight.
"Like what?" She whispers, while her eyes fall, and fall. "Like you want me to kiss you." She blushes, and looks me straight in the eyes. "Maybe...I want you too." She seems hesitant, like I might run, or scream at her.
"You want me to kiss you?" I ask, my body somehow moving closer to hers. She stares at my lips, and nods her head sharply. "Izz." I grumble, lifting my hand and cupping her cheek.
"Say it." I whisper. She gulps, and blushes. "Kiss me, Milo." I pause. "Please." And so I do. Leaning down, and lifting her chin to capture her lips with mine.
I don't know what happened when she was gone, or if she ever kissed anyone else, but shes fucking good at it. My hand moves up, and around her head to the nap of her neck, and then I'm pulling her closer to me deepening the kiss.
Her lips are soft, so fucking soft and she kisses me carefully like I'm a feather she doesn't want to break. It takes me a moment to realize her hands have fisted my shirt, and pulled me closer.
She makes a noise in the back of her throat, and then all of a sudden her lips are gone. I open my eyes in time to see her gasp, and cover her hand over the lower half of her face.
"Oh my god," She mutters, standing quickly and darting for the door. "Wait, no. Isabelle–" It's too late, she's gone.
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AN: So...yeah that happened.