I crawl over to James's body as he groans out in pain, his hands tremble as he holds onto his stomach, coughing up blood. My hands move his away to see how big the wound is, I want to puke at the sight of it, but I resist. Placing his hands back down and pressing my hands over his as well, I freeze up while thinking of what to do. Tears fall from the corners of his eyes as he mumbles weakly," Leave me here, just get somewhere safe!"
"I'm not leaving you here!"
He coughs up more blood," I-I'm fine."
"Don't tell me you're fine! You're bleeding!" I scream as I hold him close to me. His head lays on my shoulder as his upper body slouches against mine.
"I know it hurts. You just have to trust me, okay? I'll get you out of here. Don't close your eyes, please. Keep them open for me!"
I can barely even concentrate on anything because my ears are still ringing from the blast just now. 'I can't lose the only person to ever truly make me want to live, not like this. We were only just starting to move forward with our lives. Please God give me a break, don't take him from me! '
His mother aims her revolver that was still smoking towards me," You have only thirty seconds to take him and get the fuck out of my house before I call the cops."
My heart sinks, seeing it pointed at me. Though she was a few feet away it felt like her weapon was merely inches away from me. James yells as I struggle to pull him to his feet," I know, I know, it'll all be over soon. Just please stay awake."
His blood leaks onto my clothes as I carefully get him to stand. I hold him up with his shoulder with my other arm around his waist, holding him gently but also with some grip so he doesn't collapse again. Once I get the main door open and leave, it shuts behind us quickly. I bite my tongue, holding myself back from saying anything to his mother. 'How could she do this and then just toss him out as if he's nothing??? This is her fucking son for gods sake! I guess it doesn't matter now, he has me. I'll take care of him.'
It took all my energy to pull James's bulky body in the car. He loses more blood by the minute. Once he was inside, I start to pull out of the long driveway and into the road. I quickly grab the map from the back seat and locate the directions to Angus's house.
During the fifteen-minute drive, I constantly tell him to stay calm and put pressure on his wound. By the time we arrived to my brothers two story home, it was nightfall. Fortunately for us, there was nobody outside, giving me a good chance to bring James inside without being seen.
I drag his body out from the car and into the house as quickly as possible. He's barely able to move as I get him to a couch that laid center in the living room when you first come in.
"Agh, fucking hell," he groans. I run my fingers through my hair, staining my strands with his blood. 'What do I do? What do I do?! ' I can feel the fear of losing him starting to creep up inside of me. My heart is hurting just from looking at him right now. There's a hole in his stomach and he's bleeding out like crazy. Though he seems to be a bit calm, his eyes are still filled with tears. I want to help him but I can't seem to move, it's like I'm frozen in place, watching everything around me fall apart.
"August!" James yells, pulling me out of my thoughts. I quickly crouch down beside him," I'm here, what is it?"
His breathing becomes more slower, I can tell he's just barely holding on before passing out completely.
" Listen, I need you to look around for something sharp that can pull out the bullet. Not a knife either, something like pilers if you can find some. I need you to also get some alcohol and something for me to chew down on."
"What do you mean?"
He groans, adjusting himself on the couch's cushion," You're going to have to pull the bullet out and clean my wound."
"What!!! I can't," my head spins as I think of doing that. The blood, his whimpers of pain, the chance of something going wrong! It all plays out in my mind like a scene in a horror film.
"You can! Now go!"
I quickly get up, running to the bathroom first. Angus has always been a careful person, almost never getting hurt while growing up so I know that he'll have something here I can use. To my luck, I manage to find a first aid kit. However since he doesn't drink, I was only able to find rubbing alcohol to clean the wound with and pilers from the kitchen.
I run back to the living room as fast as I can," James! James I got it!"
He's still laying down on the couch but he has a hard time keeping his eyes open. "Come here," he mumbles while trying to take off his shirt. I crouch down, unbuttoning his shirt for him," I'll do everything for you, just bite down on this when you're ready." I hand him a rag I also found in the bathroom. He takes it and places it in his mouth. Once he's ready, I grab out the pilers and disinfect them with the alcohol.
"Okay, I'm about to start."
"Let's get it over with," he groans. Sweat forms on top of his forehead as I begin digging into his flesh with the metal. I have to dig deep into him just to find the bullet, but once I do find it, it's torn into pieces. He was pretty much good the first time I dug into him but once I did it the second time to find the other pieces, his eyes shot open like he'd been shot again. His muffled screams through the rag had me stopping constantly so I could check on him but every-time I did, he'd urge me to keep going. It took a total of almost an hour just for me to get out all the pieces from the bullet, by the time I was done there was blood everywhere and James had finally fell unconscious. I carefully placed a bandage around his wound and gave it a soft kiss.
