I contemplate over everything, going back to what I said to him and how I said it. 'There was definitely a better way I could've brought up everything, but I was harsh anyways. Maybe if I didn't say anything at all everything would be different. Yeah, that has to be it! Maybe I'm the problem? I started this mess to begin with and I'm still making it even messier. '
"I shouldn't have said anything in the first place, I was crossing the line," I stand up abruptly, tossing the covers off me.
'I was in the wrong, not him. I'm the reason for his reaction earlier so I should make it up to him by apologizing. I'll go to him right now! '
As I begin walking towards the door, I hear Mrs. London calling out for me from downstairs," August, dinner is ready!"
My stomach growls, just thinking about the spread she made. I shake my head, ridding my thoughts,' No, dinner will just have to wait for now. '
Without wasting anymore time, I open the door and head downstairs. The strong aroma of food only made my stomach growl even louder, but it wasn't stopping me from seeing James. Soon as I get downstairs, Mrs. London walks out from the kitchen over to me.
"August—"
"—Sorry Mrs. London, but have you seen James?"
She stops in her tracks, brows knitting slightly," He's......"
"—I'm in here, August," his voice cuts her off, coming from the kitchen.
I look over her small frame, inside the kitchen behind her to see James sitting at the kitchen table, waiting for me. 'Why is he back in here? Isn't he still upset? '
"Well don't just stand there, dinner is getting cold."
Me and Mrs. London both give each other a confused look before reluctantly walking over to him. We both take our seats at the table. James sits at the far end with his mother siting on the other end. I sit down in between them, smelling the homemade spaghetti she made. Though things felt a little tense right now, I rarely had home cooked meals, so I was secretly excited about eating. However, I didn't forget about the original plan I had come down here with.
I nervously clear my throat before speaking," James, I want to talk to you—"
"—Can it wait? I'm kind of hungry," his voice was grave, hinting that he's still a little upset. I take the hint, lowering my head, mumbling," Sorry."
Mrs. London sets out plates before us, then scoops spaghetti onto them. The plates she used were marble black, matching the gloomy look of the house, 'black must be her favorite color. '
"August feel free to begin eating whenever you want dear," his mother tells me with a weak smile. I nod before taking my first bite. The food instantly feels like it's melting on my tongue. The meat was tender and warm, perfectly marinated with the homemade she made. After my failed attempt at cooking noodles, I'm guessing she remade the burnt ones because the ones I'm eating are so good. "Oh my god, everything's so delicious," I say with a spoonful of spaghetti in my mouth.
"What are you a pig?" James speaks up, I look over to him, wiping my mouth as he continues," Do you not have any home training?" He glares at me, eyes full of disgust.
I close my mouth as I continue eating with my head down. He unenthusiastically twirls his fork in the spaghetti until it hits the plate, making a rustic sound.
"James please," Mrs. London complains.
"Please what?" he replies back sharply.
I look up to see just how upset they both look. It's weird being on the sidelines of hatred, I'm usually always in the middle of it when it comes down to my own parents. James leans forward, folding his hands on the table saying," You know, you never once looked me in the eye for more than five seconds since I stepped foot in that door. Why is that? Huh mommy?" he was clearly mocking her. I could see her small hands that she laid on her lap clenching into fist through the glass table.
Her eyes seemed like they were blazing with hatred as she says," Just eat son, we worked so hard on a meal we didn't even plan on making. Don't be rude."
She looks down at her plate as she begins eating slowly. When my eyes travel back to James, they were met with his dark gaze." You're already skinny enough as it is, go ahead and fill your face with food like earlier."
I blink a few times, contemplating if he was really talking to me like that. Seeing him look so upset with me made me realize just how serious he was. I do as he says, taking in another bite of the spaghetti on my plate. 'I feel so degraded. Why is he being so cold to me? I was only trying to help him, is this ache in my heart also apart of being in love because I don't like it. '
He claps his hands, satisfied with my humiliation," Good boy."
"James Finn London, how dare you treat someone like that? Is that how I raised you? Do you know how lucky you are to have someone like August who isn't freaking out about just being around you?" His mother yells as she slams her hands on the table causing our plates to shake.
James scoffs," Why the fuck should I care? The pathetic bitch could've left days ago. I didn't force him to stay with me all this time!"
Hearing this really took a toll on me. My eyes start watering like never before, making my vision blur. I wipe some sauce off my mouth as I get up. Both of the London's look up at me as I wipe away my tears saying," Excuse me, I think I'm full."
James leans back in his chair, crossing his arms. He really couldn't give two shits about me, and I was too naive to see that. Seeing him act like this told me everything I needed to know about him, he doesn't love me. Mrs. London tries to get me to stay but I insist on going to sleep. She apologizes many times as I begin walking out the kitchen.
I didn't even make it halfway upstairs before I let out the tears I had been holding back. I clutch my chest, trying to get a breath in from my heavy heaving.' You're so stupid to believe that someone could actually love you. '
My hands shake badly as I use the railing to reach upstairs without falling.
God, I hate my life.