I thought he had already lost a lot of blood before we came here but once the bullet was removed from his stomach, he bled even more. At this point I'm not even sure if he's going to survive, the thought of this only had me breaking down in tears silently.
Hours had passed and he still didn't wake up. I sat beside him on the long couch as I prayed," Please God, save him."
James's breathing was short as he was drenched in a hot sweat. I get up to go get a wet cloth from the bathroom. When I came back, I wiped his sweat and moved some strands of hair out his face. My hand rubbed against his stubble beard as I leaned forward to kiss his forehead. Seeing that it was well into the night, I decided that it was best to leave everything in God's hands. There isn't anything more that I can do other than just being beside him. After watching him for a while, I finally get up and grab some covers from one of the bedrooms upstairs and bring them into the living room. I lay them out flat as I place couch pillows on top of it. I lay down on the ground beside James and wrapped the covers around me.
I can hear his shallow breaths as he slept, hearing this made me have hope.
"He's still alive, he'll be just fine don't worry," I whisper to myself as my eyes grow heavier by the minute. Today was completely twisted and didn't go as I expected it to. Who knew going to his mothers house would lead up to this? Well, I kind of did, I mean I tried to warn him but he didn't listen. But none of that matters now really. Everything will be alright, I know it will. I finally shut my eyes, drifting my exhaustion into sleep.
My life up until now played out in my head as a nightmare. All I could see was James being shot a countless amount of times as I just stood there watching. I hate it, I hate it all. I want this to be over, I just want to live a happy life with the man I love. I'm in love with a murderer, but I don't care anymore about what people will think. We're just too broken people trying to fix each other, I'd do anything to see his smile again.
Waking up the next morning felt unreal as James was still unconscious. My heart broke seeing him still asleep but at least he's still alive. I get up from the ground and fold the blanket before placing it on the couch beside him.
I decide to not let what happen yesterday affect me. I go upstairs to take a shower, getting ready for the day. Cleaning off James's blood from my clothes and face felt astray.
'I can't believe this is my reality. '
After crying in the shower for sometime, I get out, wrapping a towel around my frail body. I wipe the pent up fog off the mirror and stare into my reflection. I'm almost a skeleton, my cheeks are starting to sink in, complementing the bags under my eyes with a death look. 'James wouldn't want to see you like this when he wakes up, you should eat.' I try to keep up a good attitude about everything, but on the inside I feel myself breaking, bit by bit.
Finally, stepping out of the bathroom I head into the bedroom across from it. Angus is shorter than me, but I'm still able to fit into his clothes due to my lack of weight. I wore a white shirt and sweatpants, calling my lazy look a day.
Since James slept in his sweat, I decided that it was best to wipe his body down clean. After doing that, I searched around his pockets to find some cash. I ended up finding the money I emptied out from my bank account, a lot of it was gone since those two boys had it but there was enough to buy us some food and get him some new clothes.
I didn't want to leave him alone in the house by himself, but I had no choice. The nearest mall and Walmart weren't that far away but it still would take a few hours to go shopping.
I give his stubble cheek a kiss, whispering," I won't be gone long."
After leaving the house, I turned on the radio to hear updates about James. There wasn't anything new, the cops actually lost our trail a while back. I was just glad that James's mom didn't snitch on us. It's been hours since we left her home, if she wanted James locked up she would've called the cops before we left. 'I guess she isn't all bad? '
My first stop was Walmart so I could go grocery shopping. I hate being out in public places, so I made sure to hurry up and get what I needed and go. After getting a few items and bathroom essentials, I left. The next stop was the mall, I had no idea what his size was even though I saw him naked a few times. So, I just got the biggest sizes of clothes I could find.
I was out for three whole hours before heading back home. When I got back, I dropped everything to go see if James was awake, but he wasn't. He was still laying in the same position I had left him in, on his back with his hands resting on his sides.
I start to grow nervous, seeing that he's barely breathing.
"Please be okay," I whisper into his ear as I hug his head.
'Why hasn't he woken up yet?'
With each hour that went by, I could feel myself growing more and more impatient. As I cooked myself dinner, I would constantly peek into the living room to see if he'd woken up, but he didn't.
I ate the soup I made for myself right next to him, giving him very small spoonsful of soup and water just in case. Not knowing what to do with him made me feel so useless and it wasn't like I could just ask someone for help. As I feed my dying lover, I can't help but to feel so ashamed for not paying attention back in college. There were always ways for me to learn about medical treatments and other things like that, but I was too depressed to do anything more than study for an office job.
After I got done eating, I placed the bowl down on the kitchen table and laid next to him like before. His hand hung off the side of the couch, so I intertwined our pinky fingers as I stared off into the dark ceiling until I eventually fell asleep.